


Klamath: An Unimaginable Interlude

by juliesioux



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Abandonment, Beach House, F/M, Honesty, Klamath, Love, OFBB 2017, Olicity Fic Bang, Olicity Fic Bang 2017, Romantic Soulmates, Shower Sex, The Unimaginable, olicity - Freeform, post havenrock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-11-08 07:57:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 103,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11077335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliesioux/pseuds/juliesioux
Summary: This story picks up a short time after the first part, The Unimaginable, ends. The fall out from Havenrock, for Felicity, is still very much front of mind. It has only succeeded in opening up old wounds from her childhood with respect to her father.She finds herself drowning in emotional trauma and finds herself running from Star City and Oliver in an effort to find quiet, privacy and peace. In the course of this, she acts out of character and Oliver, who knows her better than anyone else, tracks her down.This is the story of what happens after he finds her and they find each other.





	1. Day One: Escape

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Day One: Escape**

_With the wind in her hair_  
_And the sky hugging the earth_  
_She is free._

I

 

Felicity opened the door of the jeep she had rented, half expecting to feel the heat of summer bearing down on her, and was greeted by a cool, ocean breeze. The air smelled fresh, not heavy with salt and the oppressive decaying stench of life corrupted like it did closer to Star City. She was glad she made the choice to leave the city and find some solace on her own.

Taking her bags out of the back of the jeep, she had to laugh. If Oliver knew she had driven stick all the way from the city to here, a 6 hour drive, he would have laid bets it couldn’t be done. Her attempt at driving a car with a manual transmission had ended in supposed complete disaster. They had been in Bali at the time and she thought she would never hear the end of it but little did he know, she knew how to, she just didn’t want to.

She took a moment to stop and listen to the environment. The sound of the waves crashing on the sandy shore a few yards from her, the feel of the warm breeze as it slowly gained in strength and, underneath it all, the absence of the sound of traffic, both human and machine. It was mildly disconcerting, like expecting to feel clothes next to her skin but feeling only the cool breeze from a seemingly endless sea flowing over her, and her balance was momentarily upended.

It was peaceful. That’s it, she thought, peaceful.

The long, winding dirt road she had taken to get to the beach house was invisible from the main one, tall grass obscured its existence. As she looked down it, it looked like a foot path. It was like the vegetation and sand dunes closed up behind her as she drove, offering her a brief illusion of total isolation. It felt like no one could find her and that was exactly what she wanted.

As the light started to fade, gently, like the colours of the sand and sea were slowly being washed away, Felicity gathered her bags of clothes, books, and groceries, and headed inside the house. From the outside it wasn’t anything special. Just a large, white, single story structure with large, floor-to-ceiling windows and wrap around deck.

For the Northern Californian coast, it looked remarkably like cabins she had seen much further north in Oregon and Washington. Inside is where it revealed its character and Felicity was stunned at its beauty.

The entire front of the structure was windows and sliding glass doors. The view of the shore and ocean was uninterrupted and simply spectacular. The night was going to be clear closer to midnight according to the weather report and the reward would be a perfect view of the latest supermoon.

Putting away her groceries, she hoped to be awake when the clouds left the sky. If not, she would make a point of being awake the next night. She was only there for five days and intended to make the most of them. She had been through alot in the last couple of months and the twinge in her hands as she carried the last of her supplies into the house spoke to her of the violence she inflicted upon herself.. Her hands were still tender, healed but tender, and she needed some space to heal the rest of the way alone, away from the intensity of Star City and Oliver.

It was so easy to fall into him, to lose her sense of self through the sheer force of his love for her. It was all encompassing and before leaving Star City, she had felt like she was drowning. It was too much for her to process as she worked through the deeper hurts and wounds that had lain dormant and hidden for years. She knew he saw only the beauty in her, he had told her so many times in the weeks after their reunion, but her heart was still heavy and the scars so fresh she could feel the seams of them threatening to split apart.

So she had created a fiction of needing to go to Ivy Town to finish sorting their belongings from the house and then a quick visit to see her mom in Vegas. She was ashamed for the lie but couldn’t tell him that she was suffocating around him, that would have destroyed Oliver and that was something she had no intention of ever doing. She loved him, maybe more now than ever, but she needed space. She needed to breathe.

Dinner was easy, pre-made salad, wine, baguette and good brie cheese. She was tired from the drive and wanted to be able to enjoy the night reading by candlelight and listening to the waves until she was too tired to stay awake. There would be no speed hacking, no coordinating movements, nothing. Just her, the beach and rest.

Taking a deep breath, Felicity put the wine in the fridge to cool, grabbed a sweater and headed out to sit on the deck and watch the sun go down. She made a mental note to explore the rest of the house before it got too dark. There were no trees to block the light in this part of the state but there was also no environmental light pollution so when the sun went down, it would get dark quickly. The mountains were a long way behind her and it was the beginning of the Oregon coastline, that rugged, rocky section of stunning beauty, and she wanted to see where she was now, not later. Not in the morning. Now. She was exposed but entirely alone. Her closest neighbour was five miles away and she felt a freeness in her breathing, a lightness in her heart.

The breeze here was ceaseless. The white capped waves pushed high and crashed on the surf. It was hypnotic and freed her mind to wander to the spaces in her that were dark and hiding the pain that lurked ever present beneath the surface of her heart.

It was more than Havenrock and the continued aftermath of that event, it was something deeper, something she had thought she had put to rest. It loomed so large in her that it felt like it was going to burst out of her, fully formed and alive. With a shake of her head, she got up and headed back inside. Dinner was calling, her book was calling and maybe a bath or shower depending on the bathroom.

Wandering through the house, she found the bedroom and stared. It faced the ocean and in front of the floor to ceiling windows and sliding glass doors was an enormous bed, almost in the centre of the room. It was covered in a fluffy white duvet and large pillows. The rest of the room was in shades of green, gold and a soft white, delicate shades of colour that were warm and inviting. The windows were covered by thin, gauzy white curtains that billowed and waved in the ocean breeze.

The entire effect was so soothing and perfect, Felicity found herself wanting to go to bed that minute. Just to experience the luxury of the linens and dive out of the day. She was exhausted from the drive, from the argument that preceded the decision to leave for five days, from the nights spent in endless battle with the criminal world of Star City.

It was the argument with Oliver, one that they both took responsibility for even though it wasn’t one of fault but of frustration and uncertainty, that was weighing on her the heaviest. They had snapped at each other after a long night in the lair and instead of working through it in the moment, it had followed them back to his hotel suite where she had opted to stay for the night.

It was over something they had fought over in the past but this time it escalated and that broke her heart. They had barely walked into the suite when they began to argue over an incident that happened on that night’s patrol. Oliver had wilfully ignored her well thought, solidly thought out plan of tracking and surveillance and instead he had gone his own route. It had almost resulted in him being discovered by a gang of heavily armed men. He would have been hurt or worse.

For him it was exhilarating, for her it was four minutes of terror. By the time he arrived back in the bunker, her hands were shaking and she could barely focus. All that had been running through her mind was he could have been killed in his determination to out maneuver the armed gang.

He didn’t see it the same way and said as much. He saw an opportunity to get closer and possibly hear names and locations so he took it. He got away sight unseen and was richer for the information he had been able to gather. Felicity was frustrated and angry. They were both entrenched in their positions and not able to see the other’s with any clarity. The conversation ground to a standstill and the air was thick with tension when Felicity decided enough was enough.

Quietly, she picked up her purse and coat, avoided his eyes and the hurt taking root within them. She had just turned to leave when he spoke and stopped her cold.

“I’ll never abandon you, Felicity,” he said softly, “but you have to accept that at times, I do know what I am doing.”

It was a quiet rebuke but it stung. The air in her lungs contracted and then rushed out of her body in one breathy exhale.

“Oliver, when you take those kinds of risks, it is like the last two years never happened. I see you leaving to become Ra’s Al Ghul. I see you going up to the mountain top to fight and lose to Ra’s. I see you leaving us in that cell to die…”  
“I’m not that man anymore. You made sure of that,” he said in a voice laden with weariness and longing.

They were standing no more than six feet from each other but it might as well have been six hundred. She had looked at him, helplessness and fear fighting for dominance deep within her, when he reached out one hand.

A hand covered in scars and hardened from years of fighting. The damage done to it was extensive and she had massaged it with lotions and oils to soften the calluses and help his joints remain flexible. He had sat quietly through it all, even when it hurt, accepting the love she had so freely given.

She had reached back that night, joining their hands together and accepted that the impasse would remain until they were able to hear each other and understand their respective positions. It was important to understand each other, even if they didn’t agree.

The rest of that night turned out to be a tender mercy. They were exhausted from the tension between them and fell into bed, asleep before the covers had settled around them. If she dreamed, she had no recollection about a single one. Her sleep had been dense and mercifully silent. She awoke in a cocoon made up of a warm duvet and Oliver’s arms. Despite the tension of the night before, she had felt relaxed and at peace.

Oliver awoke at the same time, she was secretly convinced that they were synchronized at the cellular level, and softly kissed her shoulder. The combination of his breath across her skin and the warmth of his kiss sent shivers down her spine. Instinctively, she had turned towards him, seeking the nourishment of his touch.

He did not disappoint. He made love to her that morning with a finesse and tenderness that was unmatched by any of her past lovers. He knew her body, he knew where to touch her to make her gasp in pleasure, how to take her breath away and more. She loved sex in the morning like this, when the light was bright but diffused, and their bodies sought the warmth of the other.

It was as close to feeling worshipped as she had ever felt under his strong, loving hands. The way he pulled and coaxed her to her orgasm, which rolled over her in wave after wave of pure ecstasy that left her weak and covered in a thin film of sweat. When he found his own release, she held onto him as tightly as she could and whispered in his ear how much she loved him, that everything was going to be alright.

“I love you, Felicity,” he whispered.  
“I love you, too,” she sighed, loving the intimate feeling of his body on top of hers and how he felt still inside her.

They had stayed in that embrace until their alarms went off and the day began anew. The tension lingered, deep under the surface of her skin, but the shower they shared and their morning coffee ritual helped ease her away from it. If only he could understand that the fear of losing him was the only thing that could upend her entire world.

Especially after Havenrock and all that followed after it.

Oliver had been attentive to the point of suffocating her in the days that followed. He meant well, but the intensity of his love was sometimes a force of nature beyond his, or her, control. It filled every corner of every room they were in, it lived outside of his body, and sometimes she thought she could actually see it out of the corners of her eyes.

Creating the excuse that she needed to take care of loose ends, Felicity had fled the city in search of something quiet and removed from everything and everyone. She had found the beach house in Klamath, just south of the Oregon border and quickly booked it while everyone was out on patrol. She did drive through Ivy Town to pick up a couple boxes of books from the storage facility on the very outskirts of town, but it only took her an hour and she avoided the street that their former home was on. The thought of seeing it again created a hollow feeling in her chest that pushed on her heart.

She missed the idea of their former home but not the house itself and for that, she felt profound guilt. Her one hope was that they had left a trail of happiness throughout it for the next owners to encounter. Like ghosts or echoes.

It was the right decision to make, she thought as wandered out of the house and walked down the short path to the beach. The air was so clean, the area so isolated, she felt lost to the world and it felt like a small slice of paradise made specifically for her.

The water was rough and cool but the sand still held the warmth of the sun and was so soft and fine it felt like talcum powder when she ran her fingers gently over its surface. Felicity smiled into the setting sun, now colouring the sky with pale orange, pastel mauves and blues. Bali’s beaches were tropical, sultry and romantic, Positano’s were gentle, warm, and sexy but the beach out here was different. It was empty of humanity and she felt like she had found home.

Before the sun’s last light faded from the sky, Felicity made her way back up to the beach house. She had left the sliding glass doors to the living room open and smiled as the golden glow of the lights within created an aura of warmth across the deck. She felt like she was walking into another world as she stepped across the threshold.

Dinner was easily made, the wine was chilled enough to enjoy, and the tv came with a selection of DVDs to watch. Instinctively, she checked her phone and saw three missed calls from Oliver, and a flurry of texts from him, Curtis and Thea. Those fingers of guilt she had let go of slowly made their way back inside her. She knew she should call Oliver but it was patrol time and he would most likely be waiting for a call later in the evening.

Just as she was about to put the phone down, it rang, startling her so that she almost dropped her wine.

It was Oliver.

Taking a deep breath, she answered, “Why, hello there, stranger.”  
“I could say the same to you,” he said in his soft, warm voice.  
“How goes it with the night?” she asked.  
“Not bad. Will be doing some training with the team and then taking them on a short patrol, just so they get the feel for how it should be done.”  
“Be gentle with Curtis.”  
“I...he…,” he stumbled.

Felicity couldn’t help but laugh. Thea knew the drill but poor Curtis, he was taking a lot longer to get the logistics straight. Oliver was a tough task master with him but he was doing it to keep everyone alive.

“Just let him feel like he is contributing. Don’t sell him short,” she laughed.  
“I’ll try,” Oliver said begrudgingly, “Did you get everything squared away in Ivy Town?”  
“Yes,” she said somewhat truthfully, “I did what I needed to do.”  
“Where are you now?”  
“I am halfway to Vegas. I didn’t have long to go but decided to spend a quiet night on my own,” she said quickly. Lying to Oliver felt like bathing in a vat of cold oil. Her skin crawled with the feeling of it. It coated her in a residue of shame that would take a long time to wash off.  
“Somewhere safe?”  
“Of course,” she assured him truthfully this time, “No side of the road for me.”  
“Can I call you later? If it’s not too late?”  
“I would be surprised if you didn’t but don’t worry if I don’t answer. I am really tired after all the driving and box sorting,” she cautioned.  
“Ok, but..,” he trailed off, uncertain as to what to say next.  
“I’ll call you in the morning when I get up,” she said softly, hearing how lost he was pulled at her heart.  
“Ok. I love you,” he said quietly.  
“I love you, too, Oliver,” she smiled.

He never was one for goodbyes. He simply disconnected and that was it. Their link severed and she was left to face a retreat that began in panic and was edging into an uneasy peace with the truth of why she ran.

From a distance, it was easy to see. Her continued acceptance of her role in the destruction of Havenrock sometimes threatened to pull her apart at the seams and she would retreat emotionally. Oliver was patient, kind and so loving she felt seared by it. Like he was trying to heal her wounds through the ever present reality of his love for her. It was here that she could reach out and touch the foundation of the love between them. It was the kind of love that could break down walls and allow them to lay bare their true selves without judgement or shame. It was bruised and battered but still there, ever present and alive.

It was humbling, suffocating, infuriating and exactly what she needed. On a deeper level she knew exactly what he was doing and she loved him with all that she had in her but space was what she needed right now. Space to safely let go without causing undue worry, without feeling like she was causing emotional harm.

Clearing her dinner plate and taking her glass of wine out onto the deck, she sat and watched the sky come to life above her. Bit by bit, star by star, the Milky Way revealed itself. The sky had a depth out here that other parts of the world lacked. She felt small, infinitesimal but connected to the universe in a way that not many other people could claim. Both she and Oliver had shared aspects of each other’s reality that set them apart from most other people.

He was her soulmate and so long as they were alive and in each other’s lives, as partners and lovers, their worlds would be full of promise. She knew that as an absolute truth. That his existence bolstered her own and though their journey together might have bumps in the road, it was their journey.

The moon, having cleared the clouds that the wind had blown inland, was full, bright and illuminated the beach. The soft, silver light made the sand glitter and the water appear alive as it rushed up over the shore. The waves had slowed and now bubbled over sand and rocks with a soft rustling sound. Like wind through the leaves.

Felicity’s mind drifted back to something Oliver had once told her, a story about Yao Fei and a lesson he had imparted on him before he was killed. He had taught Oliver that the healing power of the mind and heart are always present. That everyone possesses the capacity to renew their spirits endlessly, to restore their souls throughout time. Even if marked by pain and suffering, like both she and Oliver had been, they had the ability to heal and could share that healing power with those they truly loved.

She remembered how honoured she had felt when he told her. Even now she felt the weight of trust in the meaning behind the words and she it left her breathless. It was like he had his own atmosphere and she was still learning how to breathe.

But the next few days were for her and her alone. Something else was pulling at her mind, something older and buried deeper than she could reach when around other people. She headed back inside, in search of warmth and to find the bathroom and hopefully a tub.

She was not disappointed. The bathroom was a marvel and she knew, in the future, she and Oliver would have to travel here together. The toilet was off in its own little room because the rest of the room faced the water and was wall to wall windows. There were skylights in the ceiling above and nothing to obstruct her view of the night sky. Making up her mind, she started to fill up the tub and went back out to the main room of the house to turn out the lights and lock up.

On her way back to the tub, she located a box of matches above the stone fireplace and headed back to have a nice long, hot bath by candlelight. The night would be perfect with Oliver in it, as the tub was huge, but she settled for a glass of wine and a view she never thought possible.

She wondered what Oliver and the team were up to and hoped they were alright. When he had the suit on, and let the darkness slip through the cracks and seams of his divided self, things could get a bit rough. The bruises from training that Thea sometimes wore were testament to his exacting nature.

As she relaxed into the contours of the tub, she felt something loosen deep within her. A blinding panic gripped her and she struggled to breathe. Closing her eyes she focused on remembering Oliver’s instructions on how to breathe through pain and fear. It hurt but she was able to calm herself and see what it was that triggered the attack.

When she had been recovering from all the surgeries and growing accustomed to her new world of paralyzation, Oliver had been leaving her to travel to Central City to form a relationship with William. He had actively chosen his son and lied to her. Over and over. He abandoned her to heal alone.

But that wasn’t it. The abandonment had loosened something at her very foundation. It had knocked loose the wall she had erected around the loss of her father when she was a little girl and the pain that howled out at her was what had pushed her out of the city and into temporary exile.

The wounds from that time in her life had been sealed away and left to heal on their own so it surprised her just how raw they still were almost twenty years later. Her father’s removal from her life had crippled a small part of her heart and if she wanted to really start fresh with Oliver, she had to heal it.

The water grew cool around her but she continued to stare up at the stars, mesmerized by the slow movement of the night sky. The stars blazed with a life out here she had never seen before. It was like they were somehow brighter, more densely packed, and more alive despite the fact they had all died billions of years ago.

Somewhere in her bedroom, her phone was ringing. She would never make it out of the bath in time, so she let it ring. It was most likely Oliver calling to say good night. She missed him but opted to simply get ready for bed. The drive had been a long one and that enormous bed was calling her.

Falling into it was like falling into a warm embrace. The last thing she remembered before sleep rose up to meet her was the soft sound of the quieting surf as it eased its relentless movement. The energy of the tides was one of the most beautiful things in nature. She had studied it when she was in MIT, using the mathematics of chaos and had created the pattern of her hacking code. She was remembering a fragment of it as she slipped off to sleep.

 

II

_She was listening to a song that only she could hear. It was like it surrounded her and moved as she moved. It was the kind of music that she could both feel and see because she was creating it with every small and large movement of her body._

_Felicity stopped and felt it move like water around her. It was a tide. A beautiful tide of motion and sound that rocked her back and forth until it slowed to a stop, allowing her to stand motionless._

_Looking around, she spotted her comm centre in the bunker. All the computers were up and running. She could hear the hum of the servers and it made her smile. When she was a lonely little girl, she built herself a computer that had a specific tones for different kinds of code. It sang to her when her mom was at work and she was trying to hack into the Circus Circus casino. There was a stuffed bear that she wanted and the amount of tokens was more than she could ever afford to get, so hacking her way to it was all she could think to do._

_She saw lines of code everywhere. They were the colours and sounds of nature. She saw them in how Oliver would stealthily move through the city as the Green Arrow, how Diggle would laugh when he held his daughter. It helped her organize her thoughts and understand the variations in rhythms and structure._

_But it also prevented her from connecting fully with other people for a very long time._

_Meeting Oliver had introduced a new colour into her world. New sounds. New sensations. New everything. He upset her world order and not a day had gone since their first meeting that she wasn’t so thankful that she had embraced the world he seemed destined to show her._

_Oliver...he had a rhythm and colour all his own. The song his spirit carried was the harmony to her own and oh...how she loved him…_

_A loud screeching cut through her dream causing her to cover her ears in pain. Looking around, half expecting to see Slade or Darhk come through the door bringing pain and violence with them. Instead, she saw her father standing silhouetted in the light coming from the costume storage unit._

_All the sound in the room stripped away, the walls dissolved and reformed around them. In a blink of an eye, her dream moved her from Star City to Las Vegas. She knew without looking that they were in the garage that was attached to the house. It was here that her father had shown her a whole new world. One of hardware, coding and pure intellect._

_But it was also the place of her first greatest hurt._

_Her chest constricted and tears spilled down her cheeks as she watched the shadow of her father, long and thin, slowly cleave its way through the cracks in the walls, blocking out the light. This was not where she wanted to be but it was where she had to stay._

_“Felicity,” came a soft, feminine voice from within the house, “honey, come back inside. I have to go to work.”_  
_“Coming, mom,” she called back while watching the shadow of her father spread like oil over the walls._

_Backing away, she saw the long fingers on her father’s hands reaching for her, clawing their way across the walls, the ceiling and the cement floor. She felt a scream building in her chest. One of rage and fear and a small, brilliant little girl’s deepening hurt of being left in the middle of the night by the man who once told her he would love her to the moon and back._

Felicity awoke with a start. The night was still dark and the moon had almost finished its journey through the night sky. Instinctively, she reached for Oliver only to find the bed empty and cold. The hitch in her chest, a quiet sob that had traveled out of her dream with her, was the only reminder of the human borne terror that still lurked in her heart.

Reaching for her phone, she saw four missed calls from Oliver. The last one just a few small minutes before she woke up from her dream. Without pausing to collect her thoughts, Felicity hit the call button and listened to the phone ring.

“Hello, hey, hi,” came Oliver’s sleepy voice.  
“Oliver,” she laughed softly, “you didn’t have to answer.”  
“I would never let it go to voicemail,” he yawned, “I miss your voice too much.”  
“Just my voice?”  
“Tease.”  
“I woke up and forgot you weren’t here,” she said quietly.  
“Just a few more days.”  
“Yeah,” she said, trying to not let guilt creep into her voice, “A few more days. It’s late, my love, how about I call you at noon.”  
“Ok,” he said in the voice he only used for her, “Say hi to your mom for me when you see her.”  
“I will. Goodnight, Oliver,” she said in her bravest voice, “I love you.”  
“Love you, too.”

And, as always, the line disconnected. He simply refused to say goodbye to her, even now.

Brushing a tear from her cheek, she settled back into the pillows and tried to ignore the ache in her chest. It was a mix of fear, guilt, and a bone deep hurt that had followed her from place to place for almost twenty years.

Havenrock had ripped the scar off of that wound and left her flailing through time and space. Oliver’s fierce love and desire to protect her pushed her even further. She wasn’t fleeing him though, she was running from herself. One day, she thought, one day I will tell him about this but not yet.

 _Not yet, she thought as she curled in around herself, hugging her knees to her chest._  
_Not yet, she thought as she waded into the stream of sleep._  
_Not yet, she thought, mourning the loss of one man above all others._

But there was time enough to deal with that in the days to come. For now she just needed to sleep. To catch up on her rest and enjoy the windswept beach she had exiled herself to. Closing her eyes, Felicity focused on something that would take her mind off of her dream and Oliver. She started to think about the first time she hacked into a federal database and the ease with which she slipped through their backdoor.

She started to hear that song, that gentle, soulful song that accompanied the movement of lines that could control the world, bring banking institutions to their knees or take control of local police drones. It was where she felt powerful, untouchable, and able to protect the people she loved most in this world.

The ocean, slave to its own diurnal rhythm, was washing over the powder fine sand, chasing the moon’s reflection over rocks and the surface of the water. It was the sound of it, the continual, gentle sound of it, that swept her back to sleep. She tumbled into its depths and let the darkness descend.


	2. Day Two: Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As always, I follow one POV with another.
> 
> This is Oliver's POV as he follows his instincts and discovers that Felicity has left Star City but not for the reasons she stated and not to go see her mom. 
> 
> This is what happens when he acts on his instincts and goes to find her. He wrestles with guilt, hurt, anger and love all at once and we get a glimpse into his growth as a man and partner.

**Day Two - Discovery**

 

_Somewhere in his mind  
_ _Was the memory  
_ _Of cosmic blue eyes._

 

I

 

Oliver was worried.

Something was wrong with Felicity but she was hiding it from him, she was being deliberately evasive and that was unlike her. He knew the recovery from the trauma of Havenrock was still ongoing and suspected that while this current round of uncertainty was related to the city’s destruction, that wasn’t entirely it. His instinct was telling him something was wrong.

He knew her far too well. She had tells, there had been little changes in her appearance, tiny shifts in her micro expressions when she looked at him or when she thought he wasn’t looking at her and a distractedness that Havenrock didn’t produce on its own. This was something much deeper. He had a suspicion as to what it was and had decided to take up an orbiting position around her until she was ready to talk about it.

When she announced that she was going on a small trip to see her mom and pick up a few of her things left behind in Ivy Town, he was relieved. Her mom needed her, and she needed her mom. Havenrock had taken pieces of Felicity that only her mom could help her find again and if truth be told, a little distance might not be a bad thing for them to have right now.

He would miss her but it was only five days, and she promised to call as often as she could. It was a necessary space for them. The tension of the last few nights had increased to an almost boiling point the night before during and after the evening patrol. He thought about how she had plotted out a plan of how he could get in and out of the location they were staking out for information on just what was going on down at the pier. Once he got inside, he saw something completely different. He knew he could get closer and remain undetected, so he took the chance and never once felt any regret for doing it.

For four minutes, he had remained silent and listened. Felicity kept asking for information, but he remained in vigilante listening mode until he finally had to sever his link to her in order to hear what was going on. It was like being the Hood again, alone on the streets and relying on no one else but himself.

He loved every second of it even knowing it was borderline suicidal.

It had ignited a fury in Felicity he hadn’t seen in a very long time, but she held it in long enough for them to get to his hotel suite before the sniping became an argument. It was something that they had argued and negotiated about many times before and yet, he couldn’t simply stick to a plan because on paper it made sense. Being in the field meant being open to changing tactics as new information came available. Felicity was used to that but the preceding few months had made her less than receptive to changing on the fly.

They were entrenched in their respective opinions, and for the first time in a long time, he felt that maybe their own individual experiences with trauma were so divergent that healing alone might be necessary. Felicity was not accepting that he knew what he was doing in the field on his own in a way that came across as more than just questioning his ability, he felt like she was questioning his dedication to their partnership.

So they had squared off against one another, taking each other’s measure and not giving an inch. Oliver watched Felicity’s face as anger, fear, uncertainty and betrayal raced across it only for her to retreat emotionally to a safe distance. After all they had struggled to overcome, he couldn’t let her leave without a small piece of truth from him.

As she turned to leave, he spoke that truth to her, and it allowed her to speak her own to him. Instead of running from the uncomfortable tension of not agreeing with one another, they had stood their ground and communicated after a fashion. He understood her fear but asked that she respect his ability to take care of himself and make tactical decisions in the field.

Instinctively, he reached out to her with one battle scarred hand. He was half afraid she would reject his offering and leave, but she reached back. Felicity had taken care of his hands in ways he wasn’t sure actually helped him, but it helped her even if it left his hands smelling slightly floral. The way she massaged his joints and scars was intimate, gentle and so wholly her, he once bought a line of lotions for her to try on him just so they could spend quiet nights on the couch in Ivy Town.

Exhaustion, emotional and physical, slammed into them both and they stumbled to his bedroom. He vaguely remembered them both getting undressed and falling into bed. From there it was darkness, dreamless darkness, and sleep. His body needed it, but more importantly, they needed a night to get back into sync without adding sex into the mix.

They communicated beautifully through touch, but sometimes they needed to recalibrate and figure out each other’s rhythms. Oliver was grateful for that chance as sometimes her rebukes and distance felt like a flaming fist punching through his skin.

The next morning, just as the sun was brightening the sky, they awoke at the exact same moment. Oliver had risen to the surface of sleep and waited, hovering in a meditative state until he felt her breathing change. When she shifted a small half centimetre, he leaned down and tenderly kissed her shoulder.

All the tension from the night before had vanished as they slept. The softness of her skin and the instinctive way she turned towards him in response to his kiss was nourishment to him. It fed his heart and helped heal his wounded spirit. The feel of her breath on his skin sent shivers coursing down his spine and the desire to show her how much he loved her took over.

He made love to her that morning as though she were a divine being. Every soft sigh, gentle moan, and gasp from her were rewards enough, but the intensity of her orgasms took him by surprise. They rolled over him like waves, strong and sure, and soon he was moaning into her neck as his own rumbled through him, leaving him slick with sweat.

She held him so tight he could feel her heart beating through her chest. She whispered over and over how she loved him and that everything would be okay, no matter what they would always have each other. They were wrapped around one another and remained that way until their alarms went off, almost simultaneously.

He was hesitant to break the connections of their bodies, but once up and in motion, their day had begun. With a kiss and promise to call, he headed to the Mayor’s office, and she headed home to pack for her trip to Vegas.  He wished she would tell him the real reason she was leaving. It was difficult to watch her suffer in silence at her own insistence.

The day went by without incident at the Mayor’s office, and when it was time to head to the lair, he felt a pang of loneliness. It didn’t matter that he was about to be surrounded by teammates and family. Without her there, he was listless. Detached. Remote and aloof. She grounded him and put him in touch with the shattered pieces of his humanity.

For that single reason, he decided that remaining indoors and training with the team was more important than being on patrol. Left to himself, he knew his propensity for violence and inflicting harm. He knew the right decision was to remain out of the way of temptation.

He wondered where she was, if she had made it out of Ivy Town or if she opted to stay the night at the halfway point. Oliver was almost in the lair when he stopped and changed course. He felt compelled to seek refuge in their garden, the one she had hammered down a wall for him to then go in and create.

The garden was a refuge. A place where no work could enter even though it existed directly over the heart of the lair. The moments they spent there, locked away from the team, in a space they created out of agony and trauma, had helped to reinvent their relationship and themselves. Oliver needed it now to connect with her.

The night was still warm, and the smell of lavender and roses permeated the air inside the courtyard. With a heavy sigh, he sat down on the couch and watched the sky darken to a cobalt blue. Tiny pinpoints of lights began to emerge, and slowly, the Milky Way came into view. It was faint, but it was there.

Taking out his phone, he called Felicity. He needed to hear her voice before beginning the night. A few words were all he really needed, just to know she was okay and in a safe place. Things in the city weren’t bad at the moment, but they had made so many enemies it was sensible to check and make sure she was alright.

The minute he heard her voice, all his worry faded away. She was fine, tired but fine. She had done all she needed to do in Ivy Town and was in a hotel resting up for the remainder of the drive the next day. The anxiousness that surrounded her actually leaving still pulled at him but he needed to focus on the team, as small as it was, and slip deep into his body to work the tension out.

Leaning back, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. The air in the enclosed garden should have been stale and dank, but it was fresh and alive. He could hear the gentle buzz of bumblebees and the chirrup of a cricket or two. The lavender was slowly dying, but the jasmine he had planted was in bloom, and its scent was now filling the air. It was like the small garden in Bali that he had found on one of their wanders through an old temple.

One day, he thought, Bali needs to happen again.

With a deep sigh, he got up from his refuge and headed down to the lair. He now felt like maybe a night of recon might be in order. The itch to suit up and head out into the darkness was growing. Without Felicity to man the coms, he knew he was risking it, but the team needed to know how to rely on their instincts and not Felicity’s lightning quick ability to watch and plan.

Smiling to himself as waited for the elevator doors to open, Oliver wondered how Curtis would be without Felicity to guide him into whatever Oliver was able to find. Things would be interesting, but he’d make sure the situation wasn’t too intense. Curtis had the best of intentions but Oliver was beginning to think life as a vigilante might be too much for him.

Luckily, the night was quiet with only a couple calls they needed to respond to, so he put the team through a round of defensive training before and after. He wanted to see reflexes and calculated risks, not simple punches, and kicks. It was time to push them to the next level of developing muscle memory and guided instinct.

It went as he thought it would. Curtis and Thea both swore at him with language that left him both shocked and immensely proud of himself. He was still laughing as they left to go home and nurse their new bruises. He felt a tinge of sadness when he thought about Felicity and Diggle both missing his fun. They might have shaken their heads at him, but they would have been laughing, too.

Sitting at her station, he ran his hands lovingly over her keyboard. He had powered down the computers earlier, allowing them to run their algorithms, and marveled at the power of her intellect. She built the programs from the ground up. ARGUS may have the latest hardware, but nothing they had could stop Felicity if she wanted to get in. It was her superpower.

Oliver was overwhelmed by the need to talk to her. He pulled his phone over to him from where he had left it earlier and hit speed dial. He listened to her phone ring itself over to her voicemail but, looking at the time, felt sure she was out for a walk or having dinner or in the bath. He had no doubt that she had found a spa-like hotel to stay for the night. It would be her way of recharging before heading to Vegas to see her mom.

Feeling and hearing his stomach rumble, he went in search of food from the kitchen and found it stocked with all his favourite protein bars and drinks. There was a note addressed to him taped to the front of the cabinet beside the fridge. He instantly recognized Felicity’s precise printing and felt a flood of warmth spread through his body.

Her note was so beautifully her. It was short, to the point and written to make sure Oliver knew what she bought specifically for him, where to find it and that she loved him. What she didn’t know is that he saved all her notes in a journal he kept in a drawer, well out of sight, in his hotel suite. On nights where they slept apart, he sometimes re-read the longer ones that Felicity would leave for him in the garden, or in his suit pocket. She didn’t do it often, but when she did, it felt like his lungs were overinflated, his heart would pound, and his hands would shake. It was like being filled to overflowing with love.

Her generous heart was always open, always willing to give and receive, even when the world around her was burning. Oliver knew now that he would never have to fear her leaving, abandoning him to his demons. The gift of her love was the truest thing he had ever known, and through it, he experienced the most profound sense of belonging.

The absence of her drove him to call again. He hung up as it clicked over to voice mail. He wasn’t sure he could trust his voice at that moment as a rush of longing, and wistful sadness invaded his body as the phone rang, unanswered an unknown distance away.

Closing his eyes, he pulled her face up from memory. He was rewarded with an image of her walking through a narrow, cobblestoned alleyway in Positano. She was wearing a sheer, light pink sundress, her hair was down and in its natural wavy state, and she was relaxed and happy. He remembered this particular day and the joy with which she was able to find the wine he had been searching for in a tiny little grocery store tucked in behind a flower shop.

Positano was their honeymoon spot. It was the one place where they were so relaxed and in harmony that they were able to finally communicate in a brand new way. If he were to put a name to it, he would admit that it was paradise. Even more so than Bali.

Trying her again, the phone once more went to voicemail. Oliver was disappointed but not surprised. She had been distant before leaving and knew that space was something she was craving for herself. He felt like an intruder but also needed her to know that in the midst of her journey, he was walking beside her no matter the distance she felt she needed to cross on her own.

Recently, there were moments when he would watch her and see the small shifts in her armour. He had seen those kinds of things in her before, when her guard was up, in full defense mode only to show him a crack where he could slip through and find her. The shifts were the warning that something was about to crash through her like a tsunami or avalanche.

He headed back to his suite and thought he might call after heating up leftovers for dinner and having a long overdue shower. He was hungry for real food and a hot shower to wash the sweat off. He opted for the shower first and was glad for it. The steam and heat relaxed his muscles, and his mind drifted back to the shower he had shared earlier that day, in the early morning hours, with Felicity.

The ritual of washing their bodies clean after they made love was one of the best things they did together. It was so earnestly intimate as to be overwhelming. He hadn’t worked up the courage to ask her yet, but he suspected it was a little like sensory overload for her as well. The water amplified every touch, every sound, and often woke his body up faster than he thought possible.

He once joked that they should shower separately only to be met with a mock look of horror and a firm shake of the head. She threatened to cook for him, and he surrendered. He teased her that he was used to danger but not that kind of danger. Her cooking skills terrified him, and he was determined to teach her how to do simple things as she did need to fend for herself once in awhile.

For once, Oliver was grateful that he was exhausted. He remembered one morning a few weeks ago, the feel of her breasts pressed against his back as she so firmly and gently stroked him hard and then coaxed him to a leg shaking orgasm. He felt guilty to feel such pleasure when offering her none but the soft kiss she placed in the centre of his back was her way of saying all of it was for him. 

His dinner, leftover chicken and salad from lunch, was just enough to fill him up and then he fell into bed, completely ready for sleep. He had his phone in his hand and on a whim, tried Felicity one more time. When he got her voicemail again, he flipped the light off and slipped off to sleep. His last waking thought was that he couldn’t wait for the week to be over.

An insistent buzzing pulled him back to a semi-wakefulness. Confused, he thought it was his alarm until the special ringtone he had set for Felicity started. In a sleep induced panic, he answered his phone, hoping he was in time. Hearing her sleepy voice, and knowing she was safe, was enough to send him back to sleep in peace.

_He became aware of the soft rushing sound of a quiet tide over powder-fine sand. It had a particular tone and rumble that high tide didn’t as it tended to crash over rocks and violently land on shore. It was peaceful and centering. If he were able to meditate, this would be the place, wherever this place was._

_Opening his eyes, he found himself in a softly lit bedroom and was momentarily confused. The light seemed to be everywhere, diffuse and white, but he couldn’t find a source for it. The windows behind the bed he was on were open, and the white, gauzy curtains billowed gently in the ocean breeze. There was movement next to him, and he heard a gentle sigh. Laying back down, he pushed the duvet back just a tiny bit to reveal Felicity’s golden blonde hair, fanned out on her pillow._

_He loved it when he woke up before her, even if just by a few minutes because it gave him an opportunity to see her completely at peace. Reaching out, he tenderly traced her face with a fingertip. Her skin was so soft, the bone structure so delicate, he felt compelled to protect her from physical harm; especially now that Felicity was just regaining the full strength of her lower body after the insertion of the implant into her spine._

_He knew she hated it and suspected that she felt smothered by his constant vigilance where she was concerned, but his impulse to protect her wasn’t just about safety. Underneath it all was the continual lingering guilt around lying to her about William and not including her in any of his decisions regarding him. It weighed on him,_ _sometimes twisting his thoughts against him, and often invaded_ _his dreams._

_Just as she opened her eyes, smiling at him before she fully awoke, the room vanished. She vanished. Oliver searched for the sound of the ocean only for it to be replaced by the sound and feel of a fast moving wind. It was hot and gritty. He felt sandblasted as he stood with his back to it._

_“You think you can save her,” came a man’s voice from behind him. It was familiar and held an arrogance that instantly irritated Oliver._

_Turning around, Oliver came face to face with Felicity’s father. A man who had helped them against Darhk but was still the source of so much trauma and pain for Felicity that he felt a flash of rage directed at this dangerous, incredibly smart man._

_“I can protect her, but she can save herself,” he said evenly.  
_ _“So you won’t interfere? You’ll let her be depressed? Pull away?” he taunted.  
_ _“I’ll let her be her own person.”  
_ _“Oh, Oliver. Somehow, I think you will make things worse. It’s who you are,” her father cruelly laughed .  
_ _“You know nothing about her or me. She is the best, strongest person I have ever known. She is who she is despite you,” Oliver said with a hint of menace entering his voice.  
_ _“Really? Do you know where she is, Oliver? Do you really know?”_

_Oliver felt a growing need to harm this man, who had ripped the heart out of a little girl without a second thought, to make him feel the kind of pain Felicity had felt for years. She had only given him small hints, hiding behind jokes that felt mournful rather than happy, but he felt it deep inside. It gripped his heart in a cold, squeezing fist._

_“I know I hurt her,” said the distant father, “but it will be nothing compared to what you will do.”_

_Oliver clenched his fists and felt his body begin to coil, ready for an attack when the older man vanished from view. With nothing to focus his rage on, Oliver stood in his battle ready position and tried to quiet his rage._

_He briefly wondered what her father meant by knowing where she was but dismissed it. It was a mind game he was playing with himself because he didn’t know where she was exactly. He was contemplating her secrecy when the scene changed again, and he was back in bed beside Felicity in the bedroom by the ocean._

_She was asleep, curled in around herself, cocooned in the duvet. Carefully, Oliver moved in behind her, and she unfolded, like a flower seeking the sun, and turned towards him. As they sought the warmth of the other, deep sleep pulled him down into darkness._

Oliver eased awake. He was unsettled. Her father was a piece of work, and while Felicity felt torn about how to be with him, Oliver was not. He was resistant to allowing that man be part of their lives, no matter where it might be leading. It wasn’t so much that he was dangerous, even though he absolutely was, it was the sure way he made his comments in his dreams that had unnerved him.

It was too early to call her, so he got himself up and went for a long run through Star City’s quiet streets. He decided to run through the Havenrock Memorial Park and over the Palmer Bridge. The way was safe and he would be running toward the rising sun.

It helped centre him. He was struggling in the aftermath of Darhk and Havenrock. He and Felicity were working through their individual issues and the larger ones caused by the life they chosen to lead. He was keeping a lid on it, trying to not let his mental state affect hers. She was working so hard to heal the wounds, seen and unseen, left in the wake of one of the most psychologically deranged men they had ever come across.

His defeat and death had left a scar on the city and trauma in so many. His next order of business as Mayor was to support mental health supports city-wide. He simply couldn’t let the city suffer year after year without something there to help.

The morning began under clear skies which moved through a palette of pastel colours before settling on the infinite deep blue as the city burst into life. He altered his course so that he could run past the coffee shop he and Felicity often frequented to pick up coffee and breakfast. He had a spare suit in her office that he could wear for the day and the showers in the lair were well stocked with all manner of shampoos, conditioners and body washes.

Oliver smiled to himself as he remembered the day Felicity showed up with two bags of expensive men’s skin and hair care products for him. He’d barely touched the skin creams, but she did very well with the shampoo and conditioner. She had shown him how to use them properly one morning, and he associated their use with the way her hands felt in his hair, the softness of her voice in his ears and way she could make his body behave even when he tried to keep his desire for her at bay.

The run had woken his body up. As he headed into the shower, his thoughts of Felicity created a tension low in his pelvis that was quickly becoming a demand. The body wash he decided to use was his excuse to stroke his hardening cock until the pressure in his lower body released in a soul shattering ejaculation. It only took a minute for him to find his release, leaving his legs shaking and his heart pounding.

Rinsing his body clean, he stumbled out of the shower and headed straight for his waiting breakfast on the bench in front of his locker. He was relaxed and ready to face what was going to be a challenging day. If he could get the funding he wanted for the mental health teams, he would leave work early and have a nap before heading out on patrol.

The morning was trouble-free. Oliver and Thea went over budgets and discussed ways of making all the good things they wanted to do for the city happen. He tried Felicity a couple of times but knew she hated talking on the phone when she was driving. Plus she was driving a much bigger vehicle than she was used to. So he left her a message and asked her to call him when she got into her mom’s.

He spent his lunchtime on Skype with Diggle. His friend was off exorcising his demons and attempting to atone for killing his brother on assignment far, far away. Oliver had been to some dark places, but killing a family member was a place he mercifully had never had to visit. The least he could do was be the friend Diggle needed while he put his heart and mind right.

The connection was spotty, dropping completely twenty minutes in so Oliver found himself between meetings with time to kill. He checked his phone and saw still nothing from Felicity. On a whim, Oliver texted Donna to see if she had heard from her daughter. If Felicity was running late, he knew she would contact her mom. They had worked hard on their relationship and sometimes were overly communicative as a means of compensation.

A few minutes later, Donna sent back a question mark and nothing more. Oliver was confused, so rather than text, he called her.

“Oliver!” came Donna’s happy voice, “How are you?"  
“Hi, Donna,” he said with a bemused chuckle, “I’m doing well.”  
“Well, being the mayor seems to suit you,” she teased.  
“So far it’s going better than even I expected,” he conceded.  
“I have to run in a minute, but what do you mean ‘where is Felicity?’” she asked in confusion, “Is she not in Star City?”  
“Donna, she said she was going to see you,” Oliver said in an even voice as he tried to keep calm.

Donna was silent on the other end of the phone for a minute. He could hear her breathing grow more rapid and then she launched into an explanation of why Felicity, wasn’t with her in Vegas and that he shouldn’t be angry with her. She was only doing what she needed to do for herself.

“Wait, Donna...what are you saying?” he asked in confusion. Something wasn’t right. He was beginning to think his earlier instinct was right. Something was wrong with Felicity and she had run. From him. From the team. From everything that was her ‘normal’.

“Oliver, honey,” Donna sighed, “She just needed a few days alone. She’s… Felicity’s gone through a lot with you and all that happened in the city. She won’t ever want to admit it but she’s fragile and honey, when she feels that way she retreats.”

“But she could have done that here!” he exclaimed, “I would have stayed in my suite, and she could have stayed in her loft or…”

“Or? Oliver, you are everywhere she is when you are in the same city. You love her in such a wonderful way, and I know she loves you the same, but you overwhelm one another, sweetie. You need to let her figure this out.”

“Is…,” he paused to get his voice under control, “Is she okay?”  
“Trust that she is, Oliver,” Donna said gently, “She’ll be back soon. But don’t tell her I told you, she will kill me! I’ll tell her myself.”  
“Alright,” he smiled sadly, “thanks, Donna. Just...if anything comes up…”  
“You will be the first person I call,” she reassured him, “Okay, I gotta run. Take care of yourself, OIiver. You need to do that, too.”  
“Yes, Ma’am,” he agreed and listened to her laugh, so like her daughter, as they said goodbye.

Oliver sat in his office and stared listlessly out his window. Felicity had lied to him and left to go somewhere without wanting to let him know where or why. If she had told him, he wouldn’t have had any issue with it. But she lied. Deliberately. He knew it was all in panic and something so deeply rooted in her that she was only just protecting herself from any sort of emotional or psychological harm but it didn’t take away the sting of it.

A soft knock on his door brought him back to the present moment, and he slipped into automatic and went to his meeting. He must have had a look to him because the council gave in to his request quickly and efficiently. Thea tried to ask what was wrong but he waved her off and left as soon as he could sign off on the budget and grab his coat.

Oliver had no idea where he was going when he left City Hall, but somehow he ended up in their courtyard garden. The afternoon sun was slipping low in the sky, but it had warmed the brick and stone enough that he could sit in just his suit jacket.

Sinking onto the couch, Oliver leaned back and stared up at the small patch of blue high above. A helplessness reared up within him, a hollowness in his chest followed by a deep constriction that seized hard around his heart. When it let go, he was weightless, tumbling and directionless, through his mind. The sadness that flowed around him in its place threatened to close over his head, smothering him under its weight.

He kept thinking, over and over, that she had lied to him. Repeatedly. He was so lost in the betrayal that he failed to hear his phone, missing not one but three calls from her. When he saw her name, he was seized by the hot sting of anger that could only be solved by one thing. Grabbing his phone and jacket, he headed down to the bunker.

He had an idea how to do what he needed to do and hoped he remembered all of Felicity’s instructions. She had taught him how to trace calls and find locations using phone numbers that went beyond the app for finding your phone. She had a program that she had used to track Andy Diggle when he was part of the team before he died. If he could find it, he knew how to use it, and it was how he was going to learn where she was. After that, he had no idea what he was going to do, but he needed to know out of sheer panic.

After a few false starts, he located the program and supplied her phone number and let it go to work. Within thirty seconds, he had her exact location down to the very last foot. She was nowhere near Vegas or Nevada. She was six hours south of Star City. She told the truth about passing through Ivy Town, at least according to the map that was generated based on where her phone had pinged off of cell towers, but instead of veering east, she had continued south and west.

She was in a lonely beach house by the ocean, miles and miles away from the nearest town. Whatever she had run away from him for required solitude and isolation. As he stared at the map generated by the program, his phone rang. It was Felicity, and for the first time in months, he hesitated to answer. He wasn’t sure he could keep up the facade of pretending not to know where she was. Taking a deep, steadying breath, he answered it.

“Hello?”  
“Oliver?”  
“The one and only,” he said with forced joviality. Determined to not give in to his building frustration, he continued in a lighter tone, “How goes the Vegas visit?”  
“So far so good,” she said evasively, “The weather is perfect.”  
“Hey, while you’re there, can you pick me up a bottle of that tequila your mom brought us last year?” he asked, almost petulantly, “It was a good one, and I can’t find it here.”  
“Sure, I’ll see if I can find it again. How was your day? I called a few times but-”  
“Yeah, I was in meetings,” he said, cutting her off, “Sorry, I need to get back to one...can I call you later?”  
“Yes, of course. After dinner?”  
“After dinner. Love you.”  
“Love you, too,” she said. Oliver detected a small amount of hurt in her voice, but he couldn’t stop to think about it, his own hurt was towering high all around him, threatening to crash down, crushing him under its weight.

He hung up quickly and closed his eyes. He had no choice. He had to get out to Felicity sooner rather than later. Sending a text out to the team, he told them to take the next few days off or just engage in limited patrols if Thea was up to taking them out. He claimed exhaustion and the need to regenerate some of his energy before engaging on patrol again. Next up, he called Thea and explained what was happening. She listened silently and then offered him some sage advice.

“Oliver, she loves you. Like truly, madly loves you. She didn’t leave you, she went in search of something she needs to heal. This isn’t about you, but I understand why you feel like it is. It’s your default setting, as she would say,” Thea said, drawing a genuine chuckle from him, “If you do drive out there, be prepared to be turned away. Don’t force your presence on her. If she asks for space, give it to her because it will be the space she needs to find her way back.”

“When did you get so wise?”  
“When? Don’t you mean how? And the answer is, having you as a brother,” she laughed.

Oliver headed home for a quick dinner, nap, pack and called to rent a car able to handle off road conditions. Surveying his small kitchen, he packed up everything in his fridge and put it in a cooler. Oliver wasn’t sure if food was something she would have in abundance and/or could survive if she bought food to cook. He knew of a 24-hour grocery store that took orders for pickup or delivery and quickly called them. If he was going to surprise her, it might as well be with good food.

He called for a car and wound up with a Jeep that would be waiting in the hotel parking lot when he was ready to go. Checking the time, he saw it was only a little after seven pm. Almost forgetting that he’d said he’d call Felicity back, he hit speed dial and listened to her phone once again go to voicemail. Oliver knew he was too tired to pretend being anything other than disappointed, so he allowed himself to succumb to a sudden wave of exhaustion. Sleep was such a luxury in his world that he decided to treat himself to a nice long nap. Setting his alarm for 12 am, he climbed into bed but before drifting to sleep, his last thought was of a pair of sad blue eyes and the sound of her voice asking him to understand that she wasn’t doing this to hurt him, she was doing this for herself. It didn’t stop the way it wounded him, scratching open a scar that held more power than he was willing to concede, but he was able to breathe through it and that was a start.

 

II

 

The alarm went off at midnight, startling Oliver awake, and for a moment he was confused. It was dark, quiet and he couldn’t quite remember where he was. His dreams had been strangely silent, allowing him to rest without the interruption of the cacophony of his nightmares merging with memories. Felicity sometimes had to sleep in other rooms because he could be dangerous when that happened. He could become combative and violent, sometimes lashing out physically making it unsafe for her to remain beside him.

It filled his heart with sorrow to think of the times, thankfully few in number, he had lashed out and hurt her. She forgave him every time, but he wore her injuries like a second skin. Looking beside him, he half expected to see her asleep next to him before reality crashed down around him, stripping him raw in the process.

She was six hours away in a beach house next to the Northern California coast. She had panicked, lied and run away. Try as he might, he couldn’t let go of the disappointment that she couldn’t trust him enough with her heart to confide in him. One thing was definite, Felicity was going to kill her mother when she found out Donna told him where she was staying. He felt bad for Donna but was grateful she didn’t tell him not to go to her.

Stretching out the kinks in his muscles, he got up and got dressed, grabbed his bag and made his way down to the Jeep. He was looking forward to the drive. It would be quiet on the freeway, and by the time he had to turn off the main roads, it would be sun up.

He drove to the grocery store, picked up his order, a carafe of coffee, something to eat on the way, flowers for her and set out for the long drive south. Before getting started, he saw that he had a half dozen voicemails, missed calls and texts from Felicity. He hit speaker on his phone and listened to her voice as he pulled onto the highway. His heart sped up, pounding in his chest for a moment, and he waited for her voice.

 _“Hi, Oliver...I have been calling all night...is everything_ _okay_ _? You sounded...distant this afternoon” she asked, her voice trembling just enough to indicate the level of stress she was trying to hide, “I was hoping to just...talk. With you. If you get this early enough, give me a call_ _okay_ _? I love you, Oliver.”_

He found himself blinking back tears. They were so out of sync, and when that happened, neither of them were at their best. They were both working hard to reconcile fully, knowing it would take time and there might be setbacks, but they were committed to each other in the best ways possible.

This was an anomaly. It had to be. Felicity was doing what she did when she couldn’t face what was happening with other people around. She was deliberately retreating to heal a deep wound alone when she no longer had to do so.

Plugging in his phone, he called up a playlist she had uploaded for him and hit play. He had asked for music from their trip abroad, and she had not disappointed. Instantly, he recognized the jazz tune that had played on the radio their second night in Positano, the soft waltz from Bali and the songs she teased him about that he loved so much from his grandparent’s era followed, taking him to those quiet moments where it was just to two of them.

The drive went by quickly. Oliver stopped for a stretch and to fill up his tank and watched as the sky softened at the edges to a light azure blue. He had about another hour to go on the main highway before he needed to find the road that would lead to the ocean and her. Oliver also had his maps and GPS, but this part of the coast presented as wild and untamed. He was surprised there was anything out this way at all, but the Oregon and Northern Californian coastline was rugged, wild and beautiful. People flocked to it in the summer when it was warm and the waves were big.

Traffic was beginning to pick up with a few more semis hauling food and goods in and out of the state. He recognized names on the sides of a few that passed him and knew they were headed for the Star City port and then to places across the world. He felt a surge of pride for the way his city was recovering from the attack by Darhk.

He kept his focus laser sharp and in the distance, saw the road he would need to take. Oliver was happy to be turning away from civilization even if his nerves were beginning to ramp up. He was concerned that Felicity would not greet him with open arms, that she would see this as an intrusion, an invasion of her privacy. But he needed to see her, to talk this out and then if she wanted him to, he would leave.

An hour later, he turned onto the packed dirt road that cut through the tall grass and gently rolling hills that gave way to sand dunes the closer he got to the water. The sun was up behind him, illuminating his way, so he turned off his lights and slowed down. The sound of waves crashing on the shore soon drifted to his ears, and he thought she might have found actual paradise.

The tall beach grass parted and he found himself pulling into a small driveway of sandy earth. In front of him was a low slung, single story, white beach house. It appeared to be surrounded by big, floor-to-ceiling windows and sliding glass doors. It was shuttered from the inside, the curtains drawn and windows shut, and when he turned off the jeep,it was quiet even with the powerful waves beyond it.

He wasn’t sure what to do. Should he knock on the door or wait for lights to go on, signaling that Felicity was up for the day?

Oliver opted to recline his seat, close his eyes and wait. Within a few minutes, he drifted off to sleep. He was tired after the overnight drive and a few minutes of shut-eye wouldn’t hurt. He was disciplined to sleep when needed, but this was an escape. He was at a loss as to what to do so it was easier to avoid it until he knew she was awake.

The sun was up above the horizon, warming the interior of the jeep when he woke up. Confused and stiff, he rubbed his eyes and looked around, taking in the tall grass, the white sand and the sound of a fast moving tide. This was not a part of the coast anyone could safely swim in unless they were strong. Riptides were common, and the water was cold. He had been in water like this a lifetime ago and knew how perilous it could be.

Movement on the wrap around deck caught his attention. It was a subtle swaying at the corner of his eyes, like curtains in the breeze. Focusing on it, he saw her. She was sitting in front of sliding glass doors, light gauzy curtains ruffling in the breeze, watching him. Her hair was still rumpled from bed and she was wrapped in a blanket. She glowed in the morning sun.

Oliver sat in the silent stillness that he had learned on Lian Yu. He was afraid to move too fast lest he startle her. When she cocked her head to the side, letting her hair fall across her face, he suppressed a small smile and slowly opened the driver’s side door.

“Hey,” she whispered.  
“Hey,” he said with a sad sigh.  
“How did you find me?”  
“Well…,” he said helplessly as he searched for an answer that wouldn’t throw Donna under the bus.  
“My mom forgot she wasn’t supposed to say anything, didn’t she?”

 Oliver nodded in defeat, “But I used your phone tracker program to find your location.”

There was no way he could save Donna from Felicity’s wrath, but he could lessen it by admitting his own role in figuring out her location. He’d text Donna later to give her a heads up, but after that, she was on her own. Felicity closed her eyes, and he watched her struggle between being angry, pleased and something else that looked like defeat. His concern amplified the longer she sat in stony silence.

“Felicity...you could have told me you were doing this.”

“I thought about it. I tried…”

“You tried?” he asked with a hint of iron in his voice.

“The night before...I just…,” she trailed off.

For a moment they stared at one another in silence. Oliver was beginning to think that he had made the wrong decision. That maybe he should have waited until she returned to Star City to have this discussion with her but he was here now and needed to summon the courage to continue.

“Have you had anything for breakfast?” she asked softly.  
“I pulled in just after 7am and fell asleep,” he said with a wry smile.  
“I’m going to get dressed, so...I guess come in,” she expressed in a voice suddenly thick with emotion. Turning on her heel, she went back inside. 

Oliver watched her go. Her shoulders were bunched up tight, and she gripped the blanket in her fists. Feeling defeated, he collected the groceries, flowers and his bag and headed inside. The morning was chilly, so he closed the sliding glass door behind him. It was a beautiful home. The kitchen was gently decorated, warm but cool and when he turned around to look, he was stunned by the view. The architect had made a wise decision to make the front of the house windows.

The beach and ocean beyond composed a picture of muted blues and beige. It was beautiful. She had found a stunning location to run to, and it made him perversely glad he had intruded on her. Even if he only stayed for the day, it would be a break from Star City and all the ghosts that haunted him there.

“Did you bring groceries?” she asked.  
“I thought if I am going to crash whatever this is, I should at least bring some good food,” he admitted.   
Felicity gave him a brief smile and said, “I guess you should cook.” 

Oliver smiled and headed into the kitchen to make them breakfast while she set the table. He had brought strawberries, raspberries, granola and yogurt. While the coffee brewed, he searched out a vase for the flowers and put them on the table. Felicity was sitting on the plush, white couch, watching the waves in their endless push to reclaim the shore.

They remained silent until Oliver set all the food and coffee out. Without a word, she got up and joined him in the kitchen nook. He watched her stop and hesitantly reach out to touch the flowers, as though not believing they were real. When she leaned over to smell the jasmine and lilies, he saw a tear slide down one cheek. It took every ounce of willpower in him to not immediately pull her into a bone crushing hug.

He felt he needed permission to do that now and it broke something in him, left him feeling helpless and adrift like he couldn’t quite find her gravity. His fingers twitched in nervousness at his side as he waited for her to move or say something. He’d even take a sharp rebuke at this point as her continued silence chipped away at his confidence.

“Oliver,” she said softly, “these are beautiful.”  
“I wasn’t sure they would last the drive.”  
“Thank you,” she said with a small, sad smile.  
“Felicity…,” he started, stumbling over his thoughts and heart. Everything he wanted to say was tangled inside his mind and he couldn’t figure out how to say the words in the right order. The ferocity with which he loved her was burning him alive inside.

She looked up at him then, her eyes bright and shining, and he could see she was struggling to keep her distance and her composure. Tentatively, she came around the table and walked towards him. Slowly, as though if she moved too quickly, she might startle him, she reached out one hand and waited, a few steps away for him to accept or decline her invitation.

Oliver, without a second thought, reached back. Taking her small hand in his, he let her pull them together and wrapped her in his arms. Oliver could feel her trembling ever so slightly against him. He buried his face in her hair and breathed in deep like he was starving to breathe and she was air.

“I didn’t mean for you to find out,” she murmured, “I just needed to be alone. Really alone. But this had nothing to do with you. This was...is…”  
“I can go after breakfast. I don’t have to stay,” he whispered.  
“I think… I believe we should talk. Or I should,” she chuckled without any genuine humour.  
“Go for a walk on the beach?”  
“Yes, I haven’t really explored yet.”

They stood, locked in an intimate embrace for several minutes. Felicity looked up at him, her chin resting on his chest, and smiled. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, and she had never looked more beautiful to him. He angled his head down and waited for just a brief moment to see if she would move to meet him halfway.

She did.

It was the tenderest, sweetest of kisses. Neither one of them made the conscious move to make it beyond what it was intended to be, an intensely felt reconnection to and acceptance of the other, but Felicity sighed into it, and it roared through him like fire. Burning away his self-doubt and leaving only the rejuvenating power of her love in its wake. They both pulled away at the same time, hovering just an inch away from each other. Oliver saw her pupils, blown wide, the soft flush that was creeping up her neck and suddenly wasn’t so regretful that he had decided to come out to this isolated place.

“The coffee is going to get cold,” she murmured.  
“We can’t have that,” he said in a voice just above a whisper.  
“Plus, I am starving,” she admitted, “I only had a salad for dinner last night.”  
“Well, breakfast is light...:”  
“You have something good for lunch don’t you?”  
“Of course,” he smiled, relief flooding through him that he would be allowed to stay that long.  
“You brought strawberries. Oliver…,” she smiled as she shook her head.

Laughing, he lead her to the table and sat down. He wasn’t a huge fan of yogurt, but it was her favourite cold breakfast, along with all the berries he could find, and her company more than made up for it. He wanted to ask her why but he knew to wait.

 _Not yet, he thought as he watched the morning sun sneak up and illuminate her in its ancient light.  
_ _Not yet, he thought as she gleefully ate a strawberry out of his bowl.  
_ _Not yet, he thought as she smiled at him, her blue eyes a mirror to the sky._  

Somewhere between finishing her bowl and starting her second cup of coffee, she reached across the table for his hand. She told him about how she found the beach house but not why she came. That would come later, and it would crush him.


	3. Day Two: Rediscovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter opens the door on Felicity's past trauma from her father leaving. This is literally just the opening salvo. She and Oliver have miles to go with each other but this chapter explores the tension that exists between them when she awakens to discover him waiting outside in his jeep.
> 
> It is worth noting that Felicity may be willing to let him stay but she recognizes that it won't be easy for him and that is just the way it has to be. It is about her continued healing from the events of The Unimaginable and their continued journey together.
> 
> Shit will get real. This is table setting.

**Day Two: Rediscovery**

_The ocean bubbles_   
_Around her toes_   
_As he watches from the shore._

I

Felicity wasn’t sure what woke her up. She listened to the room, to see if she could hear what it was that had disrupted her dreams enough to pull her back to wakefulness and heard nothing out of place. Only the sound of the waves on the shore reached her. The room was gradually brightening as morning took hold but once she woke up, she was up. Ever since she began her night work with Oliver and Diggle, waking up quickly had become a habit.

Stumbling from the bed to the bathroom, she glanced outside the back windows to see the sun slowly peeking over the horizon. It was only as she washed her hands that it dawned on her that there were two jeeps parked in behind the beach house.

Cold fingers of fear crept up her spine. No one should be here. This was for her and her alone. She peered closer and saw a familiar shape in the driver’s seat. Oliver. He had found her and driven all night to what? Sit guard? Wait for her to wake up? Or welcome him into the house?

The fear was replaced by rage. Felicity spent hours last night trying to reach him. At least a dozen calls over the course of the evening, one between each chapter of the book she was reading. Every call went to voicemail. He didn’t even return her text messages. Couple that with the odd way he had sounded on the call where they did speak, his avoidance of her calls and attempts at communication had left her edgy and concerned.

Then nighttime came, and the world around her changed from soft pastels to silvery bright. The moon turned the sand a sparkly, silica grey and the water reflected back the stars above. She loved the sky at night in places where civilization had yet to touch. She was able to watch meteorites shooting across the velvet black of the sky, the steady movement of satellites, and pick out constellations rarely seen in the city. It made the silence from Oliver livable.

Her dreams that night had shifted between floating in the ocean, watching the pulsing cycles of stars and walking through endless dunes of soft white sand. She felt peace in her aloneness. It was liberating and allowed her to dive deep into the emptiness inside her. The revelation that came as she floated between wakefulness and sleep pulled her closer to the precipice of healing. It was terrifying to stare at the crumbling foundation of her identity and know it was possible to be whole again. It was like a bright light went on inside her, and she could see the cracks in her armour, leaking light into the world around her, and the scars left in the wake of the original blow to her structured sense of self.

The time alone would do her good, she thought. Time away from the team, from Oliver and the complicated relationship they were still mending, and most importantly time with herself. She had been demoralized by Havenrock and finding her way back to herself was still something she was figuring out. Being alone was what she craved when she ran from Star City, to just figure out who she was now without Oliver’s help.

And yet there he sat. Asleep and waiting.

Slipping a blanket around her shoulders, she put on her slippers and quietly slipped out the sliding glass doors next to the kitchen and sat down on the back deck step’s to wait. Oliver was out cold, his face turned towards her. The sun, rising behind him, shone its golden light through the tall grass and bathed him in an ever moving stream. The light bent and flowed around him, softening the planes of his face, stripping away a decade of trauma, leaving only the man she knew and loved behind.

Waiting silently was not easy but wait she did as the sun kept time between them. The warmth of it eventually woke him up. She watched the momentary confusion on his face as he tried to pull himself awake and remember where he was. When their eyes locked, she felt more than saw the undercurrent of kinetic energy pass between them. It was chaotic, frenetic, like nothing she had ever felt between them before.

It was full of longing, sadness, and a kind of confused betrayal that had left him reeling in self-doubt.

She watched him slowly edge out of his jeep and stand, so unsure and confused as to what to do next that it broke her heart. Felicity broke the silence first and tested the waters between them. They were turbulent, and a riptide threatened to pull them both under, but they resisted and kept themselves above the surface of the waters that threatened to close over their heads.

Part of her wanted him to go, to leave her to her solitude but, she reluctantly admitted to herself, another part of her was relieved to see him. That he had used tools she had developed to find her impressed her as much as it annoyed her. Her mother, having proved untrustworthy, would be hearing from her at a later date but for right now, she softened and invited him in.

He had brought food with him which meant she was saved from her limited ability to cook for herself. It was a peace offering. The rich, earthy aroma of brewing coffee relaxed her a little bit more as she slipped into a warm sweater and pants. The ocean cooled the air enough that it felt like early winter until the sun warmed the sand around the house. She had brought more clothes than she needed but weather could turn on a dime this close to shore.

Following the delicious aroma of brewing coffee, she wandered out into the living room, watched the ocean deepen in colour, and the waves build the closer they got to shore. Felicity suppressed a smile. The tide was pulling at her, much like Oliver was pulling at her. She could feel the growing tension and intensity between them, it was magnetic and elemental.

Moving into the small dining area, she laid eyes on the bouquet of fragrant flowers in the centre of the table he had set as the coffee brewed. Jasmine, lilies, small pink roses, and fragrant lavender overflowed the vase. She delicately brushed her fingers over the flowers, breathing their perfume in and felt the love behind the gift.

Oliver was watching her carefully and closely. They were both so skittish that one false move could shatter the fragile peace between them. But when he said her name and stumbled over his words, she looked at him and saw how he was vibrating with uncertainty and a deep sadness pushed on her heart. Slowly, she stepped around the table and held out her hand, hoping he would meet her halfway and that her courage would carry them through the next few minutes.

He immediately reached back, and they moved into each other’s arms as naturally as breathing. Felicity laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart race and pound like he had just finished running a race. When he offered to leave after breakfast, she pressed closer to him and opened the door for him to stay. He felt different in her arms like she was cradling him and not the other way around.

She looked up at Oliver and smiled for the first time since he arrived and welcomed his kiss, soft and warm, only pulling away when the friction that had been between them ignited and raced out of their control. Felicity kept her eyes closed for half a heartbeat, allowing herself to calm her mind and refocus on the moment. When she opened her eyes and looked into his dark, cobalt blue eyes, the pupils were blown wide with desire, she knew she was making the right decision to let him stay.

Teasing him about his food choices, yogurt, granola, and berries, he laughed. Felicity would never tire of that sound and how it was something that he rarely shared with anyone but her and John. It put her at ease and helped her relax enough to suggest a walk on the beach to explore the small slice of solitude she had found. Reaching across the table, she took his hand and told him how she found the house but not why she came to this windswept coast.

_Not yet, she thought as she tenderly stroked the back of his hand with her thumb._   
_Not yet, she thought as they spoke to each other in soft, quiet voices as though trying to keep their words secret from the rest of the house._   
_Not yet, she thought as she felt the pull of his heart._

Looking into his eyes, she knew that the truth of why she was here would wound him and nothing could prepare either of them for the days ahead once she told him. There was no way to sugar coat it, no way to prepare him for how she was feeling and the reason why she chose to leave Star City. Right or wrong, she had done it for herself.

 

II

“Let’s go for a walk,” she suggested quietly, “The sun will be warm.”

She could feel the change in temperature already as the sun rose high in the sky. This was the perfect time of year to be out here. The sun was warm during the day, almost hot, but the constant breeze from the ocean kept the air cool and moving. She hadn’t even needed to turn on the air conditioning unit with all the cross breezes in the well-planned house.

“Bring a blanket? We could have a mini beach picnic snack before lunch,” he floated, trying to keep the wistful hope out of his voice.  
“That sounds lovely. I think there is a blanket in the chest by the fireplace for outdoors. I’ll grab it while you get some snacks ready?”  
“Deal.”

They were slowly regaining the easy way they communicated with each other. There was a brilliant gentleness about Oliver when he was with her alone that he had been holding back on sharing completely but now it was radiating out of him so brightly, he seemed lit from within. It was still a bit of a revelation to her that when he looked at her, she could feel the love that poured out of him.

Their walk was done mostly in silence. The waves roared as they hit the beach and it took them some time to find a place where they could sit and hear each other. Felicity kept her hands in her pockets as she walked. She wanted to hold his hand but at the same time was determined to retain her independence and distance from him for as long as she could.

They reached a small area by a series of sandy, grassy dunes that blocked out most of the roar of the waves and the sun was warming up as it traveled across the sky. It was the perfect place to lay out the blanket and rest before heading back.

Felicity’s stomach fluttered as they sat down. She was going to have to explain why she lied and why she was in this beautiful, otherworldly place. She still wasn’t exactly sure how to tell him but she had to at least give it a shot.

They sat side by side and watched the ocean as the waves grew in size and pounded the rocky coast. The wind was constant but warm and Felicity turned her face up to it and closed her eyes. She could feel Oliver’s eyes on her, watching her in patient silence.

“This place must be a surfer’s dream come true during the storm season,” he commented.  
“I think so. But what a hike from the nearest town.”  
“It really is isolated. I’m surprised it has access to running water and sewer lines.”  
“There’s the Mayor I know,” she teased.

Oliver laughed and hung his head in mock shame. Instinctively, she shifted closer to him, threaded her arm around his and laid her head on his shoulder. She felt him grow still in a way that was unique to him and him alone, then he shifted, softened and rested his head on top of hers.

Touching him grounded her almost instantly. She took a deep breath and relaxed, finding solace in the hardness of his muscles and the power of his body. Oliver was immensely strong. She had seen him do things she didn’t think a human body was capable of doing. He had been trained and conditioned to be a killer, something he struggled with daily, and the end result was he was a weapon when the occasion called for it.

They sat in comfortable silence as the waves rolled steadily on and the heat of the sun continued to warm the air and sand. Slowly, Felicity slid her hand into his, testing his boundaries with her fingertips, and was relieved when he opened his hand to her. It was one tiny step closer to her being comfortable enough to start speaking.

“Talk to me,” he said softly as he turned his head so he could kiss the top of her head.

Felicity stayed silent for a moment, basking in the warmth of his simple kiss and the sun, before taking a deep breath. If she was going to do this, it had to be all at once.

“Havenrock broke me, Oliver,” she began quietly, “You know the effect that it had on me. It ripped a hole in me that I haven’t quite figured out how to heal. I think I’ve started, thanks to you and your patience and support, and I will be alright one day but that hole...that wound...it reopened something older that I have ignored for a very long time.”

Oliver moved his arm so that he could wrap it around her and he pulled her closer to him. He remained quiet and waited for her to continue. Felicity was grateful beyond measure for his unnaturally precise instinct when it came to what she needed from him.

“When I was eight years old, my mom picked me up at school and drove us from Reno to Las Vegas. She explained on the way that there we were moving so she could find work and that my dad would join us later after he sold our house. I...I knew something was wrong, but I was eight, so I believed my mom,” she said softly, reaching for Oliver’s other hand.

She needed to hold it if she was going to make it through the next part of her story. She had never said it aloud before, at least not all at once. Not even to her mom. It was a story that came from a wound so deep, it threatened to cripple her all over again.

“I guess you know the next part,” she chuckled without any real humour, “I waited and waited for him to join us. I waited for a year. Every day I would come home from school and wait. He never came. He never called. He just...disappeared from our life. My mom, she just soldiered on, but for me...it was like all the lines of code he was teaching me, all the ways of streaming information with our minds, vanished from my world. I spent nights huddled in a ball in my room, crying myself to sleep, wondering why he didn’t care where I was or how I was doing. I would ask why he never called but my mom, she would make up some story and pretend that he would. All those birthdays, all those Hanukkah's...we became a family of two even though I was dying a piece at a time waiting for him. I spent years wondering why I was so unlovable to my own father. I spent years wondering what was so wrong with me that my own father would leave me and forget I even existed.”

She paused as she looked out over the ocean and watched a flock of seagulls rising and falling in chaotic motion over one patch of water. She could hear them as they called to each other as they fed on whatever was out there. As she studied their movement, she finally discerned the pattern they were circling in, and it was beautiful. One day, she needed to show Oliver how she saw things like this, it could be a gift to him.

“I was terrified that one day I would wake up and my mom would be gone. Oliver, it terrified me down to my bones that I would be left alone, left behind, and no one would care or notice,” she said sadly. “I was convinced that I wasn’t good enough, somehow defective, like a virus and that’s why everything I loved had been stripped away.”

She had to stop speaking as the memory of that feeling, of the loneliness that smothered her night after night, of crying so hard she threw up and her mother’s inability to comfort her in those throws of such profound sadness that the darkness threatened to swallow her whole. When the tears came now, fast and hot, they were for that forlorn child in the desert.

“Hey,” Oliver murmured as he moved his body so that she was lying against his chest and he could wrap both arms around her, “It’s okay, Felicity, it’s okay…”  
“I know,” she reassured him, “but like I said, Havenrock ripped me apart. Maybe we could wait for a bit?”  
“Absolutely. How about we have that snack?”  
“I could use some water,” she confessed with a small smile.

Oliver reached beside him and opened up the small bag he had packed and brought with them. Water was produced, along with strawberries, raspberries, and her favourite triple cream brie cheese. She felt her heart swell close to bursting, thinking about the care he took to what he brought for them, for her.

Angling her head back so she could look him in the eyes, she said, “I know running away like I did seems harsh but give me time, and I will tell you the rest of why.”

Oliver looked at her, and she saw the sadness in his eyes. Reaching up, she caressed the side of his face, feeling the bristly length of his beard, and willed him to lower his head closer to her.

When he complied, she smiled into the kiss they shared. It was tender and brief, but it made her heart flutter like it did that bittersweet night in Nanda Parbat. She blinked rapidly, feeling the sting of tears at the corners of her eyes and managed a smile. She suspected he would be able to make her heart race decades from now.

“We’d better eat those strawberries before the seagulls get any ideas,” he said softly.  
“That would be an excellent idea,” she agreed, reaching for the container, “these were good picks.”  
“There was no way I was coming out here without strawberries. I know better than to risk my life for nothing,” he chuckled.

Felicity laughed and sat up. Feeling the tension in her shoulders and back slowly ease, she unconsciously rubbed her legs. Ever since the chip started to work, Felicity often felt the stinging, hot pain of the nerves that fed the muscles as they misfired and screamed at her. Massaging them helped and right now, she could feel the early stirring of what her doctor called, a neurological event. It would hurt soon, she knew, and getting back to the house would become imperative.

“Are your legs okay?” he asked with forced casualness.  
“They are, just a bit...stinging…”  
“Should we be getting back to the house soon?”  
“Let’s enjoy the beach and the snack,” she smiled.

The rest of the morning went by in quiet, murmured conversation. Felicity laid back on the blanket and stared up at the sky, watching the clouds merge, shift and change. The sun was high above and hot, even with the constant breeze blowing in from over the ocean. Soon, she was lulled to sleep, listening to the waves and to the soft, low tenor of Oliver’s voice.

“Felicity…,” she heard from across a great divide, “Hun, we should head back.”  
“Mmmhmm,” she mumbled, trying to claw her way back but feeling warm and relaxed.  
“Come on,” Oliver chuckled, “Otherwise I am going to lie down next to you for a nap.”  
“We’d be out here until dinner.”  
“We would,” he said softly, and she felt his fingers move slowly through her hair.

Felicity opened her eyes and searched for his. He was leaning on his elbow, a few inches away from her, studying her intently. She knew Oliver was waiting for permission to get closer. Whenever she was uncertain or hesitant, he kept himself at a small distance and would offer her the respect of her space and agency. She loved him with a fierceness in those moments that held power and form.

“We should get going. I am starving for bread,” Felicity said with a heavy sigh.  
“You...have strange cravings,” he muttered as he helped her up.  
“We’ve had berries. Berries and coffee, Oliver.”  
“I’m just saying,” he said, “I could make us some soup.”  
“Bread soup?”  
“Felicity,” he said with a heavy sigh and shake of his head.

Laughing, she carefully picked up the blanket and shook out the sand. Oliver rarely ate bread of any kind, but when he did, he did so with gusto. His pretend disappointment had more to do with whatever it was he had brought with him than her insistence on the bread itself.

This time as they walked back, she took his hand firmly in her own. The roughness of his palms and long fingers were so familiar and comforting, but her mind drifted to the way they felt on the silky skin of her inner thighs. She was certain a flush was creeping up her neck and was glad for the brightness of the sun to camouflage it. She would blame it on the sun if he noticed, but there was a contentment to the conversation and to their continued small steps back to normalcy.

The beach house appeared in the distance, gleaming in the light of the sun, just as they heard the first rumblings of thunder somewhere far out over the ocean. Squinting into the blurry horizon, she could see the rising purplish black clouds. There was a storm coming, brought on by warmer temperatures and a cooling ocean.

“What is it with storms and us?” he wondered aloud.  
“Laws of attraction,” she answered.  
“Are...are you saying you’re attracted...to me?” he asked in his worst Southern accent to date.  
“Oliver,” she groaned, “Why? Why the accent? Why always a Southern accent?”

He didn’t answer, he laughed and pulled her into a fierce hug. She buried her face into his neck and breathed in the earthy, masculine smell of him. The sun had added to the natural scent that his body released and she was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude that he had followed his instincts and found a way to find her.

“Let’s get moving before the storm hits, or you starve to death,” he teased.  
“Oliver?” she asked, not moving out of his embrace.  
“Hmmm?”  
“Stay.”  
“For lunch?”  
“The week. I don’t know how long this is going to take,” she said in a rush, afraid that she would change her mind.

Oliver took her face in his hands and smiled. He didn’t answer her. Instead, he kissed her. A long, intense, intimate kiss that left her stunned and breathless. It was like the world paused and took a deep breath, giving them the time they needed to cross the bridge between them.

“I was hoping you would ask,” he said softly, “But was equally afraid you would send me away.”

Before she could say anything, the distant thunder rumbled, slightly closer now and they smelled rain on the wind.

“Let’s go. Lunch isn’t going to make itself,” she smiled.  
“You just want me to stay, so I’ll cook,” he teased.  
“Well duh.”

The storm was almost upon them when they arrived back at the beach house. The temperature had risen significantly, and the humidity that was pushed inland in front of the storm made them both warm enough to strip off their sweaters.

“I’m going to change while you get to work,” she said once they were inside.  
“Yes, Ma’am!” he said as he went into the kitchen to start lunch.

The day had turned out to be hot and muggy, so she searched in her suitcase for something suitable to wear. The only thing that would feel good as the storm moved inland, pushing all that heat and humidity in front of it, was the dress she had bought one day in Positano. A pale pink linen sundress with tiny embroidered wisteria vines wound around the bodice and skirt in a series of ever-changing lengths and density. It was so beautiful and flowed around her like gossamer wings.

Slipping on a pair of thongs, she rejoined Oliver. Pausing in the small hallway beside the kitchen, she watched him work. He was so efficient and precise, no wasted movements, and his focus was amazing.

“Are you just going to stand there ogling me or are you going to set the table?” he asked without looking up from the cutting board as he did something very fast with a very sharp knife.  
“Ogle. I intend to ogle,” she answered immediately.  
“One day, we’re going to have to talk about your sexual objectification of me.”  
“You love it!” she laughed.

Oliver looked up, opened his mouth to say something, and paused. Felicity smiled as she watched his eyes dilate and heard a soft sigh escape him. He loved this particular dress. She knew this first hand, and was now secretly thankful she brought it. Crossing the living room, she opened one of the sliding glass doors to let some fresh air in. The wind was picking up, blowing the hot, moisture laden air towards them, leaving the cooler, salty fresh air to follow behind it.

In the distance, far away near the horizon line, she saw delicate flashes of lightning. Delicate tendrils of electric light that bounced and ricocheted off of the surface of the water. It was beautiful, and so far away that lunch would be made and the afternoon would still be an open book in front of them.

“Lunch is served,” Oliver announced behind her as he set two plates on the counter.  
“What did you make?” she asked, eyeing the plate suspiciously from a safe distance. There was an awful lot of green on the plate signifying a salad of some kind.  
“Just sit down,” he laughed, “I’m bringing the rest over.”

Pausing by the tv, Felicity turned on the stereo. There was only one station, and it seemed to play classical music. The radio crackled with static as the storm burst with life. It was mesmerizing and perfect. Taking a deep breath, she turned and went to inspect the food Oliver had prepared. She was right, it was salad, but thankfully not a full plate of it as she wasn’t exactly a salad friendly person. But when Oliver brought over the mystery plate, Felicity forgave him. He had made two huge sandwiches for them, and her mouth instantly started to water when she saw the corned beef and real swiss cheese.

“Oliver...wow,” was all she could say.  
“Start eating,” he laughed, “I know you are going to ignore the salad.”  
“How could I do such a thing? It looks…,” she paused and looked down at it, “...salady?”  
“Your powers of observation are exceptional.”  
“I know,” she agreed with him, “You would be lost without me.”  
“Come on eat up, then we can watch the storm move in because it looks like a doozy,” he commented as he watched the moving horizon.

Felicity paused and looked out the windows to the rolling ocean beyond. The curve of the earth and the falling sky merged into a dark grey line that was growing larger the closer it came to land. The wind was carrying the scent of ozone on it leading her to believe the storm would be a big one.

“We should probably move our jeeps in behind the house,” she suggested quietly.  
“Do the windows facing the beach have shutters?”  
“Yes, they are motorized!”  
“Handy,” Oliver chuckled.  
“They will require energy to move, so I better eat my sandwich,” she said with mock regret.  
“Your sacrifice is noted.”  
“The button looks hard to press!”  
“Eat!” he laughed.

They were almost done lunch when the radio let out a loud burst of static followed by dead air. Thunder rumbled and shook the house just enough for them to feel under their feet. It was still far enough away that they would have time to sit out on the deck before having to move their vehicles and close up the shutters.

“The salad was good,” she said lightly as she sat down on the steps of the deck beside him, “It wasn’t too...kale-y?”  
“Felicity, it is good for you,” he said in mock seriousness. He opened his arms to her, and she leaned in, taking comfort in the solid thickness of his body.  
“You...have been bulking up a bit,” she commented in appreciation.  
“Always objectifying me. It started in Bali, and you just keep -OOF!” he gasped as she poked him in the soft spot below his ribs, “You know all my tender spots.”  
“I thought I was your tender spot!”  
“Nah, you are my sweet spot,” he said as she groaned at him, “Now hush and watch the storm.”  
“Oliver Jonas Queen...did you just hush me?”  
“Shut it, Smoak! Listen to the wind!”

Felicity rested her head back on his shoulder and watched the sky race towards them. There was a line of black clouds that was reaching towards the ocean, boiling with electricity, and life as it gained power and strength over the water. It had the potential to be a big storm, and for once, Felicity was grateful for the lack of trees anywhere around them.

The radio behind kept blaring outbursts of loud static until it went silent. Felicity looked up at Oliver, who was staring intently out at the ocean and felt the tension in his body increase. He still struggled mightily with violent, ocean-born storms. Tentatively, she reached up and stroked his cheek, pulling his focus down to her.

“We should get the house ready,” she said softly, her voice almost blown away by the rising wind.  
“You get the shutters, I’ll move the jeeps?” he suggested, his gaze softening as he looked at her.  
“Mine’s manual, can you drive stick?” she asked, trying to not smile.  
“I am hurt beyond measure that you would think I can’t drive stick,” he said in mock outrage.

Before she could say another word, he leaned down and kissed her. At first, it was chaste, almost sweet, but then he pulled back an inch, and she could feel the heat of his breath and body radiating in waves. She looked up at him and saw he was studying her intently, his eyes dark with desire. He was waiting for her. But then the thunder boomed, and the lightning flashed closer to shore causing them to scramble into motion.

Oliver ran for the jeeps, grabbing her keys on the way through the house and was out the back door in a flash. Felicity ran for the shutter control box and started them moving. The lights inside flickered and the radio remained eerily silent. The early flutterings of panic were starting, and she worried about him and his fear response when storms roared around them.

She made sure to close all the windows and sliding glass doors and then waited for Oliver to come inside so she could shutter the back windows. She could hear debris, small pebbles most likely, hit the shutters and thought back to another storm that had brought them closer together not so long ago. She and Oliver were elementals in her mind, creatures of light and shadow, able to draw the power of nature down on them on a whim.

“The rain is starting ahead of landfall,” Oliver said as he came back in.  
“The wind is really picking up, I can hear debris hitting the shutters already.”  
“It should blow over pretty quickly,” he said as he stretched.

Felicity was momentarily at a loss for words as she watched him. He was so powerfully built but when he stretched there was something strangely young about him. Not childlike, just innocent, vulnerable. Now, as he reached his arms high above him, she had to force herself to not reach out and run her fingertips across the taut skin just above the waistband of his pants. She knew what it felt like from memory but still reveled in the softness of it.

Instead, she turned off the lights and reached for his hand.

“Let’s sit on that amazing couch and have a nap. Between lunch and that long walk, I’m bushed,” Felicity said.  
“Sounds like a plan,” he smiled, reaching back, “I am kinda exhausted.”  
“You did have a long midnight drive,” she murmured as she pulled him towards the couch.  
“I did, and I would do it again in a heartbeat,” he whispered, love coloured each word and she blushed at the sound of it.  
“You sure know how to make a girl feel good.”  
“Well,...”  
“Nap time only!” she laughed as she collapsed into the overstuffed cushions.  
“Agreed!”  
“Thank you for braving my wrath and coming here,” she said with a sigh. She had instinctively moved into Oliver’s arms, pulling a light blanket over them both as she did so.  
“I love you, Felicity,” he said sincerely, “I don’t ever want you to feel like you are alone in anything. Ever.”  
“You are remarkable, Oliver Queen.”  
“A compliment! At long last...my heart…,” he said in pretend surprise, “If I were a younger man, I would ravish you right here right now.”  
“If you were a younger man, I’d let you.”  
“You wound me, Smoak,” he said with a sad shake of his head, “So, we should finish our conversation from earlier later on. You up for it?”  
“It’s more of a monologue than dialogue.”  
“But one I am here for,” he said so quietly she almost missed it.  
“Ok. When we wake up because I can feel you falling asleep.”  
“You and your powers of observation…,” he mumbled as he slipped away.

Felicity was glad that he fell asleep first. She loved listening to the ferociously, steady beating of his heart. It was like a bass drum under her ear, listening to it as his breathing deepened and evened out. She was jealous of his ability to simply shut off. Like a computer. He powered down, and that was it.

She thought about what he said. That he was here to listen to her story. The one she was still figuring out herself but would have lasting impacts on them both. It was one of her guiding principles, this strange desire to heal herself on her own. She was so used to being Oliver’s strength that she forgot he could be hers. Even after Havenrock, she still struggled with allowing him to help her. Felicity hoped that the weekend could change all of that as she tumbled headlong into sleep.


	4. Night Two: Grounding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an opportunity to see the way Oliver handles the way they find each other again and how he processes her trauma. 
> 
> Felicity continues the monologue of how the loss and supposed abandonment by her father informed her life choices and identity. It is really just the scratch not he surface but it brings them together and things get...sexy.
> 
> FINALLY. 
> 
> Enjoy this short chapter of love and trust before things get crazy.

**Night Two: Grounding**

_Tentative steps_   
_Reaching across the distance_   
_Lightning in a bottle._

I

 

With breakfast over, the morning was in front of them, and her suggestion of a walk down the beach was a good one. The day would be a warm one, but for the moment, it was brisk and breezy. Perfect for a stroll and seaside picnic. With no one around for miles and miles, the entire beach was their’s and it might do them good to get out in the fresh air.

Felicity had created a buffer around herself, one that was keeping him at a safe distance. He was respecting it because he had a feeling it was rooted deep within her and had nothing to do with him. He was curious to see how she fared walking down a rocky beach considering her aversion to all things physical.

When she opened the sliding glass doors on the front of the house, he heard for the first time the roar of the ocean and the singular power of the waves on the shore. It was hypnotic and awe inspiring. They walked through the sea spray in near silence as they sought a quiet space for themselves.

He rarely let his mind wander to these kinds of places, where it was just them, in a place not of exile but of safety and peace. Where they could walk together in silence and know that the conversation between them wasn’t over, just waiting for them to pick it up again. It brought him a peace of mind, a sense of calm that was pushing him towards a future he had caught glimpses of with Felicity always pointing the way towards it.

Once they found a quiet space between two dunes, they set out their blanket and sat down. The wind blew over the top of the dunes and past them, stealing the roar of the ocean, giving them a moment to regroup and find each other again. She teased him gently about looking at the property from the perspective of a mayor, and when he relaxed as they watched the waves crashing onto the shore, she edged a little closer to him, slipping her hand oh so gently into his.

Then, when he asked her to talk to him, she did. She carefully arranged her thoughts, and slowly started to tell him what propelled her to run. He let her speak uninterrupted, only moving to put his arm around her when he sensed the hurt she kept so firmly under wraps threatening to rip her apart at the seams, tearing her carefully constructed walls to shreds.

When she reached for his other hand, holding onto him as tightly as she could, he knew that whatever was coming next was big. Greater than Havenrock, than the last five years, than William, than all of it. It was her original wound, the one that created the woman he loved even as it continued to challenge her sense of self.

She slowly began to tell him about the impact her father’s leaving had on her as a child. She had hinted at it in the past and had mentioned to him a few little moments of truth but nothing like this. This was the beginning of the hurt that would define her for years before thy met. She was naming the pain, asking him to observe it with her and sharing the healing with him.

As he listened to her describe the way it caused a duality of existence, about how she saw herself versus the person she let others see, he saw the little girl she had tried to hide from him, the little girl that she had once been, and felt a bone-deep sadness flow from her to him. He listened to her describe the crippling self-doubt she grew up mired in and how it eroded the foundation of her identity, and when she fell silent, he felt overwhelming awe for the strength that devastation had ultimately left in its wake. Felicity had a core of solid steel that was unbreakable, one that he himself had leaned on more than once.

He could feel her shaking against him and held her tight, letting the tears she had kept at bay for her eight-year-old self flow. They would come again, he suspected, but for now, it was enough for them to sit together in the warm sun and simply be. He tried to hide his sadness, but she spotted it straight away and comforted him with the sweetest, gentlest kiss they had ever shared.

The way her instincts to protect him could override her own grief and hopelessness unmoored something deep within his heart. They were both complicated, damaged, individuals who had relied solely on themselves for so long, that this new partnership was still challenging and healing not only the bridge between their hearts but also acting as a tender mercy as they healed the wounds worn under their skin. They gave each other what they could, and he took the blessing of that and knew it could only get better.

His suggestion of strawberries and her favourite cheese elicited a small smile of joy. He watched her rub her legs and knew the walk had taken more out of her than she would admit. Her physical therapy was coming along so well, he hesitated to ask her about it lest he jinx it. It was irrational, he knew, but the reason for the stinging pains in her legs fell on his shoulders. Oliver struggled to let go of the guilt, but as quickly as she had absolved him of it, he reclaimed it and continued to keep it close by as a reminder of how he had come within a hair’s breadth of losing her forever.

The rest of the morning went by far too quickly. Felicity laid back on the blanket next to him and watched the clouds pass by overhead while he told her about the games he and Tommy used to play on the beach when their families would travel together. He wasn’t sure she heard him, but he watched her relax out of the corner of his eye, her face softening as sleep crept in to claim her for a few precious minutes.

He didn’t think about Tommy as much as he used to, it was like he had locked that door in his mind and only reached out to touch the smooth memories of his youth when it was safe. Oliver rarely looked behind him these days. He knew the time would come when he would need to turn his gaze inward and look into the eyes of the past so he could fully let go of the trauma held there but not today.

He shifted on the blanket and laid down next to Felicity, watching the shadows from the clouds travel across her face and lightly ran his fingers through her hair. He loved it when she left it to fall in its natural soft waves. Feeling a slight change in the temperature of the wind, he looked out across the water and spied a dark vein of roiling black clouds on the horizon. He took that as a signal that he needed to wake her up so they could get moving.

When she opened her eyes, he felt the pull of their gravity, but he kept his distance. They had only scratched the surface of what was really going on between them, and until they figured that out, he would keep himself in check. She deserved that much, even if it felt like the smallest thing he could give. So he waited, knee deep in her grief and loved her with a gentle ferocity that stretched the borders of his mind and his heart.

They reluctantly started the journey back to the beach house, laughing and teasing each other the whole way back. Felicity took his hand, and they immediately entwined their fingers together. There was a current between them that sent electric shocks through his body. It took his breath away and he felt some of the tightly held tension release from her body.

They paused to watch the storm that was forming out past the curve of the horizon. It was looking like it was gaining power, and he quietly mused about the way storms would find them, it was something he had pondered privately after they left Bali all those months ago. He was sure it was because together, he and Felicity were magnets for the most primal and ancient energies of the universe.

When he teased her using his worst Southern accent, he knew she would groan in mock agony. The joy of her reaction made holding her in a fierce embrace the most natural thing in the world to do. She smelled like the sun and the ocean. Quietly, so quiet that he almost missed it, she asked him to stay, and his heart soared.

He didn’t need to say anything. He wasn’t sure if his voice still worked. By asking him to stay, Felicity had anchored him to her world. With as much tender grace as he could muster, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. Long, deep and with all the love in his body and soul. The intimacy of the moment and her acceptance of it felt like a cornerstone being firmly put back into place. It was all he needed to know she was finally reaching back.

The wind was pushing a wall of humidity at them, which he knew meant it was time to head indoors. The distance rumble of thunder traveled lower along the surface of the now violently churning ocean. He was grateful to be on land because he knew the kind of storm that was coming. It would be brief, violent and loud. With a little prodding and the proms of food, he got them moving quicker towards the house. He had a special lunch planned and he was starving.

Felicity slipped away into the bedroom to change into something a little more suitable for the weather and he set about making lunch. He was trying to get her to try kale as a substitute for lettuce and french fries. Hopefully, the corned beef sandwiches he was going to surprise her with would be a reasonably fair peace offering.

He was so intent on julienning the basil for the dressing that he missed her re-entering the room. Oliver glimpsed a slight swaying of light pink and looked up to see her watching him with a tiny smile on her face. She was in the dress she bought in Positano. Thin light pink linen that swayed gently around her slight frame. It was one of his favourites. The colour of it warmed her skin just enough to cause her to glow like a cloud guarding the sun.

He watched her cross over to open one set of sliding glass doors and caught sight of her through the dress. It brought back the memory of the day she bought it and how it had felt against his skin later that night. Taking a deep breath, he returned his attention to lunch and tried to pretend the nearness of her wasn’t filling him with the passionate need to touch her skin. He was not at all surprised that she stopped to turn on the stereo. She had awakened his love of music over the course of the last year. She insisted it made him softer around the edges when something quiet came on.

Lunch went as he expected it. She inhaled her sandwich and picked at her salad, commenting that is was ‘kale-y’ and not too ‘salad-y’. He took it for what it was worth and accepted her compliments with grace. The beach air had awakened both their appetites and not even the impending storm could stop them from enjoying their lunch. The sudden burst of static from the radio let them know the storm was getting close, but they still had time to sit on the deck and watch the clouds roll in.

These moments in his life, the ones now shared with Felicity, had joined up to become his truest memories from the first time she told him that she loved him. That very first time in Nanda Parbat, when staring into the fire had been like looking into the Hell itself, when she spoken those words and he felt he could survive whatever Ra’s had in store for him. The distant rumbling and flashes of lightning reminded him of one night, deep underground when he dreamt of Felicity’s eyes and the way the candlelight reflected in them in that bedroom. All the pain that followed was something he would forever regret but that night was his first experience of what real love felt and looked like.

Felicity reached up and stroked his cheek, pulling him back to her. She always grew concerned when storms came around. He still had the occasional nightmare but was slowly working his way through it. Until then, he would reassure her that all was well. Instinct took over, and he leaned down to give her a kiss.

It was only meant to be a quick one, just an opportunity to feel her lips against his but when he pulled away, he hovered an inch or so from her. He could feel the heat of her breath and the waves of desire flowing off of her body. If not for the surge in the wind and the burst of thunder that rattled the windows behind them, he was sure the afternoon would have ended in a tangle of limbs and shed clothing.

Oliver quickly grabbed their keys to their respective vehicles to move them behind the house while Felicity shuttered the front. The wind was picking up, and he could hear debris hitting the house even now. Luckily, she was already parked close to the house, so all he needed to do was roll up her windows and secure the hard top.

He was still amazed that she had managed to drive stick all the way from the city. He literally had no idea she even knew how. He’d teased her mercilessly on Bali when she said she didn’t know how and now he realized just how he had been played that entire trip abroad into driving literally everywhere. Oliver stood outside of the house and watched Felicity as she closed the windows in preparation for the storm. He had to suppress his laughter when he went inside and vowed to take her pleasantly to task about it later.

Oliver stepped inside just as the first few raindrops started to fall ahead of the actual storm. Felicity had switched on the ceiling fans, keeping the air fresh and moving inside. Oliver felt the long night’s drive, long walk and big lunch hit him all at once. He stretched to get the kinks out of his back and caught Felicity’s heated glance. He was about to tease her when she reached out a hand to him, insisting that they nap while the storm raged on.

Without even a second thought he agreed. Nothing would feel nicer than curling up on the couch with Felicity and sleeping through the thunder and rain. He encouraged her to continue their earlier conversation later on, and she agreed. When he had left Star City, he had been angry, ready to fight this out but underneath it, all had been a deep-rooted concern for her, for them. She was still frayed around the edges from the last few months and eventually Havenrock would have to be dealt with. He was planning something for her, for the city, for them but it wasn’t quite ready to announce. He hoped she would understand when he showed her the Memorial he was having built to honour the fallen city and help assuage her of her lingering guilt.

Felicity had shown him patience, kindness, and understanding over and over again. Most of those times, he didn’t deserve it, of that he was convinced, but she held steadfast to the goodness she had glimpsed in him when they first met. If he could only do one thing for her while he was here, it would be to listen to whatever it was she was struggling to heal from.

He thought about her father and the ways he had damaged her. How even though it was her mother that had left him, taking her to Vegas to escape the danger that man represented, Felicity had grown up assuming that she was unloved and unlovable. If it were the last thing he did, he would make sure she never felt that way again.

For now, he welcomed her into his arms and let sleep wash over him, pulling him down into its depths. Sleep was a rare commodity in their world and finding it together felt both shamelessly intimate and infinitely rewarding.

 

II

There was a loud boom of thunder overhead that woke them both with a start. Oliver’s eyes flew open, and at first, he wasn’t sure where he was until he glanced down and saw Felicity. She was awake and studying the moving clouds through the skylights above. The worst had passed, and all that remained of the storm was the last lingering crashes of thunder and flashes of lightning.

“Oliver?” she asked quietly.  
“Mmmhmmm?”  
“I think it’s safe to open the windows now.”  
“I think so, too. It’s getting warm in here,” Oliver said languidly, slowly running his fingertips over Felicity’s bare arm. He felt her shiver and smiled.  
“Come on, we can still cuddle on the couch after we open them up.”  
“I’ll unshutter the back?” he asked.  
“Ok. Grab us something to drink on your way back?”  
“Yes, Ma’am.”

Felicity got up and stretched her arms up in the air, slowly moving her hips to loosen up her body. Oliver could only stare. He desperately wanted to pull her back onto the couch beside him. To feel her skin against his, to taste her lips and feel her pulsing around him. But it wasn’t yet time for that.

 _Not yet, he thought as he got up and opened the shutters and windows at the back of the house._  
Not yet, he thought as he watched her move from the living room to the bedroom, letting the light in.  
Not yet, he thought as he watched how the light, so muted and soft, clung to her body. It flowed like water around her curves.

“Let’s sit outside,” he suggested softly.  
“Ok,” she smiled and grabbed a blanket to sit on.

The air was cooler on the deck and the sun was peeking through the clouds. Felicity spread the blanket out on the damp, wet deck and motioned for him to join her. He sat down behind her, pulling her back to rest against his chest so he could wrap his arms around her and revel in the comforting warmth of her body. It had been a revelation to them both at how she had awakened the romantic in him. She teased him that a poet lived in his heart but was too frightened to make an appearance lest an arrow find it’s mark.

“This is breathtaking, Felicity,” he said, “I should call the team to let them know I am out for the week.”  
“How are things going back home?”  
“Not bad. Not great. But I trust Thea to look after things.”  
“How about being Mayor? How are you able to be here?” she asked, suddenly concerned.  
“Thea has things covered, so does Lance. I also have holidays and a phone,” he said in a low voice next to her ear.

Felicity seemed to melt further into him as she lightly ran her hands over his arms. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. They watched the waves crash onto the rocky shore, and the clouds break up high above the horizon. They must have slept the afternoon away because the sun was slowly sinking, turning the sky a blaze of pinks and violets. The air was crisp and fresh and if they could stay in this isolated spot forever, he would.

Felicity angled her head so that it rested on his shoulder and sighed. “So, I guess it is only fair that I continue my story.”  
“Only if you want to,” he said, “We have all week.”  
“I know, but I think it’s time...I think I need to,” she said, stiffening ever so slightly against him.  
“Ok, I’m listening,” he said encouragingly.  
“After we moved to Vegas, I...I spent a lot of time alone. I would hide in parks or in my room until it was time for dinner or my mom came home. I spent more time alone than with people because I was trying to figure out how to create a program that could find my dad. I was just beginning to grasp the way algorithms worked but wasn’t quite able to write them myself. I was only eight years old after all.”

She paused to collect her thoughts and Oliver took the moment of silence to kiss her cheek and pull her closer to him. She was entering into treacherous territory in the swamp of deep-seated memory where only she knew the terrain and footing. All he could do was be the anchor she held onto to keep her from free falling into the darkness of memories ignored and hidden away.

“I was so desperate to be loved when I was young, but so terrified of it at the same time, like no matter what I would be left alone to fend for myself. So I shut myself off. I closed up my heart and poured my energy into finding ways to make other people’s lives better.”  
“Is that why you became a hacktivist?” he quietly asked.  
“Yeah, I… didn’t think I was worth saving but everyone else...they mattered,” she said, falling silent as a flock of seagulls rose from the ocean only to dive back down in search of food. “I thought I was in love with Cooper back then, but I wasn’t. The more I think about it, the more I realize that he was just a version of my dad and I was still desperate, even then, for his approval.”

Oliver remained silent. He knew the need to find acceptance from a father who had an agenda yet loved him dearly but would withhold that love in return for loyalty and obedience. It was why he rebelled so much and so often before he was left to fend for himself on Lian Yu. He loved his father, even now, but knew there was a pride still to be paid for the love his father had had for him.

“I know my father didn’t leave us, but he never tried to find me. Or my mom. He let us go and forgot about us. He was unburdened and free to be the man he wanted to be and not the one we needed to be. There was a price to be paid for his love then and now. His abandonment left such a hole in me, Oliver. One that I ignored until a certain person showed up in my cubicle with a bullet-ridden laptop and blew my world wide open.”  
“I’d say that both our worlds blew wide open in that moment,” he murmured as he kissed her beneath her ear, hovering just above the pulse point he knew knocked her defenses apart.

“Oliver,” she murmured, “let’s wait until later to finish this monologue.”  
“Are you getting hungry for dinner already?” he laughed.  
“In a manner of speaking,” she said as she turned lithely around in his embrace. She cupped his face in her hands, tracing his lips with her thumbs, she looked him in the eyes and smiled, “So, you want to stay?”  
“I want to stay,” he smiled back.

With just a little bit of encouragement from her, he leaned towards her ft accept the kiss she was offering. For all the pain of what love brought her as a child, she had the capacity to love with such abandon. It was like a storm in his body as it blew through him, a burst of light and motion that never failed to make him feel completely alive.

When her lips parted, and he felt the pressure of her tongue against his own, all thoughts fled his mind. He wrapped his arms around her, crushing her against his body. Her small moans vibrated through him and her hands, massaging the back of his head, were all he needed. He stood up, lifting her up in the process, and without putting her down walked back into the house, kicked off his shoes in the living room and headed towards the bedroom.

“Let me walk,” she laughed.  
“Nope,” he said and felt her legs wrap around his waist.  
“I think if you hadn’t hunted me out, I would be missing you a lot right now,” she murmured as he laid her down on the bed and then laid himself down beside her.  
“You would have called me eventually,” he said softly as he took her glasses off.  
“Oliver,” she said, her voice tremulous, “Never doubt how much I love you.”

He could only smile at her and then it was his turn to kiss her. Long, slow and deep, until she was arching her back off the bed in an effort to be closer to him. He felt his shirt slowly inching up as she pulled at its hem. Sitting up, he finished the job and paused as she ran her hands over his chest and torso. She was looking at him like she was memorizing him all over again with her hands and eyes.

“Every time I touch you, I find something new,” she mused as she traced a scar on his right side.  
“You always look,” he said softly.  
“You are a road map that I need to learn.”

Oliver felt a rush of heat to his face and a spreading warmth and tension in his pelvis as he waited for her to finish exploring his skin. Carefully, she sat up, like she didn’t want to startle him, and tenderly kissed the scar left by Ra’s Al Ghul’s sword. He felt the heat of her lips, and it was as if she were branding him, leaving her mark on his body. Reclaiming his skin for him and only him.

Her hands dropped to his belt, and he chuckled. “You are still fully clothed, Felicity.”  
“Do you honestly think I have on underwear or a bra?” she asked incredulously.  
“You have got to be kidding me.”  
“Nope,” she said in a soft tone, her voice hushed, with a slow shake of her head.

Oliver ran one hand up under her dress and encountered no underwear. Shaking his head, he kissed her again until she moaned. Oliver moved his hand across her body, exploring the satin skin of her torso until it slipped between her legs. He felt the way her body responded and the hot, wet flood that greeted his probing fingers caused a low growl to escape him.

“God, Felicity,” he mumbled his forehead pressed against hers, “Who knew this could be so perfect?”  
“I think you need to take off your pants so we can answer that question…,” she mumbled as she sought his lips.  
“And your dress.”  
“Race ya?”  
“Nah, let me do it for you,” he said, his voice husky and low.

Sitting back, she watched and waited for him. Carefully, he helped pull her dress up and over her head. The sun was setting behind them, and she was bathed in its light. He sat and stared at her, almost too afraid to move. Felicity watched him with curiousity in her eyes. Finally, he reached out and touched her face with his fingertips, allowing them to trail down her neck, over her shoulder and arm. He watched her shiver as he traced a circle around one of her bullet wound scars. She was radiant, reflecting the light of the sun in the softly lit bedroom.

Her hands found his belt again, and this time he let her undo it and his pants. The rest he took care of himself. He had grown hard with every kiss and touch. It was like their bodies craved the other, they were always ready no matter the time of day or night and now was no exception.

Kissing her again, he gently sucked her tongue, her bottom lip, pulling her into the kiss bit by bit until there was only them, clinging to one another in the centre of the bed. He used his body to lay her down on her back and then laid down alongside her again, too fearful to put his full weight on her, afraid he would crush her, and let his hands roam over her body. Sometimes, it was enough to just feel the strength of the muscles in her thighs, the smallness of her waist and the magnetic pull they always experienced in intimate moments like this.

She reached between them and grasped him, stroking his cock lightly until he was gasping. Moving his body between her legs, she guided him inside her and then stilled both of the motions of their hips with a simple touch to his chest. Oliver slipped an arm beneath her, wrapping it around her body so that he was cradling her. Then, with long, slow, pulsing thrusts, he lost himself in her, in the way it felt to be inside her once again.

Each time he moved, she let out a small gasping sigh. He could feel the tension rising in her body, the way she was trying to get him to move faster, but he continued to keep his languid pace. He kissed her, tenderly but with passion and love, until she had to break away to catch her breath.

“God...Oliver…,” she moaned, “Why won’t you move faster…”  
“Mmm no,” he said calmly, “just move with me.”

Felicity opened her eyes and stared into his, slowly moving her hips in a circular motion, hypnotizing him with her body. The heat where they were connected started to spread through his body, uncoiling and igniting his body in wave after wave of ecstasy.

“Oh God, Felicity,” he whispered.  
“Shhh,” she murmured, “Oliver...just love me.”

Tenderly, he kissed her, tracing the shape of her lips with the tip of his tongue until she claimed it for her own. He held her closer to him, pinning her hips to the bed with his while never once increasing the tempo of his own. She was clinging to him, whispering words of love and desire in his ear.

The tension in his pelvis was growing and then, just as he was about to stop moving, she started to pulse and shake around him. She wrapped one leg around his waist and tried to pull him closer, tighter against her. He loved the way she cried out, calling for him, telling him that she loved him over and over...it was her mantra, said only for him.

And still, Oliver kept the same slow tempo to his thrusts, pulling almost all the way out before slowly pushing back in. This way he could feel every muscle in her body as her orgasm raced through her. Her back arched off the bed, pressing her body into his, he reveled at the strength she possessed in such simple movements. When she let go, going slightly limp in his arms, that’s when he sheathed himself all the way inside her and stayed there to make small, hard thrusts.

This time her orgasm built deep inside her, he could feel the powerful contractions as a primal moan rose out of her, rumbling through him, rattling his bones with its power. He felt the familiar loosening in hisShe pelvis and the release of heat that flooded his body. Felicity was still shuddering underneath him when he finally reached his orgasm. She stilled her body as he came, in a hot rush, deep inside her, clamping down on him so tight he could barely move.

“God, Felicity,” he mumbled against her neck, “have I told you how much I love you?”  
“Never enough times, my love,” she murmured, seeking his lips.

The kiss they shared was soft and full of all the promise love could offer. He was sure, as her tongue slipped past his lips, that nothing could come between them. He remembered the grotto on the Isle of Capri where they had made love and the long nights in Positano when they turned the lights off and discovered each other by the radiant glow of the moon over the Mediterranean Ocean. Out here, by a wild, untamed sea, he felt a calmness, the kind that came when they were genuinely connected.

Oliver eased his body off of hers and laid down beside her on the bed. The sun had almost slipped below the horizon, with hues of brilliant orange merging to pink and red, illuminating the room in its fiery glow. Felicity turned her head and smiled at him, a peacefulness surrounding her, and reached for his hand and brought it to her lips, laying a kiss on his scarred knuckles.

“I love your hands,” she mused.  
“Even though they are scarred and rough?”  
“With me, you are so gentle and loving...I forget what you occasionally do with them.”  
“I could never be anything other than gentle with you, Felicity.”  
“I know,” she said as she pushed up onto her elbow so she could look at him, “and I love you more than I ever thought possible for it.”

Oliver smiled up at her, not trusting his voice in that quiet moment, so he reached for her and pulled her down for another long, slow kiss. It was a language all its own that communicated all the words lost in the silences when their courage or voices failed them.

The evening breeze kicked up and brought with it cooler air through the open sliding glass doors behind them. Oliver looked around the room for the first time and saw how light but warm it was. If they could come back here often, he would not protest. There was something different about being alone together, far away from the rest of their friends and family. All their guards dropped, and they found a way, to be honest ,and grounded. They only really needed each other to be happy and out here, isolated and alone, the very thought of other people near them felt intrusive.

“Hey,” he said, pushing up onto his elbow, “What’s the shower like here?”  
“I was wondering when you were going to ask! Come on!” and with that, she slipped off the bed and padded out of the room.

Curious, Oliver followed her out into the hall. She was standing in the waning light of the sun in front of an open door. He stopped to admire her. She hated it when he did it, but she was stunning in the nude. Sensing his gaze, she faced him. Bold and gloriously alive. With a slight tilt of her head, she indicated he should look inside.

So he did.

“What...am I looking at?” he said in wonder.  
“Your idea of paradise?” she laughed, “So which one? The shower or the tub?”  
“I...I…,” he stammered.  
“Oh my God, Oliver,” she said, turning around to look at him, “Have I broken your mind?”  
“I think you may have…”

Taking his hand, she lead him into the room. There were candles around the tub from an earlier bath he suspected, but he spied the shower and headed for it. It was set off to the side, near the windows that faced south, and large enough for both of them with room to spare. The tub was perfect, but right then, he wasn’t patient enough to wait for it to fill with hot water.

As soon as the water was warm enough, he pulled her in, and together they washed each other clean. She had her shampoo and conditioner at the ready, as well as her favourite body wash from Bali which he was allowed to use that night. Somehow, they made it through their ritual without any breach of intimacy and soon were wrapped in towels heading back to the bedroom in search of clothes.

Felicity stopped and looked around the room, searching for her dress and in the dying light of a sunset so glorious it defied description, Oliver once again came face to face with her scars. Tentatively, he reached out and traced the largest one with the tips of his fingers. She froze as his made contact with her skin. He felt the electric charge of desire race up his arm and through his body.

“Oliver…,” she said, turning her head slightly, “What are you doing?”  
“I know you don’t like drawing attention to them, but they are part of you now,” he said in a hushed voice.  
“What do they feel like to you?”  
“This one,” he said as he traced a small scar, most likely a ricochet, “is smooth. It reminds me of one of mine. The scar left behind from Yao Fei’s arrow. Almost waxy.”

Felicity shivered slightly as his fingers moved to a different one. It was a bullet entry wound scar, he could tell by its puckered edges. Her towel slipped down her back as his fingers traced scars lower down.

“This one is hot like it was formed from molten lava. It must have hurt you for a long time,” he said softly, sadness creeping in around the edges of his words.

She started to slip away, but he stopped her by placing his hand on the one exit wound on the front of her torso. He stepped right up behind her and lowered his head so that his mouth was close to her ear.

“This one...this is what bravery, strength, and courage must feel like. It is hot and smooth on the edges but soft and resilient towards the centre. It is more like a brand than a scar,” Oliver said as softly as he could and still be heard above the roar of the waves outside.

“Oliver,” she said, placing her hand over his, “tell me more.”  
“About your scars?”  
“Anything you want to.”  
“Like how when you’re pressed back to me like you are now, I can feel the heat of every small scar? That the softness of your skin sometimes burns me?”

Felicity turned around to face him, her face flushed with arousal and need, and she waited. She waited for him to decide if he was going to keep talking or if he was going to touch her. He wasn’t sure which he preferred. The look in her eyes as he drew this out was almost worth it. She was unfocused and almost hypnotized as he spoke to her.

Slowly, he drew his fingertips up her arms, over her shoulders and then into her hair, “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”  
“On occasion,” she smiled.  
“You are, Felicity. You are so beautiful.” he murmured as he pulled her into a kiss.

She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck and responded with passion and abandon, her towel fell to the floor, forgotten in her haste to pull them together. Oliver scooped her up and walked towards the bed. Her hands were carding through his damp hair, and her lips were on his neck. She distracted him enough that he misjudged how close they actually were to the bed until his knees hit the mattress.

Felicity flew out of his arms and landed smack in the middle of the bed. For a moment she just looked at him in shock and then burst out into peals of laughter as she pointed at him.

“Your face,” she gasped, “Oh my God, Oliver!”  
“Felicity,” he said in mock warning, “how do you know I didn’t do that on purpose?”  
“Because,” she said as she wiped tears of laughter from her eyes, “you looked actually terrified.”

Oliver narrowed his eyes, dropped his towel, crawled up onto the bed and on top of her, “I think I ruined the mood.”  
“Then get it back again,” she challenged.  
“How?” he asked as he kissed her neck.  
“You could try that,” she said encouragingly.  
“How about this?” he asked as he kissed her shoulders, while his hands traveled down her body.  
“That is better,” she said, her voice growing husky and breathy.  
“And this?” he murmured as he moved down her body, stopping to lick and suck both of her nipples until they were hard and she hissed in pleasure.

He continued his downward journey, parting her legs with his body, her hands were back in his hair, and he felt the way her breathing changed. He kissed the inside of her thighs, where her skin was so soft it was like satin and felt the heat of her arousal. He looked up and saw her watching him, her eyes hooded and dark with longing.

Keeping eye contact with her, he lowered his mouth to her and lightly teased her open with the tip of his tongue, circling her clit with firm strokes. This was the part he loved the most, that first taste of her when the electric shock of pleasure raced through her body, and she opened completely to him. Her head fell back, and her chest heaved as she gasped for breath.

Oliver covered her completely with his mouth, rasping his tongue hard against her until he felt her twitch and then he eased off, giving her space to breathe. When he felt her relax, he slowly pushed one finger inside her and then another. He flexed them forward as he circled her swollen clit with his tongue. She was velvet smooth and tasted like strawberries.

Her hips started to move in time with the thrusting of his fingers, and he could feel the slow building of her orgasm as she flexed forward. Slowly, he stopped and withdrew his fingers and kissed his way back up her body. She looked at him at first in confusion and then in a deep understanding that was borne out a communication that ran deeper than words.

He was painfully erect already, the combination of the feel and taste of her, and knew they were both on the precipice already. She reached up for him, pulling him down into a long, messy kiss.

“Oliver?” she whispered.  
“Hmmm?”  
“What are you waiting for?”

Oliver looked into her eyes and slowly pushed inside her. She kept her eyes locked onto his as she moved her hips hard into his. He smiled, knowing that this time he would be unable to stop her. Her eyes were wild, and her body glowed hot underneath him.

Using her hips, she rolled him over onto his back and straddled him. She took him into her and ground against him in a circular motion, hard and fast. He could feel her body tighten around him. It was almost painful, but then she arched her back and cried out as she came in a series of shuddering thrusts.

It was all Oliver needed. He gripped her hips and rocked hard against her. She fell against his chest and whispered in his ear, encouraging him on, telling him not to slow down and that she loved him. Oliver felt a primal growl building as their hips slammed together. The loud sound of the waves drowned them out as first Felicity shuddered in ecstasy against him and then when he came hot, fast and deeply inside her.

“My God, Felicity,” he gasped, “I swear I saw the face of God that time.”  
“I’m pretty sure I did, too,” she sighed as she gently traced the tattoo Constantine had left under the surface of his skin all those years ago.  
“Remind me to throw you onto beds in the future.”  
“You are so lucky this is an enormous bed,” she chuckled.  
“So...Dinner?” he asked.  
“Later,” she mumbled as she slipped off to sleep.

Oliver covered them with a blanket and watched the stars come out, one by one, through the skylight above the bed before drifting off to sleep, content with Felicity nestled into his side. The morning was long ways away, they were happy, and for now, that was enough.


	5. Morning Three: Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh this chapter...it starts to bring home the deep impact the loss of her father had on Felicity. Havenrock brought her to her knees in The Unimaginable, but at Klamath, she really begins to face the depth of hurt left behind by adults who were supposed to protect her.
> 
> We never really saw how much hurt Noah's leaving created. We caught a glimpse of it in the show but never got the full look. This chapter begins that full look while also revealing small truths from Oliver. They challenge each other here but there is a reward to all this angst. I promise lol
> 
> The way these two love each other takes up room in the world around them (and me!), so it is a pleasure to write.

**Morning Three: Release**

_His eyes held more stars_   
_Then the universe_   
_But she was his guiding light._

I

A powerful volley of thunder woke Felicity up with a start. At first, she wasn’t sure where she was or what she was staring at, as she had assumed it was a blank wall until her eyes refocused to see the shutters guarding the windows that looked out over the ocean, and heard the wind howling past them. She could see bright light leaking in from around the shutters and knew the storm had blown past. Somehow, they had both managed to sleep through the thunder and noise of it all which surprised and delighted her.

For a few long minutes, Felicity sat quietly with her head on Oliver’s chest. She closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat, steady within his body, and let it relax her back to that grey space of consciousness where she couldn’t tell if she was awake or asleep. It was when Oliver started awake that Felicity reluctantly made any attempt to move. She privately gave thanks that he had taken the risk to come and find her.

Together, they got up and opened up the beach house. The storm had pushed all the hot, muggy air over land and left behind the sweet smelling, cooler air from far out over the open water of the ocean. As she moved through the living room, she felt Oliver’s eyes on her and felt the stirring of desire low in her body. The spreading warmth loosened her muscles and relaxed her. It was familiar but still caused a fluttering of butterflies in her stomach.

Oliver’s answer was to suggest they sit outside and get some fresh air. They had slept a long time after their lunch, somehow missing the thunder and wind. The long night of driving for Oliver had caught up to him, and when he slept, she almost felt compelled to join him. There was a real sense of peace that surrounded them in those quiet moments. It filled her with such profound joy that they could close out the world and find solitude when everything around them was filled with frantic motion and violent chaos. She felt an intense, unexpected relief that he was willing to step away from that world for a week and just be present with her.

Once they got comfortable atop the deck’s steps to watch the sun slowly sink in the sky, she had to smile. Oliver had grown more comfortable in his own skin. He was letting his secrets out. Small ones. The gentle ones. He was a romantic, surrounding her with the vastness of his heart. She teased him but loved every single moment of watching him become himself. It put her at ease and allowed her to continue telling her story.

Felicity found that she wanted to share it with him. The words were bubbling up, threatening to pour out of her unless she exerted some control. So taking a deep breath, Felicity told him about how an eight-year-old learned how to cope with the loss of her father. She stepped back in time and felt herself sinking into a deep pool of blind hurt. She remembered her younger self and the silent tears she would cry, hidden away from her mother, not trying to make friends because her ability to trust another human being had been crushed.

She waded back into those treacherous waters and found what she had been looking for since her father waltzed back into her life. It was the memory of that wounded little girl who felt unworthy of love, of friendship, of anything that presented her as being a worthy person. The longer her father stayed away, the more she believed it until one day it just became real. She saw herself as fragmented and alone in a world full of people.

Oliver had encircled her with his arms, but his embrace was light and comfortable. He was providing her a place of safety, anchoring her to his body, to the world they were breathing into existence. She still felt an underlying panic, but the longer he stayed with her like this, the easier it became to allow the panic to ebb away. Felicity relaxed into his body and listened to the waves as they rolled over the shore, collecting her thoughts. Oliver took advantage of the momentary quiet to gently kissed her neck and cheek.

He asked probing questions, trying to get a better sense of who she was back then and the way her father’s departure from her life had shaped who she was now. He was always so careful about this topic, knowing how painful it was for her, but at the same time, he was so gentle when she did talk about it. But then, as the sun touched the edge of the horizon, he kissed that one spot on her neck that could cause her walls to fall to pieces.

The breath left her lungs in one long sigh, and she felt a shock of energy ripple under her skin, from her head to her toes. The story could wait, at least for now, and so could dinner. Turning to face him, she asked him if he was sure he wanted to stay, knowing the answer would be yes before he spoke and then pulled him into a long, slow kiss. One that felt like a breath of fresh air blowing through her. Once his tongue pushed against hers, she heard herself moan, and Oliver’s response was instantaneous.

She loved his strength, the pure masculine power he possessed never failed to awe her, and while she wasn’t a fan of being carried since her paralysis, she laughed as he lifted her easily off her feet. He was so intent on getting them back inside to the bedroom, that he stood up, wrapped his arms around her and started walking. Oliver would see through her protestations if she tried to make him put her down in a heartbeat. He knew when she was pretending and would play along but right now, the time for play had passed them by.

There was an urgency to how quickly he made his way through the house to the bedroom, but the tenderness that he used to lay her down profoundly moved her. They had created a lovely balance between them of how they shared affection. She told him, he showed her. With just a soft smile, Oliver could convey just how much he loved her. He was a man of few words when emotions took over, but she always knew she was loved, no matter what.

When Oliver took his shirt off, at her coaxing, she reached out to trace a series of scars on his torso. At least three were new but the rest, she knew intimately. His body was a roadmap of violence and survival that she had to continually re-memorize. One part of her felt a profound sadness with each new mark on his body and soul, but he would never be anything other than perfect in her eyes.

It was as she traced one of the new scars, she felt his body grow still underneath her fingertips. Without looking at him, she carefully pushed herself up and tentatively leaned forward so that she could gently kiss the one scar that brought her the most sorrow. When Ra’s had put his sword through Oliver’s chest, he had left a scar that radiated heat. It had a life all its own that spoke to how near to death he had been in the days following it being inflicted.

As softly as she was able, she pressed a kiss to its centre. One that she hoped imparted healing and love. If she could reclaim his skin, unmarked, unhurt, for him with a single touch, she would do that for him no matter the cost to herself. She watched a flush of heat crawl up his chest, neck, and face and smiled. Such simple things stirred his passion. Sometimes just a look from her would cause him to blush furiously, his ears and cheeks turning bright pink. She would tease him until he would growl and silence her with a kiss.

The golden light from the setting sun flooded the room, flowing over them, catching them in its current. She felt buffered by it, as though it were slowly pushing them together. She teased him gently about her relative nakedness underneath her dress and waited while he discovered for himself the truth of her telling. He leaned over her and kissed her until she felt her the world tilt. When his hand slipped between her legs, she felt his growl, full of lust, and broke free to catch her breath.

Moments like this could be so overwhelming for them both. Still, Felicity had anticipated a possible leveling of desire that accompanies time and familiarity but the opposite appeared to be happening. Each time they touched, the sparks and energy seemed to grow in intensity. This had nothing to do with insatiable desire, just a deepening love, and appreciation of the other. Felicity looked into his eyes and saw the clarity and depth that accompanied how he felt about her, not the blurred, disjointed gaze of lust.

She vaguely remembered him slowly removing her dress and the way his fingertips traced the outline of her body. Somewhere along the way, she decided to let him take control just so she could see what would happen next. They shared that power over each other effortlessly, fluidly. Some nights it was a battle, where passion would win out, and they would leave each other battered and bruised, exhausted and satiated. Tonight, in this moment, she felt he needed to show her something he couldn’t verbalize.

When he stripped off his pants and rejoined her on the bed, he used his body to lay her on her back. The way he kissed her, sucking her tongue into his mouth before claiming her bottom lip, it was like he was pulling her into the moment one part of her body at a time. He used his size to coax her legs apart as he traveled down her body. She loved the way he was so careful to not hurt her, even in the heat of passion when the world around them restricted to a singularity that could contained only them.

The way he cradled her that night as he made love to her made her feel cherished, adored. The breeze from out over the ocean was cool and helped relieve the heat their bodies created. At one point, all she could feel, all she could focus on, was how he was moving inside her until her orgasm rolled over her like a rippling wave, gaining power as it reached shore.

All Felicity wanted was for him to love her, to show her the vastness of his beautiful heart. He had decided on such a gentle rhythm that it seemed to take hours for him to finally reach his orgasm but she didn’t care. Nothing could stop the deep, powerful pulsing, the uncoiling of heat and energy in her body from completing its journey. When she went limp in his arms, he buried himself in her, making small pulsing thrusts until she came with such force she almost lifted them both off of the bed.

Oliver’s orgasm rumbled through him. She could feel the power of it as he clung to her. It was as though they couldn’t get close enough to each other. The kiss they shared at the end was so deliberately tender, it was that final, delicate step back that let them close the distance between them together. Felicity felt his heart, his spirit, merge with her own as she parted her lips and felt his tongue gently dance around hers. She remembered that first tentative kiss in Bali after thirty hours of travel and the gentle way he loved her before exhaustion overtook them. How even in the delirium of jetlag, they had needed to reaffirm their connection.

When they laid back on the bed, all she saw was him, the Oliver Queen that lived inside his skin, the man bursting to live in the open. Happy. Complete. There was a vulnerability to him that lived under the hardened warrior shell he had been wearing for the past decade. It was something he only showed her in these quiet moments. She reached for his hands and marveled at the way he made her feel like a Goddess when he touched her.

The last of the light from the setting sun danced in his eyes when he reached for her, pulling her down into a long, slow kiss that said more to her about how he felt than any words could convey. Or like now for her, when her voice was faltering as she looked at him reclining so relaxed in the afterglow.

As was their custom, and his obsession, they made their way to the washroom. She knew he would probably drop to his knees in supplication when he saw it. What she hadn’t expected was that all he was looking at was her as she walked down the hall. The light, now fiery and alive as the sun passed below the curve of the earth, illuminated them both and when she turned to look at him, she saw the effect she was having on him as she stood nude in the dying rays of the sun.

Normally, she would get shy, but now, she felt defiant and met his gaze. She felt a flush prickle over her skin and knew the night wasn’t over. So she tilted her head in the direction of the shower and waited to see his reaction.

Nothing surprised her more than his love of all things bathrooms. From showers to tubs, he was like a little kid finding multitude levels of happiness in polished stone and ceramic. He turned the water on in the shower and pulled her in when it was warm enough. She had unpacked her bath and body supplies earlier, so there was no searching for them once they got inside.

She loved the way he smelled, no matter if he was in the shower or in his leather suit or reclining in bed. He was intoxicating to her. Magnetic. In the shower, as he helped wash her back and hair, it was impossible to concentrate on anything but his hands and the soft way he spoke to her. It was as close to sensory overload as she had ever experienced so when the water was turned off, she felt momentarily bereft but knew there would be more showers in their future.

Wrapping herself in one of the large fluffy towels, and Felicity wandered back to the bedroom in search of her dress. The night was still warm and humid, the remnants of the storm still working past them, and she was too relaxed to find anything else to put on. She was sure he had dropped it on the floor, but for the life of her, she couldn’t see it. Before she could turn around to ask Oliver where he left her dress, she felt the feather-light touch of his fingertips brush across her back as he traced her bullet and surgical scars.

It was like he stole her breath in that one, fleeting touch. Felicity was paralyzed by how careful and tender he was being, but it also brought back memories of long, lonely days and nights laying in a hospital bed wondering where he was and if she was going to survive long enough to find out. As he ran his fingertips around the largest one, she felt a burst of electricity pass between them.

He was honouring her suffering, her pain and the strength it took to heal from an injury that had robbed her of the use of her legs. She was walking only due to the miracle of Curtis’s tech, but she was continually mindful that she was still, essentially paralyzed. Every moment since its activation had been a gift and she would never take it for granted. Oliver’s quiet descriptions of what each scar felt like to him were mesmerizing. Every word, every touch brought them closer and closer together until his fingers found the first wound. The one that had sent her world reeling into a darkness that almost stole life and soul. His voice filled with so much sadness and guilt, she felt it like a physical force. It wrapped itself around her, a substantial weight on her heart and body.

When she tried to slip away from his touch, his lightning quick reflexes kicked in, and he caught her, his hand moving to the one scar on the front of her torso. His presence, so firm and comforting, stilled her just as effectively as his voice, low and husky in her ear. She placed her hand over his, and there was so mistaking the heat and love flowing in the current between them. He told her the secret way he had looked at the marks on her body, and she forgot all she was wearing was a towel as she turned towards him.

His eyes were on fire with the light of the stars. Felicity could feel their heat in how he touched her, how he looked at her and finally in the way he kissed her. Throwing her arms around his neck, she half climbed up his body and was half lifted up by him. Her lips found his neck, that one spot she knew that made his knees weak, and then suddenly she was airborne.

Once the shock of the short flight was over, she looked up at Oliver and saw the face of a man terrified and completely surprised that she was no longer in his arms. Unable to stop herself, she burst out into peals of laughter. He had run into the mattress in his haste to get them to it, and she had literally bounced off of his body with enough force to find herself launched to the middle of the bed.

He used his gruff voice, his Green Arrow voice with her, but she challenged him, coaxed him back to the moment and her with her body. He took the bait and laid claim to her, one inch of skin at a time until she distantly heard herself hiss with pleasure. The broad expanse of his shoulders allowed him more control over her body as he eased down, tasting her from her lips to the delicate skin below her navel.

Felicity pushed her hands through his hair and let her consciousness drift. The feel of his tongue against her clit and the way he so slowly eased his fingers inside her, were going to be the death of her one day. Individually, they produced waves of ecstasy but together, the intensity was almost too much. Every nerve ending was alive as she felt the pressure and tension in her pelvis grow with each pass of his tongue.

Oliver read Felicity’s body so well as he eased his way back up to her lips. Felicity was confused until she caught the fierce gleam in his eye and knew, without him uttering a word, that his need to feel her was just as great as hers was to feel him. She could feel how hard he was, she could feel the heat coming off of his erection in pulsing waves, and when she asked him what he was waiting for, all he could do was smile.

He didn’t break eye contact with her as he gently pushed inside her and it was as though that ancient Kundalini fire they had so briefly experienced in Bali roared back to life in her blood. She could let him continue to control what was happening, or she could do what she needed to in order to relieve the inferno that was raging in her body.

Using her hips, she flipped him onto his back and moved steadily against him, grinding down hard until he gasped. Hooking her feet underneath his legs, she arched her back as she came with a long, loud moan that seemed to rise up from her toes. She fell onto Oliver’s chest and held on as he gripped her hips with his large, gentle hands and thrust hard and fast. Felicity came again, shuddering in ecstasy against him, as he moaned, deep and low, and came in a staccato series of hard thrusts deep inside her.

One day, she needed to discuss with him the need to maybe start using condoms as she wasn’t sure her birth control could keep up with the pace they had set since reconciling but that discussion would have to wait for another day. One of her last waking thoughts was of how black the sky she could see through the skylights was and how brilliantly the stars stood out against it.

The night sky was one of her favourite things to share with Oliver. Ever since he showed her the distant nebula as a gift just for her eyes, she had taken every opportunity to look up and see if she could find it or spot a meteor. In his arms, fighting to stay awake, she wondered if one day they would return to the desert, where he first showed it to her, and revisit the land that had so clearly spoken to them in their dreams.

 

II

Felicity awoke hours later, confused and cold. The doors were still open behind the bed, and the breeze coming in off of the water was significantly cooler than it was when she and Oliver had first gone to sleep. He was turned over on his stomach, one of his favourite sleeping positions, and lay motionless under the covers. Somehow he had managed to pull them all over to his side of the bed during the night. They were now tangled around his long, incredibly muscular thighs leaving her covered by a thin sheet.

Shivering, she carefully got out of bed and went in search of something warmer to sleep under, picking up a sweater and pants on her way out to the living room to help warm her up. The towels from earlier had been moved from the floor to the hamper, and she had to stifle a chuckle. He had gotten up and cleaned both the room and them up. He was a marvel at both.

The moon was making her appearance, full and bright, turning the inside of the beach house silvery and otherworldly in its light. Finding slippers by the open doors off the front of the living room, she slipped them on and stepped out onto the deck.

The water seemed to glow as it rushed up the beach, foamy and light. The sound of it had changed while they slept. It no longer roared and crashed, it sounded they way a stream would if it was softly running over pebbles and stones. It was gentle, hypnotic and the perfect background noise to sleep by if she could sleep. Something had woken her up, not a dream or nightmare, just a nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right with her, something the memories of losing her father had re-awoken.

The blanket from earlier was still on the steps, so she shook it out and wrapped it around her legs as she sat down to watch the sky. The moon was so bright, it was preventing most of the stars from coming out, that she felt like she could run her fingers through its falling light, making it glimmer and ripple as she moved.

For now, she was content to sit and watch the waves in their slow dance from far out over the deepest parts of the ocean to shore. If she could ever find a house near Star City, but with this kind of wild, untamed view, she would snap it up and happily live there until the end of time. There was something about the sound and smell of the beach, the water, the air, that enveloped her in such a sense of calm and peace. It was like combining Positano, Bali and Ivy Town all into one.

Staring across the open, glittering expanse in front of her, Felicity let her mind drift. Her thoughts floated past the events of the day, they traveled past meeting Oliver, losing Cooper, her time at M.I.T. and the decision she made to leave Las Vegas and her mother to pursue her degree and career. So much of her circled around the hole in her life left by her father. She went into university to excel at something he taught her. She dedicated her life to saving others with those tools while knowing all the things broken between them, the life left unexperienced, unlived, could never be fixed.

Felicity closed her eyes and let herself reach inward to the space that held all the pain of being eight years old and losing the most important person in her world. The one person who knew who she was, understood what she needed and the first person to delete her from their lives. The pieces of her heart, shattered on that day so long ago, had taken years to find and put back together. There was strength in the healed fissures but such fragility that she was often so reluctant to fully commit to anything that required her to lay it open and vulnerable to another person.

Until Oliver.

Until he opened her eyes, life, heart and showed her a world where she mattered. Not just as Overwatch, but as Felicity Smoak. He found a way to create a bridge between them, even when the walls they had constructed towered so high they seemed to reach the sky, and let his love be what guided her across. But right now, she was teetering on an edge that overlooked a vast abyss.

“Hey,” came his soft voice from the open bedroom door.  
“Hey yourself,” she said softly.  
“Are you ok?”  
“Yeah, I just...I couldn’t sleep.”  
“Can...can I join you?” he asked somewhat uncertainly.

Without hesitation, Felicity held out her hand to him and smiled. She loved that he asked but felt the sadness behind the words. Some small part of him assumed she had gotten out of bed because of him, that she was seeking to distance herself from him physically and emotionally when nothing could be further from the truth.

“I was cold and you, my love, were hogging the blankets,” she teased gently, “I only got up to find another one, but the moon caught my attention plus listen...the waves sound so soft.”  
“It is beautiful out,” he agreed, “but you could have woken me up. I was tangled up pretty good in the sheets.”  
“It’s ok,” she chuckled, “I wanted to find another blanket for us.”

Oliver sat down behind her, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back onto his chest. For a few minutes, they sat and listened to the waves. His body warmth was something that she sought in the dead of night, and now she was thankful he had gotten up to find her. Even when they slept, they knew when the other was missing. A small voice in the back of her mind was screaming for her to never let him go again.

In all the ways they could have been lost to each other forever, they always found their way back to one another no matter the cost. It was why she felt she had to find a way to heal those old wounds so that she could make those final, difficult steps back to him. With no secrets, no lies and no lingering anger left between them.

When she thought about her father and the damaged, broken little girl he had left behind, she wondered what Oliver had seen in her that first day in her cube, beyond her being a person. What did he see now that he had fallen in love with her so completely? There were days when that little girl, who felt so unworthy, so unwanted, still peeked her head up and threatened to undermine all that she had built. It broke her heart to close the door on those memories and to ignore her younger self, but she had felt she wasn’t ready to do the work of healing that part of her.

 _Not yet, she thought as she pulled Oliver’s arms tighter around her._  
Not yet, she thought mournfully as he gently kissed the top of her head.  
Not yet, she thought, as tears began to fall.

“Hey, hey,” he said in concern, “Felicity, what’s wrong?”  
“I’m sorry,” she half laughed, half cried, “I think all the talking about my dad just…”

She couldn’t finish her sentence. The sudden swelling of grief for a life she would never know rushed out of her. She wanted to run away. She wanted to turn around and anchor herself to him. It was like she was being torn apart from the inside yet all that gave away her inner chaos were the tears falling down her cheeks. Oliver sat in controlled stillness behind her, lending strength through his body but she could feel the staccato beating of his heart through his chest. He was terrified but doing all that he could to hold them both together.

His gentle, tender support slipped through the tears, danced past the defenses she had unknowingly constructed and the weight of her grief slowly lifted. Her tears ceased to fall, and she turned in his embrace so that she could wrap her arms around him. She laid her head on his chest, listened to his heartbeat slow down and felt his body relax. They both sought and found the quiet space of healing they both wanted for the other.

“Oliver?” she asked quietly.  
“Hmmm?” he hummed softly.  
“Thank you for not staying in Star City. For coming to find me,” she said softly, “even if you suspected I would disembowel you.”  
“I thought you would do a lot worse than that,” he chuckled.  
“I don’t know why I felt the need to run. I could have done all of this in the loft.”  
“I suspect you wanted to do this away from me.”

Looking up at him, she saw he was looking out across the ocean, watching the way the stars reflected on its roiling surface. He was thinking about what that meant. About her leaving to deal with her hurt alone. The moonlight reflected back in his eyes, turning them silvery grey, unreadable and quiet. Reaching up, she caressed his cheek, pulling his attention back to her.

“Oliver,” she said in a near whisper, “I think I did want to do this alone but not because I don’t love or trust you.”  
“Then what was it?” he asked, his voice carefully controlled but he was unable to mask the pain that lingered underneath.  
“Sometimes, you love me too much,” she said quietly, not wanting to prolong the misunderstanding she felt developing, “and it can be smothering because I know you want to protect me, but you can’t protect me from my own history or from my memories.”  
“I can be smothering?” he asked carefully.  
“Not in a bad way...I am not explaining this right...ok,” she said, taking a deep breath, “let me start again…”  
“No, I get it. I panic when I think something is wrong or when you are suffering and there is literally nothing I can do. I...I know I become a bit too attentive,” he said with a wry smile.  
“Attentive! That’s the word! Thank you!” she exclaimed. “I dearly love you for it, but sometimes I need a bit of space to figure things out.”  
“Then next time, tell me,” he said with an edge of flint in his voice, “Leaving and lying...that isn’t you. I lied enough to last us both a lifetime.”  
“No, you’re right,” she said with a sad nod of her head, “it isn’t me.”

She sat up and pushed herself away from the safety of him. The sudden edge of hardness in his voice had cut through her as surely as a blade of a knife. By leaving so suddenly, by lying in her haste to unravel her heart and mind from the past, she had inflicted damage on Oliver and his sense of security where their relationship was concerned. He understood, but she knew it came at a cost. Just what that would be, she didn’t know but looking at it in reverse, if he'd done the same thing, there would be a price to pay. The bottom of her stomach fell out when his arms loosened, and she was able to slip free from his embrace.

Pulling the blanket around her shoulders, she followed the short path down to the beach. The tide was out, and the moonlight made everything glitter and glow. The pressure in her chest, born from the fear of losing everything she valued, forced her to her knees. She found that she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t call out to Oliver because, in the part of her brain that was grieving the loss of her father, she was terrified he wouldn't answer. She had held it together until he arrived and now, she was sure she would lose it all.

Felicity didn’t hear Oliver calling to her. She was lost in her mind, chasing her father’s shadow through the nightmares of her lonely childhood. Havenrock had unleashed so much hurt within her. It was like a riptide. Pulling her out into the deepest recesses of her mind before throwing her back to reality. Over and over again. Some days were better than others and then some days were like this, when she was crippled by anxiety and the hurt left behind by the one man who was supposed to love her no matter what.

“Felicity!” he said in a voice wrapped in heartache, “Sit up. Come here.”

Instinct took over, and she clung to him. Letting him be the gravity that held her to the earth underneath them, to the universe around them, to his heart. Felicity gripped his shirt and silently cried as he enveloped her in his arms. It was like he was attempting to build a shield around her using his body. She felt his breath on her neck and his voice, indistinct but low and steady, in her ear.

Slowly, she fought and clawed her way back to the present. Leaving the past where it belonged for the time being. She didn’t know how long they sat on the beach, but bit by bit they both became aware of the shift in light in the sky. It was still hours away from dawn, but the sky was glowing green and blue. The Northern Lights were dancing across the sky, glowing in curtains of charged particles in the earth’s upper atmosphere.

“Oliver?” she said softly as she watched the green and purple lights shift and grow.  
“Yes, love?” he answered in his softest voice.  
“Know that none of this is about you,” she said, “Havenrock released a tidal wave of memories and hurt in me. My father being there for it has left me… reeling. When I needed someone to hold onto, he was there and it made the grief of it all so much more intense. I wanted you but...there was an abyss between us.”

One of his large hands moved and cupped her face, angling her head up so that he could look her in the eyes. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to. She had once marveled at how he could read her like a book and convey all he needed to say with a simple glance or touch. Right now, his gaze held hers and they spoke to one another without having to say a word.

Gently, he kissed her forehead, and a tear splashed down on her face. They sat in silence and watched the sky as it danced with solar life and light. Felicity pulled his hand down from her face and kissed its palm. It was her way of comforting him, reminding him that he was real, physically reconnecting them. It was as close as she could come to showing him the unwavering devotion in her heart.

“I have never really asked you about that time in your life, when your father seemed to vanish, leaving you and your mom alone,” Oliver said quietly. “It has always been such a tender subject with you, that I didn’t want to pry before you were ready.”  
Felicity thought about that for a minute. He was right. It was a delicate subject, one that took all of her courage to face and think about. It had coloured her relationship with her mother for almost two decades, it had driven her to excel in her chosen field in an effort to not just be like him but to be better than him. As though that could bring him back into her life.

“I spent most of my life thinking he had deserted my mom and me. That he had taken our life as a family and thrown it away. I felt… betrayed and devastated. I thought I was broken in some irreversible way, that no one would ever see me as being worthy or love me,” she stopped to take a deep breath, to quell the surge of panic in her chest. “But all of that drove me to be the best in my field. Even being a hacker. I wanted to be the best, no matter what.”  
“And then you thought Cooper died.”  
“Yes...that pushed me to go legit,” she chuckled with only a small amount of humour, “But, if not for that experience, I wouldn’t have met you or Dig or Walter. But my sky, my world, was so dark for so long… I loved my dad with everything in me when I was 8 years old. We had our own secret language, almost like lines of code and then one day, all of that was gone.”

“I wish you could have met my dad. He wasn’t a saint, but he would have loved you,” Oliver mused quietly. He was gently rubbing her back, quietly calming her down.  
“‘Love’ me in the same way you both did Isabel Rochev, by which I mean slept with, or loved me like a daughter that is not actually his kind of way, by which I mean Thea?” Felicity asked while trying to suppress a small laugh.  
“I am never going to live Russia or my family’s sordid history down am I?” he said wearily.  
“Nope!” she laughed.  
“He would have adored you for all the reasons everyone does. Your kindness, intelligence, and wit.”  
“Why do you love me?” she blurted out without thinking.

Oliver sat silently for a few minutes. She listened to his heartbeat, steady and sure, and waited. It was his turn now, to be honest, to dig deep and offer up his own truths to her. Their entire relationship was formed from a balance of honesty and trust. She would wait for as long as he needed, even if the sun came up before he found the words.

“Why do I love you?” he repeated, softly so that only she could hear even though it was only the two of them on the beach, “Because you have never once been afraid of who I am. You saw past the damage and saw something I still don’t know if I can truly see myself. You found me but let me go so many times so that I could find my way back to myself, not just you. Felicity, when I think about what happiness is or what it means to me, you are at the centre of those thoughts. Being with you, loving you is easy. You are good for me, but it is so much more than that, it's more than how you see through my bullshit better than anyone on this planet and make me honest.”

He paused, and she sensed that he was about to grow more reflective. Felicity loved that about him, that he could be so logical and straightforward only to turn on a dime and show her a tenderness in his soul that he only ever shared with her. He was lyrical in those moments. Choosing language that could have been written a hundred years ago but it all made sense to her. Every last word.

“There are moments when I don’t think I can make the next step. Physically or emotionally. All the angles appear played out, and I feel beaten down, but your voice will call to me. It’s always the first one I hear when I am in trouble and need that extra boost to keep going to figure something out. I know that if not for you, I would be dead a hundred times over,” he said softly as he gently tipped her head back so that he could look into her eyes. “I told you once that you are my always, the best part of my life, and that is all still true. I didn’t fall in love with you, Felicity. I rose up to it. Your trust in me opened up something that made me look up for the first time in a decade. I looked up and saw what the future could be, and when I look into your eyes, I find such peace. I see that in you. So now, besides being good for me, you have taught me how to find ways to be good for myself. I can never thank you enough for that, but it reaffirms why I love you. Why I will always love you. You are my heart.”

Tenderly, he brushed her hair out of her eyes, his thumb traced the shape of her face, and he smiled, “You keep me honest. You challenge me. You frustrate me. You make me laugh and think. You helped me find out who I am, but most importantly, you let me discover how to love. Openly and honestly for the first time in my life. It is so easy to love you, Felicity. You make it easy and yet so incredibly difficult because you demand all that I can I give, what I should give so that it is easy for you to love me.”

Felicity could see they were about to enter territory that for him was incredibly difficult. It was that part of him that, for so many years, he had kept closed off. Shuttered. Abandoned by time and memory, he had left his heart to shrivel and die. This time it was her turn to reach up and smooth the worry from his brow. Pulling herself up, she kissed him. Not a passionate kiss, but a warm, emotional one meant to convey just how deep her love was for him, something no words could do.

“Felicity,” he said, his voice husky and low, as he pressed his forehead to hers, “when I came back from Lian Yu, I suspected I would probably be killed within the first couple years of my crusade. I was resigned to death at a young age. But then I met Diggle and you. Diggle helped me see that living was important but you… Felicity, you showed me that my life had meaning, that I HAVE meaning. That the future is something to embrace, to celebrate. For the first time in a decade, when I wake up in the morning I am happy, and I owe that all to you. So never doubt how I feel about you. Never doubt that I love you, that I am in love with you. Without you, I wouldn’t know who Oliver Queen is, I would still be the Hood, the Mask, the Monster that the Bratva and ARGUS created. Now I feel like I can be who I am supposed to be, I just hope you can wait while I figure that out.”

“Never let it be said again that you are a man of few words,” she teased gently.  
“I was saving them up for just the right moment,” he said with a wink, “I love you for who you are and nothing can or will ever change that.”

Felicity settled back against Oliver’s chest, her head resting under his chin and watched the Northern Lights slowly fade from the sky. She was tired but could feel a tension in Oliver’s body still. He had more he needed to say, more that she needed to hear, so she nudged him just a tiny bit and waited.

“You know me too well,” he chuckled.  
“I can literally feel the words trying to escape your body,” she said, reaching for his closest hand to hold.  
“I was thinking about your father,” he said, his tone turning dark, “I know it was your mom’s choice to leave him, but it was his choice to let you go. Felicity, whatever you need from me while you are dealing with everything his coming back into your life has dredged up, just tell me. Even if you think it will hurt me because I would rather you did that then run away. It is a choice that you have to make now but I will respect whatever decision you make.”

Slipping her arms around him, she held him tight, trying not to cry and failing. He was right. About it all. She had made the choice to lie and run out of fear and self-loathing. Looping him out when she should have been pulling him in with her. Looking up at him, she saw that he was staring out across the ocean, searching the black horizon as he waited for her to speak.

Closing her eyes, she looked inward and sorted through her thoughts. Her father was the Calculator, not the man who loved her and helped her build her first computer. He had broken her trust, broken her heart and lead her mom to break up their home because of who he was, not because of her.

“My dad was never a good man, but with me, he was so careful, gentle and kind. I never knew he was as dangerous as he was until much later when I was at MIT. I went deep trying to find him and what I saw...well, let’s just say it was edifying. But I still thought he left because of me,” she said sadly, “There is this pit of loneliness inside of me that started with him. Once I figure out how to finally leave that in the past, I have no doubt you will be part of that final act.”

Oliver sat silently in contemplation for a few minutes before saying in wonderment and awe, “You’ll let me see that hurt, scared little girl? If you do, I promise you, all of your deepest hurts will be safe with me.”  
“I love you,” was all she could say.  
“I know,” he smiled.  
“Ok, Han Solo, don’t get too cocky,” she teased gently.

The sky was beginning to lighten behind them. Small hints of lighter blue were creeping across the sky, dimming the stars and the moon. The waves were slowly growing in size and encroaching on where they sat. Felicity was ready to go back inside and began to get up. Oliver, always aware of what she was doing, stood up with her.

“Time for bed? Again?” he asked.  
“Yeah, I might not sleep, but I kind of want to just be in bed. With you,” Felicity said with a sad smile.  
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he smiled back.

Making their way back inside the house, Felicity closed the living room french doors, Oliver picked up the blanket from the couch and together they walked back to the bedroom. Silently, in the still dark bedroom, they got undressed and climbed back into the large bed. She loved that he made sure they were both covered and before welcoming her back into his arms.

“Oliver?”  
“Hmmm?”  
“I could spend all day in bed with you.”  
“Vixen,” he said drowsily.  
“Are you saying you wouldn’t like that?”  
“It is one of my most fervently held wishes,” he admitted.

Felicity propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him. In the shadows, now slowly receding in the shifting pre-dawn light, his eyes glittered an intense cobalt blue as he watched her. Tentatively, she reached a hand out to touch his face. He caught her hand and brought it to his lips, laying the lightest and softest of kisses on the inside of her wrist. She felt her breath catch in her chest at the intimate touch.

“Nothing about us is ever easy, is it?” she mused.  
“Every single thing we do, easy or not, feels earned,” he said with a trace of passion colouring his voice.  
“Oliver,” she whispered his name, as she laid down on her own side of them bed, “you are good for me.”

He turned over and looked at her, studied her face, searching for what she was really trying to say. She could see the doubt in his eyes and felt a soft pang of sadness that he still harboured it. Slipping closer to him, she stared right back, challenging him.

“You don’t believe me,” she stated.  
“It’s not that I don’t believe you, Felicity. I...I just struggle with me being good for you or anyone, to be honest.”  
“You just unloaded your heart to me, Oliver. That is why it is easy for me to love you. Why you, Oliver Jonas Queen, are good for me,” she said emphatically, “I know I can be challenging but so can you! But in the best way possible for the most part.”  
“Fifty percent of the time? Or less?” he said with a self-deprecating chuckle.  
“More,” she said softly then leaned over to kiss him.

Oliver smiled into the kiss she gave him, tender and sweet. Her heart ached for him in these intimate moments where he doubted himself and how she could see him as being worthy. It was his struggle to overcome, but she hoped, one day, that he would welcome her on that part of his journey.

“I can see the kind of man you are, Oliver,” she said, her voice husky and low, “and I love you while you become him for yourself. No matter how long it takes for that happen or not happen. I love you for who you are right now just like I loved you for who you were when we met.”

For what felt like an eternity, they kept each other’s gaze. The way his eyes held the light always drew her in. With as soft a touch as she could manage, she gently traced the shape of his jaw and read the small nicks and scars on his skin. She knew him by heart but took delight in re-reading his story over and over again.

“If I could take away all the hurt you are wading through, I would,” he said, his voice choked with emotion and regret.  
“We’ve talked about this before, Oliver. None of it is yours or is because of you,” she said insistently, “you don’t have to heal me, Oliver, you only need to support me while I do the hard work.”  
“I love you, Felicity,” he murmured as he pulled her into a long, deep kiss.

His hands moved over her, one tangling in her hair, the other moving across her torso and around her back. The way he gently slipped his tongue into her mouth and the feel of his nails lightly scratching up and down her back became all she could feel. It was so easy to get lost in the way he loved her.

Slowly, she moved so that she could straddle him. Pushing herself up, letting the blanket and sheets fall away, she looked at him in the dawn light and smiled. His hands were finding the curves of her body, heating up her skin with each movement across it. He knew her. He knew where to touch her, with his hands or lips, and now he elicited a low moan from her as he gently caressed her breasts.

“We need to slow down… tomorrow…,” she gasped.  
“We don’t have to now,” he offered unconvincingly, “we have all week.”  
“Our bodies are betraying us,” she laughed softly. She was slowly grinding against Oliver, feeling him grow harder and harder the longer she moved.  
“Felicity,” he said in a near whisper, “if you continue…”  
“I know,” she answered softly, “but I want to. Sometimes, I feel like you are worshipping me when we do this and now I want to show you what you mean to me.”

Oliver sat up, pulling her legs around his waist. Felicity took his face in her hands and kissed him, hungry and deep. When her tongue touched his lips, he moaned low in his throat and gave into her, gripping her hips as she ground against him. She slowed down the sinuous movement of her body, looked him in the eyes and saw so much love reflecting back from him, she was almost sure it took up physical space around them.

“Thank you for sharing your heart with me,” she said softly.  
“It was the least I could do,” he said sincerely, his voice coloured by lust.  
“I love you, Oliver Queen,” she murmured as she reclaimed his lips again.

She loved the quiet, electric moment between the desire to join their bodies and when they finally would reach for each other. Oliver let out a low, primal groan when she raised her hips and guided him inside of her. They both breathed in small gasps that rippled in the current of desire that flowed between them and stopped moving.

Oliver lowered his head and kissed her in the centre of her chest. Slowly, Felicity began to thrust against him, using her position to control the movements and pace. She wanted it to be almost languid, gentle. His breath ran hot on her skin as he explored her neck with his lips and tongue. She loved it when they were in sync, when he knew to let her do what she needed to do and right now, Felicity needed him to feel how much she loved him, valued him. He was, to her, the stuff of life. Like stardust to a barren planet.

“Felicity,” he growled softly, “you are amazing...”  
“So are you,” she murmured before kissing the breath from his body. He moaned and gripped her hips, trying to make her move faster, harder.

She knew there was only so much he could take when she did this kind of deliberate, slow burn love making. The way he felt inside her now was so intense, she was having trouble focusing on anything other than their bodies, locked together in mutual need. His lips found hers and everything around them receded to nothingness. Only the sound of the waves could be heard in the quiet of the early morning, no birds were singing in the far away mountain trees, so she set her pace to match the constant sound of the surf.

In one swift move, Oliver wrapped one arm around her waist and used the other to help flip them over so that he was now on top. Felicity kept her legs firmly around his waist, keeping them locked together and forced him to cease his movements. She loved the way the weight of his body helped to bury his cock deep inside her.

“Don’t move,” she whispered in his ear, “just stay perfectly still.”  
“Why does that turn me on, even more, when you talk like that?” he mused with a quiet laugh.  
“Just… just hold still,” she smiled.

When she was first paralyzed, her doctor had had her practice exercises using the muscles of her abdomen to engage the deeper muscles of her pelvic floor. Sex, while she was paralyzed was different, it only happened a couple of times because of the timing between her healing up enough to actually be intimate and when they broke off their engagement. It took time, effort and concentration on her part, and on Oliver’s, for her to achieve an orgasm.

When she regained the ability to walk, she kept the exercises up just in case the chip ceased to work and now, as Oliver balanced on his elbows so as to not have his full weight on her, she put them to work. He wasn’t expecting it, and his eyes flew wide open as she squeezed down on him in alternating, undulating pulses. She reached up and pulled him down into a long, deep kiss. Teasing his lips apart with her tongue, coaxing his into her mouth and gently sucking it in time to how she was squeezing his cock.

“Felicity,” he gasped, “how…?”  
“Shhhh,” she smiled, “Just enjoy.”

She could feel a delicious tension building low in her lower pelvis. Her breathing was hard and fast while Oliver was barely holding himself in check. She could feel him trembling as she continued to use her powerful abdominal muscles to push him past the point where he could control himself. He was gripping her tighter and tighter as he lost his ability to remain still.

It was like a slow-moving wave. Felicity felt the spreading warmth in her body as it radiated outward from deep inside her. Slowly, she began to move her hips in a tight, circular pattern that kept her flush to his body. She wasn’t allowing him the ability to thrust inside her but knew his strength soon would take over and she would be unable to stop him.

“Go ahead, Oliver,” she murmured in his ear, “Move.”  
“I don’t know that I can,” he panted.  
“Here, let me help you,” she chuckled softly.

Straightening out her legs, Felicity pushed up with her hips, coaxing him to roll over onto his back. For a moment, she laid on top of him, completely still, and gently kissed him before anchoring her knees next to his hips and slowly thrusting against him. She felt his hands travel down her back to grip her hips before he began to move in time with hers.

It was almost tender the way he was holding her now. His arms were around her body and only moving them so that his hands could travel down her back. His fingertips delicately traced the soft skin between her surgical and bullet wound scars, pausing only to leave an imprint on her body and soul. She privately welcomed each small brand because she knew she had left so many more on him.

Oliver’s lips found the pulse point on her neck just as her orgasm took over and she thrust hard against him. This one was felt deep inside her. So far down that it took its time surfacing. When she thought it was over, a new wave would swell, and she would come undone all over again. Oliver knew she was lost, he knew what her body was doing and feeling. Where her pleasure was concerned, he could read her like a book and right now, as she clung to him, her face buried in his neck, he slowed hips and let her ride out the waves of ecstasy that moved through her like the waves outside, just beyond the deck.

Her body tightened around him involuntarily and Oliver let out a loud groan. He pushed up with his hips and then swiftly withdrew from her. He didn’t use words, instead he communicated with her using his own body. Felicity, in her fugue-like state, laid down on her side beside him. With a small smile, he deftly moved behind her and pulled her backwards towards him.

“Lift your leg just a bit,” he whispered, “Just like that...”

With his gentle encouragement and help, she was able to lift her leg up the requested couple of inches, and he pushed slowly inside her. His hand slipped down the front of her body and then slowly between her legs. He stroked her clit to match the rhythm of his thrusts. Felicity’s orgasm came fast, thundering out of her body as though it were trying to take physical form. Oliver maintained the slow and steady pace, but as she came again, in a steady thrumming pulse, his cock throbbed as he came inside her in a series of hard, uneven, explosive thrusts.

“Oh my God,” he groaned, “Felicity, my God…”  
“Are you ok?” she asked in a quiet, faraway voice.  
“I hope so.”

Felicity chuckled softly but gasped when Oliver continued to stroke her clit. She came again with a loud cry, bucking her hips hard against him but his fingers chased her. He was determined to exhaust her as he pushed her to another orgasm so powerful that her body went limp before arching back as every nerve ending rippled in ecstasy.

“Oliver, please…,” she gasped, “I can’t take anymore…”  
“I think we are going to sleep until noon,” he mumbled into her neck as he gently kissed in the tender spot underneath her ear.  
“I might sleep until dinner,” she mused wistfully.

Oliver chuckled and then slowly withdrew his softening cock from her. She shivered as he did, her body still in a heightened state of arousal. From half opened eyes, she that the room was soft around the edges, hazy and indistinct. She was exhausted but not yet connected to the physical world, still lost to the way Oliver could make her feel. Distantly, she felt him move, reaching across from her for one of the towels from earlier. She was smiling as she drifted off to sleep, knowing he would look after them both.


	6. Day Three: Diving Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those introspective chapters that presents Oliver's POV. Felicity hit him with a lot, and he hit her with a lot in return, so diving deep into his mindset is kinda vital.
> 
> They talk a lot. The share a lot. They reconnect Ina really gentle way, with humour, love and trust.
> 
> It's a nice, slow chapter that has a bit of table setting for the remaining four chapters. Enjoy :)

**Day Three: Diving Deep**

_He watched her sink_  
_Beneath the surface of memory_  
_Even as she reached for the stars._

I

 

Oliver drifted awake. The sound of the waves kept slipping into his dreams and pushing him out into consciousness. He wasn’t used to them yet but he could see why Felicity had come here. Their constant movement across the sand, although now slower and softer, was hypnotic. They had left the door open behind the bed to take advantage of the steady breeze coming in from over the ocean and the entire effect was bringing back unsettling memories of Lian Yu.

Looking beside him, he saw that Felicity was still deeply asleep. He was grateful for that small mercy. She was peeling back the layers of hurt that she had lived with for so many years and trusting him with the details while she figured out how to let them go. She continued to awe him. He knew she was strong, both in mind and body, but the way she had lived her life while struggling to let go of the devastating hurt her father had inflicted on her when she was so young was nothing short of miraculous.

Carefully, he slipped out of bed and did his nightly patrol around the periphery of the house. He was in unknown territory. They were isolated, which made them vulnerable to strangers who might get lost on the dark back roads or someone might think she was here alone and come to try and take advantage of her isolation. The thought of that, of her being caught unaware by someone looking to harm her, lit a fire of instant rage inside him. If that ever happened, he knew his response would be immediate and lethal.

The backdoor was locked, the sliding glass doors in the living room were closed and secure, and the windows that were not accessible, as they were high enough up to be out of reach of an intruder, were open and the air in the house was cool and fresh. Satisfied that they were safe, he relaxed and headed back to the bedroom to check on Felicity.

The moon was out and just starting to shine through the skylight above the bed, illuminating her in its soft silver light. His breath caught in his throat as how truly lovely she was no matter what kind of light, day or night. He also noticed the state of the room and the towels strewn across the floor. He was surprised that he hadn’t tripped on his way out of the room. While he was picking them up, he remembered they hadn’t made it to the bathroom to complete their usual ritual of cleansing the other.

Quietly, he left to retrieve a face cloth, making sure it was damp but not wet, he gently wiped the inside of Felicity’s thighs and dried them with a clean towel. He tended to his own self care needs and chuckled when he remembered the lecture she had given him on sexual health and how important cleanliness was for both of their sake’s. She was ten minutes into her listing of fact, percentages and anecdotal evidence before she looked at him and saw he was trying his damnedest not to laugh.

Luckily, they had been in a one room cabin just outside of Mesa Verde, very much alone, so no one heard him literally howling with laughter. She had been a little taken aback but when he said he was laughing, not at her, but at how clinical she made it all sound, she had joined in with him. He had felt somewhat guilty though, when for just a moment he saw a flash of hurt that made her look young and vulnerable. He had apologized for making her feel self-conscious and part of his apology that night had been in pouring her a bath in the old copper tub that held the heat of the hot water in front of a large, plate glass window that overlooked a stream and small copse of trees.

It was there, with a fire roaring in an ancient stone fireplace behind them, in that tub that their ritual began. He had climbed in after her and showed her he had been listening to every word she said. He had washed her body, her hair, and allowed her to do the same for him. Showers were his favourite but if a good sized tub was available, he would always select it. The intimacy of it usually lead to more reasons for it, which was never a bad thing in his mind.

Felicity murmured something unintelligible in her sleep and turned over in search of him. Slipping between the cool sheets, he waited for her to find him and then wrapped his arm around her, letting her settle against him. Soon, the familiar warmth of her body and somnolent sounding waves worked as effectively as a sleeping pill and he was sound asleep.

Several hours later, sometime between the darkest of the night and the early push towards a new day, he awoke and sensed that the bed he shared with Felicity was empty. He tried to turn over and found himself tangled in the sheets and blankets. He must have had one hell of a dream but he had no memory of it or being awoken by his late night activities. Listening carefully, he couldn’t hear Felicity moving nearby and was curious as to where she might have gone.

Silently, he slipped on his sweatpants and hoodie and went out to the living room. The doors were open and Felicity was sitting, half wrapped in a blanket, staring out over the ocean. She looked so calm and peaceful but the set of her shoulders suggested something was brewing under the surface. She was a marvel of energy and life, always moving, so when she was still, he knew to worry.

Before joining her, Oliver went in search of slippers. The air had gotten cooler in the dark of night, so if they sat out for any length of time, he wasn’t keen on freezing feet. He found a pair in the bedroom that fit and stepped out of the open doors behind the bed. She was lost in thought, her eyes closed, like she was looking inward for an answer. She had revealed a tremendous amount of load of pain she had been carrying for most of her life, buried beneath layers of life, the stratified remains of attempts to continue living in the shadow of such deep betrayal.

He wasn’t sure if he should disturb her. Maybe this was time she would rather have for herself as she sorted through the memories of her childhood and how to deal with her father being back in her life, even if peripherally. Something told him to reach back out, that maybe she would welcome his company. Hesitantly, he did exactly that and was secretly relieved when she reached back to him, smiling from her heart.

There was no shame greater than being a blanket hog and his ability to twist himself around with the blankets wrapped around him had been on full display. She had left the bed to find her own blankets when sleeping next to him had proven to be impossible. He wrapped her in a bear hug embrace by way of apology and felt the way she relaxed into him in forgiveness. There was more she was wanting to say, he could feel it like small tremors under her skin, rattling her bones in their desire to be said. In due time she would release the words but until then, he would wait. There was no rushing this kind of sharing.

He was staring out across the glittering ocean when he felt hot tears splash down on his hands. Silently, Felicity had begun to cry. It was like his heart expanded and cracked along the seams she had helped heal. He was failing her and that terrified him. It broke his world apart into layers of guilt and desperation. All he could do was hold her as the chaos within her threatened to rip her apart, limb from limb.

Gradually, the storm inside her subsided and she stopped resisting the comfort he was silently offering. The way she turned in his embrace, and laid her head on his chest, hollowed out his heart. Oliver could feel the storm of uncertainty and hurt brewing within him. Amongst the debris of the past six months was now a new layer of damage. It would seem that this late night wakefulness was pushing them both into uncomfortable and painful places.

She thanked him for tracking her to the remote location she had chosen even though it was at great risk to his safety. He had to chuckle at that. It had crossed his mind that by coming out to find her, he was endangering his economic and physical well being. But he had to know if she ran from Star City because she needed to be alone, away from him. He needed to hear her say it but as he thought about whether or not he was actually ready for it, he let his focus drift out over the shallow waves that washed up over the shore.

Her gentle touch brought him back to himself. She tried to explain why she left Star City, what had pushed her away so hard and fast, that she felt compelled to lie to him. He was frustrated with her inability to tell him why but that gave way to coldness when she finally admitted to feeling smothered by the way he loved her. Not all the time, but enough that it spurred her to run.

It took him a moment to contextualize the comment. To let the initial hurt pass him by so that he could see it from her perspective. In part, she was right. After Havenrock, he developed a reactive habit of wanting to protect her from every slight or hurt. Their worlds had been blown apart by Darhk, everything had changed, but he didn’t think it was something that she would grow to dislike so much that she would run and lie to him about why.

He spoke a little firmer than he probably should have but he felt her words like a physical blow to the heart. A roar, like the sound of an approaching train, filled his ears and his body locked in place. He couldn’t reach her, not where she was completely mired in the hurt of abuse and emotional neglect long since perpetrated against her. She needed to find him, to reach out for him when she was ready.

It was agony, but he loosened his arms from around her and let her go. The storm that was raging through her was one she needed to face alone and while he knew she was glad he was here, all of her walls were screaming back into life and shutting him out. They were sitting in intimate contact but he felt utterly, completely alone. Smothering her with attention and love was never his intention. He only meant to love her as honestly as he could.

There was an intense pressure in his chest and he was struggling to breathe. There was nothing he could do or say in this moment and it was breaking them both apart. Relationships were not easy things to nurture and grow but they were two complicated people who had found each other in a maelstrom of violence and lies. Somehow, they would make it through but the new scars they were layering atop the old would take time to heal.

Felicity had wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and wandered down the short path to beach. The moonlight was sinking but still bright enough to light the way and the stars were beginning to show themselves in the quiet hours before dawn. It was one of his favourite times of the night but at the moment all he could feel was sorrow as he watched her walk away.

Oliver didn’t see her drop to her knees. He had been watching the ocean waves when he felt the earth tremble and shake. They were in earthquake territory, but this was different. He felt it inside his heart, not under his feet. He looked immediately for where Felicity had walked off to and saw her. She had fallen to her knees and was slowly folding in on herself as wave after wave of grief poured out of her.

Nothing mattered in that moment except her. He was with her in four long strides, pulling her into an embrace meant not to shelter her from the chaos within her, but to show her that if she wanted it, he was her safe harbour. He whispered in her ear, low and steady, but the words once they left his mouth, they were lost on the wind. It didn’t matter that they were, so long as they were soft and kind and guided her through the darkness in her mind.

Slowly, she calmed down and clung to him. Using his body as a shield. A shimmer of light caught his eye and he found himself entranced by the green and purple Northern Lights. He loved the lights but had forgotten how vibrant they could be when there were no other lights to dim them. Felicity’s soft voice assured him that her current state had nothing to do with him, that this all stemmed from both Havenrock and her father’s reappearance in her life.

He gently pulled her face up, so he could look into her eyes, and saw the truth shining out from them. They outshone the moon, the Northern Lights and all the stars above. He remembered the first time he had truly saw them and the depth of blue they possessed. There was no denying that from that moment onward, that he was defenseless when she turned her gaze to him. She could read him like a book but right now, as she looked up at him with the Universe reflecting softly in her eyes, she was telling him all he needed to know.

There was nothing easy about this, about any of this. They both had layers to peel back within themselves so that they could finally be completely honest with each other. It was about trust. He knew she trusted him and that she was patiently waiting for him to finally trust her. It would mean letting her all the way in and that terrified him. It seemed impossible to him that she would still respect him after he was done doing that but somehow he knew she would and he loved her with a fierceness that left him unfocused and breathless.

He pressed a kiss into her forehead to hide the tears he knew would soon fall. The kiss she placed, so delicately and lovingly, into the centre of his palm did its job. He felt connected to her again. Tethered and anchored to the world they were creating away from the violence of Star City. It was from this place of gentle understanding that he finally admitted to himself and her that he hadn’t asked about that time in her life not because he didn’t want to pry, but he because he wanted her to open that door on her own.

Felicity sat in relaxed silence and then began to speak softly, telling him more about how it felt when she believed she had been left behind by her father. How those feelings, after having taken such deep root in her mind, had stripped her of her confidence and ability to connect with anyone. It had driven her to be the best in her field, to be Felicity Smoak. He understood the ramifications of having your identity stripped away but for her to have survived that at such a young age and coming out as strong as she was now continued to fill him with awe.

She teased him about Russia and Isabel Rochev, something that he knew he would never live down, and then asked him flat out why he loved her. It took him by surprise at first, so much so that he sat in silence and felt the woman in his arms relax into his body. Trusting the way he was giving her the space to feel and experience the way her mind was working through so many different issues. The air was cool and while he watched, the moon touched the surface of the perpetually moving ocean and dissolved across the low swells of the waves.

The only way to get to the heart of the truth was to simply tell it. Taking a deep breath, Oliver told her all the reasons why he loved. It flowed out of him. She had teased him a couple of times that he had developed the soul of a poet. He couldn’t deny it. He felt like he had learned a new language and it helped him communicate to her exactly how he felt. It was brand new. It was uniquely suited to just the pair of them.

When he re-said parts of the vows he had spoken at their fake wedding, something shifted in his heart. It felt like a hurricane ripping the walls down he had built so firmly around his heart. She had knocked down all but the first ones, the toughest ones, that appeared after the Gambit went down. He had had to build them to protect the part of him that was human, vulnerable and him. Felicity could see that man so clearly, yet he still tried to keep that part of him hidden.

Now, as they sat together, wading through the debris of combined lifetimes, he let her see what he thought should remain hidden. She was his heart, the way forward, the one who helped him see how become the man he had forgotten he could be somewhere in the hot, humid jungle forest on Lian Yu. She challenged him, frustrated him, made him happier than he ever thought possible and had discovered the joy of living because of her. He owed it to himself to share with her this tiny corner of himself because it was the scariest thing in the world he could do.

Almost impulsively, she reached for him and pulled his head down closer to her. The tender, sweet kiss she gave him wasn’t a reward, it was a sign of how in tune she was to him in that moment. It set his mind at ease and blew away all the doubts he had in coming to Klamath like a warm, spring breeze. She settled back into his arms and together they watched the Northern Lights continue their dance across the sky, fading slowly from view. The patience she was showing, as she waited for him to continue, made him smile. She knew he had more to say and that he was taking his own sweet time in doing so. She was the breath in his body, what kept him going when he was flailing.

It gave him the confidence to admit that his early crusade, had essentially been one that bordered on being suicidal. He was prepared to die and then he met Diggle, who taught him lessons in what it meant to value the life he had and the second chance at living it. It was difficult for him to admit that for the longest time he had just existed. He took no joy in living, only in the pursuit of the criminals in his father’s notebook.

Then he walked into Felicity’s cube and everything changed. She slowly, sometimes not so gently but always with love and kindness, showed him that his life had meaning. That he had meaning. For the first time in his life he felt valued for being who he was, not the image he projected. He learned, slowly, to value that man on his own. To step out from behind the mask and let himself be seen. The light she had shone into him had burned away so much of the darkness, that he had no choice but to explore the corners of his mind in the light of day.

She made it easy to love her. But she demanded everything he could give in return and he knew that he owed it to her. To himself. She continually provided the example of what love looked like in action, and the trust she placed in him so that he could find his way to the same place was enormous, daunting and a challenge he was willing to undertake. She was good for him in so many ways, he had stopped counting and was instead trying to catch up.

He loved her for it but he had fallen, or risen as he liked to think, in love with her simply because of who she was. At this point in his life, he couldn’t imagine it without her. He knew it was too soon to start thinking about marriage again but it was something in the back of his mind, something that he knew they were going to circle back to eventually, once they had finally laid to rest the issues that drove them apart. Like the one that had pushed her to lie and run from Star City.

His thoughts circled back to her father and the impact his absence had had on Felicity’s life. Mostly what he thought about was damage she had kept so closely guarded, hidden like a dangerous secret from the light of day and from him. He felt her nudge him just a little bit and had to laugh. Felicity had the amazing ability to read his body language and the energy he put out. She knew he still had more to say and let him know she was ready to hear it.

Carefully, keeping his anger towards her father underwraps, he told her that no matter the hurt she might think she was leveling on him, she had to make the choice moving forward if she was going to run or stay and do the work with him. He knew what he was asking of her, as she had been asking the same of him, and was prepared for her to push back.

As always, Felicity took him by surprise. She turned her body in his embrace and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight, like he would float away from her orbit. She was silent and when he looked down at her, he saw that her eyes were closed and her face serene. Her mind, he knew, was moving at the speed of light. When she spoke, it was to tell him that when she was ready to face the damage, the loneliness, her father had left inside of her, the damage now flowing out from the cracks and fissures surrounding her heart, he would be part of that solution.

Oliver felt every word she said and knew she meant each one. Her being willing to allow him to see that hurt, lonely little girl within her profoundly moved him. He only hoped that, in the future, he could repay her this trust. The darkest corners of his mind held memories that he had done his best to forget. The ones that he couldn’t hide, he had locked away in an attempt to silence them. One day they would escape from their corners and he would have no choice but hold them out in the light of day and pray that she would stay.

With the sky slowly shifting from black to deep, cobalt blue behind them, Oliver suggested they go back to bed. Felicity agreed and together they quietly headed back to the bedroom. While she closed up the living room doors, he grabbed a blanket for them to share in the chilly early morning air. Silently, they got undressed and climbed back into bed. Oliver, feeling some shame still from his earlier blanket stealing, made sure they were both covered before opening his arms to her and welcoming her into his arms.

Felicity moved around until she was able to face him. He knew the look on her face and silently resigned himself for more of the conversation they had been having earlier. He was exhausted but willed himself to remain awake. When she broached the idea of staying all day in bed with him, he chuckled but it gave him an idea. They were both exhausted, he could see the dark circles slowly forming under her eyes, and thought maybe he could make something happen to fulfil that simple request.

In the changing light, he found himself mesmerized by her eyes. The inner parts of her irises, next to the pupils, were flecked with gold and green. In certain lights, her eyes shimmered, sparkled, and sometimes they glowed and sparked like they were on fire. He could see that fiery shift in colour beginning in the changing early dawn light and was reminded of the Thunderbirds that flew in her spirit. When she reached to touch his face, he caught her hand and kissed the tender, silky skin on the inside of her wrist.

In the days and years ahead, Oliver would look back at the intimate moment they spent simply acknowledging that while their relationship was never easy, every moment felt earned, and how for the first time he heard her say that he was good for her. Even in the challenging moments when they frustrated each other with their stubbornness and reluctance to fully share. She was better than he was, but they were both struggling now. Trying to be open while protecting the tiny parts of themselves they felt were too damaged to share. It was a seismic moment in his mind. It cracked him wide open and he would always remember that moment as being the turning point for something within him that needed healing.

But still, she insisted that he was good for her, regardless of damage. He turned on his side so that he could meet her eyes. He knew before she said a word that she had already figured out that he was struggling to believe her. But he listened to her as she told him he loved her and the man he was slowly uncovering.

For what felt like a lifetime, they simply held each other’s gaze. The way her eyes flashed with light and life took his breath away, it awoke something primal deep inside his heart. Felicity gently ran the tips of her fingers, as softly as she could manage, and gently traced the shape of his jaw and read the small nicks and scars on his skin. She knew him by heart but he took delight in her re-reading his story over and over again.

He wanted to take her pain away, especially the avenues of hurt that ran through her that he was responsible for but she did shook her head. The hurt was hers and all she needed from him was to simply be there when she was ready to open that part of her to him. It was instinct and need that propelled him to pull her to him and into a long, slow kiss. It was so easy to lose himself to the magnetic pull of her, to lose himself in the way they loved each other.

She slowly moved so that she was straddling him, her soft skin pressed against his carved flesh, he let his hands travel over her. He loved the way her body responded, heating up and vibrating, fast and hot, under his hands. Her hips were moving against him, gliding silky smooth along the length of his hardening cock. She rarely needed to touch him to elicit this kind of response from him. The mere promise of her was enough and when she moaned, soft and wild, as his hands caressed her breasts, he was lost.

They were reaching a point where neither of them would be able to turn back from and while he offered to stop, his heart wasn’t in it. She kissed him and told him, in a quiet voice full of emotion, that this was her turn to show him just how much she loved him. He looked into her eyes and saw a love as vast as the universe emanating out from her. It was like a physical force that surrounded them both and helped heal the wounds he carried of guilt and shame.

He sat up and let her wrap herself around him. When she thanked him for sharing his heart with her, all he could think about was how she held the darkness in his soul in the centre of her hand, waiting for him to give his permission for her to open it and let it out into the light. He loved her in a way that hinted at a connection deeper than time. As she shifted her body and guided him inside her, he heard himself moan, primal, elemental and wild. They both paused and let the current of desire flow through and between them.

Felicity set the slow, languorous pace. Pulling him after her. Oliver felt like he was chasing her even though her movements were leisurely and sedate. He explored her body with his hands and lips. He licked and sucked her skin, tasting the sweet saltiness of her skin, and felt a surge of joy in how they fell into sync together with every movement of their bodies. It was like they were in a shared fugue state, their bodies locked together in an elemental rhythm. He could feel his desire rising and pushing at his self-control. Felicity felt it, like she always did, and kissed the breath from his body before giving him the space to move.

Swiftly, but gently, he switched their position so that she was underneath him. What she did next caused him to freeze and swallow audibly. She was using the muscles deep in her pelvic floor to undulate, massage and squeeze down on his cock. It brought back memories of the very few times they had been able to have sex after her initial paralysis. It sent an erotic jolt of energy through him then and now, every single pulsing sensation burst through his body like lightning.

He saw stars fly into view as he balanced himself on his knees so as to not but his full weight on her. Oliver felt his entire body start to tremble when she pulled him down to kiss him. She coaxed his lips apart with her tongue and sucked his to the pulsing rhythm she had set around his cock. His body was slipping out of his control when he felt her orgasm rumble through her. It was a sensation he had never felt before, full of tension and love, and wild abandon.

Finally, she released her hold on him and encouraged him to move but he was frozen in place. He was lost in his body and the extraordinary ability Felicity possessed to slip through the plates of armor he tried to surround himself with as a way to protect himself. They created distance between him and the rest of the world. He could observe and calculate. It kept him alive in situations that would have lead to the death of anyone else.

Yet, with time and patience, Felicity had found the cracks that allowed her to gain purchase and push herself past those plates of armour. She had shown him that living behind them was stopping him from actually connecting to the people who loved him. That those cracks were meant to be widened until they simply ceased to be. Right now, as she coaxed him onto his back and tenderly kissed him, he felt with sudden clarity just what the word fissure meant. With each thrust of her hips, he became the definition of a fissure in the earth. She had found the cracks that lead down to man he had forgotten and brought him achingly back to life. Pulling him him up through the crevasses in his mind as he freed his spirit on his own.

He cradled her in his arms as she thrust and ground her hips against his. Her body was shuddering and pulsing hard around his painfully hard cock. Her orgasm was powerful and rose up from core of her being. She cried out, softly in long jagged moans, as he traced the soft skin between her scars, leaving pieces of himself behind as he did, until her body finally relaxed in his arms.

He could feel a spreading warmth in his pelvis, spiralling out, coursing through his veins. He heard himself groan and knew he had to move to stop his orgasm. He didn’t have to say a word as he moved behind her. Felicity knew to turn on her side even as her consciousness had retracted and she was only distantly aware of her environment. It made him smile as she shifted and moved to find the soft corners of his body.

Oliver wrapped his arms around her and gently slid into her from behind, gasping at the overpowering heat of her body. He buried his face in her hair and gently rolled his hips forward. He slipped his hand between her legs and stroked her clit in time with his hips. She came again and he felt the earth tremble beneath them as she did. He continued his steady, slow rhythm as she shuddered and quaked around him. Her body hummed in ecstasy and his hips moved faster, harder until he came with the taste of her name on his lips.

She asked him a question in a dreamy, faraway voice and he answered her by continuing to stroke her sensitive clit until she came with such force that her hips slammed back into him, causing him to lose his breath, but he pushed her to one more. He knew her body, she went limp in his arms but he could feel the pulsing and throbbing of her body. He waited for her to catch her breath and then caressed and massaged her through one last climax before slowly easing his hand out from between her legs. When he shifted his hips and withdrew his now soft cock from the heat of her body, he felt her shiver in continued ecstasy and wished he had recovered enough to continue.

Felicity, completely exhausted, fell asleep without even moving. Oliver chuckled and reached for a towel. He thought about what she said, about spending the day in bed with him, as he gently did his best to clean them both up. It was habit now and one he found strangely comforting. He prefered to slip into the shower but for now, this would do. He loved how trusting she was, that something so intimate could be something she could sleep through, made a smile burst out over his body. She had fallen asleep with a slight smile on her face and he knew everything was going to be alright.

Ideas about the day they could spend together in bed filtered through his mind as he slipped off to sleep. He felt the need to do this one small thing and had ideas as to how to make it happen not just for her but for them. She wasn’t asking him to tell her his darkest secret or his most hidden nightmare. She was inviting him to heal from it on his own terms, as she healed from hers, so that they could strengthen the bond between them. What better way to honour that trust than with a day spent listening?

 

II

A few hours later, Oliver awoke, slightly groggy from the interrupted sleep of the night before and silently stretched out the stiffness in his body. Felicity was still deeply asleep next to him, her hair fanned out in a wild, halo of sun bleached hair around her face. He smiled when he saw the freckles on her nose that the sun had warmed up and brought out. She slept with abandon, even in the stillness of deep sleep, she embraced it with her whole existence. It was her refuge.

He remembered once running his hands through his mother’s silk scarves and being entranced by the way the fabric felt. They were cool, smooth and featherlight. Luxurious. Oliver gently swept her hair out of her face and was reminded of the way those scarves felt, tumbling through his fingers. She sighed and turned over, nestling deeper under the voluminous duvet.

Slowly, so as to not wake her, he slipped out of bed, picked up his sweats and headed to the bathroom to shower. He enjoyed showers with her, but as he was grateful for the alone time because his thoughts turned to what she had told him the night before, of how the abandonment by her father had ripped her sense of self apart, of the aching loneliness inside her.

Something in him broke, something small but connected to Felicity. When sadness thrust itself through him, it felt like a lead weight in his chest, slowly weighing him down. He felt it when his mother died, it had paralysed him, froze him in place as though he were caught in amber. As he watched the waves in their never ending journey to shore, he breathed through it. A special kind of breath cycle that Yao Fei had taught him when he was anxious and terrified during those early days on Lian Yu.

Hollow glass.

It was like she was surrounded by hollow glass and slowly the cracks that he thought she had filled were widening, spiralling outward, opening up old wounds that were drowning her in memories of what could have been. They were both survivors but she had been begun at an age where the most she should have been dealing with was homework. When he was eight years old, the most he had to worry about was which running shoes he wanted to wear out of a closet full of dozens upon dozens.

There was so much good that came with being in a relationship with Felicity. The longer they worked to get through what had split them apart, the stronger their connection became. She made him want to something he never thought he could be, a good man. Not a better man, not a different man. Just a good man.

Stepping out of the shower, the first thing he noticed was the quiet in the beach house. It was well built, solid. The wind and sound of the ocean was a whisper unless you opened the windows and doors. There was a peacefulness despite the fractal chaos of nature outside. Quietly, he slipped on his sweats and headed for the kitchen. Felicity was still buried under the duvet, sound asleep, but the aroma of coffee might do the trick in waking her up.

Ten minutes later, coffee ready, blueberries, strawberries, granola and yogurt ready, she was still asleep. He stood in the doorway of the bedroom and listened to the sonorous sound of the ways. There was a slight smile on her face as she slept. A delicate curl to the corners of her mouth. He had missed that smile. The one that came from a deep, abiding sense of safety and peace.

A distant quote bubbled up to the surface of his mind:

 _We lived in the gaps between the stories_.

It was from a book Felicity had had him read to her when they were in Ivy Town. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. That was it. She had curled up next to him in front of the fire on the cold and windy fall nights and implored him to read. She said the sound of his voice was soothing. At first, he was self-conscious. It felt unnatural to read aloud. But soon the story wrapped itself around them. By the end of it, he wished there was more as both he and Felicity sat in a tear filled silence when the words on the page came to an end.

There was truth in that quote. The story of them was what filled the gaps. It made the rest of it part of the background. The gaps were what mattered, not the stories, not just yet. They had the rest of their lives to create the stories, the moments, that would become memories for them later on. But now, as the sun crested and began its slow journey to the horizon, it was time for her to wake up.

“Hey,” he called softly from the doorway, “Felicity…”  
“Mmmmmm?” came her mumbled reply from somewhere under the covers.  
“Come on, honey,” he laughed, “it’s time to get up. It’s almost noon.”  
“Noon?” she mumbled as she sat up, “No wonder I’m starving.”  
“Well, it’s a good thing I made brunch.”  
“Ooooooh brunch!” she smiled, “In bed?”  
“No!” he laughed, “Go shower and meet me on the deck.”  
“Fine,” she grumbled, “Where are my clothes?”  
“On the floor. Where you dropped them,” he laughed, “Come on! Get moving, Smoak!”

He made his way back to the kitchen, listening for the sound of running water over the persistent waves a few yards away. When he heard her start the shower, he got a tray from the cupboard and laid out the brunch he had made earlier plus the coffee, which he was sure would be her first request.

The weather was perfect. The sun was warm, the breeze cool but there were clouds brewing. If he was right by mid-afternoon it would be overcast and that suited him fine. They hadn’t spent a day in bed together for almost a year. Back when they were new to each other, they had spent hours and hours just laying in bed together, talking, laughing, sleeping. It didn’t matter. The world had shrunk to just the two of them and that is all that mattered.

“So, what’s on that tray that I am going to devour besides the coffee?” she asked, sitting down beside him on the deck stairs.  
“Everything you love.”  
“You make the best coffee,” she said with a satisfied sigh.  
“It’s a good thing I’m a keeper,” he said with a sly smile.  
“Oliver, if you keep making coffee this rich and delicious, and food as decadent as only you know how to make, I will keep you until your looks fade and then, well, I can’t promise what’ll happen.”  
“Felicity Meghan Smoak.”  
“What!?! You gotta take care of yourself, Mr. Green Arrow. Your culinary skills will only get you so far,” she said in mock seriousness.  
“You really know how to make a man feel wanted.”

Felicity didn’t say anything, she leaned over and gave him a loud kiss on the cheek. Oliver had to laugh at the exuberance of her kiss. She smelled like Bali, floral and slightly spicy, and he loved her hair wild and free from her ponytail. She looked unburdened and it filled his heart with gladness.

“So what’s on the menu for today?” she asked around a mouthful of strawberries and yogurt.  
“I was thinking it might be nice to do something we haven’t done for almost a year.”  
“Which is…?” she asked with a gentle nudge to his ribs, “Stop being so cryptic!”  
“Finish your brunch!” he laughed.  
“If you keep this up, I’m cooking dinner.”  
“Felicity...that is not even remotely funny.”  
“I’m just saying, Oliver, my dearest heart, if you play coy, I will get into that kitchen and just start throwing all kinds of stuff into a pot. No rhyme or reason!”  
“I would rather face an army of Damian Darhks than even think about the possibility of that happening.”  
“Oliver!”  
“I’m not even kidding.”

Felicity laughed at his obvious horror at her inability to figure out how to actually cook. She just never got the hang of it and now that she knew just how much he loved to cook, she loved to tease him. But what he remembered was the smoking pot of burned water and was grateful he had discovered a love of all things cooking.

“Come on, follow me,” he said quietly, gathering up their dishes.  
“You are being so mysterious, Oliver.”  
“Come on, Smoak!”  
“Are you going to make me do the dishes?” she called after him.  
“Are you going to cook for me?”  
“...no...but I feel like this is a trick question.”

Oliver laughed at her confusion while he filled the dishwasher and grabbed the jug of water and a couple of glasses out of the cupboard and headed back to the bedroom.

“Wait? Back to bed? This isn’t like you…,” she said uncertainly.  
“Come. On.”

Oliver stepped behind the bed and pushed the curtains wide open so that they had a clear view of the ocean. The sky was slowly clouding over, the breeze had died down and the air was humid and smelled slightly sweet. If he was right and rain was on the way, then this is exactly where he wanted them to be. Hopping up onto the bed, he patted the space beside him as he piled the pillows up against the headboard. Felicity narrowed her eyes at him but followed him onto the bed.

“So, Mr. Queen, what is the deal?”  
“I thought it might be nice to take a time out.”  
“For?”  
“Us. Remember when we spent all day in bed in Ivy Town that first weekend?”  
“How could I forget?” she said with a small smile.  
“Well, we unloaded a lot yesterday,” he said softly, “Maybe today we just let whatever happens, happen.”  
“Like what?”  
“Like maybe today is the day you explain hacking to me.”  
“For real?” she asked, a hint of excitement edging into her voice.  
“No, there is literally no way I would ever understand that,” he said with a chuckle.  
“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Oliver,” she said as she stretched out so that she was facing him, “You are far smarter than you want people to pick up on.”  
“Are you saying I play a good dumb blonde?”  
“Well, you aren't exactly blonde but when you put it like that…”

Oliver ran a finger over her closest bare foot causing her to shriek with laughter. She had always treated him as an equal, even when he was so sure he didn’t deserve it, and she would never have any idea just how grateful he was for it. He had jeopardized everything with not treating her as one and that was something he would never make the mistake of doing again.

“So tell me something, Mr. Queen,” she said with a small smile, “what are you going to make us for dinner?”  
“You cannot be thinking about food again already.”  
“I’m just trying to plan!”  
“For what!?”  
“Oliver, you know I like to figure out food.”  
“I do...you’ve never really told me why though.”

Felicity looked at him and he could see her mind working, faster than the speed of light, as she made a deliberate choice about what she was going to say.

“You know how I can’t cook...don’t...say anything,” she laughed, “but you know I am appallingly bad at it.”  
“I may have noticed,” he said kindly.  
“Well, it wasn’t just that my mom wasn’t home alot...after she left my dad, we weren’t rich. We were incredibly poor,” she said, growing sombre and quiet, “we had no one in Vegas. It was just me and mom. My grandparents were dead, at least on my mom’s side, I have never looked for my dad’s parents, so we were alone.”  
“What about aunts or uncles or cousins?” he asked quietly, reaching out for her hand.  
“It was just us, Oliver,” she said with a small shrug, “I was used to it. To it just being the two of us. My mom worked long, long hours just to keep a roof over our heads. She is not a good cook herself but...we never had a lot of food in the house. Nothing that needed cooking anyways. Just the basics that I could put together when I got home from school.”  
“Is that why you refuse to eat white bread, bologna and tuna?” he asked, a sudden, sad realization dawning on him.  
“Yeah,” she said softly, her eyes downcast, “We didn’t have money for much else. Cheap, empty food. All the time.”  
“Felicity…,” he said, trying to keep a sudden rush of anger towards her father at bay, “Why did you never tell me this before?”  
“I was ashamed. Of my mom, of my father, of me. Of how I was raised. Why do you think it took three years and a fake ticket for my mom to get here? I wanted this life to be mine and only mine. I worked so hard to become me, I didn’t want you or Diggle to think any less of me.”

Oliver picked up a pillow from behind him and moved so that he was laying next to her, facing the open doors and the ocean. Felicity opened her arms and welcomed him next to her. They laid there, watching the clouds as they advanced overhead. The breeze was picking up but it was only moving the warm, humid air inland. Oliver could smell the rain that was coming and was hoping it would relieve some of the heaviness out of the air.

“Felicity, there is nothing you could ever do that would make either Diggle or I think less of you,” he said gently, “It never dawned on me that money and food security would ever be at the root of your cooking woes.”  
“I know. I didn’t want you to feel like you needed to feel sorry for me or my mom. We were poor but we got by.”  
“You should have said something, love,” he said, feeling guilty for teasing her.  
“Nah,” she with a gentle smile, “I love how much you love to cook, Oliver. I love watching you in the kitchen. You look so relaxed, so happy. You look...you look like you.”  
“Is that why you never told me that you could drive stick? Because you love watching me drive?” he asked, side eying her hard.  
“It’s sexy watching you drive stick. You have gorgeous forearms,” she said without a trace of shame.  
“Felicity Meghan Smoak…”  
“What? You should see you when you drive stick!”

The sound of distant thunder rumbled over the water, echoing in the room around them. It was soft, not wild and loud like the day before. Felicity was absentmindedly running her fingertips up and down his forearm, sending shivers all over his body. They lay in comfortable silence and listened to the thunder as it rolled even closer.

“I love this weather,” she mused quietly.  
“It’s a bit humid but I love how your hair looks when you just let it go,” he said softly.  
“I thought you liked my hair in a ponytail,” she teased.  
“You like your hair in a ponytail, I love it when you let it down.”  
“Really?”  
“You have beautiful hair! I’m a guy!” he said, feeling a blush rising up and over his face.

Felicity laughed at his obvious embarrassment and pulled herself closer to him. The rain had begun to fall, big raindrops that hit the deck with force, but the breeze was still soft and light. He was glad they had pulled the screen doors shut in the living room but was hoping he wouldn’t have to do the same here. They were relaxed, legs and hands intertwined, and he was loath to break their connected bodies apart.

“So why this place?” he asked softly.  
“Klamath? I saw it online and thought it looked perfect. Plus...the Klamath people have a story about Coyote that comes from somewhere around here and well…”  
“Coyote. Always with Coyote,” he sighed.

The rest of the afternoon went by in soft conversation as they listened to the rain and soft booms of thunder. The breeze finally picked up and Oliver knelt behind the headboard and closed the screen doors. By the time he turned back around to rejoin her, Felicity had fallen asleep with her head on the pillow he had been using. He pushed errant strands of her hair back and leaned down to kiss her forehead before laying down again. It came as a surprise to Oliver that sleep would pull him down but within a few minutes, his eyes slowly closed and then all was silent.

It wasn’t the cold that woke him up, it was Felicity’s soft, warm breath across his neck. She had pulled herself across his body, so that her head was on his shoulder. The slight change in her breathing is what woke him up. He didn't have to look down to know that she was awake, too. As always with them, when they were in sync, they awoke together.

“Hey,” he said drowsily.  
“Hey,” she mumbled back, her voice still thick with sleep.  
“A lazy afternoon nap was just what we needed,” he yawned.  
“It was perfect. I am so glad you decided staying in bed was today's main activity.”  
“I think we needed it. To prove we could do this and remain clothed,” he chuckled.  
“God, Oliver, we just have, I mean...I guess it’s normal, but I mean, maybe we should use condoms or something because the pill isn’t 100%.”  
“Are you trying to say we have a lot of sex?”  
“Oliver…,” she said with a blush rising up her neck.  
“Felicity…,” he said with a wink and suggestive raise of his eyebrow.  
“KNOCK IT OFF!” she laughed.  
“All I did was say your name!”  
“You said it...sexily.”  
“Oh, Felicity…,” he said with mock sadness, “if I was going to say anything to you sexily, it wouldn’t just be your name.”  
“You are terrible, you know that?” she said with a smile.  
“The worst,” he answered, slipping his hand down her body and over her hip.  
“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Mr. Queen.”  
“Are you calling me a quitter?” he asked as he shifted just enough to position himself so that she was now on her back, slightly underneath him.  
“Now would I call you that?” she asked softly, “When I could just call you old?”

Oliver growled and rubbed his beard scruff all along her neck, holding her fast to him and listened to her swear at him using expletives he had never heard before. It never failed to make him laugh when she unleashed a torrent of profanity at him while she laughed in spite of herself.

She had wrapped her legs around him in an effort to gain some kind of purchase and move him off of her, but when his lips found the delicate, sensitive skin of her neck, she stopped struggling and held him, her breathing changing, growing harder, deeper.

“Oliver,” she said softly, “whatcha doing?”  
“Calming your skin down, I think I may have rubbed a bit too hard,” he murmured, his breath blowing hot across her skin.  
“Let’s go have something to eat,” she suggested.  
“Are you ok?”  
“Of course, but let’s just take it easy...until after dinner,” she said with a smile.  
“That sounds like a solid plan,” he agreed.  
“Love you,” she smiled.

Oliver pushed himself up so that he could look at her, really see her and what she was trying to say to him. Her skin was flushed and her eyes held that far away look that accompanied the rise of passion between them, like she was holding onto their reality with every cell in her body. He never tired of seeing her light up from within at every touch and shared heart beat.

“Love you, too,” he murmured as he leaned down to gently kiss her.

It felt like a sonic boom. Or an earthquake. It felt like the world stopped spinning and allowed them to live in that moment for what felt like an eternity. It was just a simple kiss, one that lasted for no more than a few seconds, but it left its mark on his heart. It created a memory shared between, one that would form the foundation for all the things to come.

“Dinner?” he asked with a soft smile.  
“Dinner,” she smiled back.

Oliver slipped off the bed, held out his hand and together they left the warm confines of the bed for the kitchen. There would time enough to satisfy the other needs their bodies had after dinner. Felicity kept up a steady stream of chatter as he prepared their evening meal, one he had learned in Italy all those months ago. He watched her move effortlessly around the room, setting the table, smelling the flowers he had brought with him, and smiled. There were still things to sort through between them but he wasn't going to force them.

_Not yet, he thought as he watched her deep in thought in front of the stereo._  
_Not yet, he thought as she crossed the room back to him._  
_Not yet, he thought as she ran her hand gently down his back, a silently said devotion made only for him. Always only for him._


	7. Night Three: A Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter shifts to Felicity's POV and her continued journey to address the impact of Noah's desertion of her and her mother, both emotionally and physically.
> 
> Felicity peels back another layer and shares it with Oliver after coming to a sudden realization about her own motivations. This chapter is about the process of unraveling the ways Havenrock, William and her father had ripped a hole in her, in how she saw herself and the trust she lost in them both.
> 
> It is important for her to forgive not only herself, but Oliver as well. She doesn't absolve him of responsibility for his actions but she opens the door for them to talk about William.
> 
> Not an easy chapter to write but it ends well ;)

**Night Three: A Story**

_He slips past her_   
_Riding an ancient wave_   
_Stopping only when he approaches shore._

I

She was dreaming of wind blowing gently through rushes. A sound she had heard a lifetime ago when wandering down an overgrown path around a pond in a small garden in a temple in Bali. It soothed her, relaxed her mind and let her live in the moment, in the sweltering jungle heat with Oliver as he told stories about his youth. He grew up in such privilege but his fondest memories were of the people he loved not the objects he possessed or the wealth he grew up surrounded by.

His voice broke through her veil of sleep, so quiet and persistent, pulling her back to the beach house. Pulling her back to Klamath, one syllable at a time. Felicity was warm and content, wrapped in the duvet Oliver finally shared with her. Her thoughts were still fragmented, slowly coming together as she let the day in. From somewhere deep in her mind, a quote from a book she had found while in Positano bubbled up and she struggled to remember who wrote it:

_Like the scent of a lover’s_   
_Body_

_Hold this book close to your heart_   
_For it contains wonderful_   
_Secrets._

Hafiz. That’s who wrote it. The Sufi Master, born so long ago, who must have inspired Rumi, one of her favourites. Why that particular quote sung out to her across centuries, religions, ethnicities and languages, she couldn’t quite figure out but it felt important. Like it was going to shape part of the day.

Oliver hinted at a breakfast she would love and then she smelled the aroma of brewing coffee. The sun was high in the sky so she knew it was getting late, relatively speaking. So she got up without any more prodding and headed for the shower. She needed one after last night, the memory of which warmed her from the inside out. They were no longer new to each other, but the delight they took in just sharing the breath of the other remained just as electric and intense as the very first time they made love in Nanda Parbat.

That is why despite the way her soul felt bruised from the stories she shared with him over the last 24 hours, she knew she was safe to share more without judgement. It was time to let those memories of her father be shared rather than just rattling around her mind. She had never shared any of this with Cooper or even her mom, but Oliver was different. She didn’t have words for it yet, but she felt certain, confident, that they would be sharing more together soon. The words were bubbling up to the surface for them both, engaging their hearts and minds in a mission of trust.

By the time she was done in the shower, breakfast was on the table and the coffee, hot and rich. If she could figure out just what he did when he made his coffee, she could copy it at home when he wasn’t with her in the loft but so far she had yet to crack his secret methods. She teased him that she would keep him around so long as he continued to feed her this well. When he pretended to be hurt, all she had to do was kiss his cheek loudly and with gusto for him to break his stoic expression and into a huge, glowing grin.

He teased her about her inability to cook and she had to admit, she was awful at it. But there was a reason for it. One that she wasn’t ashamed of but it left her feeling deeply uncertain, off balance and conflicted. They were such different people, from such different backgrounds, she was worried that he would try to empathize and completely miss the point of why cooking was so difficult for her. Maybe she should try but the indecisiveness of whether to or not still lurked at the back of her mind.

After breakfast was done and the dishes put into the dishwasher, he pulled her after him back to the bedroom. He wanted them to spend the day together in bed just to talk and rest. Like they did their first weekend in Ivy Town, when the concept of a life lived in unison was new and intoxicating. She was reluctant at first but then the idea of just listening to the waves outside while reclining on that giant bed with Oliver won her over. When he said maybe she could explain hacking to him, she knew he was joking but the very thought that he might have been serious, excited her. One day, she would explain it to him and she knew he would understand.

Oliver always downplayed his intelligence, he hid it as though it were something to be ashamed about or would draw too much attention to him in a positive way. He was no longer the idiot frat boy he was before he boarded the Gambit with his father and Sara. He had changed. He had learned that grief cannot be cheated, no matter how hard or fast you run. Oliver had shed the skin of his past and was embarking on what it meant to be whole and living his life for himself.

She eased the moment by teasing him until he ran a finger down the length of her naked foot causing her to shriek with laughter. Watching him from across the bed, she asked him about dinner. Food security was not something she had ever discussed with Oliver. It was something she had tried to mask, hide, camouflage in her day to day activities.

Looking at him, after he asked her why she was so concerned about food and what they would eat later that night, she made the decision to tell him why she sometimes obsessed knowing at all times when and what she would be eating. The memories that came flooding back to her filled her with shame. She had tried so hard to leave that part of her life in the past, locked away. She had refused to let her own mother visit her in an effort to distance herself from everything that she came from.

The words poured out of her. She told him about the poverty, the empty house, the empty food. She told him about the grinding loneliness of her childhood. How the search for food after school would often result in her eating whatever she could find in the fridge because of her mom having to work long, Vegas hours. She didn’t tell him about the times she sat crying in front of a television that produced only static because her mom had forgotten to pay the cable bill. Or the times she had to go to the neighbours to ask for something to eat because she mom had forgotten to leave money for groceries or the power was off and the food was spoiled.

She had more memories of sitting alone in the dark then she cared to admit to. There were weeks when she had to eat tuna sandwiches on Wonder Bread for lunch and dinner all because her mom didn’t have time to cook real meals. When she was ten years old, she had gone to a sleepover at a classmate’s brand new house. During the night as all her classmates slept, she had stolen Ramen noodles and a jar of Nutella, stuffed them into her second hand backpack and hoped no one would notice. Those were luxury items for her and she had savoured every morsel.

Her mom had found the Nutella jar and instead of asking where it came from, had gone shopping and filled the kitchen with groceries. Every cabinet was full, as were the fridge and freezer. For the first time in a long time, she had hot meals and food she wasn’t ashamed to take to school. It only lasted two weeks but in that time she ate until she couldn’t move some nights. In that time, she and her mom had pretended their Hungry Man dinners were the height of haute cuisine. They had lit candles and giggled as they spoke in affected British accents, pretending to be royalty.

How could she tell Oliver, who had grown up in opulence and luxury, that she often only had $5 in her pocket to last her an entire week? She felt such fear in telling what she did, thinking it would make him pity her, something she couldn’t bear from him. Instead, he moved his pillow next to her at the foot of the bed and stretched out beside her, lithely entering her embrace where he quietly reassured her that nothing in her life could ever diminish her in his eyes.

Oliver had a calmness to him that she knew was a careful way for him to mask when he was genuinely angry. When he redirected her back to where the blame should lay, specifically with her father, that is when she saw the fire of controlled rage flashing through his eyes. It was like two supernovas were locked deep inside them and she would feel the prickly rush of anger flow over her. Oliver’s rage towards her father was a sort of uneasy comfort. He was always so careful when it came to this topic. He would tiptoe around Noah’s name. Trying to find the delicate balance between support and loathing.

He teased her about pretending to not know how to drive a manual transmission, something she was hoping he wouldn’t have picked up on when he went to move the jeeps. She had to laugh at his side eye. Watching Oliver drive using a gear shift was a thing of beauty, at least to her eyes. The muscles in his forearms would pop out and she loved watching them shift and move as he drove. She shamelessly admitted it to him as he laughed.

Just then, she detected a change in the temperature of the breeze coming in off the ocean and distantly heard a soft rumble of thunder in the distance that rolled low over the surface of the water and into the quiet bedroom. Instinctively, she reached for him and gently began to run her fingertips over his closest forearm. It was her way of making sure he knew she was there with him should he get lost in the rush of memories he no longer spoke of. They naturally drew closer to one another and Felicity had to suppress a smile as their bodies naturally entwined, legs and arms searching for familiar spots of comfort.

He told her how much he loved it when she would leave her hair down, how the loose, natural waves were something he loved. She was surprised but delighted in his fleeting embarrassment about loving her hair in such a decidedly masculine way. It was another layer, another example of how he paid attention to her, to her appearance in a way that was almost explicitly linked to his sexuality.

The topic of the location then came up and why she had selected the area of Klamath. She didn’t know what to tell him at first. Felicity wasn’t sure if she should tell him that one night, not too long ago before she had decided to run away from Star City and Oliver, she had dreamt of Coyote and the nights both she and Oliver had dreamed of her in the desert and on their trip around the world. It only took her a few minutes to locate the closest place where Coyote was part of the fabric of the land. Klamath was a place were the stories were alive and breathing.

She alluded to it and laughed at his faux weary sigh. They spent the next few hours talking about random topics. At one point they were each going on gentle tangents, glancing off of each other as the topics ebbed and flowed, neither minding the odd narrative they were creating. It was enough to listen to the other’s voice, soothing and gentle, while the storm rolled slowly towards them.

When the wind picked up enough to ruffle the curtains and push the rain a little harder than the roof overhang could keep out, Oliver knelt by the headboard and pulled the screen doors shut. The light in the room shifted as the cloud cover deepened, creating a hazy border around his body as she watched him from the bed.

The light filtered through his white shirt, finding his contours and edges. Felicity loved watching him move. The economy of motion, the precise way he held every part of his body to maximize energy and strength. He wasn’t even aware of it, of how he created a stillness when he sat, or the hurricane of power when he was in motion. He always drew her eye, but now as she watched him perform such a mundane task, she felt a surge of protective love for him. That they both loved each other enough to cast aside the challenging moments of life to make sure the other was safe defined moments like these. It was something that lived in her no matter the weight of her grief and it was her last waking thought before the suddenness of sleep washed over her.

_There was a soft hum that buzzed and crackled around her. It was like static electricity had found a way to create sound and was brushing gently against her skin. She smelled ozone on the breeze and looked up to see if she could find the lightning before it struck the earth._

_All she saw was bright, endless blue sky. Not a cloud in site but the sun was also hidden from view which left her confused and slightly off balance. It was a familiar sky from her nights of endless nightmares after Havenrock. Nights were she was alone in an echoing loft, cut off from her family and friends, drowning in grief and guilt. She looked around and saw that she was in the Klamath beach house, isolated and far away from everyone who knew and loved her._

_“Felicity,” came a familiar voice from behind her._   
_“Dad?” she answered turning around, slowly and full of apprehension._   
_“Yes, it’s me,” he said with a slight sardonic tone, “I guess you would rather I was a tall superhero who wears green?”_   
_“If Oliver were in this dream, you would not be,” she said, her voice tight and controlled._   
_“So sure are you? Don’t you think we could have a civilized conversation within your subconscious mind?”_   
_“Maybe. But I wouldn’t trust that I will be the calm one.”_   
_“Such hostility. It was your mother who left me,” he chided._   
_“She did. To protect. Me.”_

_Felicity watched her father as he crossed the kitchen and sat down on the couch in the livingroom. He was always so precise and_ _controlled and now was no different. It was a way to intimidate, she knew, but it still made her palms sweat in remembered fear. He would grow so calm and self assured when he and her mom would argue. Felicity used to retreat to her room and hide behind her bed waiting for the voices, previously so calmly held in check, to erupt into violent yelling. Then the sounds of breaking glass, doors slammed in rage and pain as someone would leave the house they shared._

_“Just like Oliver lied about having a child? Was that to protect you or himself?” he father asked with a slight smirk on his face._   
_“Oliver and I have talked about that and I will not talk about it with you,” she said in a voice that wavered along the edges. WIlliam was still such a tender area for her. It dredged up memories of loneliness and abandonment that stuck to her heart no matter how hard she tried to get free from them._   
_“How it must have stung,” her father said with gusto, “to know he could lie so easily to you about something so enormous.”_   
_“Why are you doing this?” she asked, her voice thick with emotion._   
_“Because someone has to tell you why. Why it is so easy for people to lie to you. Why Oliver chose to lie to you,” he said, his eyes flashing with something that was not the truth._

_Felicity tried to step back, to leave the house and flee to the beach and just run as far and as fast as she could. But she found herself rooted to the spot, against her will, like half of her body was refusing to work. The last time she felt like this, she was in a wheelchair, paralysed from the waist down by a gunman’s bullet._

_The flood of memories that washed over her left her gasping. She remembered nights alone in the hospital between operations, the silent wailing as she fought through the fear and terror of living without the full use of her body. From the void of memory came a fist of such deeply felt betrayal that she momentarily forgot this was a dream, she knew that if she could reach out she would find the warm, welcoming body of Oliver as he slept beside her. There was a bitter sweetness to that knowledge. That he could bring her comfort as she reeled from the pain he had created._

_Her father, now a memory following his silent departure from her life once again, was a figment of trauma. Something she had yet to figure out how let go of and finally let herself be free from all the things he represented: abandonment, loneliness, desperation and a brokenness that seemed to follow her no matter where she went._

_“You almost wound up in a wheelchair because of him,” her father continued, “and yet, he still lied to you, left you alone to face doctors and surgeries without him. All so he could go see his son.”_   
_“Oliver and I have worked this out,” she said in a voice filled with a sorrow filled rage, “Why you are here is beyond me.”_   
_“Oh come now, Felicity, you know why I am here.”_

_And she did._

_She knew exactly why. This man, with his necrotic heart, was the opposite of Oliver, who possessed a heart capable of so much love that it left them both seared by the power of it. Despite the trail of lies he left in his wake after he discovered William’s existence, she never once stopped loving him. Even as she slept alone in the loft, often on the couch in front of the fire in order to avoid their shared bed, she navigated her new reality alone as she did when she thought she would not walk again. She fell behind the walls she had built when her father left her life so that the wounds on her heart would mend, she pushed through the pain and waited for it to ebb and flow away._

_“William will know Oliver when the time is right, when it is safe and his mother agrees to it,” Felicity said calmly, “What won’t happen is that Oliver will remain a stranger from his son for the rest of his life.”_   
_“Was I stranger to you, Felicity?”_   
_“You were my dad and then you weren’t.”_   
_“I will always be your dad,” he said with a bark of laughter, more cruel than kind._   
_“No, you will always be my father but you lost the right to be my dad when you let both mom and I go without a second thought.”_   
_“Just like Oliver let William go. Just like you are terrified, under all of the bravado and promises of truthfulness and honesty, that he will let you go sometime in the future. That he will abandon you when you need him more than anyone else on this planet.”_

_Felicity shook her head. She knew, with a sudden and soul crushing realization, that what her father was saying was not what she feared. It was that she would let Oliver go without a second thought and truly be her Father’s daughter. She was terrified that unless she came to grips with her guilt and grief over Havenrock, that she would let the influence of her father and the reality of William drive her away from Oliver. Possibly for good._

_She had left Star City to regroup without knowing what she was regrouping from. She thought it was just space to breathe but now, as her dreaming mind pulled the threads of her thoughts apart, she could see what was crumbling the foundation of her heart. Felicity felt herself gasping for air as the weight of the sorrow of her childhood and the events of the past few months pushed down on her from all sides._

_It was like when she was almost too young to hold memories deep within her mind. She had glimpses of times when she would crawl under her bed and wait for the darkness that surrounded her father to ooze out of the house. Some days, she thought it could see her but if she hid under the bed, she was safe. And now, in this dream so far away from where all of this had happened, that darkness was back. It was seeping up the walls, threatening to blot out the sun._

_“You have no power over me. None. I am who I am because of mom, because of me. Not you,” she said, her voice filled with rage, “Never you. I am not your daughter.”_

_Noah stood up and stared at her. Even though her body felt weighed down and her heart was drowning in self doubt, she met his gaze and silently defied him. Daring him to manipulate her feelings, her mind, her heart. She could see clearly now why she was feeling the anxiety of being smothered by Oliver’s very clear and true love for her._

_It wasn’t that she felt unworthy. It was that she feared that she was just as capable of leaving Oliver like he had left her when trying to establish some kind of relationship with his son. It felt like a fist in her gut, punching its way out of her, trying to show her just what she was capable of if the moment arose._

_Taking a deep breath, she let it flow out of her. Felicity knew, deep down she knew, that it was her father’s legacy that was slowly unravelling her spirit. His legacy of disregard, casual cruelty, emotional abuse and, above all else, disinterest in the fate of his daughter when her mother had packed them up and fled the family home. He let them go as though they meant nothing to him when he had meant everything to her._

_She had grieved the loss of her father over the course of her youth. She had run from the pain until it was a nightmare buried deep inside her mind. Havenrock had cracked her wide open and left her scattered. She was still gathering pieces of her heart and mind and trying to put them back together so she could feel something other than the aching loneliness that seemed to have fused itself to her bones._

_The longer she breathed, the fainter the image of her father became. She smiled as she took deeper and deeper breaths, felt the self loathing that surrounded her younger self evaporate in the air and she watched as the darkness that had seeped into her dream slowly gave way to light. There was nothing left of her father in her. Her mind, her intelligence, her heart and spirit were her own and she wanted to share all of them with Oliver. Freely and with the confidence in them both as individuals that they would and could take care each other._

_Felicity felt a warm breeze on the back of her neck. She turned around to face the ocean and found Oliver standing just across the threshold of the living room sliding glass doors. She didn’t say a word as she crossed to him and into his open arms. Felicity rested her head on his chest, listening for his heartbeat, and closed her eyes._

_Running from grief wasn’t an option but dying slowly under the weight of it was something she could change. It was ok for her be vulnerable with Oliver. It would give her the strength to trust him with the wounded part of her heart that needed the strength of two to heal._

_She became aware of light pressing in around her eyes and knew it was time to leave this dream, a strange fractal chord in the whirlwind chorus of her mind, and find a way to rejoin the world and live the best life she could for herself. Oliver was part of that world but he was also part of her heart and it was time to honour that fact._

Sleep slowly let go of her consciousness and she found herself tumbling towards the day and Oliver.

They always found a way to wake up at the same time. It was eerily familiar and wonderful. She was surprised to find she had moved to embrace him as she slept and neither of them had awoken when she did. It tumbled her thoughts back to her dream and all the information it had unloaded on her. As she processed it, they sleepily welcomed each other back to the world.

Oliver teased her gently about being happy they could sleep and remain fully clothed when she blurted out her concern for their birth control practices. It was something that had been worrying her for some time, not that she didn’t want to have children but there was still so much they didn’t know about the implant in her spine. What if it stopped working as her body changed? What if it interfered with the pregnancy itself? She needed more data before even entertaining the idea of having a child.

He took it in stride. Felicity knew that he understood and no further explanation was needed. So when he teased her some more, and said her name with a suggestive wink, she felt herself blush to the roots of her hair as he ran his hand down her body and over her hip. It wouldn’t take much for them to forget the conversation they just had and spend the rest of the afternoon in bed. She tried to distract him by gently making fun of their age difference but he rubbed his several days old growth of beard into her neck to distract her.

She both loved and hated it when he did that. It hurt some days but on others, when the bristle was just the right length, it felt soft and good. It would warm her skin and the night would end in a tangle of limbs and shed clothing. This time, his beard was not soft. It was bristly and sharp. Felicity responded with a barrage of expletives as she wrapped her leg around his hip and tried to use her other one to push him up and off of her.

Oliver laughed but then his lips found the sensitive skin he had just ravaged with his scruff. His breath was warm and his lips were soft, calming the prickly heat he had left behind. She had to bite her lip to keep from sighing in what was fast approaching ecstasy. She wanted to let go, to let the rising temperature of love, lust and need increase, to let it set every movement, touch and shared breath on fire. It would be so easy to give in to the way he held her now that he had angled his body so that he was laying almost completely on top of her.

With a deep sigh of reluctant regret, she suggested they get something to eat. Something, anything, to get them out of the bedroom. Oliver sat up to and looked at her. Even though she was unfocused and still unsure if she truly wanted to stop what he had so tenderly started, she could see the laser like focus in his eyes. He wasn’t just looking at her, he was seeing her and all that they were creating together. She felt naked under his gaze, like there was no way to hide the way she was so willing to hold onto their reality with every fibre of her being.

And then he kissed her.

There were so many moments, so many times they had kissed each other in so many different ways that she had lost count. But on rare occasions, there were kisses that transcended all the ones that had come before it. Like this one. She felt her bones vibrate and shift as it rumbled through her. It stripped away all fear and shone a light into her that burned away the lingering loneliness from her childhood. This simple, sweet kiss bolstered her and gave her a sense of security in the foundation of their relationship that had been missing for months and months.

She felt a memory being formed, one that would become a touchstone for them both in moments of uncertainty. It was one of a few intimate moments that meant so much more than what it was, it resonated deep in her heart and she was certain that things would get better as they opened up to one another about all the things they felt they needed hide. This shared moment left its mark on her heart and she treasured its existence.

He smiled and pulled her from the bed with the offer of dinner, something she could not refuse, and together they left the seductive warmth of the bed and headed off in search of food. Reaching out for his outstretched hand, they walked out of the sanctuary he had created for them and towards the kitchen. Felicity watched again as the light, so bright and diffused in the rest of the house, sought out the contours and strong planes of his body, highlighting the power and strength of his muscular form.

Oliver always found ways to tell her how beautiful he thought she was, always taking time to show it in small gestures and sometimes just in how he looked at her, his eyes shimmering with a deeply felt desire that she could feel pressing against her skin. Tonight, after she had completed her story, she would try to repay him as best she could.

 

II

 

“Oliver,” she said around a mouthful of the tenderest chicken breast she had ever eaten, “you need to create a cookbook. ‘The Green Arrow Cooks’ or ‘How to Cook Like A Queen’ anything. This is amazing.”

“How to Cook Like A Queen?” he said with a straight face.  
“What? It works with your family name!” she replied with an equally straight face before taking another huge bite of chicken.  
“I think I prefer ‘Oliver’s Kitchen’.”  
“So you’ve thought about it! And that is boring. Think BIG!” she said with a smile.  
“How about “Food for Felicity’?” he said with a wink.  
“Better.”  
“Room for dessert?” he asked.  
“Not right now. I am so full,” she said as she leaned back and rubbed her stomach.  
“Felicity, I love how much you love to eat,” he said seriously.  
“You feed me and my soul,” she smiled.

Oliver gave he a quizzical look. She knew he still wasn’t sure that he was worth that kind of love and appreciation, but he accepted the compliment with his usual stoic grace and got up to clear the table of their dinner dishes. He had made a version of Chicken Roulade but stuffed and rolled the chicken breast with feta, basil, and roasted sweet red peppers. The side dishes were simple, roasted corn, tomatoes and tiny glazed nugget potatoes, and she ate as much as her stomach could hold.

It was like he was trying to impress her with his new found skill and while he didn’t need to, she was not going to dissuade him from continually topping himself. Oliver had found something that was as close to what hacking was for her. It was something that gave him pride and a reckless peace that bordered on a Zen-like calm. When she would fall silent and eat, it was her signal that what he made was perfect and the meal he had just created was beyond that. It was award winning worthy.

Taking her wine glass, she wandered out to the deck to sit and watch the sunset as he finished cleaning up. The sky was awash with colour, soft muted pastels of pink, purple and orange. The colours out here were so different. They were fluid and soft. She was soothed by the way the sun slipped slowly out of sight and the earth’s orbit, always in motion, gently ushered in the night. Oliver was whistling quietly as he loaded the dishwasher and wiped down the counter. He was a perfectionist and methodical but it saved her from having to do it and for that she was eternally grateful.

Felicity let her thoughts drift back to the dream she had that afternoon. It was a tough one to accept as truth. It had lead her to such a dark and chaotic time in her life, to the formation of her survival instinct. When she thought about the way Oliver processed his world, and his potential for abandoning her, she had stepped away from it and left him. Removing the engagement ring and leaving it on their once shared kitchen table had almost killed her but she didn’t regret it.

They had so much healing to do. Neither one of them had been ready for that kind of commitment and after Havenrock, she knew she had made the right choice to spend time on her own to figure out how to process the pain of having ended so many lives. Now, as she thought about the way it felt to have her father show up and tear down the walls she had erected around the abyss at the centre of her soul, she was glad that she wasn’t alone this time. That now, instead of sitting with the agony of memory alone, she could include Oliver in the healing process.

“Whatcha thinking about?” he asked her softly from the living room doorway.  
“A few things,” she said with a small shrug of her shoulders.  
“I’d say ‘penny for your thoughts’ but your thoughts are worth at least a nickel,” he said as he sat down behind her.  
“I was going to say a dime to account the issue of inflation, but I’ll take the nickel,” she laughed.  
“You’ll have to take a rain check though,” he sighed.  
“Too rich for you?”  
“I’m only a superhero mayor,” he admonished in fake sadness, “where you are a brilliant, amazing former CEO, inventor and just all around genius who is loaded.”  
“Why, Oliver Queen,” she said in her best southern drawl, “I do believe you are flirting with me!”  
“How can you sound that good when using that accent?” he said with a shake of his head.  
“Because I speak softly and with delicious intent,” she said with a wink, leaning back so she could look up at him.

Oliver kissed the side of her face and laughed, “I think the wine helped.”  
“It always helps and was delicious. Thank you for bringing it.”

They fell into a comfortable silence and watched the the stars come out. The night sky was mesmerizing out here. It was a vast, velvety expanse brimming with ancient life. She felt so at home underneath it and found herself searching for familiar nebulas and the presence of an old Navajo woman who had shown both her and Oliver the beginning of their story.

 _Maybe that’s it,_ she thought. _Maybe it is the story of who we are that is what matters more than where we are in time and space. That we can stop running from what scares us if we are honest about it with each other._

“It is beautiful out here,” Oliver hummed in her ear, pulling her back to the deck, to the house, to him.  
“It is. If it were closer to Star City, I would live here in a heartbeat,” she agreed with a sigh.  
“Maybe we should come out here again?”  
“Absolutely. We can take one car next time.”  
“You can drive,” he said.  
“Really? You hate my driving!” she exclaimed.  
“I want to watch you drive stick,” he said in a low voice. It was full of heat and desire.  
“Flirt,” she murmured.

He chuckled and pulled her closer to him. The night air was chilly so she was grateful for his warmth. Without even thinking of what she was doing, Felicity covered his hands with her own and gently rubbed her thumbs over his knuckles. It brought them both comfort in times of stress and she had unknowingly signaled to him that something was brewing out of her.

“Felicity,” he said softly, “what’s up?”  
“That obvious?” she chuckled softly.  
“You have certain tells,” he answered, shifting his hands so that he could hold hers.

It was something he did to calm her nerves. It was gentle, kind, full of love and it made her feel safe. They both had intimate gestures that no one else could copy or imitate. She loved how he could shatter the pain that surrounded her with one simple, tender touch. It gave her a moment to gather her thoughts, to take in the night sky and the way their shadows had merged into one in the soft golden glow of the dim lights coming from inside the house.

“I had a dream while we napped earlier,” she started slowly, measuring each word with careful intent, “I had a conversation, I guess you call it, with my father.”

Oliver’s body seemed to tighten around her. He was still holding her hands, but it was as if his arms and legs pulled inward, creating an impenetrable wall around her body. It gave her the necessary boost in courage and comfort to dive into the complicated world of her childhood and the strength to talk about the emotional harm her father had so casually inflicted. It was still buried under layers of scar tissue but she could feel it all like freshly laid wounds.

“I guess my subconscious was still digging into the conversation we left dangling,” she mused thoughtfully, her mind sifting through the information she had already shared, “and in a way it makes sense that Noah would show up and try to undermine everything I was trying to do.”  
“What did your mind do, Felicity?” he asked, his voice full of layers of concern and apprehension.

“He played on my fears around William and you,” she said quietly and waited to see what Oliver would do or say. She felt his chest constrict in physical fear away from her back.  
“What did he say?” he asked, his voice flat and controlled.  
“That what drove me away from Star City wasn’t just the impact of his return to my life, but that I was running from you and that you could be capable of leaving me again...like when I was in the hospital and you were going back and forth to Central City,” she said in a soft, reflective voice. She could feel tears threatening to fall and fought hard to not let that happen.

The waves were quietly bubbling over the rocky shore. A soft and persistent sound that was hypnotizing and gentle. It helped her breathe through the tension that had sprung up and out of Oliver when she pulled those painful memories back to the surface of their relationship. They had form, substance. She could feel them on days when her guard was low. A simple word or look could spark them back into life and leave her struggling to breathe.

“We still need to talk about that, don’t we?” Oliver asked in a sad voice.  
“We do...we are. I know why you left me and I understand. It hurt...it still hurts but I forgave you because I love you but I still remember how it felt,” she said honestly. Oliver still carried the guilt of leaving her but she couldn’t control how he forgave himself. She could only show that she had made that journey on her own and was waiting for him to join her.  
“I...I know you have forgiven me, Felicity, but…,” his voice trailing off as he chased his own thoughts.

Felicity shifted so that she sit sideways between his legs. She needed him to see her for this, she needed them to look each other in the eyes. It was a conscious decision on her part, not instinct. She needed to see his face, his eyes, she needed him to see her as he listened.

“In my dream, I finally figured out what has been terrifying me. Yes, you leaving to go see William triggered all of my abandonment issues. I felt...thrown into a whirlwind. I was battered by it long after I had healed from the physical trauma. Oliver, I know why you went,” she said earnestly, taking hold of his hands to still them as he had begun to tap nervously against his thighs.  
“But…,” he prompted.  
“But it left me feeling second best. Like...like I was too damaged to stay with. Like you didn’t trust me with the most precious parts of you. Like I wasn’t worthy of it.”  
“Felicity…,” his voice cracked around her name. He tried to look away from her but she held his gaze, locked him to her and waited.  
“I kept it all at bay because of Havenrock,” she said softly, “I couldn’t deal with both at the same time and I am still not done with Havenrock but this reared its head and I had to stop and look at why I was panicking.”  
“So you left because...” he prompted in a tightly controlled voice.  
“I left because I didn’t know what else to do, I guess. It was more than just feeling smothered. I...Oliver…,” she paused to take a deep breath, “I left because underneath it all I was running from me.”

This time it was his turn to pull her gaze to his and locked her in place. It was effortless on his part, she was drawn to his eyes and tracking the shifting colours of blue as his mood changed. Right now they were dark, almost a cobalt blue, and she could see a storm brewing deep within them. Lightning flashed in his eyes, turning inward. Instinctively, she reached out and placed one hand over his heart and the other on the side of his face, her thumb gently stroking his cheek.

“What does that mean? That you were running away from yourself?” he asked almost mournfully.  
“My father let both me and my mom go without a second thought. He let us live in poverty and forgot us because it was easy. It suited him. He was no more my dad then Malcolm is Thea’s. He helped create me but he didn’t raise me. He abandoned me emotionally and physically because it was easy,” she said with fire singing the edges of her words.  
“I’m still willing to put an arrow in his ass,” Oliver grumbled.

Felicity rewarded him with a smile that burst out of her before she could stop it. He kept a lid on his feelings towards her father but every now and then they slipped out. His jaw would clench and he would ball his hands into fists, his body simmering with anger. She never asked him to dive into that well of dark emotion, at least not yet.

_Not yet, she thought as she waited for his eyes to lighten and shine._   
_Not yet, she thought as the air around them began to chill her._   
_Not yet, she thought as she felt the pull of his heart, so strong, like a magnet for her own._

“Come on,” she said with a shiver, “I’m getting cold.”

Felicity pushed to her feet, picked up her wine glass and headed inside. She picked up the cosy blanket from the couch, dropped her glass off on the kitchen counter and waited for Oliver to follow her in. He looked at her quizzically for just a minute and then closed up the living room windows and sliding glass doors and turned off the lights. Felicity smiled in the darkness as he crossed the room to the bedroom and turned a set of fairy lights she didn’t even know were there.

The effect was magical. They were strung throughout the gauzy, silk curtains that ran across the length of the front of the room.

“How did you know they were there!?” she exclaimed.  
“I pay attention to things like thin wires running through curtains,” he said in a breezy voice.  
“Smart ass.”  
“Now, now, Felicity,” he admonished gently, “your height probably didn’t help, they are up quite high…”  
“Oliver Queen!” she exclaimed with a laugh.  
“Come on,” he chuckled, “let’s warm up.”  
“Okay, but don’t close the doors all the way. I like the sound of the waves tonight. They are so quiet,” she requested as she climbed up onto the bed.  
“They are oddly hypnotic,” he commented while he slid the doors closer together and moved the curtains out of the way before joining her on the bed.

“So let me continue,” she said as she pulled the blanket around her. She had elected to sit cross legged in the centre of the king sized bed, on top of the duvet and facing the ocean.  
“You aren’t going to share that blanket are you?” he asked as he leaned back against a pile of pillows against the headboard.  
“Nope, you have one for you,” she smiled.  
“This is because of the height crack, isn’t it?”  
“You are quick AND pretty!”  
“You are ruthless, Felicity Smoak.”  
“I am small but mighty,” she said with a wink as he groaned in mock displeasure.

“Anyways,” she said, wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulders, growing more serious and introspective, “my father. I remembered all the times I hid under my bed or in the closet when my mom and dad would fight. I remembered the darkness that clung to him, like a shadow but alive, and how I imagined it was trying to attach itself to me, to the walls. I was so young but it terrified me.”

Oliver didn’t say anything. Instead, he reached out and rested his hand on her knee so that she could decide if she needed to hold it. She resisted at first but the instinct to feel the strength of his hand, his spirit, overrode her instinct to remain warm. She slipped one hand out of the blanket and took hold of the anchor he was offering.

“And then to hear his voice in my mind telling me that you are the same as him, that I am afraid of you abandoning me for William without a second thought infuriated me. Because that isn’t what I was afraid of. Part of me, a silent part but one that was taking up a lot of space in my head, believed that I could be my father’s daughter. That I could leave you without a second thought. Just pack up and go,” she said quietly, now holding onto his hand with both of hers.  
“In a way I did but it was because I needed to understand why it was so easy for you to lie to me when you discovered William. I know we have talked about it but it is still something that hurts. I felt so unworthy, so...unloveable. I retreated inward. I felt like I had nothing left.”

“Felicity,” he began softly, in a voice he only used with her, “I don’t know why. I was afraid of losing you, that you would leave, but I know that isn’t the answer you want or need.”  
“But you are being honest,” she said, dropping her eyes to their joined hands, “and that is good enough for now.”  
“Do you really think you are capable of leaving me without a thought?” he asked, unable to mask the apprehension in his voice.  
“Not a chance,” she answered without hesitation, “I love you, Oliver. I am not my father’s daughter.”  
“No, you are not,” he said gently with a smile.  
“When my mom left my dad, it was my dad who made the choice to forget us. It left such a well of loneliness in me, Oliver, I never once thought it could ever be filled...until I met you. I know we still have our issues to work through, and one day soon we are going to talk about William, but I need to let go of my father.”  
“Felicity,” he said, sitting up so that they were knee to knee, “I know you think it was easy for me to lie to you about William but every time I left you....”  
“I know,” she said, as a tear slid free, “I wish so much could have been different but I like that we are taking time to figure our own selves out, you know?”

He reached out and tenderly wiped the tear that had fallen away. He was silent, his eyes shining, and all he did was nod. Felicity knew he didn’t trust himself to speak. She knew he carried so much guilt from the weeks before Havenrock. That if he could go back and change it all, he would. She wasn’t sure it would change anything, they still needed time to figure out who they were as individuals but she loved him for it regardless.

“Oliver, running from my grief and guilt isn’t an option but I trust you enough to let you in. I...I can’t do this alone.”  
“Felicity…,” he whispered, his voice cracking, “if I ever made you feel unworthy or unloved...I am so sorry. But I know that isn’t enough but...”  
“It is for now,” she said softly, “we’ll figure it out.”

She could see the indecision in how Oliver’s body seemed to vibrate. She knew he wanted to reach out to her but was afraid she would rebuff him. They both carried their trauma so differently and with him it was always a fear of rejection. She shifted her shoulders to free herself from the warm confines of her blanket and opened her arms to him, inviting him into an embrace meant to connect their hearts again.

With a small smile, Oliver pulled her to him and used his strength to move her, practically picking her up off the bed, and laid her down next to him. She burst out laughing as he did so because of the absolute ease of it. It was like she was weightless in his arms.

“Thank you,” he murmured as he kissed the top of her head.  
“For?”  
“For not giving up on me or yourself.”  
“You know me, Oliver. I’m stubborn.”  
“What? You? Stubborn? I’ve never met that Felicity Smoak.”  
“You’re about to,” she muttered.

Oliver laughed and pulled her tighter to his side, “I love all of you. No matter what.”  
“We only have one more day here. One full day. Let’s save some of this for Star City.”  
“The hard stuff?” he asked in a drowsy voice.  
“Yeah. I think just working through the debris left from my dad is enough.”  
“You still need to find a way to let go of Havenrock,” he said slowly, “You cry at night, Felicity, and I don’t know what to do.”

Felicity propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at him. She had no idea that she was still crying at night. She hadn’t had a nightmare in a couple of weeks and thought she had maybe turned a corner in her recovery from it. Oliver was looking at her with a naked candidness she hadn’t seen before. It was like there was nothing between them anymore.

“Havenrock is for another day, ok?” she asked, “I need to let go of the cruelty my father left behind.”  
“You got it,” he smiled.  
“Oliver?” she said, reaching to take his right hand in hers, “You have never made me feel unworthy.”  
“If I ever do, tell me. Or Diggle. Nope, scratch that. He would beat me stupid.”

Leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, Felicity chuckled at the truth behind the image of Diggle beating him stupid He turned his head at the last second and captured her lips with his own. She smiled into the kiss and welcomed the press of his lips against her own. Humming slightly, she pulled back and looked at him and the way the lights reflected in his eyes.

“Cheeky,” she teased.  
“I haven’t kissed you all day and that needed to be remedied,” he smiled.

Felicity laughed and laid back down, her head on his chest. She never thought of Oliver Queen as a cuddler, but he was and it was a glorious revelation. It helped her warm up when she was cold and strengthened their connection on days like this, when telling her truths made her feel stripped to the bone with nowhere to hide.

“Oliver, I asked myself over and over what it would mean to not have you in my life, to cut you out and leave. Like how my mom left Noah. It was so sudden and it happened in the span of two hours. We left so much behind that day and not once did he try to contact us or find us to ask why. We were nothing to him and the impact of that still echoes in me,” she said muted voice, listening to his heart beat, “But I also know that I can forgive you for abandoning me not because I think I am a lesser person without you or because I might lose you if I don’t. Without you in my life, I feel like a part of my heart is missing. I feel like I am surrendering up a piece of me for death. Love means I have to find a way to forgive you, myself, even my father because I can’t be healthy and well until I do. And I can forgive you, Oliver. Even if you don’t forgive yourself. Still, I am mindful that we are both broken and that we both need time to heal.”  
“Felicity...you are astonishing.”  
“So are you. I mean, you have your issues, but you’re getting there,” she teased gently, “I still need some time to figure a few things out though.”  
“Like?” he asked hesitantly.  
“Like how to atone for Havenrock once and for all.”  
“Felicity...that was Darhk’s fault, not your’s.”  
“I know, we’ve talked about that already but I still redirected a nuclear missile, Oliver. I still have to live with that for the rest of my life.”

Oliver fell silent and gently rubbed her back. He did that to comfort himself more than her, but the effect was relaxing. It kept her grounded and focused on the moment. She marvelled at how they had been able to work through so much both together and apart, how he had demonstrated at every turn that he wouldn’t leave her to find her way through her grief alone. She had resisted it for months, so sure she could do it all by herself.

Funny how it was a random appearance of her father in a disjointed dream to finally let her put the last piece of the puzzle in place for her to see Oliver so clearly and know it was time to address the Noah sized elephant in the room. She knew with certainty that she wasn’t her Father’s daughter, that she could never repeat the casual cruelty he had introduced into her life. She also knew that Oliver wasn’t like her father, that together they would find a way to make William a reality in their lives. Oliver needed to figure that out for himself though and the first step was in trusting her completely.

Now, if only she could find some way to hold Havenrock as a separate incident and find some peace with it as it would never go away. It would always be part of her, as would every soul extinguished that horrible day.

“If anyone can find their way through this, it’s you,” Oliver said softly.  
“How do you figure?”  
“You are the strongest person I know. Always have been. Your hands,” he said reverently as he lifted the one he was holding up so it was illuminated in the soft glow of the lights, “can be gentle, loving and so seductive but they hold such power that you have learned to not abuse. But your mind...that is where your superpower lives. You saved me from myself with both so many times, I’ve lost count. Remember that lesson Yao Fei taught me? About the healing power of the mind and heart?”

She nodded, remembering the story he told her so long ago.

“We have the capacity to renew our spirits endlessly, to restore our souls. Even if we are marked by pain and suffering, like we have been, we have that ability and we can share that healing power with those we truly love. Yao believed that, even during our darkest days on Lian Yu. I believe it, too.”

Felicity sat up again and looked down at Oliver. He met her gaze and held it. He meant every word. Their foundation of love, the kind of love that broke down walls and laid bare their true selves to each other, was there. It was battered and bruised but it was still there. Smiling, she leaned down and kissed him.

“I think you earned that one,” she murmured as she pulled away a small distance.  
“Just one?” he asked his eyes hooded, a dark, dangerous blue in the golden light.  
“Never just one,” she smiled as she moved her hand up under his shirt, tracing every scar she found with the soft tips of her fingers.

Even when he was relaxed, his body wasn’t so much soft as it was yielding. He didn’t tense up like he used to, he let her trace his muscles, his scars, the tattoos left behind and earned. She loved to find the invisible patterns between them all, especially the ones that spanned the width of his chest. She could feel how his breathing was changing, deeper and faster, and grinned. Oliver reacted so quickly to the gentlest of touches.  
Before she could do anything else, he sat up and removed his shirt, his skin glowed in the soft light. He looked untouched and it humbled her as she contemplated how the violence of the last ten years had left him so changed. She reached out and ran her hand across the soft skin of his abdomen and felt the way his muscles jumped in anticipation.  
“Sit up,” he said quietly, tugging at her arm.  
“Magic word?” she teased.  
“Please, oh mighty one?”  
Laughing, she complied and let him pull her sweater up and off of her. Before she could bring her arms down, his large hands were cradling her face, his thumbs gently tracing her jawline. He looked deep into her eyes and smiled before his lips found hers in a kiss that shifted something inside her. It awoke the part of her that knew she was strong enough to shine a light into the shadows of her heart and finally be free. It was kiss full of love, of desire, and of words unsaid. He traced her lower lip with his tongue and all conscious thought faded.  
It never took much for her to surrender to his touch and the intensity of the need behind it. Felicity melted into him and felt his stir against her. His hands were knotted in her hair as he sucked on her tongue and lower lip, eliciting a low, deep moan from her. She felt his hands move down her body, one unhooked her bra and the other slipped it off her body. He was always so quick when he wanted to be. She felt his fingertips trace the curve of her neck and then down her body, feeling the supple curve of her breasts.  
“I think you need to take off your pants,” she mused as his lips found her neck and all the tender spots under her left ear.  
“Am I overdressed again?” he breathed across her skin.  
“When are you NOT overdressed?”  
“You would love it if I was naked when not in the Arrow suit, wouldn’t you?” he teased as he slipped his sweats off.  
“Literally nothing would make me happier,” she said seriously as she slipped out of her leggings and knelt back in front of him.  
“You would have to join me because literally...ahhh,” he gasped as she gently took his cock in her hands and stroked him, feeling him harden with each gentle pulsing squeeze.  
Oliver’s hands moved back to her breasts and she hissed in ecstasy as his thumbs circled her hard nipples. He pulled her back into a deep, soulful kiss and laid her down gently on her back. She clung to him and felt one of his hands run down the front of her body, angling low until it could slip between her legs. She gasped against his lips as his fingertips touched her sensitive clit. She opened her legs enough for him to delicately slip two fingers deep inside her and used his thumb to circle her most sensitive part until her breath grew ragged and her hips rocked against his hand.  
“God, Oliver,” she gasped as he broke free from her lips and began to explore the sensitive skin on her neck, “I was going to seduce you.”  
“All you need to do is look at me to be honest,” he chuckled quietly against her neck.  
“You flirt, you,” she managed to murmur before he moved down her body, blazing a trail of icy fire down her body with his tongue and lips.  
Using the width of his shoulders, he was able to spread her legs and breathe her in. She pulled his hands back up to her breasts and watched him slowly lower his mouth to cover her, opening her with the tip of his tongue. As he cupped her breasts, he licked, sucked and rasped his tongue against her clit until her back arched off the bed. He was circling her clit with his tongue to the rhythm of the waves as the washed up on shore. She pressed against his mouth harder and moved her hips with greater urgency with each stroke of his tongue.  
Her hands were in his hair and his name was on her lips when she felt his fingers slide inside her and gently thrust to the same rhythm as his tongue. Felicity watched him, his eyes closed, so intent on her, that she purposely slowed her breathing to prolong the moment. She could feel the heat in her pelvis beginning to build in intensity, so she closed her eyes and focused on the velvety smoothness of his tongue, the heat of his breath and the way his other arm now cradled her. It was like he was worshipping her with each gentle touch.  
Yet he wasn’t allowing her to climax. He kept her hovering above it, knowing her body so well that he would slow down and shift his attention to another part of her. He was careful to not move his fingers to fast, or circle her clit too hard with his tongue. It was something she both loved and loathed. When her legs began to shake and her body was covered in a film of sweat, he kissed his way back up her body. She felt him lick and suck her nipples until they were so hard they hurt, but she kept her eyes closed.  
“Felicity…,” he whispered in her ear, “Where are you?”  
“I’m here,” she answered in a far away voice, “You are an evil man, Mr. Queen.”  
“Evil?” he asked as he rubbed his erect cock against her.  
“You are actually drawing this out,” she admonished with a smile, taking advantage of the quiet moment to wrap her arms and legs around him.  
“Are you saying you aren’t enjoying it?” he asked as he kissed her neck.  
Felicity opened her eyes, placed her hands along side his face and studied him. She had memorized the way his eyes looked when they were locked together like this, or from across the lair during missions. She knew every shade of blue, every shape, every way his eyes looked no matter the mood he was feeling. She ran her thumbs over his lips, tracing them and feeling their softness and the way his body seemed to vibrate at a different speed when she did.  
“I am more than enjoying it,” she murmured as she pulled him down into a kiss.  
Oliver hummed against her lips, sending a deep vibration down through her body. Reaching between them, she guided him slowly, deliberately into her body. Bracing herself with her hands on his chest, she rolled her hips long and slow. She watched him, how his eyes dilated, how a flush creeped gently up his neck and face. There was an animalistic hunger in his eyes that she loved with a powerful desire that often left her feeling disconnected from the world.  
They rocked their hips together in time with the waves a short distance away. It was relaxing, langorious. Neither was in any rush for the night to end but the way her lower body was beginning to tighten, the rush of heat spiralling out in faster bursts told her the night was speeding forward and now it was her turn to slow them down. With a subtle push of her hips, Felicity was able to roll him onto his back.  
“You make that so easy,” she smiled.  
“Who am I to deny you the upper hand?”  
Laughing, Felicity thought of all the times he was unmovable out on patrol, so solid and strong. He got battered and bruised but his resiliency and determination always won out. Oliver had learned hard lessons over the course of the past decade, lessons that would have killed a lesser man, but he had survived. He had been torn to pieces over and over, his soul shattered and scattered across galaxies, but he shone like the sun to her even on his darkest days. She loved him. All of him, even the parts he thought were secrets from her. Her chest constricted when she thought about it and how she had yet to tell him all of her darker truths.  
She traced the scars on his shoulders while his hands moved over her breasts and then around to her back. His hands covered so much of her but the delicate way he would run his fingertips over her breasts and scars sent shivers down her back. Felicity let her head fall back and slowly ground her hips against his in an undulating pattern. She had a grip on him, deep inside her body, and could feel his cock begin to swell and throb. He pulled her down and kissed her, messy and full of desire, while she cried out in ecstasy, rolling through an extended, shuddering orgasm that had her gripping his arms in desperation.  
“God, Oliver,” she gasped, “don’t stop. Just...don’t stop.”  
“I...I don’t think I could if I wanted to,” he whispered against her lips. He was gripping her hips, kissing her, and letting her thrust hard and fast.  
There was something about the way they held each other, chasing each other’s desire with entwined fingers, breath and bodies that felt elemental, almost primal in its intimacy. It was when they were lost in the pulsing rhythms of their bodies were she felt connected to him, all of him. Things were not yet settled between them but they were stable and it added to the seductive calm they created when their bodies were locked together.  
Oliver pushed his left hand between them and began to stroke her clit in time their hips. She gasped at the sensation, the pulsing, chaotic feel of it. He pushed her towards another climax that wasn’t a rolling, steady wave like the first orgasm. This one was a blinding light that shattered her mind. It rocked her deep within her body and distantly, she heard her voice cry out, calling his name as she came again and again.  
With practiced ease, Oliver sat up, holding her tightly to him and flipped her onto her back. With his forehead pressed against hers, he coaxed her to keep her legs high around his waist, as he slipped his arms underneath her. His entire weight was on her but was balanced on his arms and knees. He had engulfed her body with his own and she clung to him, moving her hips in time with his, feeling him begin to slowly unravel above her.  
“My God, Felicity,” he gasped, “I love you..”  
“Shhh,” she whispered, “Show me…”  
And he did.  
He thrust deep into her and stayed, rolling his hips to a rhythm that reverberated inside her, leaving her reeling in his embrace. Oliver finally allowed himself to find the ecstasy of his own orgasm in a few slow, uneven strokes. His own release was the kind that she knew must have felt exquisite, euphoric, shattering but so achingly alive. She held him until he stilled and just breathed him in.  
“How is it possible that every time feels better than the last?” he asked in a voice muffled by her hair.  
“We are getting better with age,” she chuckled.  
“Felicity,” he murmured next to her ear, “I don’t even have words to describe how this feels.”  
“I love you,” she sighed softly.  
She felt a gentle kiss under her ear and then the cool breeze from the open doors in front of the bed as Oliver shifted his body off of hers. They remained wrapped around each other, both of them were covered in a thin film of sweat, but Felicity could also feel the joy in the room. It lived and breathed with them, something born out of the way they loved one another and just for a moment she felt the future as it lived in the joy they felt. She could see so clearly a life shared no matter the location.

They needed to find their way back to one another, past the minefields of the past, the hurt of the present and embrace what was to come. It was all right there, just past the reach of their fingertips.

“I think we need to wash up,” he said lazily, trailing a finger down her throat and the centre of her chest.  
“We got a bit sweaty, didn’t we?”  
“We did,” he murmured as he leaned over her, trailing his lips over her nipples, teasing them each in turn with his tongue.  
“Oliver…,” she said quietly, her voice trailing off.  
“You taste amazing,” he hummed against the base of her throat, rumbling her bones.  
“Bath...now…,” she mumbled.  
“Bath?!” he said, an edge of excitement in his voice, “Let’s go!”

And with that he was up and out of the bedroom. Moving at preternatural speed, he was in the bathroom starting the water in the giant tub. Felicity laid on top of the bed and laughed. He was delightful with his bathtub obsession. This tub had jets that could relax them both so sleep could come easier. Something she was looking forward to as the day had been emotionally exhausting.

“Come on, Smoak!” he called, “The tub is ready!”  
“That was fast,” she called back as she hopped down from the bed and made her way into the bathroom.  
“This tub is something I may need in my life forever,” he mused whimsically as he lit one of the candles she had left on the window sill from her first night in the house.  
“What makes it so special?” she laughed softly, watching the fluttering golden light ripple and move across his body.  
“The water will never cool down and it has 4 different kinds of jets with at least a dozen different settings per jet. This tub may be the most epic thing I have seen, besides the one from Bali,” he said in total seriousness.

Felicity reached out and took his hand, bringing it to her lips so she could gently kiss his scarred knuckles. If it brought him this much joy, she might consider getting one installed in the lair. The team would side eye it hard, but it would be worth it just to see him this relaxed and happy after a night on patrol.

“Help me in?” she asked.  
“Of course,” he said softly, stepping into the tub and holding onto her hand until she was able to get safely into the tub.  
“This tub is so tall!” she commented.  
“Maybe a step stool would be good?” he asked innocently.  
“Did you just say what i think you said?”  
“Oh my God,” he groaned when he realized what he just implied.  
“I love your foot in mouth moments,” she said sweetly.  
“Guess I better come up with an amazing breakfast tomorrow,” he grumbled.  
“And lunch!”

Oliver laughed as he pulled her so she was sitting comfortably in front of him. They watched the Milky Way come into view high above them. It held their attention, as the water gently buffered them in its currents. The moon was somewhere behind them still, so they were able to see the depth of time in the night sky. It was always different even though nothing appeared to have changed to the naked eye.

“Let’s sleep in tomorrow,” she said drowsily, her head laying back on his shoulder, “really just take advantage of the quiet and wonder that is this place.”  
“I like that idea. Then a picnic down by the bluffs?”  
“That would be lovely. Maybe out in that cove, too?” she asked.

A gentle kiss on her cheek was his answer. She felt him reach for the body wash she had brought and felt a warm glow spread across her body. The next twenty minutes would be a blur for her. Oliver gently washed her body, lingering on the scars from bullet wounds physically healed and then, with a tenderness she didn’t know he was capable of, he lingered over the scar left by a surgeon’s blade. The one that lived over the implant that allowed her to walk. It was more intimate than a kiss and it pulled the breath from her in a soft, involuntary sigh.

His hands circled her body, over and over, from her shoulders to her thighs. Just as she closed her eyes, one hand slipped between her legs while the other cupped her breasts. Every nerve ending in her body blazed into life. His body wasn’t yet ready to join her’s but his fingers found her satiny wet and accepting of his gently probing fingers. With his lips next to her ear, Oliver spoke to her of just how much he loved her, that his future with her was more than just a desire, it was something that gave him the courage to confront the man he was so that he could let go of those old fears.

Through soft whispers and insistent words, he told her of all the ways he would show her he loved her, of the time he was willing to spend waiting for her to find her way through the abuse of her past and the trauma of her present. His voice slowly became part of the song of her heart as he repeated over and over again just how much he loved her.

His words tapped into the quiet insecurities she tried so desperately to hide from him and everyone she knew. With every touch, he was asking her to trust him while they both learned to trust themselves. Every word broke down a wall she didn’t know was there until she felt defenseless to ward off the kindness and honesty like she had been for so long. She wasn’t ready for it, not yet, not while Noah was running rampant in her mind.

Tears began to flow as she rocked hard against his hand and thrusting fingers. The ache of love and sincerity in his voice, the way he held her as she came again and again, reckless and chaotic, moved her heart and soul. Trembling, she turned around, wrapped him in a tight embrace and just held him until her tears ceased. His strong arms provided the safe harbour she needed to find the calm that had eluded her during the day.

“Let’s go to bed,” he said softly, sorrow underlying his gentle tone.  
“I love you, Oliver. Please know that,” she said through her tears, meaning it more than she ever had in the past.

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he reached over and turned off the jets and pulled the plug on the tub’s drain. Silently, he coaxed her to her feet and helped her out of the slowly receding water. After he wrapped a towel around his waist, he wrapped one around her and used another one to slowly dry her off. Felicity watched him throughout it all, mesmerized by the intensity in his eyes and the quiet determination in the way he attended to her.

Satisfied that she was dry, he took her by the hand and silently lead her back to the bedroom. She felt featherlight, like he had literally taken all of her hurt for the moment. She could feel the weight of his love for her and while it left her breathless, she welcomed it, allowing it to anchor her to him. Even if it was only for the night, it left her hopeful for the days to come.

Before climbing into bed, Oliver took her face in between his large hands and pulled her into a deep, lover’s kiss, breaking free from it when the heat it sparked threatened to overtake them both. She could see the light in his eyes and wished the night was still young.

“I love you, too, Felicity. More every day,” he whispered with a small smile, “Now climb into bed and I’ll hang up the towels.”  
“Yes, sir,” she said with a mock salute.  
“That...was hot.”  
“Go put the towels away,” she laughed softly.

Crawling under the covers, Felicity watched him leave and thought about the quote that had accompanied her when she woke up from her nap earlier in the day. As Oliver rejoined her, she had to smile as he cuddled up behind her. The words of Hafiz applied to him as well as her. She could smell the earthy, masculine scent of him. She would know him in the dark no matter what, it was so familiar. As she drifted off to sleep she thought about the secrets they shared and ones they kept private still. There was so much road to travel but she would hold his secrets, known and unknown, because of the wonder and joy he brought into her world.


	8. Day Four: Reclamation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter explores Oliver's POV as their time in the beach house slowly comes to an end. We get a glimpse of the complexity of Oliver's PTSD, of Felicity's complicated relationship with her father, Oliver and herself.
> 
> We also get a return visit from an old friend. The Old Man from their dreams in Positano (in the story Ghost of Jupiter: The Journey Home) who comes to Oliver and helps him see things a little clearer so that he can work past some of his own insecurities where Felicity is concerned.
> 
> Layered throughout this chapter is the elements of timelessness. That Oliver and Felicity are part of a universal story of creation and love. 
> 
> And, towards the end of the chapter, cave sex. I couldn't help myself. 
> 
> (AUTHOR'S NOTE: I tell a story through the Old Man, also known as Wakan Tanka, The Great Mystery, and Grandfather, that is based on the Lakota story of the Sun and Moon. There are many versions of the story but this is my version.)
> 
> Lakota word list:  
> Chanupa - sacred pipe, only used when in ceremony or sharing of sacred knowledge

**Day Four: Reclamation**

 

_A glimmer on the horizon_   
_She glowed like the first_   
_Star in the night sky_

I

 

Oliver sat and watched Felicity devour the dinner he had spent a good ninety minutes making in a record five short minutes. He wasn’t sure she had actually tasted it but knew better than to ask the question. She was probably keeping track of every single comment he had made since they started their relationship where he firmly put his foot in his mouth. He had a knack for it with her and he could not figure out why. He was always so careful and measured with his words but with her, he lost track of the filter he so studiously employed with everyone else.

But he loved to cook for her. It wasn’t just an exercise in normalcy for him. It was an exploration of the lost parts of his life, the things he could have and should have learned as a younger man. It was not simply about sustenance. It was oddly seductive for him. To spend significant time in the kitchen creating something that he knew she would enjoy and the resulting aphrodisiac effects of that care and consideration. They fed each other in such significant, meaningful ways, so when she commented on how he fed her body and soul, at first he was a little curious about the soul part and wanted to know more but opted not to ask. A little mystery was a good thing to have, it left room for exploration and discovery.

As was now his habit, he began the cleanup of their dinner. It was something he secretly liked doing as well. It was domestic but comforting, like once and for all he could claim his life for himself through such a mundane task like filling the dishwasher and putting leftovers away. He glanced up just as Felicity slowly made her way out onto the deck.

They had opened the sliding glass doors while he was cooking to keep the house cool but he was glad they had opted to leave them open while they had dinner. The breeze was almost non-existent and the air smelled sweet, like how the forest might smell after a rainstorm even though there were no trees anywhere near the house. The waves were so gentle that they turned the stereo off and let them provide the background sounds instead.

He watched her move out of the house and onto the deck. The golden light, from the setting sun shone around her, creating a halo that combined with her natural aura and moved like molten liquid around her body. For an instant, a mere blink of an eye, she was transformed into something other, something not quite human and so otherworldly that all he could do was stop and stare. The breeze caught her hair and the sun’s fading rays reflected off of her golden strands, merging with them so it appeared that she was wearing a crown made of pure light.

He could never adequately describe to her just how he saw her. That even in a crowded room, she shone so bright that everyone else faded to black. He always knew where she was because no matter how hard she tried, she could never dim the light that was always bursting out of her. He teased her once about being some kind of ancient being but as he watched her move through the light and sit down on the deck’s one stair, he wasn’t so sure he was wrong.

Finishing up, and silently laughing at himself for being so happy just to wash some dishes, he quietly crossed to the threshold and waited. When she didn’t turn around or even budge, he knew she was lost, deep in thought. Oliver remembered all the times he had watched her without her knowing. Sometimes as she concentrated on a difficult piece of hacking or looking for a particular thread of information. He had memorized every look her face would take, from excited to confused to frustrated or angry depending on what was happening around her. All were beautiful and uniquely her.

Now, he didn’t have to stand back and watch from the shadows. With a small push off the door frame, he stepped across the threshold and joined her on the deck, teasing her gently about the worth of her thoughts. When she graced him with her Southern drawl, he made a mental note to practice his because her’s was perfect and put his to shame.

Gently, the sun fell below the edge of the world and the night sky slowly revealed itself. Oliver had seen many night skies, alone and with Felicity, but his thoughts always circled back to that first night they spent together out under the Southwest sky and he had shown her that far off, distant nebula. They had stitched together a present and future using the all the stars in creation.

Maybe that’s it, he thought as he wrapped his arms around her, maybe it doesn’t matter where we are but how we write the story of who we are together. Maybe we need another trip to Colorado to bring us back to who we are.

Not for the first time, they commented on the beauty of the area and the desire to return in the future. The privacy, the isolation and solitude of the environment appealed to him and his occasion desire to retreat from the world. Felicity agreed and began to absentmindedly stroking the backs of his hands. It was her tell, the one that told him while her motions might be slow and gentle, her mind was racing a thousand miles an hour. Something was threatening to burst out of her and all he needed to do was gently nudge her for the words to start tumbling out.

She told him about a dream she had while they napped earlier in the afternoon. At first he was too stunned to speak. She started talking about her father and how out of nowhere he showed up in her mind, the idea of which stoked the anger he felt for that man and the way he had purposefully harmed the woman in his arms. But when she mentioned William, his heart seized with fear and every part of him wanted to run away, to get as far away from the conversation they were going to have as humanly possible. The guilt he carried for abandoning her after her surgeries and all the recovery time he missed so that he could spend time with William clung to him, it created the buffer that kept them apart just enough for them each to feel the distance as though it were miles and miles across.

She insisted that she had forgiven him but the message underneath that was that she had not absolved him of his guilt. She couldn’t. As he listened to the gentle waves washing up on shore a few yards away, he felt all those old feelings of shame, panic and helplessness bubble back up to the surface of his heart. Sadness mixed with profound love wrapped its arms around him, pulling him away from her embrace.

William.

The one topic they skirted the edges of but never really delved into.

His son.

Even he couldn’t believe that it was true, that he had a son and had missed out on the first eight years of his life because his own mother and Samantha had conspired to keep his existence a secret. Oliver didn’t feel any anger towards either woman. At the time, he was not ready to be a father, to be in a relationship, to be the man he knew he would have had to be in order to be the Dad he now knew he wanted to be but not just to William.

Day after day, since they had reconciled, he had fought down the urge to broach the subject with Felicity about children. He could see so clearly the good they could bring to a child’s life, to their children’s lives. It was a need so real, so present, it was creating memories that now lived within his body. His dreams sometimes took him to a home full of light and warmth. He could hear the infectious laughter of small children and the sounds of tiny running feet. Felicity’s voice would filter through the images, calling him home.

When she explained the way her dream tried to connect her lingering hurt around William to the way her father abandoned her as child, it was like a fist punching him over and over. He vaguely heard her tell him that she loved him but that the hurt remained from all those days she was left to navigate her journey of wellness alone as he secretly traveled to Central City to visit with William. Oliver felt himself drifting away from her, becoming untethered, as she spoke in a voice rich in sorrow and continued confusion. He found himself listening to the ghosts in his head and they were howling.

Every voice merging with the last until all he could hear was a chorus screaming at him, filling him with the familiar self-loathing and crippling guilt. He tried to speak, to find a way to say the words he knew she needed to hear but no words came and he felt the wedge push deeper between them. She wasn’t speaking of blame, though, she was speaking to why she ran in such a sudden, uncharacteristic way. Felicity insisted that it wasn’t about him but the continued tidal wave force of Havenrock.

Felicity turned around so that she could see him. It was something that she did when she wanted to be sure he wasn’t drifting back into himself. She insisted on it, that he not hide behind the walls of the labyrinth he had long ago constructed around his heart and mind. He would focus on the gold flecks that shimmered around her irises, each of her eyes so beautifully different than the other, and the delicate spray of freckles across the bridge of her nose. Through sheer force of will, she kept him tethered to her, to their shared reality.

He finally understood, as she locked him to her with the power of her gaze, what it meant to fall into someone. Not just what it felt like to fall in love, which was such a gradual process he didn’t realize it was happening, but the physical sensation of what it meant to find that one person you can merge with. That one person who not only welcomes you into their world, but also into their heart and soul and for him, that person would only ever be Felicity.

There was an endless well of love in her eyes, usually visible only to him, but it was masked by so much hurt it left him in a state of agonized anxiety. He knew he needed to stay, to be present for her, but he also wanted to run back into the protective hallways of his mind. He struggled daily with the guilt of how he treated her and the shame of lying repeatedly to her when all she deserved was honesty and love.

He could feel himself taking small sips of air as the guilt gave way to acute anxiety. He needed to calm his mind and his heart, which had begun to race out of control, and follow the narrative she was unraveling. Her honesty about her father, William, and the effects of them combined deserved all the time and respect he could give them. He hated her father and struggled mightily to contain it. Felicity would have become who she was regardless of his participation in her life, of that he was sure.

There was a thread of pure iron in her that all the other threads of her life had formed around. She allowed herself to bend when it suited her and the only thing to ever threaten to truly break her was Havenrock. Yet here she was, gently stroking the side of his face, a tender gesture to bring his attention back to her as she sought to make sure he was okay. It always worked. No matter the time or context. Her touch, light or hard, was something his body sought for even during the darkest of nights..

When he looked at her, leaving the simmering tension of her father behind, he was rewarded with a smile that lit up his heart. He had never given much thought to the way a simple smile could create light, life and love until Felicity. Neither one of them were perfect beings, but when she would smile at him, he felt as close to it as he ever had in his entire life. Each smile, soft touch and gentle word added to the next until the shadows that lurked in the corners of his heart had nowhere left to hide.

 _If only she could see herself the way I do_ , he thought, _always surrounded by a soft golden light._

With a small shiver, Felicity got up and suggested they go inside. The sun had set and the deep indigo of the sky at the horizon was slowly fading to black. The stars were winking into view, not slowly in ones and twos like in the city, but in huge glittering swaths for as far as the eye could see. It was staggeringly beautiful and profoundly humbling. He loved how they would both fall silent to watch the spectacle as it happened.

As he followed her back into the house, he got an idea. He had spotted a thin copper wire of tiny LED lights strung up high around the curtain rods that ran the length of three walls in the bedroom. It took a few minutes the other morning of tracing the wire with his eyes, but he finally figured out where the switch was to turn them on. Turning to hide the small smile that threatened to turn itself into a grin, he closed the livingroom doors and quickly turned off the lights before crossing over to the bedroom.

He could only smile at her delight in his quiet surprise. Oliver knew she hadn’t spotted the lights, even he had almost missed them, and he couldn’t stop himself for gently ribbing her about why she couldn’t see them. Felicity took it in stride and then refused to share her blanket. There was always a balancing of the scales and this was no different than any other time. He secretly delighted in the way she had been unafraid of him from the very start. There was no one else like her in the world and he continued to marvel at how it was they had found each other in this life.

There was still more that she wanted to talk about. More of her story, the parts she had hid from him and everyone they knew for years. It was a slow and painful revealing of the most wounded parts of herself, parts he had unknowingly wounded again. The memories were hitting her fast and hard. He could see their impact on her as she shook with each one as they surfaced. Slowly, he reached out a hand and gently rested it on her knee. He knew that if she needed to, she would hold it.

The blanket she had wrapped around herself in defiance of his comfort and as retribution for his height crack earlier was a barrier between them that she quickly dismantled so that she could hold his hand. She was telling him about the darkness that used to follow her dad. How as a child she could see it as it oozed out of him, attaching itself to the walls of their family home, and how it would come searching for her as she hid under her bed.

As the tremors of her childhood worked their way out of her body, she circled back to William and the impact his hiding his son had on her. He knew it was bad, they had talked about it in bits and pieces, but when she told him just how deep that wound went, he was speechless. Oliver didn’t have the answers she was looking for, something that left him feeling inadequate and inconsequential, but she was ok with the ones he could provide for the moment.

 

Sitting up so he could face her, he asked her the one question that was causing his heart to seize in his chest and his stomach to feel hollow. He knew she lived with the fear that he would retreat and leave her, like he had in the past, and that despite his assurances that he wouldn’t, he knew part of her would never truly believe him until he found the words that he was so lacking tonight. Never once did he think she held the same fear for herself.

She assured him that she would never leave him like her father had seemingly left her and her mother. She would never disappear from him physically or emotionally. The loneliness she lived with for so long until they met was something she had conquered. He understood her completely. As he gently wiped the tear that slipped down her cheek, he remembered the moment he realized that she had pinned their hopes to the heavens and joined their journeys together.

It was long before they traveled to Russia to free Lyla, before Barry Allen waltzed into their lives, before all of that. It was when she told him to come home after the Undertaking. There was something in the way her voice had warmed around the edges of the word ‘home’ and had caused his heart to stand still for just a few seconds, leaving him breathless.

And yet, he had retreated to Lian Yu. He had put an entire world between them but she found him. It took her a few months, but she had found him and nothing would stop her from coming to get him. Not even jumping out of a plane, something that terrified her. She had believed, without question, that he would come back with her and she was, as always, completely right. Even then, there was not much he would refuse her and it had terrified him.

William and Havenrock could wait, he thought as he looked into her eyes, now a muted grey as she worked through the grief of the old wounds her father had left behind. Just the idea that he could have left her feeling unlovable or somehow unworthy of love had pulled the world out from under him. She was trusting him, letting him into the most delicate areas of her life, and believing that together and on their own that they could find a way to make all of this work.

He could feel his body vibrating as his indecision and fear grew. He was terrified he would fail her, fail himself, leaving them both shattered and alone. Oliver knew anything was possible, that maybe he had learned from his past mistakes, that they could actually work through whatever life had in store for them, and that maybe this was the beginning of their journeys and lives truly joining together. Yet there was still a voice in the back of his head that whispered to him in the dead of night, telling him that she would go because he was too damaged to truly love.

With a simple movement, Felicity freed herself from the warm folds of the blanket and opened her arms to him. Oliver moved without thinking, seeking the gravity of her heart, and pulled her to him as a rush of joy flowed through his body. On a whim, he used his strength to lift her off the bed and laid her down beside him as she laughed. She was so light in his arms but she kept him so grounded.

Pressing a kiss onto the top of her head, Oliver thanked her for believing in them, for not giving up on him and most importantly, not giving up on herself. She tried to laugh it off but he knew, deep down, that in that moment there was a fragility to her heart that he was responsible for creating. He could feel the weariness in her bones and quietly agreed to ending the night’s deep reveals in favour of listening to the waves.

But before he could stop himself, he told her that at night, she still wept in her sleep. She sat up to look him in the eyes, to take his measure and see if he would relent and allow her to sidestep this painful truth. She surprised him by not retreating into herself at the mention of Havenrock. Neither one of them pulled away or tried to change the topic. He held her gaze without judgement and waited, willing to follow her lead no matter where that may be.

Quietly, she asked for him to wait until she had worked through the pain her father’s reappearance had pulled to the surface in her. He could feel the current of emotions pulsing through her, it connected her to the treacherous waters of her past, and no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t take that pain from her.

Softly, as though not to startle him, she reassured him that, in truth, he had never made her feel unworthy. As her hand slipped into his, he was overwhelmed by a flood of memories. Oliver slipped into a momentary fuge. He saw her lying in a hospital bed, paralysed but so concerned for him. He saw her face when Darhk revealed he had a son, he saw the tears form in her eyes as he recited vows that took him months to write and mere seconds to say. He saw the remnants of his betrayal in every sad look, heard it in every small sigh, and felt it everytime she would leave him to sleep alone in his cold hotel room.

He tried to joke with her, pulling from her an involuntary chuckle, as she leaned down to kiss his cheek. Just before her lips made contact with his skin, he turned his face so that he could kiss her. It was sneaky, a lightning quick movement, but he felt her smile into it and that pushed the quiet sorrow he could feel lurking at the edges of his heart firmly away.

Still laughing, she laid back down beside him, laying her head directly over his heart. He was content to lay in the dimly lit room, warm under the blanket with her, and listen to the waves gently bubbling over the shore but Felicity wasn’t done. Almost matter-of-factly, she told him not just that she could forgive him but how and why. It had nothing to do with feeling like she needed him to be whole or that she was somehow incomplete to begin with.

In careful, simple words she spoke to him about how she felt like she meant nothing to her father, how she and her mother had left so much of their life behind and yet he made no effort to find them. He simply let them go and never looked back. She knew they were both damaged souls but she had singular faith in them both to make there way out of that suffering and finally, fully back to themselves and each other.  
  
This was the truth of the woman he had fallen so deeply in love with over the course of the past three years. She had faced more hardships, more pain and torment then he wanted to admit to because of his role in them, and yet she was able to reassure him that she had forgiven him even if he had yet to forgive himself. It continued to amaze him that despite all of the anguish of her father’s emotional abandonment of her and her mother, nothing could dim the loving light of her beautiful heart and believed in them even when she may not fully believe in herself. Oliver knew she wouldn’t forget the past but he knew her capacity for forgiveness and it reminded him of something Yao had once spoken about one dark night on Lian Yu.

It had been during a night of a violent thunderstorm. It had sounded like the world was ending with trees crashing down around them. The lightning had been so intense, they could smell the ozone of each volley and flash. Yet Yao had remained in a calm, trance-like state as he told Oliver about the ways the spirit inside each of them was in constant renewal, that even when times were darkest within their hearts, there was always light trying to find its way in. They were always changing, reinventing themselves endlessly.

At first, Oliver thought he was simply spouting weird mysticism at him in order to distract him from the violent storm raging just outside the cave they called home. It had redirected his thoughts inward for a time but the message wrapped around what Yao had been trying to tell him had fallen on deaf ears. He hadn’t been ready to hear the truth of what he was being told. In those early days, he had been content to wallow in his misery and pine for a life no longer available to him.

He knew Felicity was trying to find that space of renewal within herself, that the struggle now was to free herself of shadow of her father and find a way to live with her role in the destruction of Havenrock. Oliver laid the blame for it at Darhk’s feet, where it belonged, but he knew she was right. That regardless of who sent them flying, she had been forced to make a choice as to where one landed. Of the fifteen thousand nuclear warheads that that madman had sent flying, that one could not be stopped and it came to rest on Felicity’s heart, mind, and conscience.

There was so much they needed to make sense of still. William, Havenrock, her father, his inability to fully connect to himself and her, all of that still rested between them but as he shared what Yao has said to him, he could feel her relax into him, letting go of some of the stress of the day. If she would allow it, he would take all her hurt from her. He would wear it as part of the invisible armour he wore, allowing it to become part of his story.

In true Felicity fashion, she refused to allow that, no matter how easy it would be to surrender the guilt and shame of Havenrock to him. She was slowly growing stronger under the weight of it but had a long way to go. All he could do was love her and hope that both it and he were strong enough to help her as she healed from it all.

Propping herself up on her elbow, Felicity looked down at him, searching his face for words unsaid, for knowledge he was keeping for himself. When she saw that he had laid himself bare for her, to her, she smiled and leaned down to kiss him. When he looked up into her eyes, he could see the glowing gold flecks that surrounded her irises. It was like he was looking at the sun, hiding behind the moon, as the blue of her eyes deepen and the gold flecks flare into life. He would never grow tired of how many different colours he would see when he looked into her eyes, they were always shifting and changing.

He was so lost in her gaze that he failed to at first feel her hand as it crept up under his shirt. When her fingertips traced the ridges of the muscles of his abdomen, that twitched and jumped under her touch, his breathing grow deeper, less controlled. Sitting up, he encouraged her to lift her arms so that he could pull her sweater off. Before she could lower her arms, he gently cradled her face, tracing the gentle contours of her cheeks and jaw, memorizing her through his fingertips.

Smiling, he pulled her tenderly into a soft, gentle kiss that was full of all the love, desire and words he couldn’t bring himself to say just yet. They yielded to each other in that moment and the world seemed to hold its breath, waiting for them to part. He felt the vibration of her moan as their shared kiss deepened, growing more intense as his hands traveled up and down her body. He was able to remove her bra while his lips found the soft skin on her neck and he heard her low chuckle as he did. He had perfected the art of undoing her bra long ago but it still amused her.

Felicity teased him for being clothed and while he watched her slip free from her leggings, he wished silently that they could wander around the lair in the nude. He was weighing suggesting it to her when she carefully but firmly took his hardening cock in her hands and stroked him until he couldn’t breathe or think straight. His hands fell to her breasts, gently circling her nipples with his thumbs until he heard her gasp in something approaching ecstasy.

With his arms wrapped around her, he laid them both down on the bed as he kissed her, slowly and tenderly, while she clung to him with all the power in her body. Taking advantage of his position, he moved his hand down her body, feeling how she reacted to the rough pads of his fingertips.

It was like electricity was coursing through every part of her. He could feel her vibrating under his hand as he moved it across her torso and gently between her legs. Felicity shifted her legs just enough for him to be able to stroke her in a rhythm that matched the way the waves washed up over the shore. He felt the luscious, wet heat of her greet his fingers as he slowly slipped two deep inside her. He kept his thumb circling hard against her clit until her hips lifted off the bed.

His lips had found the pulse in her neck so he felt her moan as it rumbled out of her. She had wanted to seduce him but instead had fallen under the spell of his touch. He chuckled, low in his throat, as he kissed and licked his way down her fragrant body. If there was one thing Felicity never had to worry about it was seducing him. All it took was a look from her and he would be ready for anything she wanted.

In the past, sex had been a means to an end for Oliver. It got him what he wanted: sexual pleasure, power and fed his ego. He knew that the person he was before he got on the Gambit had been a terrible, selfish one. He was embarrassed about his behaviour and how he had treated almost all of the women in his life during that time. He had been selfish and cruel. The last few years had shown him that he was a different man, that he could truly be better than that old version of himself. If not for Felicity, he was not sure he would have succeeded.

With a gentle nudge, he opened her legs wider with his shoulders, and relinquished his hands to hers. All he needed was his mouth and tongue. He loved the way she felt, rolling silky hot over against his lips, and the way she tasted as she edged closer and closer to that special place of ecstasy where her body was his and his alone.

In the past, he couldn’t be bothered to spend this kind of time bringing his past lovers into a state of almost feral pleasure but with Felicity, he often thought he could spend all day anchored between her legs, gently and firmly transporting her into a semi-transcendental euphoric space. He could feel her eyes on him as she tried to watch, to focus on him, but the instant he increased the intensity of how he sucked, licked and tasted her, her head fell back and she moaned as he slipped two fingers inside her and flexed them forward, pulsing them in time with the waves outside. She gripped his hair while her hips moved in time to his tongue.

Smiling, Oliver slowed the moment down until her breathing evened out and her body relaxed. Slowly, he kissed his way back up her body. Her eyes were closed and she had a slight smile on her lips. He whispered in her ear, calling her back to him, laughing softly as she pretended to be distressed that he was taking his time. She was glowing in the soft light, like the moon from behind the clouds, and he felt her arms and legs wrap around him as he came to rest on top of her.

She opened her eyes and looked deep into his. He became aware of how close together their faces were. He could see the delicate spray of freckles across the bridge of her nose and the smoothness of her skin. She didn’t need to wear makeup, but he appreciated her love of colour and style. Oliver was lost in the depths of her gaze when he felt the pressure of her hands on the side of his face, her thumbs tracing the shape of his lips. He was trapped in the gravity of her eyes and unable to do or say anything when she pulled him down into a kiss that caused him to hum, a deep, resonant sound, that reverberated through both their bodies.

So intent was his focus on the softness of her tongue as it played against his own that he failed to feel her slowly guide his painfully hard cock into her, pausing only to slowly allow her body adjust to him before rolling her hips. She felt lush, silky smooth. He pulled away from her kiss and found her already watching him. Her eyes were the colour of the azure sea that they had encountered on the Isle of Capri all those months ago on their road trip around the world. A colour that always triggered feelings of contentment and love, no matter where they were.

Oliver felt a familiar surge of heat race through his blood. It left him in a primal, ancient place inside his mind. He could see, reflected in her eyes, that Felicity was feeling that same animalistic hunger. He loved seeing that fierceness in her. It galvanized him, propelled him towards her but he restrained himself, waiting for her to lead. The steady rhythm of the waves set a tempo that they each fell into step with, their hips moving in a luxurious, relaxing motion that allowed for a slowly increasing tension in his pelvis. He was grateful when she nudged him to roll over onto his back.

It slowed him down enough so that she could claim her pleasure from his body. He wondered if there would come a day when sex would become boring or something they did out of habit. As he explored her body with his hands, he filed those thoughts away. He would have to be dead and in the grave to not want her. As the intensity of her body’s grip on him increased, he thought of all the times the darkness they fought every day together had almost ripped them apart.

He had lain, shattered and broken, in front of her on more than one occasion but each time she had coaxed him with unwavering faith and love back to life. Oliver felt for the seams of her healed wounds, searching for that one scar that had been the first to crack through the armour she had been wearing since childhood. It wasn’t a physical one, it sprung from the darker truths she kept close to her heart, the ones she continued to hide from him. It was the one Havenrock had blown apart and he felt that if he could find it, he could help her heal it once and for all.

Her hips began to move faster, with more insistence, so he pulled her to his chest, holding her tight enough to him that he could feel her heart beating. He had just drawn her into a passionate, chaotic kiss when her orgasm rolled through her with such strength he could feel every shuddering pulse. With her face pressed against his neck, she murmured encouragements to him, asking him not to stop.

Felicity’s eyes were closed and Oliver knew she was lost somewhere deep inside her mind but it didn’t matter. There was something so painfully beautiful about the way they chased each other’s desire with their bodies joined, from breath to skin. It felt essential, chaotic and filled with a controlled intimacy that left him breathless. They had so many nicks, scrapes and cuts, both large and small, to heal between them but in moments like this, when their bodies and hearts were in complete sync, he knew that they would.

With the universe on display above them, reflecting in the roiling water of the ocean, he trusted in the lives they had lived, the ones still to come, and the foundation of love that all of it had been built on. The trust that had fractured between them was mending, slowly but surely, and soon the cracks in their hearts would follow suit. Until then, he would wait until she was ready to let him all the way in, just as she was waiting for him.

Feeling the tension in her body beginning to build again, he reached between them and gently, but firmly, stroked her sensitive clit in time with the movements of their bodies. This time, instead of her taking pleasure from him, he gave it to her. Her body felt electrified, every muscle stretched taut, as her orgasm didn’t just roll through her, it shattered her. She clawed and clung to him, her body felt like a maelstrom of surging energy and it pushed him past his breaking point.

Utilizing his strength, he sat up and laid Felicity down on her back. He balanced his weight over top of her as she wrapped her legs and arms around him, matching the pace and intensity of each of his thrusts. He wanted to tell her so many things in that moment but all he could do was gasp that he loved her over and over. Oliver was reeling above her. He could feel the pulsing, throbbing rhythm of her body and slowly, he let himself come undone.

There had been may times in the past when he felt he might hurt her when he let himself drift like this. That the intensity of his desire for her could become more than he could control, that he could lose himself so completely that he might not hear her if she asked him to stop. It was something that had crossed his mind on more than one occasion but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up without alarming her.

Now, as she let him find his pleasure in her body, he rolled his hips and then remained buried deep inside her as he came in a series of shuddering, uneven strokes that pushed him outside of himself. He was tethered to her heartbeat, to the rhythm of her breathing, as the ferocity of his orgasm scattered his mind across the universe they had created.

She held him, gently stroking his back, while he returned to himself and caught his breath. He had no idea how but each time was better than the last. They were both covered in a thin sheen of sweat that the breeze coming in over the ocean cooled against their skin. He kissed her gently under her ear and carefully laid down beside her.

The room felt alive around them. It glowed with light and echoed with something that felt like joy to him. If he closed his eyes, Oliver was sure he would see the kind of life they could one day have together, it was there waiting for them to embrace. Watching her now, in the soft hazy light of the room, he wanted them to find their way through the minefield of their pasts and the complicated maze of their present, so that they could claim the future that was theirs to share once again. He could feel it, so tantalizingly close, just beyond their reach.

Tenderly, he ran a fingertip slowly down the centre of her chest, feeling how damp her skin still was and instinctively leaned over to trail his lips down the path his fingertip just took. She was fragrant but not sweet and light like she was during the day, but earthy and elemental. Like the forest after a thunderstorm. He licked and kissed her nipples, tasting the saltiness of her sweat, and felt a rush of heat rising up from her.

Wisely, Felicity suggested they go clean up in the bath. It was a suggestion that immediately caught his attention and desire. He had learned to take her ribbing in good humour back in Positano when it came to baths and bathtubs. He loved them. It was corny, kind of childish and completely out of character for him but his glee at the prospect of bathing with her was something he couldn’t hide. In a flash, he was off the bed and in the bathroom.

After a few minutes, he called to her to come and join him. He had figured out how to use the controls on it the other day and was anxious to try them out. The water would stay hot for as long as they were in the tub and the jets, while only four in number, had dozens of settings each to keep the water moving. He set them on a low, pulsating setting and lit one of the candles Felicity had left from her first night out in Klamath.

After patiently listening to him describe the way the tub worked, she smiled up at him and then brought his hands to her lips. Tenderly, almost reverently, she kissed his thickened, scarred knuckles. It was such a delicate and loving gesture but it slammed into him. He felt it in every cell of his body as a series of aftershocks.

Quickly, he redirected their attention to getting into the tub and helped her in, sticking his foot in his mouth in the process by suggesting she might be too short to get in on her own, and gratefully sank into the hot, moving water. Felicity, still laughing at him, let him pull her to him, her back firmly against his chest. She let her head fall back onto his shoulder and for a moment they watched the Milky Way shimmer and glow high over head.

With a gentle kiss on her cheek, he promised her a walk on the beach and picnic lunch out at the cove they had discovered earlier. It was their last full day in this otherworldly place and he wanted to make it as peaceful and calm as he could. As he gazed up through time and space, he contemplated the tiny differences from the night before and smiled at his secret knowledge.

As the water fizzed and swirled around them, he reached for her ever present shower, bath and body loofah sponge and body wash and began his favourite ritual; that of their intimate cleanse. He spent a few minutes on her back, gently tracing the healed wounds and scars but when his hand passed over the one purposefully left by a surgeon willing to implant a tiny miracle, he paused. He could almost feel it humming underneath her skin as it supplied the energy necessary to keep her spinal cord working.

It was during this small, simple act that he felt the crack in the armour she had formed around her heart after William and then Havenrock. He felt it like a hard gust of wind. The kind that takes you by surprise, pulling the air from your lungs, leaving you gasping but alive and invigorated. Still, tears sprung to his eyes when he thought about the the bullets that had ripped into her the moment he left her alone in the limo’s backseat and the days of uncertainty and lies that followed.

So, in supplication and reverent act of redemption, he honoured her with his hands as he washed her. He lowered his head so his mouth was beside her ear and he began to speak. He thanked her for her patience, for allowing him to find a way to make amends for the lies he told while she recovered from her wounds. He promised her, as his hands slipped across her abdomen and then down between her legs, that he would try to always honour that trust.

As her breathing deepened, he thanked her for giving him the chance to find the courage to finally face the man he thought he was so that he could let go of him and find the man he was meant to be. He could do all of that with her there with him. In spite of all his efforts to sabotage himself, sometimes at the expense of the people who loved him, he finally knew he could trust in the decisions he was making and, most importantly, that he was relearning how to trust himself.

He kept his hands moving over her, circling from her shoulders to her knees, teasing her legs apart and running his nails tenderly over the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. Felicity’s head fell back and a small moan escaped her lips. He wasn’t sure if she could truly hear him but he had so much he needed her to hear. That even if it took her years to work through the abuse of her childhood and the trauma of her injuries and Havenrock, he would be there with her, every step of the way. That he would give her a reason to get up in the morning if she faltered, that though his journey might not match hers, he was there with her until the end.

Felicity’s body was alive under his hands but he could feel something else rumbling through her, and he felt a wave of anguish wash over him. It flowed out of her and he took it from her, he absorbed it, trying to clear the way for her to find some peace, if only for the time they had together in the beach house. He continued to talk quietly in her ear, telling her how much he loved her, how that love seemed to grow deeper, more complex with each day and that his life would never truly be the same because of her.

He returned his hand back between her legs, stroked against her clit and slipped two fingers inside her. He felt her breathing change, growing ragged and deep, and he continued to speak, breaking down her defenses one word at a time. He pulled her towards ecstasy as he told her of all the ways he wanted to show her how much he desired her, of all the ways she brought him peace in the midst of the tempest that was their shared life.

Oliver spoke honestly, with kindness and love, and still the hurt and sorrow flowed out of her, even as her hips rocked against his hand and her body shuddered and jerked through a series of orgasms that finally cracked them both apart. He couldn’t see her face, but he knew she was crying. His own tears had begun to fall when he had tried to find the words to describe just how much her presence in his life had created the desire within him to live, to finally, fully, really live and that her love fed his soul.

Finally, she twisted around in his arms and clung to him as she wept. All he could do was hold her until the tears slowed. Distantly, he heard her telling him that she loved him and for the first time in a long time, he felt the weight of truth behind her words. Without a further word, he stopped the jets, pulled the tub’s plug and helped her out of the receding water.

He didn’t trust his voice, so he wrapped them both in towels and dried her off as best he could. Taking her by the hand, he lead her back to the bedroom, feeling lighter with each step. Before getting her to climb back into bed, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. A deep, gentle lover’s kiss that threatened to wake his body up. He could still feel they way her repeated climaxes caused the very air around them to vibrate and thrum with energy.

He pulled back and waited for her to open her eyes and when she did, he told her he loved her more and more everyday and then to get back into bed while he took care of their towels and the candle they had left burning. He then quickly returned to the bedroom, unplugged the lights, and crawled in beside her. After the emotional events of the day, he was sure they would both sleep long past sunrise.

He would be grateful for the rest as he had a feeling that Felicity wasn’t done telling her story, at least not yet. As he drifted to sleep, he thought of all the secrets that they had shared only with each other and all the darker truths that they held close, not wanting to trouble the other. He was convinced that now, more than ever, there would come a time when there would be nothing left for them to atone for. Sleep stole his last thoughts but he was certain he caught a glimpse of their future together and held it close, in that quiet part of his heart, waiting for him to be truly ready to share it with her once and for all.

 

II

 

_He smelled the sharp, acrid scent of the earth. It was the way the desert smelled after a thunderstorm. The smell of ozone and scorched earth that overlaid the gentler scent of piñon, mesquite and juniper and it reminded him of their overnight hike in Mesa Verde. But that made no sense since he was currently on the wild, isolated coast of southern Oregon with Felicity._

_Taking a deep breath, Oliver opened his eyes and was greeted by a vast, star filled sky. The moon was rising behind him, casting silvery blue shadows across the desert, but the sky held his attention. It was filled with colour. He could see wispy cloud-like traces of red, blue and pale orange chasing each other through the night sky, winding themselves around the spaces between the stars and racing towards the voids where no light was emitted._

_“Oh, it’s you,” came a paper thin voice from the deep shadows to his left._

_Oliver, closed his eyes and inwardly groaned. If there was one person who could make him feel uncertain and insecure, it was the Old Man or Wakan Tanka. He would rather see Manaba or Coyote. The Old Man made him feel small both emotionally and physically. But he did appreciate the elder man’s love for Felicity, she had caused his smile shine, dazzlingly bright, in the dimmest of light._

_“I didn’t ask to come back here,” Oliver sighed._   
_“No, but you need something. What is it Young Buck? What’s got your heart all tore up?”_   
_“Felicity.”_   
_‘What have you done to my Golden Woman?” he asked sharply, looking at Oliver with eyes older than the stars above. They were so dark brown, they appeared black but Oliver saw them shift and deepen like a storm cloud had passed over them._   
_“Nothing! Well, not nothing…,” Oliver faltered knowing that the story he would have to tell would most likely enrage the Old Man._

_He could feel his eyes on him, daring him to look over at him, he could feel the heat and weight of his stare. How could he explain William? Havenrock? Felicity’s paralysis? The invention that allowed her to walk? How could he explain all the way he failed her and all the ways they were trying to fix that damage? It all felt so dense and weighty. He wasn’t sure he had the energy to find the words._

_“You don’t have to tell me, I can see it,” the Old Man said quietly, “I told you what would happen if you lied to her.”_   
_“I know,” Oliver could barely choke the words out. His throat felt tight and his skin felt prickly and feverish with embarrassment and shame._   
_“But she is sleeping beside you, I can feel that energy and power she carries with her.”_   
_“We are working through things. I think...I hope we will be alright,” Oliver explained in a quiet voice._

_A few minutes went by with neither man speaking. Oliver studied the sky, trying to find a familiar star or constellation but the sky here was different. It looked newer and older, denser and yet there were patches free from anything producing light. He felt he had arrived at the beginning of time and wasn’t sure if he was meant to find his way back._

_“You think too much, Young Buck,” the Old Man sighed wearily, “How do you feel knowing the hurt you brought her heart?”_   
_“How do you think?” Oliver answered with the same weary sounding sigh._   
_“Like the wolf who can’t provide. Like the Thunderbird who can’t sing.”_   
_“More metaphors?” Oliver asked._   
_“You gotta dig inside your heart,” Wakan Tanka said, his voice suddenly spreading out over the land, enveloping Oliver as he sat on the hard packed, dry earth, “You have helped heal her body but now, you give back to yourself or you’ll burn out. You aren’t Fallen Star.”_   
_“Fallen Star?” Oliver was confused. He had never heard that name before._

_The Old Man fell silent and instead of answering Oliver, he looked out across the desert, shrouded in the silver grey shadows of the risen moon, and tracked something that was moving just out of Oliver’s ability to see. It never got any closer, it moved back and forth on the distant horizon, sometimes reaching up towards the sky._

_“Another day, when she is with you, I'll tell you about Fallen Star. But not today. Today is something different. Way back, before the moon was in the sky, the Sun wandered alone. Rising and setting each day, searching for a companion. I was here during that time,” the Old Man mused, his eyes twinkling, “I had yet to think up men and women. It was just me, the sun and the five winds. The Whirlwind ran me ragged. She always was up for a good chase.”_

_Oliver shifted around so he could see the Old Man better. The moon was enormous in the night sky, bigger than he had ever seen it and it was smoother, younger looking. Oliver narrowed his eyes and turned back to the Old Man. For some reason he had been transported back in time within his dream for another lesson, he suspected, most likely a tough one._

_“You are getting smarter!” The Old Man exclaimed in an only slightly mocking voice, “Less questions, more thinking. Coyote is gonna hate that.”_   
_“I haven’t seen Coyote in a while,” Oliver chuckled, “Will she be coming back for a visit?”_   
_“Nah, you have two new someones coming your way. They are almost older than me, ancient but new.”_   
_“More riddles,” Oliver sighed._   
_“Oh I don’t want to spoil the surprise. It’s a good one.”_

_Off in the distance came the sound of thunder and quick, rolling flashes of lightning through low hanging clouds. As the wind kicked up, Oliver detected the fresh, clean scent of rain. It was a long way off, skirting the edges of the canyon they appeared to be in. The light from the moon showed the ridge of clouds working their way across the sky, never getting further away or any closer, they just churned and boiled on the horizon._

_“So why are we here?’ Oliver asked quietly, “Concern for me or just because you can?”_   
_“I can hear her screaming, Young Buck, in her dreams,” the Old Man said quietly, sorrow and concern both present in equal weight in each word, “she hides her pain from you, trying to only show her sunny smile. But at night, even after you’ve loved her good, her mind howls.”_

_Oliver sat in silence. He wasn’t sure what to say, or if he could say anything at all. His throat felt like it was being squeezed in a vice and it hurt, all of it hurt. The Old Man’s words, the truth of what he knew, the shame of all his lies. The Old Man had warned him never to lie to Felicity and he did it anyways. She was encouraging him to find a way to forgive himself but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t._

_“She forgives you. Deep down, she understands, but she will never absolve you of it. You will carry that shame forever unless you leave it in the past and meet her in the present,” the Old Man was speaking almost absentmindedly as he loaded a red stone pipe with something fragrant and slightly spicy, “But you need to know your role in this place here first.”_

_“So I am here for a story?” Oliver asked._   
_“Of sorts.”_   
_“What’s it about this time?”_   
_“Always with the questions,” the Old Man sighed._

_Oliver sat back and watched the ancient man known by more names than there were stars in the sky above, and cocked an eyebrow in amusement. He wisely held his tongue but he was curious. There was a lesson in this dream and he was going to be required to learn it, and learn it well, before he would be allowed to wake up._

_“You and the Golden Woman, your story is written up in the sky and down here,” Wakan Tanka said patting the earth beside him, “You are both made from the things I used to shape the world but always at different times. Some days you burst into her sky like the Sun and others, you follow her across your lives like the Moon. You are connected through light.”_

_“I thought Felicity was the Sun,” Oliver said, watching the Old Man light the pipe he had packed, “She is ferocious and brilliant and has done more for me than I could ever thank her for.”_   
_“She doesn’t need your thanks, she needs your trust,” the Old Man boomed even though he barely raised his voice above a whisper._

_Taken aback by the suggestion that he didn’t trust Felicity, Oliver sat in silence and watched as the Old Man dug out a box of matches from his well worn jeans and carefully lit the pipe he had prepared. The stem was at least a foot long, so it took a minute for him to draw up enough smoke from the lit mixture into his mouth and lungs before he could release it into the air._

_“I don’t pull the Chanupa out for just anyone,” he said, “but I think it is time to introduce you to the Great Mystery.”_   
_“I thought you were the Great Mystery,” Oliver said quietly, “Or just Wakan Tanka?”_   
_“Careful, Young Buck,” he admonished, “You are showing you can think.”_   
_“Felicity might beg to differ.”_   
_“She might, she might,” he mused, “but she knows you and you know her.”_   
_“I would...I would do anything to take away her pain.”_   
_“First you have to understand her.”_   
_“What do you mean?” Oliver asked in confusion._

_The Old Man, now content with the way his pipe was lit, moved to sit next to Oliver. Together they watched the ever changing night sky. The moving figure way out at the edge of the canyon continued its lonely vigil, never getting closer to where they were but Oliver was positive that it was aware of them and their own vigil._

_“There are lots of versions of this story, some real, some not, some good, some not but this is the one I am going to tell you, so listen up,” The Old Man said with a grin, “because I won’t be coming back to tell it to you again. First, take a long puff of this.”_   
_“I don’t smoke,” Oliver chuckled with a shake of his head._   
_“This isn’t the kind of pipe you inhale. Now come on, before it goes out,” he admonished as he held out the pipe, his Chanupa, to Oliver. He waited for Oliver to release his mouthful of smoke, nodding appreciatively when the younger man didn’t choke or cough, and waited for the pipe to be handed back before continuing, “A long time ago, I made the Sun. I put him up there in the sky and let him find his balance, find the path he needed to take. But the earth was out of balance. Nothing would grow. The oceans and lakes wouldn’t move and no rain would fall. The entire planet was missing its rhythm. In some stories, they say I formed the Moon out of a beautiful woman or that I offered immortality to a woman if she would join the Sun up in the sky, but that’s not the story I remember.”_

_Oliver was watching the Old Man intently. The story was important, for reasons he hadn’t yet gleaned, but he was equally as fascinated by the way the older man’s face seemed to change from one minute to the next. He looked young, then old, then young again depending on the way the light from the stars fell over the hard angles of his face. It dawned on Oliver that he had missed the Old Man’s voice and verbal jabs._

_“So what is the story that you remember?” he asked with a self conscious smile._   
_“Eager to get to the point? What? You want to wake up? Find some warmth in her arms?” he teased and then laughed when Oliver averted his eyes, “Oh you will be back with her soon but I am going to finish this story. The way I remember it is that the Sun was up there first and the Moon came to join him. But she was always his equal and he loved her for it. He loved her so much, he was willing to die for her every night just so she could rise and live.”_

_Oliver grew still as he watched the smoke from the pipe drift up and away from them. He saw himself reflected in the Old Man’s words. He knew, if he had to, that he would lay down his life for Felicity without blinking an eye. It brought him a strange sort of comfort that he was content with knowing it would be instinctual no matter the context._

_“But the Moon, she didn’t want that,” the Old Man continued, handing the pipe back to Oliver and waiting for him to draw up some of the medicines he had placed in the bowl, “She wanted the Sun, to see him everyday because it was love that connected them to each other. Even though it looks like they are chasing each other through the sky, round and round each day, they are really reflecting back the best part of the other. See the Sun, or Wi as I named him originally, that’s you even though I know you see yourself as the darkness behind it all. Now the Golden Woman, she’s the Moon, she is Hanwi. She glows and shines and her face is always facing yours. Her true face. And she isn’t afraid of anything that you are or will bring into her life.”_

_The Old Man sat back and smoked for a while in thoughtful silence. Oliver knew better than to ask any questions but he was starting to get anxious. He felt disconnected from his body, from Felicity, and he could feel the desire to wake up beginning to push in from the edges of the dream._

_“Slow your breathing, Young Buck, you’ll be back to her soon,” the Old Man’s voice was full of concern as he watched Oliver begin to panic, “This is only a dream. You haven’t come untethered yet.”_   
_“I know...it just feels different this time because I know she won’t be joining us.”_   
_“Look out there,” the Old Man gestured with his chin, pointing out to the distant horizon, “Who do you think that is out there keeping the darkness at bay? She has been watching this whole time.”_   
_“But I thought she was the Moon,” Oliver was perplexed as he looked from the moon to the shadow moving relentlessly back and forth on the horizon._   
_“She is many things. As are you, as am I,” the Old Man chuckled softly with good humour._

_Oliver watched the spectral form of Felicity as she guarded his sleep. This was his dream but he had brought a piece of her with him, the part that sought to protect his heart and mind from the shadows that howled and the ghosts that battered him with memories he tried to keep locked away._

_“You need to stop being afraid, Young Buck. Her heart won’t shatter like you think it will. She has stood tall and strong as the meteors of your past come flying in. She has taken some serious hits, ones that would have knocked anyone else out of your life, but she protects you when you can’t protect yourself. The Sun and the Moon look like they only face each other but they are tied to each other and in constant motion. Like the two of you. Love connects you. Time connects you. Your lives connect you. You are two complete people who are traveling this life together.”_

_“Why does she scream in her sleep? In her dreams?” Oliver’s voice cracked just enough to betray the depth of his concern for Felicity._   
_“She needs to tell you why. When she is ready. The two you have coming to visit you will help you both.”_   
_“Why can’t you? You have helped us so much already,” Oliver implored. This Old Man, this ancient, timeless man, had given both he and Felicity the guidance they needed to take the necessary steps to find their way to committing to each other so long ago in Positano._

_“I like to share in how people get their knowledge,” he said with a gentle nudge into Oliver’s ribs, “besides, who you got coming? I have only met them once, after I created them, but the bring me endless joy.”_   
_“Why us?” Oliver asked impulsively, “What makes Felicity and I so...special?”_   
_“What makes her so important to you?”_   
_“...everything,” Oliver struggled for a moment before uttering that one, simple word but it summed up what she meant to him on every level. But it wasn’t that she was what he lacked or that he needed her to complete him. It was deeper than that, she was light and life, she was the heart of his world and without her it had no colour, shape or form. She meant everything to him, so much so that he felt an ache in his chest as he wondered if she was still asleep next to him._

_“There’s your answer,” the Old Man said as he stood up and stretched, “Think about the Sun and Moon, how they have kept each other in view since their creation, how love is what keeps them strong. They trusted each other with their very existence. Always have, always will.”_   
_“We are working on the trust issues between us.”_   
_“Good. That’s good, Young Buck, because your world depends on it.”_

_Oliver stood up, his eyes searching out the shadow on the edge of the earth, still relentlessly guarding him from the monsters that howled in the deepest parts of him, and he smiled. He didn’t have to worry about where she was or if she was safe when he slept. The anxiety that followed him slowly let go of his heart. Time would heal their wounds so long as they were honest with each other. For anyone else it might be a tall order, but he knew they could make it work._

_“I think it’s time for you to wake up and rejoin the Golden Woman. I don’t know how you got so lucky,” the Old Man grumbled, “The one, she has power in her, real power and strength that can hold up the sky. Remember that. She pinned her hopes for you both to the heavens but it is her strength that keeps the sky from falling down. Now...wake up, Oliver.”_

The waves outside were louder, more insistent than they had been the night before and they helped pull him awake. Oliver could feel the soft breeze that slipped past the curtains and into the room. Based on the shadows in the room, it was late morning and Felicity was still completely asleep. He smiled at the calm and peace that had filled the room while they slept as he reflected on all the Old Man had told him.

They were so close to the trust that had evaded them since she found out about William. It was a shadow that laid between them but it was getting dimmer, less defined. When it was time for her to sit in the centre of the pain her father had caused and left behind, he would be there with her, if only to be what she looked to in order to rise above it and leave it all behind.

“I can feel you staring at me,” she mumbled sleepily.  
“It’s hard not to,” he smiled, his voice subdued and quiet.  
“I slept like a rock,’ she yawned, turning over to face him, “How about you?”

Oliver didn’t answer right away. He gently pushed her hair back from her face. What could he say? For the first time in a long time he felt rested, centred and ready for whatever was to come. Instead, he smiled and leaned across the small distance between them to kiss her. She was beautiful in the soft white light, even in the dishevelment of sleep.

“You, my dearest love, have morning breath,” she said with a wrinkled nose.  
“Are you saying you want another kiss?”  
“AFTER you brush your teeth, I might consider it.”  
“Fine,” he grumbled good naturedly and got out of bed.  
“You are seriously going to go brush your teeth?” she laughed.  
“Yup, but not for you. I want to eat and drink some coffee,” he said absentmindedly as he searched for his sweatpants and hoodie.  
“You sneak…”  
“What? I’m starving!” and with that proclamation he was off to the bathroom to start his day.

It was their last day at the beach house and he wanted to be sure that every moment would add to the next and become a memory that they would carry with them. A living thought that they could hold onto when life blew up around them. He wanted to be sure it was one they would seek out and embrace.

The Old Man’s words drifted back to him. His story about the Sun and the Moon. He had never thought about them as celestial bodies. He enjoyed how the Old Man would call her the Golden Woman and his obvious adoration of her. It made the fact that he had sought him out in a dream to talk to, instead of Felicity, special and comforting. He just needed to figure out how to ask her about her dreams. He was reluctant to broach it here, in their oasis of calm.

_Not yet, he thought as he washed his face._   
_Not yet, he thought as he pondered the day ahead._   
_Not yet, he thought with a smile as he thought of the night before._

“What’s with the smile, Mr. Queen?” Felicity asked as she came into the bathroom behind him.  
“Just thinking about how much I like it here. With you.”  
“It’s a good thing we are brushing our teeth,” she smiled.  
“Breakfast?”  
“Yes, please!”

Laughing, Oliver made his way to the kitchen to see what they still had left. He managed to stretch the last of the eggs and cheese to make an omelette for each of them. He had remembered to buy her favourite kind of turkey sausage and set them to bake in the oven while he cut up some fruit and prepared the coffee.

“You really need to teach me how to make an omelette,” Felicity sighed somewhat wistfully as she rejoined him.  
“How about when we get back to Star City? I’ll take you through a few easy lessons...starting with-”  
“Don’t you dare say boiling water,” she warned.  
“...making coffee like I do.”  
“Nice save,” she chuckled softly as she reached for the cup of coffee he was holding out to her, “That smell...did you get those turkey sausages that I love?”  
“I did.”  
“But not the turkey bacon.”  
“We’ve discussed this, Felicity, turkey bacon is not bacon. I just...I can’t,” he shook his head in mock horror.  
“I will convert you one day,” she said sternly, “it is healthier. Of all the things you WON’T eat because of your night job and physical conditioning, it makes no sense that you would draw the line at turkey bacon.”  
“You eat turkey bacon because of the whole pork thing, I eat bacon because it’s bacon.”  
“There is kosher bacon and Halal bacon,” she suggested.  
“Do you want me to get that next time?” he asked seriously, while he took the sausage out of oven and made them each a plate.  
“Maybe...it still feels weird to think I can eat that kind of bacon.”  
“You will not regret it. Until then, let’s eat,” he said with a flourish.

Felicity took the plate he was holding out to her, grabbed her fork and immediately began to eat the sausage. Oliver pretended not to notice that she had just stabbed one whole link and was eating it in large bites off of her fork. He studiously cut his into manageable pieces and made a show of eating like a civilized human being.

“You’ll choke if you aren’t careful.”  
“Not a chance,” she mumbled around a mouthful of food, “I am enjoying every bit.”  
“We’ll have to go on a long walk to burn this off.”  
“A long walk and then lunch?”  
“Felicity,” he sighed, “Would I let you starve?”  
“My hero,” she smiled, “So, for real, how did you sleep? You look rested.”  
“I slept really well and I feel...good.”

Felicity regarded him across the table for a moment and then reached for his hand, “I like it when your dreams are peaceful.”  
“I think the ocean air is doing me some good. You, too, by the looks of it,” his voice was quiet as he took in her rosy cheeks and clear eyes. She looked renewed and ready for whatever life could throw at her.  
“How about I clean up and you pack the lunch?” she suggested.  
“Sounds good. What do you want for lunch? I think we have some bread left.”  
“Sandwiches. Yes. I love your Queen Specials,” she smiled broadly and squeezed his hand.

After breakfast, Felicity cleaned up the dishes while Oliver packed their lunch. He had a feeling they would get about as far as the cove and then she would suggest they stop. She wasn’t saying anything but he knew occasionally she experienced pain in her legs from the nerves that were still regenerating. The bio-implant was working but it had side effects, so far nothing serious and for that he was thankful for her sake.

“Ready!” she called from the deck a few minutes later.  
“Ok! Be right there!” he called as he quickly grabbed his hoodie and the backpack with their lunch on his way out of the house.  
“So where to?” she asked as they started off down the beach.

Looking around, he instinctively started in the opposite direction of the cove they had discovered the day before. Something pulled him towards the cliffs to the right of the beach house. They weren’t as far away and would provide better shelter should the weather take a turn for the worse. There were clouds building in size far out on the horizon and the wind had a cool bite to it that worried him.

“What is it?” she asked, concern and worry layered on each word, “You have that look.”  
“Look?” he asked, genuinely curious.  
“That look you get when you something has caught your attention and you aren’t sure if it is good or bad,” she said softly, her voice almost lost under the crash of the waves on the shore.  
“It’s nothing,” he reassured her, “Come on. I bet there are caves over there.”

And with that, they made their way down the beach. The waves were large and loudly hammering the shore as they rounded a bend making conversation difficult, but once they found the path again the site that greeted them caused them to stop. It was breathtaking.

A few metres below them was a hidden beach, enshrouded in a mist that the sun had yet to touch. It curved gently inward, making it deep enough that high tide couldn’t completely submerge it. There was a quiet solitude to it that was seductive and called to him. His keen eye spotted what could be a cave or two but first they needed to make their way down to the beach itself. The rocks looked slick and he knew Felicity wasn’t as surefooted as she once was.

“Come on,” he said, reaching out his hand, “the rocks are slippery.”  
“I think I’ll be ok, Oliver.”  
“Just in case...please.”

With a sigh, she relented and took his hand. He knew she wanted to do it herself but to appease him, she was willing to hold his hand. Once they made it down, Felicity stopped and looked around the secluded beach. Oliver followed her eyes and saw wildflowers growing in cracks of the rocks, small tidal pools with an array of sea life living and growing in them, he saw life everywhere. The beach was teeming with it and he probably would never have seen it had she not stopped and brought his attention to it.

“Oliver...it is so beautiful here,” her voice was hushed, threading carefully through the steady breeze and waves, “Did you know it was here?”  
“No,” he answered, coming up behind her and wrapping her in a hug, “I just had a feeling and thought we should check it out.”  
“You have amazing instincts,” she sighed, falling back against his chest, “I wish this was closer to Star City.”

Oliver didn’t answer, instead he pulled her after him and over to the part of the beach that was bathed in sunlight and where the sand was dry. Felicity spread out their blanket and Oliver pulled out their lunch. The walk hadn’t taken long but he knew Felicity and now he understood her food security issues. He had packed finger food as snacks on a whim and was glad he had when he saw her reaction.

“Oliver,” she said between bites of carrots with hummus, “you are a genius for packing this.”  
“I don’t know about genius...maybe spectacularly smart?” he suggested.  
“That and the handsomest cook in these here parts,” she agreed with a wink.  
“Flirt.”  
“You love it.”

Oliver shook his head and smiled. Laying back he watched the sky. There were clouds slowly forming overhead, deep white ones that held the potential for rain. Every so often they would pass over the sun and the temperature would drop just a little bit. Felicity put the snacks away and curled up next to him, with her head on his shoulder.

“Felicity?” he murmured as he turned to kiss her on the top of her head.  
“Hmmm?”  
“So last night I had a dream... the Old Man came for another visit.”  
“WHAT?!?” she exclaimed, sitting up so she could see him, “HE CAME TO SEE YOU???”  
“Calm down,” he laughed, “it was just a quick one off. No Coyote, no Manaba, just the Old Man.”  
“What did he say to you? Or can you tell me?” she asked as she settled back down next to him.  
“He told me a story that I am still thinking through but my immediate take away is that I need to let you in. All the way in. That I have to stop thinking that my life is going to shatter you because you have survived more than I could have already,” he said softly.

Felicity was silent for a moment, taking in what he had just told her, before saying, “What do you mean you have to let me all the way in?”  
“I have to trust you but more importantly, I have to let you trust me. I do trust you, Felicity, like I have never trusted anyone before. You give me the support I need to be free from the past that follow me. I want you to know that, as we move forward,” his voice was full of an intensity that laid bare the depth of his sincerity.  
“Did the Old Man show you anything new?” she asked.  
“Yes, but that is still for me to work out. You know how he is,” Oliver chuckled.  
“I do. Did he mention me?”  
“Felicity, you know that he adores you.”  
“He does, doesn’t he?” she said wistfully.

Oliver shook his head and smiled. The Old Man, Wakan Tanka, Grandfather or Creator, he loved Felicity. It was a gentle, familial love that made him human, relatable, and Oliver understood just what it was the Old Man was saying. He had broken her trust but he hadn’t broken her. Now was the time to start strengthening their bond, to grow with it instead of fighting it.

“I think it might be time for lunch,” she suggested.  
“I suppose,” he sighed, “Who am I to say no to that?”

Just as they sat up, the clouds rolled over the sun and the wind seemed to pull itself back over the waves before racing back, faster and harder, bringing with it the first drops of rain. Oliver looked at Felicity just as thunder rolled in after the wind, a staccato crackling that warned of more and of lightning.

“Grab the blanket and I’ll grab the backpack. Can you run?” he asked as quickly got to his feet.  
“Run where?” she asked, looking around in confusion.  
“Will you kill me if I pick you up and run?” he asked just as a crack of thunder and flash of lightning roared almost directly overhead.  
“Where did this come from?” she yelled over the crashing waves.  
“I don’t know but I see somewhere we can get out of the rain!” he yelled back.

Felicity looked at him and then reached her arms up. For a split second, just a blink of the eye, Oliver saw a little girl. Curly blonde hair, thick like her mom’s, falling down over her shoulders, and her blue eyes wide in controlled fear. He blinked again and Felicity came into focus. Quickly slinging the backpack on, he scooped her up and ran for the cave entrance he had spotted earlier. He had just reached it when the rain began. Torrential sheets of it obliterated their view of the distant shore.

“Holy shit, Oliver,” she said in wonder, “Now this is a storm. We closed all the windows back at the beach house, right?”  
“Yup. I made sure to check.”  
“How did you know this was here?” she asked as they both turned to look into the cave they had entered.  
“I didn’t. I spotted it as we were coming down the path.”  
“You have amazing eyes, Oliver,” her tone was reverent as she ran her hands along the roughened walls. It wasn’t a deep cave but it was cavernous and their voices echoed softly through it.  
“When I was on Lian Yu, Yao taught me how to read not only maps but terrain. I had a feeling about it and here we are,” he explained.  
“Lunch?” she asked.  
“Lunch,” he agreed.

They spread out the blanket on the dry sand in front of the cave’s entrance. They were well protected from the storm even though it raged a few metres beyond them. Oliver removed the backpack and started to lay out their lunch when he noticed something at the bottom of the bag.

“Did you pack an extra blanket?” he asked incredulously.  
“Just a thin micro fleece in case we decided to nap in the open air but maybe we need it now. It’s going to get chilly in a bit, I think,” she was staring outside at the still torrential rain, blowing past the entrance. The wind was blowing steadily away from them even as the intensity of the storm grew high overhead.

“I think I’ll keep you,” he joked as he handed her a bottle of water, “I never would have thought of it.”  
“Just gimme my sandwich,” she laughed as she kicked off her shoes before sitting down.

Suddenly, her face went white, her eyes flew open and she began to fall. Oliver knew instinctively what was happening and caught her before she hit the ground. It was rare but on occasion the chip would slip out of sync and either blinding pain would rip through her or she would stumble as the nerves became overstimulated and temporarily fooled her brain into thinking she could no longer walk. This appeared to be the former.

“Breathe, Felicity,” he encouraged softly, “you have to breathe.”  
“Oh God, Oliver,” she gasped in an agonized whisper, “It’ll pass but wow…”

Carefully, he helped her shift around so that she was sitting across his lap and then he wrapped his arms around her. He could feel her shaking against him as the pain subsided. Her skin felt clammy but her breathing was steady and even. It took a few minutes for him to realize she was silently crying.

“Hey, hey, honey, what is it?” he asked, tightening his arms around her.  
“Just...endorphins,” her voice, thick with emotion, was muffled against his chest.  
“Are you sure?”

She was silent as the thunder boomed overhead but as it subsided he heard her say, “No. It’s more than that. It’s me. It’s you. It’s my parents, William, Havenrock...Oliver those nights, when I leave you to go back to the loft, I don’t sleep. I lay in bed and I hurt. In my heart and mind. I watch the sun come up and I feel like screaming because it means I have to live another day. Another day with the memory of a city reduced to ashes and dust because I couldn’t save it. Another day remembering all the time we lost and I don’t know how to find any peace.”

“Felicity, peace will find you, when you least expect it,” he said, leaning away from her so that she could look him in the eyes, “and I will be there for that moment. I know saying ‘I promise’ isn’t enough, but will you trust me on this? Will you let me be there?”

Tenderly, she reached up and wiped away tears he didn’t know he was crying, and she nodded. A small smile touched her lips and she sat up taller so they were almost nose to note before saying, “I think you are part of the peace that needs to happen. I believe that you are one of the most important pieces. That’s what love means and feel like, right?”

The sound of the storm faded, it still raged violently outside the cave they had sought shelter in, but as Oliver looked into Felicity’s eyes it ceased to matter. All that mattered was that she was showing him what forgiveness looked like, what trust felt like and, most importantly, she was letting him know that she wasn’t shattered by his actions and all that had happened. He finally felt that they had made the choice as to what path to take and the fork in the road was now behind them.

He felt her warm breath on his face and watched the spark of desire take hold in her eyes. He knew that if they crossed the small distance between them, there would be no turning back from the moment where her lips touched his. If they were in public, breaking free was always easy. In private, like in the cave, breaking free was harder, less desirable.

“Why is it,” she whispered, “that time seems to slow down in moments like these?”  
“I don’t know, but I am grateful,” he murmured, pulling her closer so he could kissed her.

It wasn’t a kiss of desire necessarily, it was intimate and soft, the kind passion grows from until all you can do is surrender to it, to each other. Oliver felt the Universe pause and wait for them decide whether they were going to give into their desire or take a step back and rejoin the world.

He heard a soft sigh escape her lips, felt her hands tighten on the fabric of his hoodie and the hard press of her body against his and he knew the decision had been made. His hands pushed up under her sweater, seeking the warmth of her skin, as her tongue parted his lips, seeking his own. Lunch was forgotten as he laid down on the blanket, pulling her with him as he did.

“I wanted to wait until tonight before taking advantage of you,” she mused as she undid his hoodie.  
“Felicity, you never have to wait to do that,” he said softly against the satiny smooth skin at the nape of her neck.  
“God, I love you, Oliver,” she managed to whisper as he puller her sweater off, “but I doubt this will take long.”  
“I think you are right,” she agreed.

Felicity helped him pull off his hoodie and then his shirt. He watched her slip out of her leggings and underwear, waited as she pulled his shoes off and then helped him slip free from his pants. The storm was passing over them, growing weaker, but neither of them noticed. The only thing that mattered was the heat their bodies were generating and the desire that was building to a fevered pitch.

Kicking his pants free from his legs, Oliver wrapped one arm around her waist and used the other to help flip them over so that she was underneath him. He sought out her lips as she wrapped her legs around his waist, grinding hard against him as his cock grew harder and harder with each sinuous movement. He wanted to do so many things, to taste her skin, to feel the hot, silky wetness of her with his fingers and tongue before any of this but when he looked at her and saw the same primal need reflecting back at him from her eyes, all that mattered was her.

He kissed her lips and down her neck, licking and sucking her salty skin, and then slowly entered her. Felicity gasped into his neck and then moaned as he began to thrust, in long, firm strokes, pushing her legs further apart by slowly drawing his own knees up so that he was half kneeling above her. Still, she met him thrust for thrust, clawed at his back and kissed him until he was gasping for air.

“I love you, Felicity,” he gasped into her neck, “I waited my entire life for you…”  
“Oh God, Oliver…,” she moaned, her voice echoing off the cave’s walls, “Now there is no more waiting…”

She was right, he thought as he quickened his pace, they didn’t have to wait. Not anymore.

He felt her go slightly limp beneath him and then she shuddered and bucked, her body a live wire wrapped around him, pulsing and clenching down on his painfully hard cock until his restraint broke apart. Sometimes his orgasms build low in his pelvis, taking its time arriving. This time, he had to race to hold it back, to prevent it from happening before she could find her own quiet place of ecstasy. He pulled her hips up, buried himself in her and came with a long, low rumbling groan.

“Oh….God, Felicity,” he panted, “Why have we not done it like this before?”  
“Because we don’t have a cave.”  
“We could use the Lair…,” he said suggestively.  
“We could...and then forget about all the cameras and have John review the security tapes and…”  
“Ok, enough,” he laughed, “if we ever do, I’ll be sure to turn them off.”  
“Oliver, you are kinda crushing me,” she gasped, “and I am a bit chilly.”  
“Good thing you brought that extra blanket,” he chuckled. Giving her a quick but gentle kiss, he slowly laid down beside her and reached for his backpack to get the fleecey blanket she had packed.  
“I thought it would be handy if the wind got cold not because we had sex in a cave,” she mused, gently tracing the arrowhead brand on his back.  
“I will say, cave sex is hot.”  
“Oliver...I’m kinda starving.”  
“Lunch?” he asked.  
“Lunch. Naked lunch.”

Laughing, Oliver pulled the food out and handed her the sandwich he had made for her. Lunch went by in quiet conversation about the team, about what he wanted to do as mayor when he got back and about the trip home. There were some unspoken questions about their relationship but he felt that they were firmly on the right track.

“So the storm has blown over,” he observed. The rain had stopped but the wind was still blowing fast and hard. He knew that meant more rain was on the way but he hoped that they would have enough time to get back to the beach house before it started again.

“We should probably get back,” she commented as though reading his mind.  
“I think you are right. There are usually many parts to storms out here. How are your legs?”  
“I think they’ll be ok,” she said pensively.  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes, I would like to make it back on my own two feet, Oliver.”  
“I can carry you, Felicity. We can make it a piggyback ride,” he joked as he pulled on his pants and stood up.  
“I will murder you in your sleep if you ever suggest that again.”

He burst out laughing and pulled her up after him, hugging her close. She was only half joking and he loved her for it.

The walk back to the house took longer than he thought it would because of the force of the wind but she made it without needing his help. She struggled the last hundred yards or so but didn’t once ask for help, not even when the thunder boomed overhead and they needed to jog up the last little bit of beach to get inside before the rain started to fall once again.

“I could use a shower and a nap,” she yawned.  
“You and me both.”  
“Let me shower first, ok?” she asked, “I need to shave my legs.”  
“I wasn’t going to say anything but…”  
“Oh my God, Oliver!”

He laughed as she walked out of the living room in a pretend huff. Once he heard the shower start, he cleaned up their lunch containers and took their dinner out of the freezer to thaw. After a few minutes, he knocked on the bathroom door. If she was almost done, he would slip in behind her to use the shower.

“Hey, Felicity?” he called, “Are you almost done?”

He waited for a reply, his brow creased in concern when none came.

Knocking a little harder, he called again, “Hey, Felicity! Are you almost done?”

Still nothing came back in reply. Concern overrode any reservations he might have had about her privacy and he opened the door to the bathroom. He half expected to see her lying on the floor of the shower, slowly drowning in the falling water. Wha the saw was her sitting silent and still on the stone bench within the stall.

Stripping off his clothes, Oliver entered the shower and crouched down in front of her. He smoothed her wet hair away from her face and saw he eyes were closed. There were no tears but she was pale. Her legs were shaking uncontrollably and he knew she would be unable to stand up.

“Hey,” he whispered, “hey, look at me Felicity.”  
“I can’t. If I open my eyes, I will throw up.”  
“Ok, can you sit here for a minute?”  
“Yes,” she said through gritted teeth.

Quickly, he rinsed his body off from the sand in the cave and then shut the water off. He grabbed a large towel and wrapped her in it. He didn’t ask her for permission before picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom because it didn’t matter. She was in pain, crippling pain, and all that mattered was her safety and comfort.

“Sorry, I know you hate it when I carry you,” he murmured as he dried her off, “but the bedroom seemed like a mile away, even for me.”  
“It’s ok,” she replied in a voice thick with anguish, “but next time you get hurt, I get to carry you.”  
“Deal,” he smiled, “Now lay back. Rest.”  
“You, too?”  
“Me, too.”

Carefully, he helped her into the bed and pulled the duvet over her. Quickly drying off, he slipped in beside her and pulled her to him. She wasn’t sleeping but her breathing was deep and steady. He made a mental note to talk to Curtis when they got back to the city, to see if there was something they should be doing to help fix whatever could be wrong.

“I’ll be ok, Oliver,” she mumbled sleepily, “I just need some rest.”  
“I’ll be here, don’t worry,” he whispered.  
“Love you.”  
“Love you, too,” he smiled and kissed the top of her head.

The storm burst back into life outside as sleep wrapped them both in its seductive embrace, ushering them below its surface. His last coherent thought was that he hoped her sleep would be free from the screams of the dead and that in his own earlier dream, the Old Man had called him by his given name for the very first time.


	9. Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the penultimate chapter and it is a gentle one that presents a lot of interesting questions about their future, their past, their present and the way Felicity’s implant has yet to fall into sync with her body’s signals.
> 
> It begins with a dream where Felicity meets up with a character from my other series, Ghost Of Jupiter. Last chapter saw the Old Man visit Oliver, this time Manaba is here for Felicity. She shares part of a story with her, basically the continuation of the story started in the other series, where she describes the roles of the Sun and Moon.
> 
> If you want to look it up, it is part of the Navajo Creation story. I took a little bit of liberty with it as it is extemely long and involved. To make it accessible to everyone I needed to shorten it.
> 
> Anyways, lots of love, sex and sharing in this chapter. They are getting closer to where they should have been at the start of season 5,

**Night Four: Connection**

 

_When all hope_   
_Seemed lost_   
_He smiled._

**I**

_She could smell smoke. It was layered and delicate as it drifted in on the evening wind, underneath the most astringent scents of juniper, mesquite and piñon. She didn’t see a fire but she couldn’t see much of anything in the gathering darkness. It pushed at her, elbowing her out of its way as it rolled over the valley she appeared to be in._

_No, she thought, not valley. Canyon. I’m in a canyon._

_Carefully, she walked down a gently sloping path that was illuminated by the stars. They were so bright out here in the desert, brighter than anywhere else she had ever been. The shadows were dark but the light that was wrapped around it was a molten silver, like mercury, and it formed itself to every plant, rock and animal it came into contact with._

_Scanning the horizon, she searched for a trail of smoke wafting skyward but saw nothing. She listened for the distinctive crackling of wood bursting in a camp fire, but heard nothing. All she could detect was the paper thin scent of something burning far enough away that it was unrecognizable._

_Felicity thought about Oliver and how he would know what it was without so much as having to take a second sniff at the wind. He amazed her that way. He held such deep knowledge of the physical world and on special occasions he would open up, like a book, and reveal all that he had learned about specific things. He held that book close to his chest, so close he rarely opened it._

_The thought that all the knowledge he had accumulated on Lian Yu, Hong Kong and the as of yet undescribed Russia, was something he rationed out in order to avoid traumatizing her. It caused her to pause as she made her way down the darkened path. She knew, just simply by knowing Oliver, that he was ashamed of the man he was before they met and that his grip on those memories was firm and resolute. She suspected there were memories he would never share and she had decided to never pry._

_Those memories were sacred for him. They may be filled with violence and shame but they were his and his alone. His nightmares had slowly given way to dreams and a peacefulness that seemed to have taken root deep within him. It had started in Bali but had developed into a tangible force that she could sometimes see and feel during the night._

_More than a few times, as nightmares ripped her from sleep, the gentle oasis of calm that Oliver provided emanated out of him and wrapped itself around her. Even before he could move to embrace her, that energy found her and held her close. She felt safe in those moments even as her mind howled in the agony of remembrance._

_Far off to the south of her, she heard the distant boom of thunder and turned just in time to track the delicate movement of lightning as it jumped between clouds. It allowed her to see where she was and she recognized the terrain immediately. A small smile ghosted across her lips as she remembered those three precious nights spent out in the desert, under the stars, at the beginning of their journey around the world._

_Felicity felt a melancholic sadness, a wistfulness that pushed out from the corners of her heart. They had been so new to one another then, even after knowing each other for three years, and had spent countless hours exploring each other’s bodies under the endless desert sky. There were no patrols, no wounds, no fights to engage with or heal from. It was just them and the open road._

_“You still glow, child,” came a voice, dry and brittle like driftwood but soft, almost musical._   
_“And you are still catlike quiet,” Felicity said warmly as she sought out the woman from whom the voice came._   
_“My dear one, come over here and rest with me,” Manaba said quietly, “My old bones don’t do well these days.”_

_Felicity followed her voice and found the older woman sitting on a rock that still held heat from the sun. Even in her dreams, the desert lived and thrived, she could smell it and feel it. It brought so many memories flooding back that she stumbled, her knees buckling just as she sat down. Under the flare of heat in under her skin as she thought back to those nights under the stars was the pervasive hurt of grief._

_It would hit her, randomly, haphazardly, and always leave her gasping. It was never a sadness that was attached to any particular event, it was Havenrock, her paralysis, William and the loss of trust with Oliver. It was all of it and none of it. It was her father, Oliver, his son. It was the constant fight to remember that they had stepped clear of that trauma together and were finding their way to a future that was created by them, for them._

_“You have so many bruises on your heart,” Manaba’s voice held no question, she was simply stating what she could see._   
_“I have been through a bit since I saw you last,” Felicity agreed._   
_“But you are here,” the older woman smiled, “You lived.”_   
_“I did. I thought I might not make it though.”_   
_“I know. I felt the thread of your life fray but you mended it. You made your connection to this world stronger,” Manaba said, her voice full of admiration and deep appreciation for Felicity’s strength._   
_“There were a few times I was ready to let go though,” Felicity whispered, hoping the wind would steal her words before Manaba could hear them._   
_“I know, child, I know.”_

_They sat together in silence and listened to the desert around them come to life. The sand seemed to whisper to them and the cicadas started to trill their night song. Felicity looked up to the sky and was astonished by the amount of stars looking back. It was absurd but the first thought she had was that there were too many and they were too bright. Brighter than any she had seen in the darkest parts of the world she and Oliver had traveled to._

_“Does your Warrior know how close you came to leaving your world?”_   
_“He does,” Felicity admitted, “He saved me one cold and rainy night. I almost let go.”_   
_“What was it that made you stay?’ Manaba asked._

_Felicity had to sit and think for a few minutes. The answer wasn’t so simple as one day she just decided to get up and live. It had been a long time since she had felt any lasting happiness. Being with Oliver helped but there was a darkness in her heart that had taken root and there were days, more than she cared to admit to, where she would sit and watch the sun come up and silently cry at having to live through yet another day._

_“Have you talked to your Warrior? Told him that part of your story?” Manaba inquired gently._   
_“In bits and pieces. I think he knows,” Felicity admitted softly._   
_“When the time is right, you will tell him the hurt you carry everyday,” the older woman consoled, sensing Felicity’s fragility as she spoke, “You are connected so strongly, I am thinking he already knows.”_   
_“Most likely. He...he is more perceptive than he likes to admit to about some things.”_   
_“Well, while we wait, I think we should walk this path,” Manaba said, rising carefully to her feet, “I have a story you need to hear.”_   
_“Another one?” Felicity teased._   
_“Cha!” Manaba huffed, “You and that Warrior of yours...the two of you have more stories then I have years! It will take a lifetime for you to hear them and even longer to understand them.”_   
_“I think you are exaggerating.”_   
_“We shall see. Now,” Manaba said with firmness and taking Felicity’s arm in hers, “Let’s get moving. The path zigzags quite a bit and will take us some time to walk.”_

_Felicity stood up and began to walk slowly beside the older woman, supporting her carefully on their walk down the dark and twisty path. The moon had disappeared behind a bank of clouds, rising high and deep in the sky behind them, but the stars were bright enough to cast shadows. The path was illuminated in a silvery grey, the mica and quartz in the rocks shimmered in the ancient star light, making Felicity feel as though they were floating. Nothing seemed weighted properly in her dream. She couldn’t figure out why just yet but she suspected Manaba might have a story to explain it._

_“So you noticed the way things move here,” Manaba observed, “You notice more than you want people to know.”_   
_“Well, dreams with you are lovely and strange,” Felicity smiled._   
_“Go on. Ask,” the older woman encouraged, “I can feel the question about ready to burst out of you, Golden One.”_

_Felicity laughed. Even if this wasn’t a dream, Felicity had no doubt that Manaba would know she needed to quiz her and understand what she knew. To understand, codify and examine, was part of her DNA. The world was different in her dreams but this time she felt transported to someplace completely new._

_“So why are we walking in the dark along a starlit path?” Felicity asked._   
_“Remember that story I told you and your Warrior? The story of how you came to be?”_   
_“I do,” Felicity answered softly._   
_“Well, this is where I help you to see who you can be.”_   
_“How so?”_   
_“Well, my child of the Sun,” Manaba began, “Remember the story I told you about how the stars came to be in the sky? How the First Woman placed them up there for all of us to see? All the stories they have and how you are part of that tapestry, woven into the fabric of how we came to be?”_

_Felicity nodded. As Manaba spoke, her eyes traveled up and across the night sky. The stars were dense and filled every square inch of the the visible universe. Felicity had never seen such richness, such vast and timeless life before. Not even in the desert or the dark nights on the beach in Bali. This sky was both younger than she had ever seen and older than she could adequately contextualize. She felt like she was on the edge of creation and was humbled by the grace of the woman holding her arm and the land all around her._

_“Golden Woman, you need to see where you are going,” Manaba said, wistful and sad._   
_“How would I do that?”_   
_“You have to walk this path, watch the stars and listen to the shadows in the desert. You need to find your way on your own this time. With your feet here, on the ground.”_   
_“It feels….different without Oliver here,” Felicity mused._   
_“That’s because this time you are finding your own story.”_

_Felicity took a moment to look around her, to try and see past the shadows and into the fabric of the dream. She was trying to find the meaning in the darkness when Manaba gave her a gentle nudge in the ribs with her elbow. The older woman pointed using her chin, redirecting her attention towards the distant horizon where a thin plume of smoke was rising. She could see two shapes in sitting close together but she couldn’t make out what they were._

_“What am I looking at?” Felicity quietly asked._   
_“You’ll know when it is time. I just want you to keep an eye on that horizon.”_   
_“All I see is a bit of rising smoke…,” Felicity said uncertainly._   
_“It’s that and more,” Manaba answered reassuringly._

_Felicity turned to look at the distant smoke as it rose in fading tendrils to the sky. There was no fire that she could see and the smoke definitely smelled like something different, more earthy and pungent. It was familiar though, even if she couldn’t quite figure out from where. It was a recent memory, one lost in the miasma of bodies burnt to ash in a nuclear bomb._

_“Child, that wasn’t your fault,” Manaba said softly, “You were the last line of defence but you are not a machine. There is evil in this world and the next, evil so big it clings to the air you breathe, the earth you walk on. It infects your soul if you let it.”_   
_“How do we fight against it?” Felicity whispered, afraid to speak loudly in case they were overheard._   
_“The fight is always different. Sometimes it is with your heart and sometimes with your mind and spirit. You will know what the time comes.”_

_They continued for a while in companionable silence. Felicity was trying to take in the landscape around them. She could see the deep shadows of rocky outcrops, small bushes and the occasional glimmer of quartz studded stones in the starlight. It was alien, exquisite and strangely felt like home to Felicity._

_“Do you feel them?” Manaba asked quietly._

_Felicity stopped and looked, really looked, at the distant horizon to the edge of the earth. Faintly, she could see that the line that divided earth from sky was undulating. It was moving slowly towards them. A fist of fear gripped her when she saw that it wasn’t a single shape. There were many shapes, flowing and merging together like shadows._

_And then it hit her and she froze. She knew who the shapes were and where they came from. A wave of panic flowed over her and her skin grew clammy and cold. Distantly, Felicity could hear herself panting in fear. There were forty thousand shadows out there, waiting for her._

_“Manaba...I can’t…,” she whispered, her throat tight and dry, “I’ve solved this. I have.”_   
_“No, no you haven’t. They are waiting for you but not yet. They won’t come any closer yet.”_   
_“Why not?” hysteria crept in along the edge of Felicity’s voice, “Why don’t they leave me?”_   
_“I can’t answer that for you. There are two visitors coming who can though,” Manaba soothed, patting her arm in a gentle, maternal way._   
_“Two visitors? What do you mean?” she asked._   
_“You have two coming to meet you, two I haven’t seen in a long, long time,” Manaba answered her with a small smile._   
_“You aren’t going to tell me who are you?”_   
_“I think they should introduce themselves to you. They deserve that right.”_   
_“I don’t understand…,” Felicity was genuinely confused._

_Manaba chuffed at her and shook her head in disbelief._

_“You know who those shadows belong to but I can’t help you with them,” Manaba said matter-of-factly._   
_“I can feel them all around me, day after day,” Felicity admitted, “Some days all I want to do is fall asleep and never wake up.”_   
_“Have you told that to your Warrior?”_   
_“No,” Felicity answered quickly, “I can’t do that to him. He...he would assume the guilt and it isn’t his, it never was.”_   
_“Those souls, they aren’t yours either.”_   
_“I know,” Felicity agreed, tears silently falling down her cheeks, “but they were my responsibility.”_

_Manaba said nothing for a few moments as they walked the dimly lit path. Both women could feel the featherlight touches of souls flowing past them. Felicity wanted to run and hide, to let herself sink beneath the grief she kept hidden from Oliver. She had let him believe she had let go of it when they reconciled but how could she absolve herself of so much death and destruction?_

_“You will find a way through it, child, but first you need to look your father in the eye and let him go.”_   
_“Easier said than done,” Felicity sighed._   
_“He can help you, just like you can help him.”_   
_“He holds everyone’s guilt as his own even when he doesn’t need to,” Felicity smiled sadly, remembering how Oliver felt such profound guilt and responsibility for Havenrock._   
_“He loves you, Golden one, I can feel it all the way over on the other side of this life,” Manaba said wistfully, “But he has his own demons to shed.”_   
_“Will the two coming to see me, see him?”_   
_“Yes, yes, I do believe they will. They are lovely beings.”_   
_“Have you met them?” Felicity asked._

_Manaba laughed, “Don’t try to change the subject! I know what you are trying to do. We all meet them at some point in our lives._   
_“But why us? What makes our dreams so interesting? So...important?”_   
_“What makes Oliver so important to you?” Manaba countered._

_After a moment of thought, Felicity said, “He is a complicated man but he makes my heart dance. From the moment we met, I knew it was different. It was an instant bond but it was different. I see my life now as so full and rich and complicated because of him. He gives my life meaning, maybe more meaning than it would have had without him.”_   
_“That is why, not what. What is it about him that makes him so important to you?” Manaba asked again._   
_“It is hard to separate out the what from the why with him. What he brings to my life is courage, love, passion, limitless joy...what he is able to be, after all the violence of his life, and how he is able to navigate all that pain to be the best man he can be. His bravery in the face of all he has been through is what makes him so important to me. Without his example, I wouldn’t be here today.”_

_And it all came clear to Felicity as she spoke. For all the times Oliver had told her of how she inspired him with her courage, and all the times he had laid his successes at her feet and his heart bare in small confessions and smiles, she had learned how to be courageous because of him. She had learned to be brave in the face of uncertainty and strife because of her father, but she had discovered how to be courageous through his constant battle to save the people he loved, the city and his soul._

_“He couldn’t do it without you and you couldn’t do it without him. Funny that in thinking you were saving each other, you were saving yourselves, now isn’t it?” Manaba teased gently._   
_“I think we learned how to be vulnerable with each other and the rest is history,” Felicity laughed softly._   
_“Oh Golden One, you each think the other has pinned your combined hopes to the night sky but in truth you are the stars.”_   
_“Oliver complained about the Old Man and his riddles but you might take the prize,” Felicity muttered._   
_“Old Man? Did you two meet Wakan Tanka?” Manaba exclaimed._   
_“We did. A lifetime ago.”_

_Manaba fell silent as they walked the path. Felicity wasn’t sure but she suspected that they were walking in circles. She felt like they were pacing, keeping guard for someone unseen. Every now and then, she caught a whiff of the faint smell of something earthy and pungent drifting on the soft breeze. The air was so clean here, something she desperately wished for in the wakeful side of her life._

_“You met the oldest of us,” Manaba mused, “I bet he named you both, didn’t he? Gave you some guidance and sent you home.”_   
_“Well…”_   
_“I knew it.”_

_Felicity laughed at the old woman's obvious incredulity and hugged her close. The Old Ones that came to visit were a mischievous lot, like pranksters, but she had learned so much about herself in their short visits. It went deeper ethan the names they gave her, they cleared away the clutter and helped her peer into the depths of her mind and heart. On some nights, it was a refuge to let go of the day and let her mind go. Tonight was one of those nights._

_The sweet scent of the smoke that drifted back towards them but this time it carried with it something else. Something earthy, masculine and sharp. It reminded her of Oliver when he would come in from a run. She closed her eyes and inhaled the fragrant scent of the desert and thought about Oliver. The desert smelled like Oliver on days when he had worked hard out on the streets of their city. Even after he would shower, he smelled alive, like the earth._

_She wondered if she was sleeping with her head on his chest or if she had turned over and was facing away from him. The overpowering need to know, to touch him welled up inside her but she knew she a a bit more time to spend with Manaba._

_“You miss your Warrior but he sleeps beside you. Close enough to touch you whenever he feels you need him.”_   
_“We always know where the other is no matter which side of sleep we are on,” Felicity said with the softest hint of sorrow curling the around her words._   
_“Why the sadness, child?”_   
_“It’s been difficult the last few days.”_   
_“Your father.”_

_Manaba said it as a statement and all Felicity could do was nod. She didn’t trust her voice in that moment. Between her longing for Oliver and the confusing way this dream was unfolding, she felt an unreasonable panic welling up from deep within her mind. Part of her wanted to wake up but she knew Manaba had her here for a reason and so far, that, too, was a mystery._

_“I sense you have me here for a reason,” Felicity prodded._   
_“I do and I know you want to return to the Warrior sleeping beside you, so let’s let the stars guide us on the path and I will tell you about the creation of the Sun and Moon,” Manaba said, patting her arm as they rounded a bend of the path. The moonlight illuminated the way, revealing new shadows layered underneath the dim white light from the ancient stars above._

_The shadows made from the moonlight were different. More alive. Felicity could see movement out of the corners of her eyes, she could feel the desert around her breathing in and out, the power of this place made itself known in a series of static charged gusts of wind that seemed to roll up the pathway and past them. Manaba lead them to a stone ledge and indicated that they should sit._

_“Ah,” the old woman sighed in contentment, “the rocks are still warm from the midday sun. Sometimes, I need to warm up these old bones.”_   
_“Oliver and I...well, Oliver found you. On the side of the mesa,” Felicity stammered._   
_“Did you now?” Manaba said wistfully._   
_“We made sure you could see the mesa and the kiva and left you protected and hidden,” as she spoke, Felicity felt a surge of emotion as she remembered the quiet that had descended on the desert as she and Oliver stood guard over Manaba until the sun had moved behind them._

_“Thank you for making sure I was protected, child,” Manaba said softly, “I am glad that my bones remain still on that ledge.”_   
_“We wanted to be sure you were protected. Oliver has a soft spot for you,” Felicity teased._   
_“Oh that man, he only has eyes for you,” she admonished the younger woman, “Even at the peak of my youth and beauty, he would barely see me. You shine like the flash of light that brought this world, this universe, into creation for him. He sees no one but you.”_

_Felicity took a breath as though she were going to suggest otherwise but paused. A glimpse of memory slipped through, a soft breeze that stole her breath. It was of Oliver and the look in his eyes when he finally realized that she wanted to marry him, before he finally asked, before Darhk shredded their lives. His eyes had shone with so much life and love they had atmosphere and gravity._

_That moment had lit up her universe, lifted her heart and spirit and stripped away any lingering doubt about the way he felt about her. She knew there would be no one in this life, or any other life, for her than him. Everything they had been through had lead to that moment and it etched itself on her heart, hidden from view but a reminder that their connection went beyond the world they lived in._

_“You feel it, don’t you? That knowledge that brushes up against the forbidden realm? The one where the spirits live?” Manaba asked._   
_“It’s...ok this will sound crazy but...it’s like I can feel our story being written on my bones.”_   
_“That doesn’t sound too crazy,” Manaba said with a wink, “but it sounds a little painful.”_

_Felicity laughed at the woman’s attempt at a joke. She was ancient but spry and it made her love this woman even more. She was old but not ancient like Wakan Tanka. There was something about that old man, something that suggested the Universe was contained in his_   
_eyes. He was like a pool of swirling chaos on a calm, spring day._

_“Why did you run?” Manaba asked quietly._   
_“I was terrified, “ Felicity answered matter-of-factly, “Too much had happened in too short a time. I was in system overload.”_   
_“Remember the story I told you about you and your Warrior, your North Star? How no matter how far you travel from each other, you are always in each other’s sights?”_

_Felicity nodded. That story went with her wherever she and Oliver went. It was both of theirs and brought comfort on days when the future looked uncertain and gray. She loved the way she felt when she thought about it. She felt secure knowing he was there with her, exploring their world together._

_“When First Woman made the sky, you remember Coyote got impatient and grabbed that blanket she had laid all the stars on and tossed them up, scattering them across the entire universe?” Manaba waited for Felicity to nod before continuing, “Well, First Woman did more than that. She made the earth you walk on, the air you breathe, she introduced the animal to the land, the birds to the sky and the fish to the sea. But she did something else. She found the man and woman who would lay down beside each other, head to toe, and join their breath and journeys to each other. The man rose up as the sun and the woman followed in the night as the moon.”_

_Manaba paused to see if Felicity was still listening and was relieved to see that she was enthralled by the story. Felicity was sitting silently and still, watching Manaba carefully and with respect._

_“A lot of people think that the moon and sun never meet, that they are always opposite each other, one hiding from the other in a game that never ends. But that isn’t true. When the First Woman made them the Sun and Moon, she made sure that not only were their journeys linked through their breath and bodies, but that they would forever face each other with their true faces. You can see it on the days the moon rises early, they face each other, reflecting light and love back to the other. You and your Warrior, you are each other’s North Star. You revolve around each other in ancient time but you also reflect light back to each other in time closer to home.”_

_“So in our own way, we are the Sun and the Moon?” Felicity asked._   
_“In your own way, yes. You both have your own journeys to complete but the one you share together is the one that gives you strength, it gives you hope and courage. How much do you love Oliver?”_   
_“With everything I have in me. With everything I am, will be...I love him in such a complete way that sometimes...sometimes it scares me,” she answered truthfully._   
_“How so?”_   
_“It’s hard to describe but sometimes….sometimes it’s like we surround each other with so much intensity that we smother the other. It’s why I ran this time...I know Oliver loves me but he cocoons me in it, he tries to hide me from the horrors of the world we share. I know he does it instinctively because that is who he is, but I need to feel what I am feeling and work through the trauma of my father’s return.”_   
_“Your father is a dark, dark spirit. You need to be careful where he is concerned.”_   
_“I know,” Felicity murmured, momentarily distracted by the scent of fragrant smoke that drifted in on the wind._

_“You know when the Moon crosses in front of the Sun and hides his light for just a moment?”_   
_“An eclipse?” Felicity asked._   
_“Yes, an eclipse. Such a lovely word,” Manaba smiled, “The Moon feels the full intensity of Sun’s love for her. It flows all around her, in a fiery blaze, it singes her rounded corners, and she moves on, connected but apart. Knowing the full glory and force of the way the Sun loves her. But if you draw their paths around the earth, you will see that they cross each other and follow each other no matter the season. They know where the other is at all times. It is a relationship built on trust, love and respect. They balance each other and keep the world living.”_

_Felicity was silent for a moment. If she was really understanding the story being told, she and Oliver were soul mates. Something she thought might be true but scoffed at, not wanting to be one of those girls who got swept up by the romance of love. But listening to Manaba and remembering all the old stories told to her by so many there’s n her dreams, it would seem that is what they were._

_“Your journey are your own, but the one you share together...oh, child, that one will bring you more happiness and joy than even I can say. But you need to understand your own path and right now, you need to heal.”_   
_“The Sun heals,” Felicity chuckled._   
_“You are correct,” Manaba smiled, “but you have to let yourself feel it in every cell of your body and right now, you carry the weight of so many dead that his light can’t reach you. But he is here.”_   
_“Here? In my dream? Right now?”_   
_“Yes, we have been walking a path that crosses back and forth in front of him all night,” Manaba said softly, pointing towards where the fragrant smoke was coming from._   
_“Wait…,” Felicity said in a suspicious tone, “He’s been here all along?”_   
_“Of course he has been. The Sun has his issues but he never leaves the Moon. And while she is strong enough to hold back the darkness that so often threatens the Sun, she never leaves the Sun even when her heart weeps.”_

_Felicity stood up and searched the opposite horizon line, searching for that was all wisp of smoke that would reveal Oliver’s position to her. All she saw was how the stars at the farthest edge of her dream lit up the mesas that surrounded them. Oliver was out there, she could feel him, but for now he was hidden and the dream was her own because of it._

_“He is more than just the Sun to me,” Felicity mused, “he is rock, my foundation.”_   
_“Let him be it. Let him know that the consequences of your decisions, his and yours, haven’t shattered you. You are strong, young one, stronger than any warrior I have ever known, but you still need time to heal.”_   
_“Thank you, Manaba. I don’t know what makes Oliver and I so special that we rate visits from people like you, but thank you.,” Felicity said earnestly._   
_“Sometimes, when I look out across my corner of the universe, I see spirits that shine so bright that the sun disappears. You and your warrior lit up the darkest corners. You made me feel alive again and for that I will always be in your debt.”_   
_“How come I can’t see Oliver?” Felicity asked quietly, scanning the distant horizon._   
_“He can. He sees you as shadows moving in a thunderstorm.”_

_For a moment, Felicity thought she could see Oliver and her heart began to race. She wanted to call out to him, to reach out and see if her fingertips could find his if he were reaching for her. But she didn’t. She trusted that he was there, just beyond the veil of sleep, waiting for her to wake up and join him in the light of day._

_“Remember, Felicity, you have asked him to trust you. Now you need to find a way to fully trust yourself. Love connects you, but trust is what guides you. Now, I think it is time for me to get my rest. The two beings you have coming to see you will be the ones who can shine a light into your darkness. They have far, far greater ability to do that than I.”_

_“Is this goodbye?” Felicity asked softly._   
_“Never,” Manaba said warmly before suddenly turning serious and looking her directly in the eyes, “Felicity, let Oliver be the one to hold up your sky, just for a little while. Now...i think you are ready to wake up.”_

The waves outside were insistent and ushered her into the morning. The breeze was cool but gentle and all she wanted to do was snuggle down under the duvet with Oliver. They only had one day left in this small slice of paradise but lounging in bed for a few hours wouldn’t be such a bad thing. She smiled into the cocoon of warmth she was surrounded by and closed her eyes, trying to keep out the growing light.

Images from her dream filtered through her mind and she thought about the stories and truths Manaba had shared with her. She was using the pain of Havenrock and her father to keep him at an emotional arm’s length and only pulling him close when she needed him. It was burning them both up and it wasn’t fair to either of them.

Slowly, she became aware of Oliver’s breathing and almost laughed out loud. THey always woke up within seconds of each other and this morning was no different. He must have breached consciousness just before she did and it let her know they were still in sync. Without opening her eyes, she knew he was staring at her, watching her sleep.

Peaking from behind one opened eye, she saw him smiling at her. His hair was tousled and he looked sleepy but he radiated life and love, filling the room with energy as he looked at her. When he leaned down to kiss her, she couldn’t help but comment on their shared morning breath, his in particular, and laughed as he grumbled good naturedly as he got out of bed.

There was an air of excitement around them both and she caught Oliver smiling to himself as he brushed his teeth. He deflected her question as to why with a cheesy answer and then went off to make them breakfast while she finished her morning ablutions. They had both slept deeply but she suspected he, too, had dreamt something necessary and therapeutic. The time for sharing was later in the day, she suspected, now it was time to eat.

He had remembered to bring her favourites: turkey sausage and eggs for his world famous cheese omelette. He flat out refused to eat turkey bacon, which was her way around the Kosher rules, but he tolerated the turkey sausage she liked so much because it had, as he put it, ‘flavour’. She tortured him by stabbing one and eating it as though it was a turkey leg on her fork.

She watched his impassive face and almost choked on a mouthful as she stifled a laugh. It was in that moment that she felt a passing memory, it brushed past her, featherlight and full of whispers. It was their first weekend in Ivy Town and he had made her Eggs Florentine and brought it up to her in bed. The meal had been perfection but it was the way the rest of the morning went that stuck with her. They had spent hours in bed, exploring each other as though they were brand new lovers and not on the cusp of wanting to spend eternity together.

Blinking, she focused on her meal and the light conversation they were having over it. Sometimes those memories took her by surprise and filled her with intense longing. Her body remembered even as she pushed her mind to forget. It wasn’t time yet to dive into that pool near the surface of her heart.

 _Not yet, she thought as watched him clean up and prepare their lunch._  
Not yet, she thought as she traced the way his smile looked into the deepest part of her memories.  
Not yet, she sighed, thinking of the promise of tomorrow that they had yet to say to one another.

Slipping on a sweater, Felicity stopped to stretch just a tiny bit. Her implant sometimes misfired, sending the wrong signals to her brain. Sometimes she just felt blinding pain and others, the times she felt actual fear, she would feel nothing in her legs. She had fallen a few times but luckily she would find herself close to a chair or wall to lean against until the chip slipped back into sync.

Oliver had yet to see those moments but he was aware of the times pain would overtake her and she would grab hold of him and use his strength to see herself through the worst of it. She was a little nervous that he was going to suggest a long walk but once they started out, she caught him looking at the distant horizon and instead of heading back to the cove, he pulled her in the opposite direction.

There was something about his expression that had her worried. She tried to dig it out of him, to see if he would share what was troubling him. But the crash of the waves, growing louder the longer they walked, stepped between them and gave Oliver the chance to sidestep her inquiry and instead, pull her attention to the landscape around them.

It was breathtaking. He had decided to head towards what had at first looked like a series of rocky outcrops and tall sand dunes. The closer they got, the more the coastline began to reveal itself. It was a well disguised cove, with wildflowers bursting into life from small cracks in the rock face and tidal pools full of sea life and plants, all of it sheltered from the open ocean, an oasis in the midst of the wild Oregon coast. To make matters even better, there was a cave just under the cliff face, well protected from everything but the tide.

It was like he had a superpower when it came to finding hidden places. He explained that it was a skill he developed on Lian Yu. There were days when he needed to hide and others when he needed shelter from the elements. He was silent as he helped her down the slippery, rocky path and then stood with her as they both marveled at the sight before them.

They crossed the sandy beach towards a dry patch in the sun. It was warm and perfect. The waves here were gentle and low. High tide marks showed that the water would rise by a couple of feet but they had hours yet before they would have to worry about that. For now, they reclined under the Fall sun and watched the clouds pass by.

Softly, Oliver began to tell her about the dream he had shortly before waking. He didn’t tell her the full extent of it, just that the Old Man had come to see him and that yes, he still adored her. She didn’t pry. Dreams like that were sacred to them both. Just as they were reaching for their lunch, the sky roared with thunder and the fast flash of lightning. The clouds they had been watching had somehow failed to raise the alarm of an mending storm.

The waves picked up power and crashed on the rocks furthering from shore but the rain was coming. Felicity could smell it on the wind, along with the sharp stinging smell of ozone from the lightning high above. Oliver asked her if she could run to the cave but she knew she couldn’t. She could feel the fatigue in her legs and the rising panic of knowing they needed to get out of the rain.

Oliver asked her if he could carry her and run to the cave. Normally, she would have forbade him from doing that but she could feel the first drops of rain and knew she would never make it in time. She grabbed the blanket as he grabbed the backpack and then she reached up her arms, seeing him as impossibly tall with the kindest blue eyes she had ever seen.

It took her breath away. That one soft look, at once full of concern and a love so deep it was boundless. The universe wasn’t large enough to contain it and she felt humbled to know it was all for her.

In a few long, strong strides, Oliver had them in the cave just as the rain began to pummel the coastline. It was the kind of storm that would normally have them wrapped in a blanket in front of a fire, or deep under covers in her loft or his hotel. Storms were an aphrodisiac and source of deeper understanding. So many of their breakthroughs came about because of storms.

The cave itself was a wonder. It had cathedral like ceilings and roughened walls. Every sound they made echoed softly back to them but kept the violence of the storm at bay. It was dark but enough light was coming in closer to the entrance that they were able to see with relative ease. It was the perfect setting for lunch.

Oliver laid the blanket down on the driest sand he could find and as he dug the food out, he found an extra blanket, one she had forgotten she had packed but knew she would be grateful for if the sun stayed hidden for much longer. He was suitably impressed with her forward thinking and was about to reward her with her lunch when she felt an icy hot finger of pain stab her in the lower back.

The chip had slipped out of sync and that first burst of pain was just a precursor to the main event. Felicity felt her consciousness slip free of her body, a move of self preservation that kept her mind intact even as her body felt like it was shattering, splintering, falling to pieces around her.

Strong arms caught her and she knew that she was safe as she waited for the tech in her body to find the proper signals to read and the pain to mercifully end. But it left her vulnerable to the horrors that lurked beneath the tight control of her conscious thoughts. Havenrock, William and her father all battled for primacy. Each one demanding more from her than she had the strength to give. As the pain of misfiring nerves shot through her legs and lower back, a tidal swell of anguish pushed through her defences and took her over.

Tears splashed down her cheeks and soaked through Oliver’s hoodie. She could feel a wail building inside her, a low pressure system of grief and rage that was larger than her body could contain. His arms tightened around her and she heard his voice, thick with emotion, asking her what was wrong.

She tried to brush it off as pain but the truth bubbled up to the surface and she found herself telling him that there were still nights when she longed to feel the arms of death wrap themselves around her so that the pain of grief would come to an end. That she wanted to scream when the sun came up and she had had to continue living with the memory of having reduced a city teeming with life to ash and dust.

In his softest voice, he told her that peace would find her and that he would be there when it did. It wasn’t a promise, it was him asking her to trust him enough to know it was true and to let him be there when her heart lifted. It was exactly what she needed to hear. It broke through the fog that was surrounding her and she felt his tears, ones she was sure he was unaware he was crying.

Sitting up, she looked him in the eyes and smiled. This man,so careful and guarded even with his sister, was willing to lay his heart on the line in order to wait for her. For the first time in almost a year, she remembered what love was really meant to feel like and it pushed the heaviness in her heart away.

The thunder rumbled and the lightning sparked bright but all Felicity could see was Oliver. He filled her vision and her heart was remembering what it meant to race with abandon towards the reality of love. They had a long way to go but the welcoming light of the future was finally within sight.

He hadn’t shattered her with William. She hadn’t shattered him by taking the space she needed. They had managed to hold each other together and learned how to trust and love each other in small sips and giant leaps. No road could ever fork enough to lead them away from each other ever again.

Time had slowed until she could feel the space between the seconds. A mere inch separated them, a small distance that could take a small breath to cross or could grow so large, so insurmountable, that the universe could fit between them.

Felicity took a small breath and leaned towards him, almost daring him to lean towards her. The soft pressure of his lips on hers was all the answer she needed. Time slowed and she was grateful. It was a tender kiss but it ignited the desire in her, the kind of desire where she felt the earth fill her lungs with air and wait, pausing to see what they would do.

A gentle sigh found its way past her lips and she instinctively gripped Oliver’s hoodie, pressing herself into him as he pulled his body closer to hers. His hands found her skin as she parted her lips, seeking his tongue with her own. She loved the velvet smoothness of his mouth and the heat that radiated out of him as his desire for her grew.

She teased him that she had plans to seduce him later that night as his lips found the soft spot on her neck that never failed to stop her heart. From there is was a race to remove all the clothing they had on. She wanted to feel his skin, to taste his lips and feel something other than pain of heartbreak and stuttering tech.

The look in her eyes must have signalled to him that time was of the essence because he didn’t stop or pause to explore her body the way he loved to do. With his lips on her neck, he pushed into her. His cock already so hard that it was almost painful but his firm, gentle strokes hit the sensitive spot deep inside her that took away her self control and she met him thrust for thrust.

She could hear their moans echoing off the cave walls and his voice, muffled as he kissed her neck, telling her he had waited his entire life for her. It only took a fraction of a second for her to feel the impact of those words, to fully understand them, to absorb them and to know that the waiting was over. They had found each other, as they must have found each other in so many other lives, and she knew they could make this work.

She felt the heat and pressure in her pelvis build and push outward. It was a moment of pure bliss that she tried to prolong by letting her body go limp. Oliver took advantage of it and buried himself inside her just as she shuddered and bucked, her orgasm ripping through her body, laying claim to them both. With one last hard thrust, Oliver’s cock pulsed inside her as he came with a long, low rumbling groan.

The storm had passed them by and the soft breeze that followed was cool against their skin, now covered in a sheen of sweat. The micro fleece blanket she had packed came in handy as they covered up and relaxed. Sometimes they made love with the confidence that came from knowing each other’s bodies. Other times it was pure sex, where the only thing that mattered was the way they could make each other feel.

This had been one of those times. Where it was hot, fast and a revelation. She felt connected to him again and the intensity of the gratitude she was feeling no longer scared her. She welcomed it, embraced it and accepted that time does occasionally heal wounds.

Lunch was served while they were both still naked and they talked about the team, his agenda as mayor and when they should leave to head back home. There were questions lurking around them but the time for them was still to come. Felicity felt a renewed sense of calm between them, like the worst of the storm had passed them by.

The wind kicked up and she suggested they make their way back to the beach house before more rain and thunder came. Oliver kept checking the small patch of sky and she picked up his anxiousness which matched her own but for different reasons. Her legs felt fine but the muscles were a little twitchy, like she had worked out too hard and they were tired and loose.

When he suggested he give her a piggyback ride back to the house, with a sly smile that he thought she didn’t see, she threatened him with grievous bodily harm and stood up to finish getting dressed. Her independence was something she cherished and even when he was just teasing her, her automatic reaction was to assert it. But she loved that he would gently tease her, it was oddly comforting.

The walk home was a challenge as the wind picked up strength as it hit the shore and them. Her legs were tired and sore but she willed herself to keep going, even when they had to actually jog the last few yards to make it inside just as the skies opened up and the rain began again.

A wave of exhaustion hit her and all she wanted to do was have a shower and a nap as the thunder rumbled across the water, chased by lightning and the wind. She wanted the shower for herself, to test out her legs without Oliver watching her squat or stretch her legs out.

When she hinted at having to shave her legs, Oliver acted as though she were serious and she took the opening to leave him in the kitchen and head to the bathroom. She loved the give and take, the gentle but spicy exchanges between them. He had a beautiful sense of humour, dry and just a little bit sarcastic, but he was quick and always on target.

Stripping out of her sandy clothes, Felicity started the shower and gently stretched out her quads. They weren’t tight but they felt strange, like they often did after the chip would slip out of sync and paralyze her with mind altering pain. The hot shower would help relax her so that the muscles in her legs could flush themselves of the lactic acid that had built up since the earlier malfunction.

Standing under the hot water, she washed her hair and shaved her legs, chuckling to herself that originally she had been joking but she actually did need to tend to them. Yet, right as she was reaching to shut the water off, she felt a hard stab of white hot pain in the centre of her back.

The stone bench was mercifully close and she collapsed onto it, trying to breathe through the pain. But it intensified to the point where she thought she was going to be sick. She closed her eyes and felt her consciousness slowly slip away in sweet blessed relief from the mind altering agony of nerves on fire.

A sharp knock on the door snapped her back into her body and she almost wailed in anguish. She heard Oliver come in, she heard his clothes hit the floor, and felt the air swirl around her as he opened the shower door and joined her. She started to shake, hard enough to rattle her bones, when he smoothed her wet hair from her face.

She couldn’t open her eyes and she couldn’t stand up. She felt helpless and alone even though Oliver was close enough to touch. Twice in one day she had been crippled by pain so severe, it had taken away her ability to take care of herself. Something was wrong with her implant and that terrified her.

Oliver asked if she could wait for one minute while he showered off, she managed to say she could and decreased her grip on the edge of the bench as the pain abated, leaving pins and needles in its wake. Felicity was exhausted. She wasn’t sure if she could stand or walk and was glad Oliver was there to help her.

She felt a towel go around her as Oliver dried her off, gently and lovingly. Then his voice was murmuring in her ear as he picked her up. She hated being helpless but almost wept for joy when he laid her down in bed and then carefully joining her. She reassured him that all she needed was rest and all would be well.

It was an empty promise because she wasn’t sure anything could be right again, no matter how much she wanted it to be. Her last waking thought was that she hadn’t yet told Oliver about her dream and that maybe that would help. Until then, she sought shelter in his arms as the storm raged overhead.

 

II

Hours later, Felicity awoke to a silent house. Oliver was no longer in the bed beside her, something that didn’t surprise her so much as make her curious as to where he had gone. They were in the middle of nowhere by her own design. Instead of calling out for him, she stayed snuggled deep under the duvet and listened to the house.

She couldn’t hear anything coming from the kitchen and the living room was dark. Curiousity finally took over and she sat up and looked around the dimly lit room. His hoodie, sweat pants and runners were gone meaning he was either out doing a workout on the beach or running the miles of dirt road between them and the highway. She hoped he would be back soon, given that night was soon to arrive, she was starving and he was the cook.

Just as she swung her legs over the side of the bed, she heard the screen doors atthe front of the house slide open and shut. Oliver quietly made his way through the house and into the bedroom.

“Hey,” he said softly, crossing the room to her side of the bed, “Did you just wake up?”  
“I did,” she sighed with a smile, angling her head up for a kiss from him, “Did you go for a run?”  
“I did,” he answered softly right before he kissed her, “I woke up and the sky was clear, so I took advantage of it. You were out like a light.”  
“I think it’s time for Curtis to run a diagnostic. I...I can’t continue to go through this kind of pain.”  
“You read my mind,” he smiled in relief as he took off his clothes.  
“Why, Oliver Queen! What kind of a woman do you take me for?” she said in her perfect Southern drawl.  
“How?” he groaned, “How can you be so good at that?”  
“I don’t know!” she laughed, “But I promise to teach you.”  
“No, I officially give up,” he grumbled as he picked up his change of clothes and headed into the bathroom.

Felicity laughed after him, enjoying his frustration with not being able to nail that accent. When she heard the water go on in the shower, she turned her attention to her legs. She wanted to stand up and walk out of the room but she was gripped by fear and paranoia.

Images of her brief time in the wheelchair came rushing back to her. The idea of being in the wheelchair again wasn’t what had her in the grips of panic, it was the uncertainty of what was going on. What if Curtis couldn’t fix the chip? What if he could but her body rejected it? What if this was it?

She knew she could navigate her life without the use of her legs, that wasn’t what was bothering her. It was the uncertainty of the present that had her floundering and drifting free, spiralling into self-doubt. She believed in the tech in her back, she believed it was going to work but when it didn’t, it upended her world in ways that left her bereft. No one could help her but herself, not even Oliver, this was a world that was hers and hers alone.

She was so lost in thought that she didn’t hear Oliver come back into the room.

“Felicity,” he called softly, “What is it?”  
“Hmmm?” She hummed, snapping back to reality, “Just thinking about the chip in my back.”  
“Curtis really needs to have a look at that...in whatever way he can actually see it,” Oliver muttered as he finished getting dressed and sat down on the bed beside her.  
“I...I am kinda nervous about getting up,” she admitted.  
“Tell me how your legs feel. Right now.”  
“Well, my quads feel...tired,” she said as she flexed each knee individually, testing out the responsiveness of her legs, “and my lower back feels ok, just a bit stiff.”  
“Ok, let’s stand up.”  
“Don’t help me,” she said with insistence, “I need to do this on my own.”  
“I wouldn’t think of it,” he smiled in an effort to hide his concern, “You have tiny fists but you can land a hell of a punch.”

Laughing, Felicity stood up and tested out the range of motion her back had. Then she moved her hips and took a few careful steps. She made sure that the bed was within reach and that Oliver could catch her should the need arise. But things were working normally and she could walk naturally and without pain.

The room seemed to expand and exhale a sigh of relief along with the both of them. She turned to Oliver and smiled. One less thing to worry about meant they could enjoy the rest of their stay in this amazing place. Reaching out her hand, Felicity pulled Oliver to his feet and into a hug.

“So, I take it your legs are ok?” he asked.  
“They are,” she murmured into his chest, “but I agree, Curtis needs to run a full diagnostic on the implant.”  
“Felicity, I know you were thinking about what would happen if it stopped permanently,” he stated gently, “and I know you. I know that you would insist on full independence should that happen, but...don’t think that I won’t be there, right beside you.”  
“I know and I love you for it,” she smiled up at him, “Now...can we maybe make some dinner?”

Oliver shook his head and grinned in a slightly mischievous way. When he got that look, it meant that he thought he was a step or two in front of her. She didn’t smell anything cooking and there wasn’t any take out places within 100 miles, so her curiousity got the better of her.

“Ok, what’s with the sneaky smile?”  
“Sneaky smile? Me?” he asked innocently.  
“Oliver Jonas Queen...what have you done?”

With a shrug of his shoulders, he took her by the hand and lead her through the living room and into the small dining area he had set up by the sliding glass doors at the front of the house. The storm had ended and the clouds were slowly parting to reveal a sunset ablaze with all the colours of the rainbow. From deep indigos to pale pinks, a fiery red to an azure blue close to the colour of Oliver’s eyes. Two candles were lit on the small table and their dinner was already waiting.

“Oliver...when did you have time to do all this?” she asked, astonished at the quiet dignity of the scene he had set.  
“When I got up originally. You were out like a light. I accidentally dropped the table but you didn’t even budge,” he chuckled as he moved behind her and encircled her in his arms.  
“It’s...it’s beautiful but what is for dinner?”  
“Let’s have a look,” he encouraged.

On soft feet, they crossed to the table. Oliver pulled out her chair without any flourish, and waited until she was seated before sitting down himself. It wasn’t a display of chauvinism, it was something he did out of habit and deference to her, like he couldn’t sit down himself until she was seated first due to her immense importance to him.

It was a simple action. One that could be seen as manners and proper behaviour, but she had never seen him do it for any other woman. Not his sister, past girlfriends or even his mother had received this kind of respect from him. It was specific for her and had started one warm, sultry night in Positano. The memory of a rooftop patio reserved for the two of them and soft music from an old radio came flooding back and pushed a smile out of her heart that she was sure Oliver could feel.

“So, have a look,” he invited.

He had prepared a simple meal of their leftovers. Cold chicken, bread with balsamic vinaigrette and olive oil for dipping, cherry tomatoes, papaya that she didn’t know he had brought and triple Brie cheese with sliced apples. It was perfect.

“Oliver,” she sighed, “this is wonderful.”  
“You should see dessert.”  
“I plan to,” she chuckled.

They ate and chatted about about easy things, like what to get Thea for her birthday and what kind of equipment they needed for the lair. They never talked about serious issues over food. It was an agreement they came to early on when he had begun cooking or them. Tension and food was not a good mix and she loved his food, so she agreed to that request from him without a second thought.

“So what’s for dessert?” she asked, finishing up the last of her chicken.  
“Coming right up,” Oliver answered with an air of mystery as he got up and retreated to the kitchen.  
“Is it chocolate?” she called after him.  
“Just wait,” he called back with a laugh.

A few minutes later, Oliver returned with two small plates in his hands. He set hers before her and sat down. Somehow, he had brought in two pieces of cheesecake. Dark chocolate and strawberries covered the velvety smooth cake on top of graham cracker and cinnamon crust. It was heavenly and she relished every bite.

“I don’t know how you managed to hide this from me for two whole days, but I commend your efforts. I would have devoured both pieces if I had found them.”  
“Oh I know,” he said in a dead serious voice, “I figured putting them behind the kale would help camouflage them.”  
“You thought right,” she agreed, “I saw the kale and moved right on past it.”  
“I have hid so many things behind kale…,” he mused.  
“You sneak!” she laughed.

They spent the next half an hour cleaning up and packing up all the kitchen items that they would no longer need. Felicity then packed up her clothes and joined Oliver on the couch. The air outside had cooled enough that Oliver had switched on the gas fireplace, making the room cozy and warm as the wind blew in gusts outside.

“I guess we should leave around midday tomorrow? Or right after breakfast?” Oliver suggested.  
“How about after breakfast? That way we could meet for a late lunch at that roadside cafe about an hour outside of Star City?” she suggested.  
“That one that has those Vietnamese sandwiches you love so much?”  
“That’s the one!”  
“Ok, I can wait for you there,” he agreed.  
“What do you mean wait for me there?”  
“With the way you drive, I expect I will pass you about an hour in getting a speeding ticket,” he shrugged.  
“Bet I won’t,” she huffed.  
“Oh, you want to make it a game?” he exclaimed.  
“Sure! Since you will lose,” she agreed.

Oliver sat back and thought for a moment, “Ok, how about this: if I win, you have to clean my suit for a week.”  
“Oliver,” she said in horror, “it’s leather and you sweat...a lot.”  
“Yup.”  
“Fine,” she grumbled, “But if I win, you have to let me cook for you. For a week.”  
“Felicity,” he said in abject terror, “wouldn’t it be easier to just say you hate me?”  
“Oliver!” she exclaimed as she launched herself at him.  
“Ok, ok, fine, I agree to your terms!” he laughed, catching her easily in his arms.

They sat this way, wrapped around each other, in comfortable silence for several minutes. The wind had a different sound as it rushed in over the water. There were several different tones to it, like the gusts layered over each other to create a chorus of sound based on the speed it reached shore. It lulled them into a quiet but shared solitude.

“Oliver?” Felicity asked in a soft voice, lulled by the warmth of the fireplace, “I had an interesting dream earlier…”  
“Oh yeah?” came his gentle voice.  
“Yeah,” she answered, moving her head just enough to plant a kiss above his heart, “I had a visitor.”  
“Let me guess...the Old Man.”  
“Nope, wrong gender.”  
“No way,” he said in disbelief.  
“Yup. Manaba.”  
“Tell me. Tell me everything.”

Felicity sat back and smiled at him. He was so eager for the gift of her dream. Taking a deep breath, she started to tell him about the message in it. That despite the mythology, Manaba saw them as balancing forces in each other’s lives. How no matter what they always showed each other their true faces, like the Sun and the Moon, the ones no one else could see. She told him that he hadn’t shattered her, that she could weather any storm so long as they did so together, in a relationship based on love, trust and respect.

Oliver looked at her like he was trying to see through her words to a deeper meaning. She knew he would find it and when he did, he would hold it close and share it when he found the words. A small, happy smile crossed his face and he reached out to gently stroke the side of her face.

“The Old Man told me his version of the Sun and Moon,” Oliver said quietly, reverently, “it was like that, especially the part of how the Moon had survived countless strikes as she faced the Sun but never once did she falter.”  
“We are two very lucky people to have dreams like ours,” she mused.  
“We are,” he smiled.  
“You will wait for me to figure myself out?” she asked softly as she took one of his hands in hers.  
“I don’t consider it waiting, Felicity, I consider it an honour that you’d let me stand with you.”

In response, Felicity kissed the tender skin along the inside of his wrist. It was one of the places that had yet to face the violence and trauma of his masked life. In intimate moments, when seduction was the mode of communication, she would seek out those precious inches of unmarked flesh and honour them.

“I think I have worked out the “dad” part of all this, but Havenrock...that will take more time than I thought,” she admitted sadly.  
“It isn’t a race, Felicity,” he said in a voice thick with longing and emotion, “take all the time you need. Do what you need to do and if you need me for anything, you know where I’ll be.”  
“I do,” she nodded, “and thank you.”

Oliver smiled at her and pulled her back into his side, pulling her close not in a gesture of protection but in one of comfort and contentment. Her back twinged just a little bit with the movement and she before she could stop herself, she hissed in pain.

“What? Did I hurt you?” Olive asked in quick concern.  
“No, no, it’s just my back muscles. They are just spasming a bit,” she reassured him, “I think tonight is a prescription pill night.”  
“The kind that make you loopy or knock you out?”  
“The one that relaxes me to the point of Nirvana,” she laughed.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, watching the gas fire and listening to the waves crash hard against the shore. Felicity felt a gentle nudge as a memory whispered to her in passing. She remembered the smell of the smoke from her dream and the way Manaba had kept them facing it through their long walk around the canyon.

“You were in my dream but I couldn’t see you. I could smell you though,” she murmured, her head on his shoulder.  
“What did I smell like?”  
“Like sweet tobacco and juniper, earthy, spicy, comforting,” she answered.  
“I could see you in my dream. You were shadows and thunder.”  
“Ooooh I like that. Shadows and thunder. Makes me feel mysterious,” she sighed.  
“The Old Man sure does like you,” he laughed.  
“And Manaba still has a crush on you,” she teased, delighting in watching him blush just a little bit.  
“It’s getting late and we have a long drive back to the city,” she sighed.  
“We should come back here soon,” Oliver suggested quietly.  
“You keep saying that and I will once again agree,” she said as she got up, “Meet me in bed?”  
“In a minute,” he said with a yawn, “I need to lock up and take a few things out to the garbage bin.”  
“My hero,” she smiled and laughed as he huffed at her.

She was able to brush her teeth and hair, get changed and take her muscle relaxant before Oliver made it back inside and into bed. His feet were cold but she welcomed the chance to warm him up for once. He was laughing as she shivered but she held onto him, wearing him down until he let her share her body heat with him.

“You aren’t warm enough, Felicity,” he laughed, “Let me keep us warm.”  
“Manaba did say you could help heal me,” Felicity admitted.  
“She did, did she?”  
“Yes, she did,” Felicity hummed softly into his neck.

She felt Oliver’s breathing change just enough to signal to her she had lit a fuse in him. One she could extinguish by moving away from him or one she could fan the flames of by moving closer. She looked up and saw the how his eyes flashed in the darkness of the room and hoped the pill she took wouldn’t take effect for at least half an hour.

“Felicity…,” he said, his voice almost a growl.  
“Hmmm?”  
“What do you think you are doing?” he asked as he turned over to face her, his nose almost touching hers.  
“Nothing we haven’t done a bunch of times before,” she answered cheekily.  
“Just a bunch?” he teased, moving just a fraction of an inch closer.  
“Well, I didn’t want to over estimate and make you feel like you had to catch up to that number.”  
“You love to exhaust me, don’t you?” he chuckled.  
“In the best possible ways,” she whispered, willing him to cross the last bit of distance between them.

With barely a whisper, he did. The kiss was urgent but soft, it pulled her into his gravity but let her retain the control necessary to do what she needed to do. He teased her lips apart with his tongue and moved so that he was positioned above her, his hand slipped low and he delicately circled her clit with the tip of one finger until she moaned and her head fell back against her pillow.

He moved down her body in a serpentine movement, she closed her eyes and tried to follow his hands, lips and tongue as he crossed the landscape of her body. She was powerless when he took control like this, when he used his body to subdue her. So hypnotic was his journey down that she failed to feel him reach his destination.

When his warm breath crossed the soft skin on the inside of her thighs, she instinctively gripped the sheet underneath her. Oliver had anchored himself between her legs but kept them over his shoulders, held there by his arms which he had moved around her hips. Before she could look down at him, she felt his tongue circle her clit and all the air left her lungs in a rush.

He was taking his time, using the strength of his tongue to generate friction. She moved to grip his hands as the swirl of his tongue grew more insistent. She felt the tension in her pelvis grow with each firm stroke. It was when he started to suck her clit that she knew what he was going to do.

Her hips wanted to move, to thrust against his mouth, but he had them pinned to the bed. It was so effortless on his behalf. He was so strong, so powerful, but he never forced her to do anything she didn’t want to. He had a knack for knowing when she was uncomfortable and would change whatever he was doing to engage her fully again.

She wanted to look at him but he increased the strength and pressure of his lips around her clit. Distantly, she heard herself gasping for air. Her body was trembling beyond her ability to control. Her hips finally lifted up and off the bed, but Oliver didn’t break contact with her, he hummed against her and the vibration traveled the length of her body. She felt the tone he held in every cell of her body and felt herself slip out of time.

There was a flash, like a burst of static electricity in a dark room, and she could hear a tiny laugh that built to a belly busting giggle. She sensed a house full of love and heard tiny feet running somewhere beyond her sight. Felicity knew this was her future, their future, when they were ready to reach out and take hold of it.

They weren’t ready yet. Maybe not for a few years, but the longing to fill a home with love shared by more than two took root deep within her heart. Oliver was her soul mate, her greatest and only love. The desire to find her way through the maelstrom in her mind so that her heart was free to commit itself to making this almost memory real grew. Distantly, she wondered if Oliver had felt these memories, too.

The intensity of her building orgasm, uncoiling and pulsating deep in her pelvis, brought her attention back to the present and she tightened her legs around Oliver’s head. He was merciless and switched to an undulating sucking pressure, almost a pulsing, and it was enough to send her over the edge. It felt like being thrown into a riptide. She had no control as her body shuddered and bucked as she came in a frantic burst of energy. Felicity knew she must have been shouted out but all she was aware of was the waves of ecstasy flooding her body.

Oliver refused to stop what he was doing. He was using his tongue to rasp hard against her, keeping her on the edge of ecstasy until her back arched off the bed and she came again, harder than the first time, but this one lasted, in rolling waves until she felt lost to everything and everyone but him.

Tenderly and carefully, he kissed the soft skin below her navel, the strangely reactive skin of her abdomen, and he took his time sucking both of her nipples until she wanted to weep in agony for the ecstasy she felt. Then his lips were on hers and his tongue was pulling hers into his mouth, she instinctively wrapped her legs and arms around him, pulling them closer together.

Using his well earned strength, he pulled them both into a sitting position, so that his feet were able to reach the floor. With practiced ease, he smoothly entered her and waited for her to decide what came next. Felicity began to thrust down hard against him, then grinding against his hips before beginning again. She could see his face begin to change expression, a small tension in his brow, the gentle upturn of his lips and how they would part as his breathing became rapid and fast.

Then he opened his eyes and Felicity was certain she saw the ancient embers of the sun flare into life. He held so much light inside him, she thought as as he held her hips and met her thrust for thrust, he could light the world if he let it out.

Just as their lips met again, she felt the pressure release in her pelvis, like lightning uncoiling in her spine. Her body was exhausted and the pill she took earlier was slowly starting to take effect, dulling her nerves out just enough to make this orgasm a softer one. It spread out through her in a wave of warmth and love.

Oliver must have felt it, too, as she felt the delicious tension in her body as his cock throbbed hard inside her and he came with a muffled groan. He was gripping her hips hard, holding her still so she could feel every pulsing twitch of his cock. She kissed him again, tasting them both on his lips, and took a moment to savour the way they combined on her tongue.

“I love you, Felicity,” he murmured, “ I love you even when you don’t.”

She had no words to counter what he had just said, instead she held him, gently stroking his back. Carefully, he laid back on the bed, once again demonstrating the power his body held by moving them in a single movement so that they were able to once again lay their heads on their pillows. Their bodies remained connected through it all and if this one moment could last a lifetime, she would not complain.

“I’m falling asleep, Oliver,” she mumbled, her eyes closing of their own accord. They felt like they each weighed a hundred pounds or more.  
“We have good timing,” he said gently, slowly withdrawing his now flaccid cock from her body and smoothed her hair off of her face, “I guess I am showering alone?”  
“MmmHmmm,” she hummed softly, sleep slowly taking over and claiming her for its own.

She heard Oliver chuckle and felt him press a kiss against her forehead. She knew he would bring in a warm cloth and tend to her as she slept. It was something she had made him promise to do after they left on their trip around the world. Sexual health and cleanliness were a must in her world. She taught him a few tricks so that they would always have each other’s best interests at heart.

The inky depths of aided sleep finally wrapped itself around her. She sighed softly and let herself fall into it, knowing her dreams would stay hidden and she would finally sleep without a nightmare or dream to wake her.


	10. Continuance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The final installment of Klamath but not the end of this particular journey, as it continues in Spiral (part 3 of The Unimaginable).
> 
> In this final installment we revisit old characters, created for the Ghost of Jupiter series, and finally get a bit of truth from Oliver about the William of it all. It was a surprise to write actually. There were moments of clarity in just what was going on in his mind when he lied to Felicity.
> 
> With Felicity, I finally understand a bit of how she could forgive him and I allow her to voice that insight here. It is a way for me to reconcile the hamfisted way they are handling it on the show.
> 
> Oh, and they have a lot of sex. I can't seem to write them NOT fucking. They enjoy each other's bodies more than I can I write lol
> 
> It has been a lovely journey writing Klamath. It has been a quiet interlude because where they go next is into the darkness of their hearts and minds in order for them to come out the other side together. It is a heavy story but so necessary.
> 
> So I am so glad you came with me on this gentle path and hope you stay with me for the rest of the way.
> 
> ~juliesioux <3

**Day Five: Continuance**

  
_She reached out her arms_   
_And held him up_   
_Letting his light shine._

I

Oliver awoke slowly. He could hear the waves outside, softer than when he had tumbled into bed with Felicity. The storm seemed to have abated and the sun was peaking through the clouds filling the room with a soft golden glow. He shifted to turn towards her, expecting her to wake up as usual, but she didn’t budge. Her face was relaxed and peaceful, her breathing was even and slow. She was deeply asleep, which didn’t surprise him. The pain she had endured throughout the day had been immense.

Carefully, he eased out of bed, picked up his sweats, hoodie and running shoes and headed out of the bedroom. He was wide awake and in need of something to do, even if it was a run along the beach for an hour. But first, he inspected the kitchen to see what they had by way of food for dinner. He located the leftover chicken, apples, cheese, the good French bread, balsamic vinaigrette and olive oil, then he got an idea.

Turning his attention to the space in front of the sliding glass doors at the front of the living room, he moved the small dining table from it’s spot by the kitchen over to it. In the process, it slipped out of his hands and slammed on the floor. He waited a few seconds to see if it woke Felicity up, but he was lucky and she slept right through it.

It only took him a few minutes to set the table, find the candles for the candleholders and set the scene for a quiet, intimate dinner by the sea. He was reminded of a dinner on a rooftop in Positano and the erotic way it ended. Oliver breathed deep and slow in order to let the memory slip back into the depths of his mind. It was from a happier time but one that was now just a fantasy of what could have been.

Surveying the scene he had set one last time, Oliver nodded to himself in satisfaction and left the beach house in search of something physical to do. They really were in the middle of nowhere so he had to satisfy his need to expel some physical energy by doing wind sprints, pushups and a series of jump squats onto boulders.

Oliver’s mind kept drifting back to one thing: something was not working right with the tech Curtis had developed. There were a few things that he had given a lot of thought to since it was implanted in Felicity's spine: What would happen if it stopped? What would happen if her body rejected it? The resulting paralysis wasn’t the issue. They had navigated that before and he had no doubt they could do it again without batting an eye, but the emotional toll on her, of not knowing what was happening with her body, was what concerned him now.

She was strong, stronger than anyone he knew, but he also knew that the maybe of it all would rip her apart. She lived her life in a grey zone of her own creation but at the centre of it was her independence. That was something that she was unwilling to relinquish no matter the circumstance. She had to be able to do it herself. End of story. But he worried about her, silently and privately, and was more than willing to stand beside her and wait for her to tell him what she needed him to do or not do.

One thing was for sure, there would be no repeat of what happened after she was shot. He wouldn’t abandon her for any reason. It wasn’t so much that he had learned his lesson and was free of William, it was that he knew honouring the respect she was showing him by trusting him was the most important thing he could do for her and with her. She was honouring him by trusting him with her well-being at the moment and it both humbled and awed him.

Forty minutes later, lost in thought and struggling with his own conscience, he was sweaty, sandy and beginning to feel the chill on the wind. It was time to head in as the light was growing dimmer and he suspected Felicity was up from her nap. As he climbed down from his rocky high point, he spotted a small field ablaze with colour. It was a carpet of purples and pinks, wildflowers so brilliant at first he wasn’t sure what he was actually seeing.

Climbing up the dune that separated the rocky shore and the small field, Oliver picked a large bouquet of them. They weren’t overly fragrant but the colours of them, when all mixed together, would be perfect for their last day in the house. He would get up early and put them on the breakfast table. He didn’t want anything between them for the dinner he would serve later. THe candles were enough. Grabbing an old pail, he filled it with water and left the bouquet on the back steps, out of the wind.

Quietly, in case she wasn’t awake, he slipped back inside, stopping to light the candles on the table, pull out the food he had prepared before heading out onto the beach, and softly made his way to the bedroom. He found her sitting up, hair tousled and eyes still blinking as she woke up. She was gorgeous in the filtered light and his heart skipped a beat or two as he crossed the room to sit down beside her.

He gave her a gentle kiss and sighed an internal sigh of relief when she said she wanted to get her implant checked out by Curtis when they got back to the city. But his relief was rapidly replaced by disbelief as she once again used a Southern accent to tease him as he stripped out of his sweaty and sandy clothes.

Felicity had an affinity for accents and she had mastered the Southern Belle one to perfection while he struggled with it and all the others they used to joke with each other. He headed out to have a shower and get ready for the dinner he had planned with a shake of his head. He was almost certain he would find her in the exact same position that he left her in when he got back. She was being cautious, introspective, and he picked up on her unease.

A few minutes later, showered and changed, he was saddened to see that he had guessed right. She was still sitting on the edge of the bed, legs dangling over the side, completely absorbed in thought. He paused to watch her, to see if she would sense his presence, when she didn’t, he called to her softly so as not to startle her.

In a voice alternating between sadness and fear, she admitted that she was thinking about the implant in her spine and that she was nervous about standing up in case it was no longer working at all and her legs had ceased to function. She was wrestling with something bigger than just the uncertainty of faulty tech. Judging by the look on her face, it was taking that first step off the bed in the here and now and not knowing what would happen.

To put her at ease, he asked her how her legs felt. He was really asking her to connect to her legs with her mind and body, to feel them and flex them. She did and finally stood up, took a few steps, moved her hips, and took a deep breath of relief. Everything was working and the only lasting effects seemed to be some muscle tiredness.

Oliver felt a weight lift off his shoulders and push out of the room. He had to physically restrain himself from leaping up and dancing with her around the room. Instead, he accepted her outstretched hand and let her pull him to his feet and into a hug. It gave him a chance to reassure her that if the chip stopped working, he would give her the space to do what she needed but he would be beside her no matter what.

She smiled up at him and he forgot all about the the reasons that brought them out here. He loved her smile and making her smile. Her eyes would twinkle and when she was really happy, her nose would scrunch up just a little bit. The times when that smile was just for him healed the small damaged parts of him that nothing else could reach.

Dinner was on her mind and he couldn’t stop the small, mischievous smile that crossed his lips. She caught sight of it and demanded an answer. With a shrug, he took her hand in his and lead her out to the table he had set earlier. The sun had come out just as it was getting ready to set and filled the room with an amazing array of colours. He looked at Felicity and she was glowing.

If things were more stable between them, and he thought she was ready for it, this would have been the moment he would re-ask her to marry him. He laid awake some nights alternating between self-recriminations around all the mistakes he had made that had pushed them apart and dreaming of a future he knew still belonged to them. Looking at her now, he caught yet another glimpse of what that would mean for them both and felt a renewed patience. It would take time, but he knew without a doubt that it was within their reach.

He explained to her that he set the table, even dropping it as he did so, while she slept and before he worked out. It was their last night together in this amazing place and he wanted to make sure it was a special one. It was the very least he could do for her.

One thing he did without thinking was pull her chair out for her. It was an instinct that had developed on its own as they traveled the world together. He wanted to be sure she was seated and comfortable before him because her comfort was more important than his own. He remembered a dinner in Bali where they were eating outside on the beach at a table the resort had set for them where it had all begun.

The waves on the beach became their radio and the stars above became their canopy. She had worn a thin turquoise dress and not much else. Dinner ended quietly, with a soft touch of her hand against his arm, and he had worshipped her body in more ways than he thought possible until they were both exhausted. He had carried her back up the steep stairs to their villa where they slept in the outside bedroom and greeted the dawn in each other’s arms.

From that night on, he pulled her chair out for her when they went out to eat or stayed in. It was muscle memory of a moment that seemed to change everything about the way he viewed her, as a woman, as a partner, and as a person. And not once did she ask him why as it was as if she knew and approved.

Dinner conversation was light and breezy. It felt intimate even though all they talked about were simple things couples talked about, as well as what partners talked about in terms of what they needed for their night work life. He felt normal when all she wanted to know was what Thea might like for her birthday or what kind of energy drinks the team might want after training.

His favourite moment of night came when he was able to surprise her with a slice of cheesecake he had hidden behind what was really just ornamental kale. He knew from past experience that she would see it and look elsewhere for something to eat should she look inside the refrigerator. It was a trick he had pulled more times then he could count and he was certain she was going to swear at him when he told her but the chocolate coated strawberries were accepted as an apology.

After dinner, well after the sun had set, they cleaned up and packed away everything that was going back with him and all that had come with the house. Oliver did one last survey of the kitchen and living room before retiring to the couch to wait for Felicity. It was chilly in the house, so he lit the gas fireplace and then sat to listen to the wind. It had picked up and was hurtling across the shore in great gusts.

Quietly, Felicity joined him on the couch, slipping into his embrace with a contented sigh. She suggested they leave mid-morning, after breakfast, and meet at a cafe they had discovered about an hour outside of Star City. Oliver thought it a good idea and then teased her about beating her there due to her always speeding.

She took immediate offence and made him a wager, one he was immediate to pounce on. When he named his part of the bet, he thought she was going to tap out. Cleaning his suit for a week was her version of hell, but she accepted. When she named hers, he paused before agreeing. She would cook for him for a week. A solid week. Somehow, he had to get to that cafe first without speeding or causing an accident.

Satisfied with the bet, they settled back onto the couch and listened to the wind. The room was cozy warm and Oliver could feel himself slowly drifting into a semi-sleep state. It was Felicity’s soft voice, and the gentle kiss she laid above his heart, that called him back to attention. She was telling him about a dream she had and that she, too, had a visitor. When she told him who, he wanted to know everything. Manaba was someone he thought about regularly. Her early presence in their journey together was pivotal to his understanding as to who he was as an individual as well as a partner with Felicity. He was deeply ashamed that he was unable to live up to that understanding but trying hard to continue learning how to be trusting and vulnerable with Felicity about everything, regardless of cost.

The story she unraveled for him was one he was now familiar with. The Old Man had told him the story of the Sun and Moon from his perspective and Manaba had told Felicity the same story from hers. There were differences, though slight, in how the stories went but in the end they both told the story of love and trust between two beings who would stand in the way of all attacks to shield the other. But most importantly, it was about showing the other their true face, the one they saved for the other, the one that no one else would ever see.

Gently, she told him he hadn’t shattered her. That she would and could weather any storm that followed him just so long as he trusted her. All he could do was look at her with a lightness in his heart for the first time since Havenrock. He understood what she was saying, what Manaba had told her because the Old Man had told him the exact same thing.

The gift of her dream was something he took seriously and with great humility. It was different than sharing a wish or uncovering a truth about themselves to each other. She was sharing something so personal, so tied to everything she was going through because of Havenrock, William and him that he had to honour it.

That is why when she asked him if he was willing to wait for her as she figured herself out, he almost felt like weeping. She still didn’t quite grasp that he didn’t see it as an obligation but rather as an honour to stand with her. He had learned that life without her was empty of promise, joy and love. He had learned that she offered more in this life than just a girlfriend or lover. He was beginning to see that his life and hers were connected so deep that it would be impossible for him to complete his life’s journey without her.

Silently, she lifted his arm and gently kissed the skin on the inside of his wrist. She once told him it was the only skin she could find that was satiny soft, like it somehow avoided the violence of his life under the mask. When her lips made contact, the room seemed to sway around him. The power she held to change the universe they lived in with just a touch of her lips to his skin seemed to grow every time she did it.

They had developed a language all their own devised simply through touch. When she kissed this part of him, the part she felt was unmarked, it lit a fuse in his blood. It was such an intimate, erotic thing for her to do and it always happened in the quiet moments when spoken words simply lacked the right kind of power.

She was determined to fix herself but her concern seemed to be around the amount of time it was taking to do so. It broke his heart to see that little girl peeking out, checking to see if the way was clear, if the monsters that clung to her memories were gone. He knew from experience that healing from wounds of the heart and mind took time. If it took years for her to finally close the book on Havenrock or her dad or even William, he be there for her no matter what.

Content in the knowledge that all was well, she allowed him to pull her back into his side but the action caused her to hiss in pain. At first he thought it was the implant but she reassured him that it was her muscles, tired from the day of misread signals and an agonizing pain that she barely had words to describe, spasming out of control. She had brought muscle relaxants with her and felt it was time to head to bed and take one. Oliver knew that if she was leaning towards taking one, then the pain left from earlier in the day was worse than she was letting on but still they sat, wrapped in the comfort of the other.

The warmth of the room had lulled them into a stillness that they only ever visited together. Oliver rarely sat still and Felicity was a whirlwind of motion almost continuously but in the softly lit room, they held themselves with a quiet reverence that allowed them to focus their attention on the other.

It was in this quiet stillness that Felicity told him that he was with her in her dream but she couldn’t see him, she could only smell him on the wind. She described the smoke from the pipe he and the Old Man had shared within his dream. Oliver once again marveled at how their dreams always intersected as he told her he saw her in his dream as shadows and thunder.

With a yawn, Felicity got up and suggested they turn in for the night. He had one last thing to do and said he would meet her in bed. He said he was going to take out the recycling and lock up but he was going to retrieve the bouquet of wildflowers, camus, foxglove, lupine, and azaleas, and bring them inside for the night. He found an earthen jug in the kitchen and placed them in the centre of the kitchen table. Breakfast would be simple but the perfect send off for what had become such an essential part of healing their fractured relationship.

By the time he got back to their bedroom, she was already snuggled under the duvet, waiting for his return. He climbed in and she immediately sought his body out. He had carried in the cold from outside, it clung to his skin, and he laughed at her attempt to warm him up. She was shivering but determined to prove she could, so he relented and let her share her body heat with him.

He could feel his body heat returning and insisted on her letting him provide the necessary body heat. Finally, she relented but in doing so, she hummed into his neck, something about Manaba saying he could help heal her. The vibration of her voice travelled the length of his body, lighting the fuse of desire in his blood, one that could cool if she moved away or one that could race out of control if she didn’t.

He turned to face her, to see what she would do as they hovered a mere inch from each other, debating the inevitable. When she looked up at him, her eyes held the moon’s glow and she teased him about how much she loved to wear him out. It was like dare, a challenge, and he couldn’t resist the way her gravity welcomed him in, allowing them to orbit around the point that connected them.

With a single, soft breath, he closed the distance between them and found her lips, so soft and inviting. If only he could describe what it felt like to kiss her. That is was like kissing a flower, one that was opened to the sun and wet with dew. Her lips felt like velvet against his tongue as he teased her lips apart. He shifted his body over hers and slowly ran one of his hands down the inside of her thighs, gently trailing his fingertips up until he found what he was searching for and tenderly traced a circle around her clit. He was barely touching her but it was enough to cause her to fall back onto the bed, a primal moan escaping her lips.

She didn’t see the smile that crossed his face, but this was the moment he was waiting for, she was enthralled and captivated by what he was going to do. He was exploring her as if her body were undiscovered country. He treated everything he found as sacred territory and left his mark, his kiss, as a marker so he could find his way home.

He could tell by her breathing that she was anticipating what he was going to do. When he finally was able to kiss the soft skin on the inside of her thigh, she reacted gripped the sheets and waiting. This time, instead of spreading her legs apart, he drew them in, letting her legs fall over his shoulders, and he used his arms around her hips to keep her anchored to the bed and to him.

Tenderly, taking his time, he used the tip of his tongue to circle her clit letting the pressure and speed of his tongue generate friction and tension. She gripped his hands and tried to move against his mouth but he held her effortlessly still and slowly began to suck her clit. He alternated the strength and pressure as he did so until her hands moved to grip his hair as though she were holding on to keep from floating away.

He loved doing this, tasting her and feeling her, hot and silky, against his skin and tongue. He could feel the way her body trembled and shook as she tried to control the building wave of pleasure coursing through her. A slight increase in pressure from him and her hips lifted hard up off the bed but he stayed with her, hummed against her, trying to coax her orgasm out of her.

Her thighs tightened around his head and he felt the powerful contraction of muscles in her pelvis. She was close and he was relentless. He knew how to keep her hovering over the edge of pleasure before pushing forward hard until she came undone, seized by a frantic chaotic, erotic energy as she came again and again. He relented and applied more pressure until her back arched and a long, low moan rumbled out of her. He felt certain that her consciousness had shrunk to a pinpoint where only the two of them existed.

With a small smile, he pulled away and traveled back up her body. Finding small sections of soft skin he had discovered previously but now wanted to revisit to kiss and worship. He loved her skin. The way she smelled, felt and tasted. He could spend the rest of his life worshipping her this way but right now his body was screaming at him. His cock had grown so erect, he was beginning to feel a burning pain in his lower abdomen. He almost wept in agony when she wrapped her legs and arms around him, pressing his erect cock between their bodies.

Her kiss was greedy and demanding. Some nights he was worried they would be bruised by the way there lips met. They were both so eager to taste the other and this time, she was on his lips and tongue. She was moving against him and his body shuddered, perched on the precipice of lust and love. Wrapping an arm around her waist he swung them around so that she was sitting on his lap and he was able to plant his feet firmly on the floor.

It was when she raised her hips and slid down his hard shaft that the air began to feel effervescent around his body. Like the bubbling waters of a hot spring or when static electricity flows around you without making direct contact with your skin and it sparked a memory not yet lived in his heart.

He felt the comforting weight of expectation, of waiting to enter into a space filled with love and acceptance. He felt the life he was waiting for but not yet able to grasp, the one of family, hearth and home. The life of true contentment and achievement. He heard the delicate laugh of a child and the soft voice of Felicity. He felt it was though it were surrounding him and he knew, in his heart, that when it was time they would know when to reach for it and hold it close.

_Not yet, he thought as he opened his eyes and watched the bright light of the moon shine out of her eyes._   
_Not yet, he thought as she took hold of him and pulled him into the riptide with her._   
_Not yet, he thought as he let go and joined her._

Oliver closed his eyes and gripped her hips, holding her still, as his cock pulsed and throbbed inside of her. She kissed him at the peak of his orgasm, when he was sure their bodies had merged, and he wondered how he could love her more everyday, even when she didn’t love herself. He would always love her in those dangerous moments when she saw herself as the destroyer of worlds.

They held each other for a long time, feeling the way the other relaxed into the joy of simply being. In one smooth movement, he moved them back onto the bed, so that she could relax onto her pillow. He could feel the medication she had taken begin to take effect and wanted to get her into a place of comfort.

He watched her slip off to dreamless sleep and felt an immense swelling of gratitude expand his heart in his chest. She was allowing him to earn back her trust through hard earned forgiveness. There was no forgetting what he had done and how it had blown apart their life together, but she was willing to work through it with him, even as she healed the wounds in her mind and heart.

He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to repay her but he was willing to try. First was maintaining her respect and love but her trust was something he privately coveted. As he gently, cleaned her up as best he could, he thought about how she trusted him to take care of her. Especially when she was unable to care for herself.

After he carefully slipped between the sheets, pulling the duvet over them, he smoothed her hair out of her face. She looked peaceful, like nothing in their shared world had harmed her. It gave him hope as sleep reached out for him, that maybe they could find their way to something approaching that gentle calm they both felt when they were together. He whispered a soft goodnight and closed his eyes.

 

II

It was the soft call of a songbird that peaked inside his dream and gently compelled him to open his eyes. Oliver was confused at first, he wasn’t entirely sure where he had awoken. The wind had pushed the birds inland, with maybe a few nesting birds who made their homes in the dunes remaining to claim the coast as their own. Their calls were softer, less melodical. The bird that was singing now held tones and colour in its song and it was perched somewhere closeby.

The strangest thing he had mastered on Lian Yu was the ability to pinpoint exactly where a bird was in the trees, even if its call echoed throughout the jungle. He fed himself that way either through the meat of the bird or by the plants it fed on. So it was more than just a parlour trick. It had kept him alive and one step ahead of any predator, human or animal, until he was skilled enough to be useful to the various factions that lived on that slice of Hell.

This bird, this lone, singing bird, was perched on the roof. It was a meadowlark, of that he was certain, and it was sitting on top of the house near the livingroom’s sliding doors. It was singing a soft song that cascaded into the bedroom. A gentle alarm clock that felt natural to him. One he could get used to should the need arise even though it reminded him of Lian Yu.

Turning his head, he checked on Felicity but she was still deeply asleep. She was highly susceptible to the muscle relaxants her doctor had prescribed her. They were stronger than she was used to but the pain in her back was sometimes greater than simple Tylenol could handle. The aroma of brewing coffee was her true alarm clock, so he slipped out of bed, grabbed his sweats, and made his way quietly into the kitchen to start the day.

The meadowlark continued its sweet, sad song. He sounded forlorn, alone, seeking the company of one its own. In a different context, the song would be one of heartbreak and loss, but out here on the windswept coast, it played like a song of love and remembrance. He wanted to take it some of the bread leftover from dinner the night before but knew the gulls would swoop in and take the meagre offerings, leaving the meadowlark hungry.

Oliver chuckled to himself. He had just spent the last ten minutes thinking about a bird singing a mournful tune on the roof of the beach house. The sun was cresting the mountains to the east of them and it was like a symphony of light and sound bursting through the kitchen and filled every room in the house. He blinked and watched the sunlight race through the livingroom before gently crossing the threshold of the bedroom.

If he was quick enough, he could get the coffee made before the light and birdsong woke Felicity up. It would do the trick if the sunlight did not. Checking the fridge, he pulled out the yogurt and berry mix he had brought with him and set it on the table. Everything was good and ready to go for breakfast and the flowers were still brilliantly alive. WIth a small nod of satisfaction, he poured two mugs of coffee, put them on a small tray and headed into the bedroom.

“Felicity…,” he called softly, “Come on, time to get up.”  
“Mmmmnowannagetup,” she mumbled into her pillow.  
“Come on,” he laughed, setting the tray down on the bedside table, “You’ve been asleep for at least 8 hours. It’s time to get up.”  
“So mean,” she grumbled.  
“The sun is up, the birds are singing,” he softly encouraged, “and I have coffee.”  
“Coffee?” she said in a more alert voice, “You needed to lead with that, Oliver.”

Felicity sat up and reached for a shirt to wear. Oliver gave her one of his that was within reach but the combination of it, her bed tousled hair and sleepy blue eyes, made him regret her putting it on. He secretly hoped that the sight of her in the morning like this 20 years from now would make him feel the same tightness in his groin and quickened heart beat.

“Oliver, you are blushing,” she teased, reaching to gently take his hand.  
“I am not,” he emphatically said, pulling her hand up to his lips, “You need your glasses.”  
“Are you saying I am blind?”  
“Well...your prescription is on the strong side…”  
“Careful…,” she warned with a smile.  
“But you have beautiful eyes,” he finished, handing her the cup of coffee he had prepared.  
“My hero!” she exclaimed as she took a long drink from her cup.  
“So, breakfast in five minutes?” he asked, as he sat down opposite her in the chair beside the bed.  
“Hmmmmm...yes. You make the best coffee, Oliver.”  
“Raisa showed me a trick or two,” he smiled.  
“She taught you a lot, didn’t she?” Felicity asked softly.  
“She did. She...she gave me a different kind of foundation then my parents gave me. I always hated to disappoint her.”

They sat together, in the increasingly bright sunlight, and enjoyed the hot coffee. The meadowlark was still occasionally singing its lonely tune and the waves were increasing in strength as they hit the surf. They were both reluctantly joining the day, avoiding what was to come.

“So, I guess it’s getting close to that time…,” Felicity mused.  
“Yeah, I wish we could stay longer,” he said almost mournfully.  
“This place was good for us, right?” her voice held a hint of panic.  
“Absolutely,” he said reassuringly, “It’s interesting...I find myself so vulnerable with you but in the end, I feel stronger. More whole. Like I could take on the world and survive without a scar.”  
“Oliver...that...I mean…,” she stuttered.  
“Did I break you?” he laughed.

Felicity put down her coffee mug and climbed out of the bed and onto his lap, hugging him tightly before saying, “You didn’t break me, you dork, you just made me realise why I love you the way I do.”

Oliver held her close, feeling the rise and fall of her breasts against his chest as she breathed deeply in the calm morning oasis of the bedroom. The longer they stayed in the chair, cuddled up close and comfortable, the less of a chance they would make it out of the house before noon. Reluctantly, he loosened his arms from around her and rubbed her back, a signal that it was time to get up.

“Come on,” he whispered, “Breakfast awaits.”  
“Ok,” she sighed, “I’ll brush my teeth and be right there.”  
“Sounds like a solid plan.”

Felicity got up but leaned down to give him a quick kiss before heading off to the bathroom. Oliver watched her go, his shirt long on her, almost to her knees, and smiled at her sudden burst energy. She was a marvel, a miracle. Her mind was the fastest, most brilliant thing in his universe and her body was equal to the task no matter if the chip was working or not. She could conquer the world with one eye open and though she may not yet accept it, she had saved the planet from annihilation.

Oliver made his way out to the kitchen and surveyed the breakfast table he had set. The strawberries, raspberries and blueberries were still perfectly ripe and while he wasn’t a huge fan of yogurt, he had found one that he liked. Putting a fresh pot of coffee on to brew, Oliver crossed the room and opened the livingroom curtains. The sun had warmed the entire house and the view outside, of crashing waves on the surf and brilliant, deep blue of the ocean, were the perfect backdrop to their last meal in Klamath.

“So what’s on the menu?” she asked behind him.  
“Go and look,” he suggested turning to face her. She hadn’t seen the table yet so he patiently waited for her to turn around to see it.  
“You have a look in your eye, Mr. Queen,” she said suspiciously.  
“Just go and sit down!” he chuckled.

With one last, fleeting look at him, Felicity turned around and stood perfectly still. Oliver stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders, and waited for her to speak. Gently, she pressed back into him and pulled his arms around her. He happily complied to her silent request.

“Where did you find them?” she asked softly.  
“When I was jumping up on the boulders yesterday, I spotted a small field and it was carpeted in wildflowers.”  
“Most of them are poisonous but they are so beautiful.”  
“Poisonous?” he exclaimed in complete surprise.  
“Well, the foxglove is for sure,” she laughed, “Come on, I am starving.”

With a shake of his head, he followed her to the table. She was still wearing his white tshirt and possibly nothing else underneath. Felicity was so casual with her attire in the morning, it was one of several delightful discoveries when they first got together. Her pajamas, usually not worn until shortly after they got up, were cozy and mostly flannel. She had tried to entice him into wearing similar attire but he was happy in his sweats if he needed to wear anything at all.

“I thought you would like them,” he said quietly.  
“I love them. I hope they survive the journey home.”  
“If not, I’ll buy you new ones.”  
“You sap.”

With a faux pained sigh, Oliver sat down opposite her and started in on the berries. He really wished they had eggs leftover, as the berries were lighter fare than he usually had for breakfast, but he would make due until lunch. Looking up, he caught Felicity watching him with a small smile on her lips. Her eyes were shining in the sunlight and her hair looked like spun gold. If he could choose one word to describe her it would be ‘radiant’.

“Oliver,” she began hesitantly, “have I ever told you about what was running through my mind on that night when Darhk let the bombs fly?”  
“No,” he said softly, “I had always assumed you were only thinking about one thing.”  
“I...I thought about you, about us...I thought about William, my father...I thought about the fear I had unconsciously carried with me about being abandoned by you that I could trace in a straight line back to my father...who was working next to me...it was like I was being squeezed on all sides.”

Oliver sat silently, his breakfast forgotten. She looked vulnerable and young, younger than her years, as she sat and fidgeted with her spoon. Her other hand was tapping a silent rhythm on her leg under the table. He could see by how her eyes remained downcast that she was focusing on each word with care. There was a tension between them now but it felt strangely necessary, so he waited quietly, knowing that when she was ready, she would continue.

“We haven’t really talked about the...the William of it all,” she said softly, finally looking up at him, “I know I’ve talked about forgiveness. I needed to forgive you, maybe before I was really ready to, but I could feel this...I could feel this pressure in my heart, like if I didn’t, then I might never actually take that step and forgive you at all.”  
“Felicity…,” he began and stopped, unsure of what to say next.  
“What I need from you, more than anything, is your trust. Not just as Green Arrow for Overwatch but as in you for me, in everything. And I couldn’t make space for that...until the pressure in my heart was lessened. I needed to make room for you.”

This time it was Oliver who looked down and away from her, unable to meet her eyes. His decisions surrounding William had been catastrophically bad. He had sabotaged his relationship with Felicity, his future happiness and all that she could bring to his life out of fear, pure reflexive fear. Then he had sent William away, again in fear, and shut her out of the process completely. For every step he made in the right direction, he continually took four backwards.

She wasn’t telling him all of this to be cruel or as a way to lead up to leaving him. She was guiding him through her thought process and where her thoughts were now. He didn’t feel any fear, what he felt was shame and a deep grief that he could have caused this trusting, brilliant, wonderful woman so much pain and heartache.

He felt the gentle pressure of her hands on his arm and hazarded a look up. She was staring at him intently, waiting for the storm that raged under his skin to calm itself before continuing. He had so much he wanted to say but gave her a sad smile instead, opting to wait for her to finish what she needed to tell him.

“When my father re-entered my life, it upended everything. I was adjusting to my new normal and he ripped it all apart. And then he left again, leaving me to feel...weak, worthless...like I was so broken that no one would ever want to stay,” she shifted closer to him, moving her chair nearer to his, “But all he wanted was what I had created, not me. Never me. It doesn’t matter that he took a bullet for me, that my mom was responsible for his being absent from my life to begin with...he only wanted a relationship with me to take from me. He opted to not fight my mom for a second chance to stay and left again instead. I can feel that part of me so tied to him and it is so full of anguish and grief but it’s ok. I understand that little girl so much better now. What I need now is for you to know that I will be here whenever you are ready to tell me why you shut me out, I won’t run away like this again. Promise.”

Oliver shifted in his seat so that he could see her face on. She was telling him that she was ready to trust him even though he was still frozen and unsure how to tell her why he did it and the real reason that was the foundation for his decision. He looked into her eyes and saw no judgement. Just patience, love and a hesitant understanding that broke his heart apart.

“Felicity, I have thought long and hard about what drove me, what...motivated me to make all those decisions and why I lied when you needed me the most,” he began, speaking softly because he was sure his voice would tremble and shake if he spoke any louder, “I was driven by fear and a strange sense of greed, the kind I had before I stepped onto the Gambit, when I thought the world owed me. I wanted my relationship with you, with William, I wanted to be the mayor and the Green Arrow without having to work to integrate them. I wanted it all without having to be honest about any of it.”

He stopped and pulled her hands up to his lips so that he could gently kiss the backs of them. It gave him a moment think but the way her skin felt grounded him to her. It connected them, not just physically, but emotionally. They were focused on each other and nothing else. Their coffee was growing cold and the berries were warming up but it didn’t matter. Only what they were saying to each other mattered.

“I wanted to tell you about William from day one but I wasn’t confident in me, not us or you, me. I knew I would end up doing something to destroy it all and I did...because I didn’t trust myself enough to let you into the panic and chaos in my mind, to let you be for me what you always are, my guiding light,” he said in one long breath, “I love you, Felicity, that will never change. I know the difference between the man I am with you and without you. You challenge me to be better and my world has opened up because of it.”

Felicity smiled, squeezing his hand in hers, and waited for him to continue. He felt a weight lift off of his heart and took a deep breath. The fear of all the unspoken laments he held inside was dissipating. Leaning slightly forward, he prepared to say the words that held the most terror for him.

“I trust you. With my life, my heart, everything I am...and I know you have said you forgive me because you needed to do it for yourself and for me but…,” and here Oliver faltered just a bit, his voice threatening to betray him, “I am hoping you will stay and wait while I learn how to trust myself. I’m so sorry, Felicity, for all the harm and hurt I caused you. I can’t promise I will be perfect in the future, but I will never keep you out, lie to you or exclude you again.”

They sat at the dining table, locked onto each other. All Oliver could see was the shifting blue of her eyes. She was blessed with a gloriously mismatched pair. Each held a centre of gold, a corona of brilliant light, but the blue of her left eye shifted to green, while right shifted to a blue that was almost purple. He could spend hours looking at them, following the colours as they changed depending on the time of day.

“Oliver,” she murmured, her voice dreamy and light, “I wouldn’t have let you stay if I didn’t think that you could trust me. You do, I know in my heart that you do, you just need to let go of the fear holding you back and meet me halfway. The rest will come. I promise.”  
“There are days where you make me feel like I could conquer the world,” he smiled.  
“Well, today you just need to conquer the agony of losing to me when I win our bet,” she winked.  
“You are adorable when you are wrong.”

Felicity laughed quietly and got up. In one swift move she was sitting astride him on the kitchen chair. She wrapped him in a tight embrace and rested her head on his shoulder. She smelled like the ocean air, salty and fresh, she was warm in his arms and he drew strength from her hug. He was amazed at how they could sit in total silence yet learn so much each other.

When she did this, or just took his hand in hers, it was her extending a bridge to him. Inviting him to cross it and join her. He had wanted to find a way to the centre where their relationship was the strongest for so long but there was always something holding him back, tethering him in place. Looking into her eyes, he felt those tethers begin to strip away. He wasn’t all the way free yet, but he was getting closer and he knew she could feel it, too.

Casually, Felicity leaned back and plucked a raspberry from his bowl. He was momentarily mesmerized by the way she placed it in her mouth. Unconsciously, his grip on her hips increased. She was pulling his focus to her in such an effortless way that he forgot they were sitting at a dining room table in a beach house 600 miles away from Star City.

“These raspberries are perfect,” she sighed.  
“You should really wear my shirts more often,” he murmured, letting his hands follow the contours of her body.  
“They are really comfortable,” she mused, reaching back for another raspberry.  
“Felicity,” he said in a voice full of wonder, “I will be with you every step of the way of this, no matter how long it takes for either of us.”  
“I believe you,” she smiled, pressing her forehead to his and closing her eyes.  
“Thank you...for all of this,” he whispered.  
“Anytime,” she murmured as she tenderly kissed him, her lips tasting like raspberries.

When the kiss deepened, revealing layer after layer of desire, arousal and love, his resolve vanished. He could taste the raspberries on her tongue and lips and suddenly, he felt like a man reborn. It was like he had been starving, lost in the wilderness, and through her gentle, persistent coaching, he was able to step into the light. No matter that he still felt the tendrils of darkness reaching for him, he knew what to do with the pieces of his shattered and broken soul. He could see them, safe and protected, in the palms of her hands.

Slowly, Felicity unzipped his hoodie, her eyes were stormy, unfocused, flashing lightning behind each slow blink. He wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath it and once she had opened the jacket, she touched him like it was the first time she had seen his skin. His forgotten scars were remembered under her fingertips. He could feel her breath following the path her fingers were taking, it rushed over his skin and through him, a healing breeze.

His hands traveled down her back and then under the borrowed shirt. As he suspected, she wasn’t wearing any underwear and this curious nakedness that existed between them fueled his longing for her. Some days it was raw, wild, and uncontrolled. Other times, like now, it was gentle, slow, curious and tender. They were reconnecting, heart to heart and skin to skin, while still maintaining the intricate space of vulnerability that they had entered when he arrived at the beach house.

Loving Felicity was easy but being deserving of her was something that created a small kernel of fear in him. It always had, from the moment he realized how what she truly mean to him to now. When she leaned down to kiss him, her fingers gently brushing over the scars on his chest, he felt like maybe he was deserving and that soon he could allow himself to believe it without question instead of persisting in the belief that he was a broken man.

“Oliver Queen,” she murmured, her lips pressed to his neck, seeking the steady pulse there, “I love you. Even when I try not to.”  
“Thank God for your bad decisions,” he chuckled softly into her neck, his hands in her hair.  
“How else would learn?”

Oliver went in search of her lips as she pushed his hoodie off his shoulders and down his arms and dropped it to the floor behind his chair. She had hooked her feet through the chair legs so he couldn’t stand up. Every part of him wanted to stretch her out, to take an eternity knowing her skin, the way she smelled and tasted.

“Nope,” she whispered, “Here.”  
“On the chair?” he asked, his voice low in his throat.  
“On the chair,” she said as she ran her hands down his back, lingering on the raised flesh of the arrowhead brand.

She took her time, rediscovering the ridges and lines of it. She was summoning memories like the moon gathered clouds over a stormy sea, but she didn’t keep them, she cleared them away. She was making room for the gentle silver glow that radiated out of her and into the shadows of his heart.

“Felicity Smoak,” he mused as he lifted his shirt off of her, “I hope the chair holds up.”  
“Well, if it doesn’t,” she said in a low, breathy voice, “at least you’ll break my fall.”

Oliver chuckled quietly as he licked and sucked both of her nipples until he heard her gasp. Her hips were grinding down hard on his and her hands were grasping his shoulders as he kissed and licked her skin on his journey back to reclaim her lips. She still tasted like the raspberries she had eaten from his bowl. It was intoxicating and he kissed her like he was dying of hunger and thirst.

A low moan rumbled out of her and she reached between them, pushing her hand under the waistband of his sweats. She gently grasped his cock and stroked it until Oliver let out a rumbling groan. Felicity knew just how much pressure to exert, how long to stroke him, she could read the signals in his muscles and breathing.

With a gentle tug, she slipped his sweats down over his hips, freeing his erect cock from the fabric. His breath caught in his throat when she pulled herself closer and moved her hips against him. He could feel the hot, silky wetness of her as she glided up and down his shaft and closed his eyes. Oliver knew what was coming but he wanted to savour it this time, like it was the first time in Nanda Parbat. It felt like a new beginning, a new start to a new part of their lives together.

The tender press of her lips to his neck pulled him back into the universe they shared. Her breath was hot against his skin, her hands firm as they roamed his body. He could feel the current of energy that traveled, wild and free, beneath the surface of her skin. With her body so tightly pressed to his, he could feel the strong, controlled beating of her heart. Everything about her was both ancient and new. He had never known a woman like her, one so full of life and love despite the anguish of her past. She had no equal in his world. She was unparalleled and unique.

Angling his head back, he met her lips in a powerful kiss. It was demanding and passionate. She sucked his bottom lip and ran her tongue between his lips and teeth. If they had been on the bed, he would have been on top of her, following the demands of her body. Instead, she used the power of her legs to lift herself up a few inches and then lowered herself down slowly, taking in his hard cock inch by inch. The sensation was one of white hot pleasure. The world slipped sideways, curved and expanded, as she almost tenderly squeezed down hard around him before slowly thrusting against him.

“God,” he gasped at the sensation, “How…?”  
“Shh,” she chuckled against his lips, “Ask later.”

Cupping his face, she held him in a deep kiss until neither one of them could breathe as she continued to thrust against him. They couldn’t move as freely as either of them wanted to but that seemed to increase the eroticism of what they were doing. The tightness in his pelvis was beginning to move outward as Felicity used the strength of the muscles in her body to grip his cock, massaging it as she ground her hips down on his. It was creating a sensation that was overwhelming him, threatening an eruption beyond his ability to control.

“God, Oliver,” she gasped, “I love you…”

Before he could speak, he felt her stiffen, then her back arched and her hips moved fast and hard against him as her orgasm pounded through her body. He felt every pulse, every muscle twitch, every single movement and motion. She clung to him, trembling and he gripped her hips as she shuddered and bucked, encouraging her to move them just a little bit as he used the powerful muscles in his legs and butt to thrust into her. The gentle pulsing of her body around his throbbing, painfully hard cock, was so exquisite, he saw stars burst into life behind her.

Felicity hung on tight and cried out in ecstasy as she came again, this time not stopping her hips from meeting his. Burying his face in the crook of her neck, Oliver let the intense pressure in his pelvis go and came with a loud, primal groan. His orgasm was long, longer than he was used to, and it split his mind apart. It shattered him, threw his heart and soul into the cosmic winds, but he felt closer to Felicity then he ever had before. The residual tremors that flared out from his lower pelvis moved through him to her and he felt her tremble ever so slightly in his embrace.

For just a moment, as they clung to one another trying to catch their breath, he saw the rest of the way back to her with such clarity, he almost wept. He wasn’t sure he had the courage to do it yet, to uncover the darkest, meanest, most horrific parts of himself and let her see them but he knew that he would eventually have to try.

For now, he was content to hold her close, to grow with her, to laugh with her, learn from her and love her. One day, maybe sooner than he was willing to entertain, their lives would change course. He could feel it and it filled him with hope.

“We should get moving, shouldn’t we?” she murmured.  
“We should. Shower first?”  
“Yes, but ONLy a shower. Otherwise we will both need a nap,” she laughed.  
“Ok,” he sighed somewhat disappointedly, “Loosen your legs a bit.”  
“Why?” she asked as she complied.

In answer, Oliver stood up and started to walk towards the bathroom while she laughed and wrapped herself around him. Usually she hated to be carried but he suspected her legs would be a little shaky after what they just done. His weren’t steady but he was stronger and enjoyed the feel of her against him.

“Oliver?”  
“Yes, love?” he said as he set her down and turned on the water to heat up.  
“I’m thinking we need to start using condoms.”  
“What? Wait...what?” he asked, completely confused.  
“Well, it’s just that we have sex a LOT,” she said in a quick rush, blushing up to the roots of her hair, “and I have no idea if my birth control can keep up.”  
“Felicity, if it makes you feel safer, we can absolutely start using condoms,” he said softly with a gentle smile.  
“You look like you want to laugh,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him.  
“I do. I really, really do,” he said with an emphatic nod.  
“You better do it now,” she said in mock defeat.  
“I’ll wait until I am alone in my jeep beating you to the cafe.”  
“As if,” she muttered as she stepped past him and into the now steaming shower.

True to their word, it was only a shower.They talked about returning to the bunker the next night and what the direction of the team should be. Felicity felt they were ready to welcome more into the mix but Oliver wasn’t. He liked the team small, manageable. Adding more players, or masks to the mix made him nervous.

“You know, maybe let’s get Curtis street ready and then we’ll talk,” Oliver suggested.  
“Ok, but that could take forever.”  
“I know,” he said with a broad smile.

Felicity took aim at him with a quick punch that he dodged with ease. Sometimes he let her land a jab here and there, but it was always his choice. He just liked to let her think she was quick enough to do it. Checking the time, he saw that they needed to get moving or they’d be faced with paying for an extra day. Not that he would mind, but he could see Felicity was getting antsy to get back.

“So one last sweep through the place and then hit the road?” he asked.  
“Yup. Did you get your shirt from the breakfast nook?”  
“I did….but I was thinking about giving it to you. You need to wear my shirts...all the time.”

Felicity laughed as she left the bathroom in search of her clothes. With her bag packed, all she needed to do was get dressed. Oliver was in the same boat and they were both ready to go at the same time. Instead of heading out the back way, Oliver took Felicity by the hand and lead her out the front of the house, so they could stand on the low deck and watch the waves crash on the shore one last time.

“Felicity,” he said quietly, opening his arms to her, “when we get home, how about I make us dinner and bring it to the courtyard garden?”  
“I would like that very much,” she smiled up at him, “I miss that garden.”  
“Me, too.”

They stood silently, Felicity resting her head on his chest and his head resting on her head. The sky was clear, the air was brisk and clean, and the sun now rising high, felt gloriously warm on them. It was a perfect fall day. Oliver noticed that the meadowlark was no longer singing and the gulls had moved further out to sea, creating a zone of gentle quiet that would became part of the backdrop of his memories of this place. As they stood and watched the endlessly moving ocean, it was as though the earth was taking deep breaths along with them.

“We went to some dark places, didn’t we?” he asked wistfully.  
“We did,” she agreed, “but I see so many things clearer now. I can’t say I understand all the choices with William but I understand enough to let go of some of that rage and hurt. Like I said, I need to, I want to, forgive you for William. But I couldn’t until I understood exactly why and now I think I do.”  
“And your father?”  
“I’ve let him go. I have to. I can’t continue to entertain a hope that simply does not exist and I am not my father’s daughter,” she said with a hint of steel in her voice.  
“What comes next?”  
“For me? Havenrock, I would think,” she murmured, letting the wind take her words.  
“You don’t have to face that alone, Felicity.”  
“I know. But I need to try.”

“Ok, let’s get a move on,” he said reluctantly after a few minutes.  
“Ok. See you at the cafe?” she said with a gentle poke in his ribs.  
“Oh Felicity…,” he sighed in mock disappointment, “I hope it’s warm in the city for the next week. I love working up a sweat on patrol.”

Before she could retort, he gave her a kiss, smiling into it with a happiness he never knew possible. Everyday was an adventure with Felicity. She was the kind of controlled chaos his life needed and now she needed him to be solid, trustworthy and, above all else, honest. It was an honour he intended to respect.

A few minutes later, the doors and windows locked and closed, they were saying their temporary goodbyes and heading to their respective jeeps.

“Remember!” she called over, “I am cooking for you for a week!”

And with that she was off and gone down the hard packed dirt road, a trail of dust left in her wake. OIiver would have laughed and taken his time getting going until he remembered the omelette she tried to make in Ivy Town and quickly got on the road.

She was nowhere in sight when he got to the main highway and felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. She must have floored it once she hit the open road. He wasn’t willing to get a speeding ticket but he pushed it by going 10 miles over the speed limit. About two hours into the trip home, he saw flashing lights in front of him and when he passed the state trooper, he saw a familiar jeep and blonde at its wheel.

He had been correct. Felicity must have been tearing up the highway and now he would have a comfortable lead heading into the cafe. He would try to remember to not be too smug or she would do what she did the last time she cleaned his suit. She ‘accidentally’ used stinging nettle oil on the crotch of the suit. He had wanted to die about ten minutes into the following night’s patrol and knew it was a message from her to him that she would never clean it again.

As he drove, he let his thoughts drift. In the confines of the large vehicle, he thought he heard heavy, wet breathing. Like someone was trying to breathe around lungs full of blood. The air suddenly smelled coppery and it was like someone was taking a big deep breath, getting ready to scream.

His hands tightened on the steering wheel and he frantically shut the door on the memory threatening to spill out of him. He wasn’t ready to face that man yet. He was deeply ashamed of the lengths he had gone to in order to prove he was trustworthy to the Bratva, a group of men who took loyalty seriously.

There were days when he wanted to share with her the things the Bratva had brought into his life but he couldn’t face the possibility Felicity would look at him in horror and fear. He was still making amends regarding William, his absent son, and repairing the hole in his and Felicity’s shared worlds. It was vital to the journey they were on, separately and together, and he was determined to unshackle himself from his Bratva past.

But that distant howl, that unbidden scream from a corpse lost in the wilderness a world away from where he was now, was echoing in his mind. The ghosts of his past clung to the walls of his mind, following his every move so he understood what Felicity meant when she talked about the darkness that clung to her father as he had his own shadows clinging to him.

He would never let that man, her father, near her again. Even if she was ok with him, he would never leave them alone. Not again. It didn’t matter that he helped divert the bombs Darhk had unleashed. He had deliberately harmed Felicity, maybe more than Oliver ever could, and that was something he would never allow to happen again.

Oliver pulled into the parking lot of the cafe and waited to see how long it would take for her to join him. He watched couples come and go. He watched families and loners. Old and young. Children, teenagers, and infants in strollers. The cafe was small but popular. He was dozing off when a familiar voice called to him through his window.

“Not a word, Oliver,” she warned, “That ticket was a doozy.”  
“Would I tease you about such a thing?” he asked in faux innocence as he got out of his jeep.  
“My God, Oliver!” she exclaimed, “I have no doubt you spent half an hour thinking up one liners!”

Oliver laughed and ushered her into the cafe. They spent an enjoyable two hours eating off of each other’s plates and talking about when he should start looking for an apartment to call his own. The hotel was beautiful but not economically practical.

Unbeknownst to them, there were storm clouds gathering below the horizon signalling something immense brewing, waiting to unleash itself on Star City. It wasn’t a storm that they would survive unless they trusted each other enough to be honest about the darkest parts of their hearts, even if it caused heartbreaking pain.

The clouds boiled like oil, bubbling and seething, sticking to the sides of their unique reality. There was a night coming in the not too distant future that could break them if they weren’t strong enough, together as well as separately, to withstand elements they could scarcely perceive. What was coming was a force so old, so dark and evil, it had forgotten its own name. But there was time still to prepare for it and luckily for Oliver and Felicity, they would receive help to do so. Until then, they were focused on each other and the joy they felt in each other’s company, despite the pain each was working through, in the hopes that love would be enough.

Later that night, as they lay delicately entwined under a woolen blanket in their secret garden, Oliver traced the shape of the universe with his fingertips on her skin. He could feel her shivering in anticipation with each tender touch but refrained from intensifying the moment. He kept them hovering on the edge until she finally took control of the moment.

They made love slowly, tenderly in the quiet of the garden. There were no hurried movements, not frantic cries or thrusting hips. They moved together in a sinuous harmony. Neither one of them attempting to push the other too hard, neither one wanting the moment to end. When her orgasm finally took her, it was unlike anything he had ever felt. It was a thunderous roar in her body that lasted for what felt like hours. As her hips rolled against him, he felt his cock swell and throb before his orgasm exploded out of him in a prolonged, hot rush. It was an ecstasy that bordered on exquisite pain. Breathless, they laid under the blanket, skin to skin, and together welcomed the future in their tiny garden under the stars.

 

**(To be continued in Spiral: The Unimaginable Part 3)**


End file.
